For Better or Worse
Today I’ve been thinking about the end of my last relationship . And thinking about it now, I realize how I was starting to build up a lot of resentment and anger because of how she would try and control me. And I held it in until one day I started letting it out in arguments that I wouldn’t normally even bother to disagree with her about, because I knew the disagreement could turn into a argument easily because sometimes she tends to just fly off the handle so easily and go into fits of anger and rage. I held back my anger and resentment about some things until one day I didn’t care anymore and was ready to argue with her and win! Of course that only made our relationship worse. And she was always trying to control me, telling me that it wasn’t ok for me to hang out once and a great while with the few female friends I have. The final straw on that issue was probably when she flipped out on me when I told her I was going to hang out with Brianna one time before she moved to Vegas. Ciera just went off on me and I didn’t get to see my friend before she moved because it was such a huge problem for Ciera if I did. And I realize now that if she could never fully trust me then maybe we should never have been in a relationship. I know that there’s a few things that I need to work on but with all the issues she has like trust, and her insecurities and jealousy then maybe we were doomed from the beginning.
She knows as well as I do that she has the tendency to run away when she thinks she’s going to get hurt. And I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past that have caused her to trust me less but I never cheated on her, I never even thought about it.
Ciera really did make me feel like she wanted to be with me forever and I still can’t understand how she could just give up on us like that. All relationships have there ups and there downs and if you really love one another you work through things together over time and through love. And I still believe that she loved me just as much as I loved her, so its hard for me to understand how she could end it like that. I never thought she would stop loving me.