(no subject)
NEW BATCH by popular demand. You know how it goes! Also, there's a dup at the end of this batch. o/
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Will Stronghold
Series: Sky High
Character age: 14
Canon: Will Stronghold is the son of the two most successful superheroes in the world, so he's kind of a celebrity on his first day at Sky High, the high school for children of superheroes (and villains). This would be hard enough to deal with by itself, but unfortunately his powers manifest late, and that's a big joke in a school full of powered people. In spite of - or perhaps because of - being relegated to the nerdier sidekick hero support class, Will remains humble and good-natured, standing up for his friends against bullies and people who belittle them for their lesser powers. Even after they do manifest, he prefers a more pacifist approach to his problems. Despite these assets, Will remains a classic freshman boy: dorky, earnest, slightly sarcastic, and occasionally a miserable failure (usually with girls).
Sample post:
Is this thing on? Hello? HELLO -- oh uh hi sir, sorry about that. Yeah, it's Will. No, I got here okay, I mean, considering the whole pushed-out-the-helicopter-blindfolded thing. So, uh, I guess I'm ready to take the test now. What do I have to do? … Ha, ha, very funny, sir. No, of course not sir, I was just -- Hey? Wait! I can't hear what you're-- fzzzzzt. Hello? Hello! Aw, man.
Okay, so either this thing is really cheap or I just failed the Reassembling A Broken Comlink part of the final. Please let it be the first one. Because I now have no idea what I'm supposed to do here - thanks a lot, surprise test. I don't think knowing when to attack during your villain's monologue is going to help here. Am I even supposed to defeat something? I thought he said something about assembling a stun ray gun in under two minutes, but - argh! I knew I should have paid more attention in class!
Come on, Will, think. If I were a final exam, where would I be? Someplace really terrible where people might actually get hurt … Is that a volcano? Okay, I bet that's where I have to go - no, wait, those caves over there also look pretty bad. Destructive fiery doom or terrifying unknown depths? Which one looks like something a high school teacher would pick? …Maybe it's a good thing I can't answer that, or I'd be more like a supervillain, and then Mom would ground me forever.
No, it has to be that lake! What was I told again - oh yeah, people can gain powers by falling into a vat of toxic waste. And if that's not toxic waste, then I'm - no I'm just stalling. All right. I'm going. Whoever you are, whatever power you have, you better watch out! I really need to ace this test, so I'm getting serious. That was totally intimidating.
Poll Vote!
Character: Meowth
Series: Pokemon
Character Age: Young adult, in scratch-cat years?
Canon: Pokemon is an anime series featuring a world where people of all ages catch and train hundreds of adorable little monsters. Trainers allow these monsters to reach their greatest potential by bonding with them and, of course, making them participate in violent (but kosher!) battles. Of course, the quickest way to get strong Pokemon without having to train them up from scratch is simply to steal them from others... and that's where Jessie, James, and Meowth of Team Rocket enter the picture.
Even though Meowth is a Pokemon, he isn't a trained fighting monster; he taught himself to walk and talk like a human (albeit one with a thick Brooklyn accent), and is as important a member of the team as Jessie and James are. Meowth fancies himself the brains (such as they are) of the operation, and if he's not cooking up today's Pikachu-nabbin' plan, then the fast-talking, pun-cracking cat is the one piloting the mechanical Pokemon-stealin' monstrosity of the day.
Meowth's ultimate mission is to get himself back into the good graces of Team Rocket's big cheese, Giovanni. This just so happens to require stealing the world's supply of rare and powerful Pokemon. Even so, Meowth isn't a bad cat at heart. Besides, it's not as if Jessie, James, and Meowth are actually good at what they do...
Who's the top cat? Meowth, dat's right!
(Note: Namedropping with permission!)
Sample Post:
Alright, you two, stop yappin'! We're in deep gumbo, so you'd better- what? Look, I just told you, I can't SAY dat we're "in a pickle!" It wouldn't be right! Do you see pickles anywhere!? All I got to work with are pickled peppers, and Peter's already pitched a pack of painful puns with those things! Now here's the plan: first, we have to get out of dis soup cauldron! Secondly, we gotta do it before those alligators get tired of waitin' for us to boil, and decide dat they wanna meat us BEFORE dinner's ready. You two distract them with your cheerleader uniforms- yes, I know you're a guy zombie- while I... I...
Look, guys, I just can't do dis without J and J. I mean, it's nice dat you zombies are tryin', but it just ain't the same fer me-owth. You don't yap nearly enough, you don't whine or bumble around, and most importantly, you're too smart! Okay, so you're kinda fallin' apart at the seams, but at least YOU guys got brains on your minds all the time. All they got is me-owth givin' them a piece of my mind! I'm gettin' mad just thinkin' about it! Just like the good ol' days! I'm gettin' kinda teary-eyed here, and it ain't just the onions dat's doing it...
Alright, dat's it- I'm blastin' outta here no matter what. I ain't sticking around for the soup du jour. They call dis stuff "mystery meat soup with a garnish of cat"- I'm just callin' dis an abuse of cat-aclysmic proportions! If they want to play with their food so badly, I'll show them dat I'm too BIG of a Meowthful to chew on!
What're YOU groanin' for, zombie? I'm just gettin' warmed up! Your punny bone can't handle these kinda jokes? If you can't take the heat, then get outta the kitchen before you get-
Yeow! Speakin' of burns, dis soup's gettin' too hot to handle! On top of dat, they're throwin' in more vegetables- I wanted my name to go down in history, not culinary history! Alright, when I start throwin' a tantrum, just follow my lead and start pegging those alligators with anythin' you can get your hands on. You'd better watch out, guys- if dis works, the soup's gonna hit the fan, and dis pot's luck is gonna boil down to a real food fright! Hand me some of those tomatos, they're super-effective against gators. Trust me on dis, tomato stains are real hard to get outta leather. Now gimme dat heavy-lookin' salt-and-pepper shaker, and...
Hey! Gator! Give my condiments to the chef!!
Poll Vote!
Name: Arisugawa Rena
Series:World Embryo
Age: 16
Canon: Don't touch that phone! A missed call will be the least of your problems, in World Embryo. A virus is infecting humanity through the phone system, killing all that are infected and turning the corpses into monsters. To make things worse, the only record of your existence will be an outstanding phone bill -- not even your parents will remember you. But you are in luck! Standing in the path of humanity's destruction is a secret organization, representatives of which are Arisugawa Rena and Takebe Youhei. This secret organization, known as FLAG, is a subdivision of a phone carrier company. Believe me, you do not want to be late paying your bill.
As for who Rena is? Every canon has a character who will either facepalm at the idiocy of their fellow characters or, after their temper has snapped, tell said fellow characters just how much they suck. Rena is that character. Although appearing to be coldly judgmental of everything that goes on around her, Rena's got a heroic streak wider than her strips of clothing and will do whatever it takes to protect the helpless. She's just really bad with the minutae of daily living and could write a book on how not to win friends and influence people. Direct and to the point, you'll always know where you stand with Rena. Preferably five feet away at least, so that she can't kick you in the head.
Sample Post:
This is not the mission I signed up for -- Attention, residents of ... "Camp Fuck You Die". I have been presented with your internet bill for the last month. After my employer protested that you could not possibly have been online every minute of every day, we were also presented with your viewing history. It is as obscene as the name you've given this place. I didn't know there were so many sex sites and I didn't care to know. And who knows what you were doing while looking at those baby animals. Ugh! No wonder there's a prohibition on sex here. Still, it's obvious that's not working. So we have to go to more drastic things. It's your own fault -- if you could have restrained those urges, you wouldn't have to do this.
I'm told you all have personal firewalls on your computers to filter out pornography. They're not working. I've been asked to encourage you deviants to install a new firewall. The instructions are simple. You see this wall of fire? Install your computer in that. It will also clear up that ...unfortunate chafing problem you're probably suffering from. You can only be cleansed with fire -- I didn't mean that literally! Honestly, the sooner I am out of here, the better.
Finally, the subject of payment. My communiqué informs me that your currency is the "Khidne" and that the you have a bank nearby; the Candy Mountain Banking Institution. Take me there ... and remove your hands. Thanks to your internet access records, I know exactly where they have been. Judging by your skin, you haven't even washed afterwards. So remove them from - oh, this is the limit --
...yes. Perhaps you did make a mistake. Keep crawling away, scum. I'll find this "Candy Mountain" and collect my khidnes in person.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takebe Youhei
Series: World Embryo
Character Age: 18
Canon: In the reality of World Embryo, there is a dangerous virus spreading through humanity via cell phones that transforms people into monsters called Kanshu. No one knows how many people have been killed by Kanshu, because no one remembers anything about a person who is infected by them. Enter FLAG, an organisation of fighters known as jinki users who aim to destroy the Kanshu once and for all. Takebe Youhei is one of these jinki users.
As part of a two-person team, Youhei is by far the more upbeat and optimistic one, compared to his partner Arisugawa Rena. Youhei is doggedly honest and fully believes in following his heart, even if that means forging ahead into unknown territory. Youhei might seem to be too carefree at times, and answer a lot of questions with “Well, a lot of stuff happened, you know!” but when push comes to shove he’ll stand his ground and fight for what’s right. Youhei is the kind of guy you want to have by your side, to lend a helping hand (or blade) to get you through your problems.
Sample Post:
Man, don’t you guys think you’re taking this “Christmas in July” thing a little too far? I know it’s easy to get excited about stuff like that, but being buried in snow at this time of year ... that’s a new one! It might not be working for you either; I know I don’t normally go shopping in a frosty swamp wonderland. I tried telling the guy selling snow cones that stinkweed just isn’t the kinda flavour people are after, and he got all indignant at me. Maybe he should change jobs if it working at Hairy Queen makes him angry like that.
It’s not a bad set up though, considering it’s the middle of nowhere. America, right? I guess horror movies are more accurate than I thought, what with all the zombies running around this place. They should mention that when they warn you about culture shock. Because, you know, seeing a dead guy picking his teeth with his own collarbone is pretty shocking. But hey, is there a reason for all of those living dead hanging around? I didn’t see any cemeteries on the way in, except for that one gravestone with “HOP RIGHT IN, WE’RE OPEN” written on it. So there’s gotta be some other explanation.
Whatever the explanation is, though, you’ve got it hidden pretty well. I always figured summer camps were meant to be educational or something, but all I’ve learnt since I got here was to stay away from … well, everything. Even the library books wanted to keep me in the dark; literally, since they kept trying to knock me unconscious. Might wanna rethink that “Hit the Books!” sign you’ve got in there, I think they’re offended. More importantly, there’s something seriously wrong with your telephone system here. Is it normal for running out of phone credit to be met with such hostile reactions? The five zombies in dark glasses who tried to kick me off were really something, but it made me feel a bit unwelcome, you know.
Hey, a gorilla! I’ve never seen one of those outside of zoos before. They sure look different in the wild, all purple like that. The tie and clipboard though, those’re part of some animal attraction, gotta be. Haha, the way he’s glaring at me, it’s almost like he’s a debt collector or something. What’s he got on that clipboard anyway… “In regards to the destruction of six phones, five zombies and a partridge in a pear tree”?
Oh, yeah, that was me, wasn’t it. Well, a lot of stuff happened, you know!
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Tieria Erde
Series: Gundam 00
Character Age: Unknown, but appears to be anywhere ranging from 16 - 19
Canon: Not too far into Earth's future, the planet turns to solar energy, with three major powers in control of their generator sources. There is also WAR, as there usually is in a Gundam series. In the middle of it all is a group called Celestial Being, whose mission it is to end all warfare... by kicking the asses of both sides fighting until both give up. They do this with four super-powered robots called, you guessed it, GUNDAMS. Tieria Erde is one of these Gundam pilots, called "Gundam Meisters."
Tieria starts as the most uncooperative of his team, looking down upon his fellow Meisters - and even his own superior - with harsh judgment, scorn and quick blame. This attitude most likely comes from him being able to directly interlink with the supercomputer that Celestial Being follows. It could also be in part, due to Tieria's complete lack of understanding most people skills and emotions. Though he still keeps an air of that attitude as the series progresses, we find that Tieria is also easily self-depreciating and vulnerable when something goes wrong - be it from his own mistakes to said supercomputer rejecting him. But he also becomes passionately determined to protect people who in turn have saved him. Tieria is competent, intelligent and quick-thinking on top of this all, but unlike the other Meisters who have had their pasts and motivations delved into, Tieria's history remains a mystery.
Sample Post:
Mission Log: Start
I have arrived in the specified location in Northern American territory. My primary objective was to scout the area and discover any details available pertaining to the occurring conflict, followed by a report of these details. Finally, I'm to pose a suggestion for the easiest means of stopping this conflict, becoming directly involved if necessary. The delay in my mission log is due to my weapons being replaced with rubber chickens and balloons-- I believe the clown sitting next to me on my flight will be due for a surprise when he opens his luggage.
The conflict is between the native bakers, and the newcomers to this area. Source of conflict is a stolen cherry pie. The easiest course of success to ending this conflict is to infiltrate the newcomers' base and activate their Easy Bake Oven. Overheating will result in an overflow, or "popping" of the cherry filling, destroying it and the reason to continue all hostilities.
Tieria Erde, Mission Log: End
I will have no contact with any of my comrades during this mission. We were told to work alone, but "believe in each other" and assume each individual mission will be completed without delay or mistake. Hmph. Though I, for one, will endure any scolding and repercussions that await me for returning with a box of circus props, I wonder if I'm the only one who has to deal with disposing of stupid, unruly goats that keep trying to jump my leg. Disgusting creatures, they can't even keep their hormones in check enough to realize who or what they're mounting! However, those will be my only lost points of worth because I will ensure the rest of this mission goes as smoothly as it can.
...
Mission Log: Start
First attempt at infiltration has failed. The natives not only have a specially installed "trapdar" booby-trap and radar system around their perimeter that can detect me from close to half a mile away, but have a Trump Card in play; purple-helmeted and purple-armored warriors trained for "gorilla warfare." A broader scouting of the area leaves me to suggest a plan revolving around one "Marcy," who shows no loyalty nor mercy to either cause. My plan is to lead these guards to her territory and infiltrate while they are distracted.
Tieria Erde, Mission Log: End
Even though the guards are acting like brainless apes, there will be no underestimation or monkeying around on my part in dealing with them! I will prove that I am worthy of my title as a Gundam Meister by completing this mission. Such important tasks leave no room for mistakes, and as a Meister, one must bravely swing their blade in one hand with the strength of over a thousand of this Marcy's tentacles, while gently handling the finer details of Easy Bake Ovens and cherry pie-popping in the other.
Applicant #2
Character: Tieria Erde
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Character Age: Unknown, looks to be somewhere in his teens.
Canon: Gundam 00 is the latest in that one series with big robots, big political intrigue, and even bigger explosions. The plot of 00 revolves around Celestial Being, a secretive organization that strives to eliminate all warfare and military conflict on Earth by getting four mentally unstable young men (known as Gundam Meisters) to pilot super-powered mechs and blow things up. Hey, what could go wrong?
One of these Meisters, Tieria Erde, is not what you might call a people person. In fact, he seems to prefer computers to living organisms, and the cold expanse of space to any Earth residence. Cold, stoic, and proud to a fault, Tieria looks down on the other Meisters and the crew of their mothership, the Ptolemaios, often verbally berating them as being "unfit" for any act he may see as insubordination to the ideology and instructions of Celestial Being. His arrogance and inability to admit that anyone might meet his lofty standards seems to be, in part, a result of being able to directly interface with Celestial Being's supercomputer, Veda, and he often shows a surprising loyalty and emotional attachment to it. Following and carrying out orders from Veda is Tieria's top priority at all times, and when his link with the computer is threatened or he is unable to accomplish a goal set out for him, Tieria dives head-first into hurt girlfriend mode, even switching his personal pronouns around.
...But it's probably not surprising that Tieria isn't all bitchery and angry faces. Having recently shown a softer side of himself to one of his fellow Meisters, it's clear that underneath that pink cardigan beats the (possibly artificial) heart of a man who just wants to do his best, and who may be going through a bit of an identity crisis.
Sample Post:
The fundamental purpose of a joke, or any sort of humor for that matter, is to make one laugh. And yet here I am not laughing; I am not even smiling, so that can't be it. It is also quite obvious to those who know me, and thus those who would have access to me, that I do not approve of the very concept of vacations, and that goes double for forced excursions against my will and the will of Veda. And so, with the possibilities of tomfoolery and an attempt at forced rest soundly eliminated, I would like to be informed why on Earth I am on... Earth. I do not recall being sent here, so logic follows that this must be a fubar on the part of either my comrades or my superiors. I shouldn't be surprised! After all, displays of actual competence on their part are rare and highly sought after. But of all the places...
The entire existence of such a place is a contradiction. It is too organic, too wild, and yet nothing here seems natural at all. I cannot accept these surroundings, or the various anomalies found within them, for they are simply too illogical to believe. Even someone with the most rudimentary knowledge of basic biology would be able to realize that many of these things simply cannot be, and yet here they are in front of me, far more real than a trick of the light or the mind. Case in point: I have seen creatures that resemble the near-extinct classification of gorilla beringei graueri. I suspect that their coloring must be a result from their unusual dietary habits, as these primates are most certainly displaced from their acceptable place of residence. I simply cannot recall hearing of any wild colony of gorillas roaming the ecological terrain of one of the southern locales of the North American continent, and yet here they are. The flora, too, is engaging in extremely unusual behaviour. I realize that plants of the carnivorous variety will often have some sort of evolutionary trap built into their system, but floral crossdressing in order to attract a mate... that's a trap that borders on ridiculous, especially from an evolutionary standpoint. The act of pollination should not so graphically resemble the reproductive acts of human beings. Male gametes do not work that way.
But most vexing of all are the human beings that reside here. Due to the lack of infrastructure, I could have easily predicted that the residents of such an area would be sub par specimens of humanity, and I would have been right. Shuffling mouth-breathers with a vocabulary bordering on ludicrously singular... Yes, of course I have brains, although that's much more than I can say for any of you! Wandering around half-nude in a daze... where is your pride? Where is your honor? Where are your pants? You foul creatures, I warn you not to touch me. If you do, you will have to face the consequences, and they will be dire. More dire than the current state of your hygiene! Ah, unhand me, you... you...!
--I can't believe this. The organisms here have taken their pitiful failures to a new level; they seem to be unable to follow even the most steadfast rules of human biology. After all, how hard must it be to die and stay dead? They are unfit to be even corpses!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Will Stronghold
Series: Sky High
Character age: 14
Canon: Will Stronghold is the son of the two most successful superheroes in the world, so he's kind of a celebrity on his first day at Sky High, the high school for children of superheroes (and villains). This would be hard enough to deal with by itself, but unfortunately his powers manifest late, and that's a big joke in a school full of powered people. In spite of - or perhaps because of - being relegated to the nerdier sidekick hero support class, Will remains humble and good-natured, standing up for his friends against bullies and people who belittle them for their lesser powers. Even after they do manifest, he prefers a more pacifist approach to his problems. Despite these assets, Will remains a classic freshman boy: dorky, earnest, slightly sarcastic, and occasionally a miserable failure (usually with girls).
Sample post:
Is this thing on? Hello? HELLO -- oh uh hi sir, sorry about that. Yeah, it's Will. No, I got here okay, I mean, considering the whole pushed-out-the-helicopter-blindfolded thing. So, uh, I guess I'm ready to take the test now. What do I have to do? … Ha, ha, very funny, sir. No, of course not sir, I was just -- Hey? Wait! I can't hear what you're-- fzzzzzt. Hello? Hello! Aw, man.
Okay, so either this thing is really cheap or I just failed the Reassembling A Broken Comlink part of the final. Please let it be the first one. Because I now have no idea what I'm supposed to do here - thanks a lot, surprise test. I don't think knowing when to attack during your villain's monologue is going to help here. Am I even supposed to defeat something? I thought he said something about assembling a stun ray gun in under two minutes, but - argh! I knew I should have paid more attention in class!
Come on, Will, think. If I were a final exam, where would I be? Someplace really terrible where people might actually get hurt … Is that a volcano? Okay, I bet that's where I have to go - no, wait, those caves over there also look pretty bad. Destructive fiery doom or terrifying unknown depths? Which one looks like something a high school teacher would pick? …Maybe it's a good thing I can't answer that, or I'd be more like a supervillain, and then Mom would ground me forever.
No, it has to be that lake! What was I told again - oh yeah, people can gain powers by falling into a vat of toxic waste. And if that's not toxic waste, then I'm - no I'm just stalling. All right. I'm going. Whoever you are, whatever power you have, you better watch out! I really need to ace this test, so I'm getting serious. That was totally intimidating.
Poll Vote!
Character: Meowth
Series: Pokemon
Character Age: Young adult, in scratch-cat years?
Canon: Pokemon is an anime series featuring a world where people of all ages catch and train hundreds of adorable little monsters. Trainers allow these monsters to reach their greatest potential by bonding with them and, of course, making them participate in violent (but kosher!) battles. Of course, the quickest way to get strong Pokemon without having to train them up from scratch is simply to steal them from others... and that's where Jessie, James, and Meowth of Team Rocket enter the picture.
Even though Meowth is a Pokemon, he isn't a trained fighting monster; he taught himself to walk and talk like a human (albeit one with a thick Brooklyn accent), and is as important a member of the team as Jessie and James are. Meowth fancies himself the brains (such as they are) of the operation, and if he's not cooking up today's Pikachu-nabbin' plan, then the fast-talking, pun-cracking cat is the one piloting the mechanical Pokemon-stealin' monstrosity of the day.
Meowth's ultimate mission is to get himself back into the good graces of Team Rocket's big cheese, Giovanni. This just so happens to require stealing the world's supply of rare and powerful Pokemon. Even so, Meowth isn't a bad cat at heart. Besides, it's not as if Jessie, James, and Meowth are actually good at what they do...
Who's the top cat? Meowth, dat's right!
(Note: Namedropping with permission!)
Sample Post:
Alright, you two, stop yappin'! We're in deep gumbo, so you'd better- what? Look, I just told you, I can't SAY dat we're "in a pickle!" It wouldn't be right! Do you see pickles anywhere!? All I got to work with are pickled peppers, and Peter's already pitched a pack of painful puns with those things! Now here's the plan: first, we have to get out of dis soup cauldron! Secondly, we gotta do it before those alligators get tired of waitin' for us to boil, and decide dat they wanna meat us BEFORE dinner's ready. You two distract them with your cheerleader uniforms- yes, I know you're a guy zombie- while I... I...
Look, guys, I just can't do dis without J and J. I mean, it's nice dat you zombies are tryin', but it just ain't the same fer me-owth. You don't yap nearly enough, you don't whine or bumble around, and most importantly, you're too smart! Okay, so you're kinda fallin' apart at the seams, but at least YOU guys got brains on your minds all the time. All they got is me-owth givin' them a piece of my mind! I'm gettin' mad just thinkin' about it! Just like the good ol' days! I'm gettin' kinda teary-eyed here, and it ain't just the onions dat's doing it...
Alright, dat's it- I'm blastin' outta here no matter what. I ain't sticking around for the soup du jour. They call dis stuff "mystery meat soup with a garnish of cat"- I'm just callin' dis an abuse of cat-aclysmic proportions! If they want to play with their food so badly, I'll show them dat I'm too BIG of a Meowthful to chew on!
What're YOU groanin' for, zombie? I'm just gettin' warmed up! Your punny bone can't handle these kinda jokes? If you can't take the heat, then get outta the kitchen before you get-
Yeow! Speakin' of burns, dis soup's gettin' too hot to handle! On top of dat, they're throwin' in more vegetables- I wanted my name to go down in history, not culinary history! Alright, when I start throwin' a tantrum, just follow my lead and start pegging those alligators with anythin' you can get your hands on. You'd better watch out, guys- if dis works, the soup's gonna hit the fan, and dis pot's luck is gonna boil down to a real food fright! Hand me some of those tomatos, they're super-effective against gators. Trust me on dis, tomato stains are real hard to get outta leather. Now gimme dat heavy-lookin' salt-and-pepper shaker, and...
Hey! Gator! Give my condiments to the chef!!
Poll Vote!
Name: Arisugawa Rena
Series:World Embryo
Age: 16
Canon: Don't touch that phone! A missed call will be the least of your problems, in World Embryo. A virus is infecting humanity through the phone system, killing all that are infected and turning the corpses into monsters. To make things worse, the only record of your existence will be an outstanding phone bill -- not even your parents will remember you. But you are in luck! Standing in the path of humanity's destruction is a secret organization, representatives of which are Arisugawa Rena and Takebe Youhei. This secret organization, known as FLAG, is a subdivision of a phone carrier company. Believe me, you do not want to be late paying your bill.
As for who Rena is? Every canon has a character who will either facepalm at the idiocy of their fellow characters or, after their temper has snapped, tell said fellow characters just how much they suck. Rena is that character. Although appearing to be coldly judgmental of everything that goes on around her, Rena's got a heroic streak wider than her strips of clothing and will do whatever it takes to protect the helpless. She's just really bad with the minutae of daily living and could write a book on how not to win friends and influence people. Direct and to the point, you'll always know where you stand with Rena. Preferably five feet away at least, so that she can't kick you in the head.
Sample Post:
This is not the mission I signed up for -- Attention, residents of ... "Camp Fuck You Die". I have been presented with your internet bill for the last month. After my employer protested that you could not possibly have been online every minute of every day, we were also presented with your viewing history. It is as obscene as the name you've given this place. I didn't know there were so many sex sites and I didn't care to know. And who knows what you were doing while looking at those baby animals. Ugh! No wonder there's a prohibition on sex here. Still, it's obvious that's not working. So we have to go to more drastic things. It's your own fault -- if you could have restrained those urges, you wouldn't have to do this.
I'm told you all have personal firewalls on your computers to filter out pornography. They're not working. I've been asked to encourage you deviants to install a new firewall. The instructions are simple. You see this wall of fire? Install your computer in that. It will also clear up that ...unfortunate chafing problem you're probably suffering from. You can only be cleansed with fire -- I didn't mean that literally! Honestly, the sooner I am out of here, the better.
Finally, the subject of payment. My communiqué informs me that your currency is the "Khidne" and that the you have a bank nearby; the Candy Mountain Banking Institution. Take me there ... and remove your hands. Thanks to your internet access records, I know exactly where they have been. Judging by your skin, you haven't even washed afterwards. So remove them from - oh, this is the limit --
...yes. Perhaps you did make a mistake. Keep crawling away, scum. I'll find this "Candy Mountain" and collect my khidnes in person.
Poll Vote!
Character: Takebe Youhei
Series: World Embryo
Character Age: 18
Canon: In the reality of World Embryo, there is a dangerous virus spreading through humanity via cell phones that transforms people into monsters called Kanshu. No one knows how many people have been killed by Kanshu, because no one remembers anything about a person who is infected by them. Enter FLAG, an organisation of fighters known as jinki users who aim to destroy the Kanshu once and for all. Takebe Youhei is one of these jinki users.
As part of a two-person team, Youhei is by far the more upbeat and optimistic one, compared to his partner Arisugawa Rena. Youhei is doggedly honest and fully believes in following his heart, even if that means forging ahead into unknown territory. Youhei might seem to be too carefree at times, and answer a lot of questions with “Well, a lot of stuff happened, you know!” but when push comes to shove he’ll stand his ground and fight for what’s right. Youhei is the kind of guy you want to have by your side, to lend a helping hand (or blade) to get you through your problems.
Sample Post:
Man, don’t you guys think you’re taking this “Christmas in July” thing a little too far? I know it’s easy to get excited about stuff like that, but being buried in snow at this time of year ... that’s a new one! It might not be working for you either; I know I don’t normally go shopping in a frosty swamp wonderland. I tried telling the guy selling snow cones that stinkweed just isn’t the kinda flavour people are after, and he got all indignant at me. Maybe he should change jobs if it working at Hairy Queen makes him angry like that.
It’s not a bad set up though, considering it’s the middle of nowhere. America, right? I guess horror movies are more accurate than I thought, what with all the zombies running around this place. They should mention that when they warn you about culture shock. Because, you know, seeing a dead guy picking his teeth with his own collarbone is pretty shocking. But hey, is there a reason for all of those living dead hanging around? I didn’t see any cemeteries on the way in, except for that one gravestone with “HOP RIGHT IN, WE’RE OPEN” written on it. So there’s gotta be some other explanation.
Whatever the explanation is, though, you’ve got it hidden pretty well. I always figured summer camps were meant to be educational or something, but all I’ve learnt since I got here was to stay away from … well, everything. Even the library books wanted to keep me in the dark; literally, since they kept trying to knock me unconscious. Might wanna rethink that “Hit the Books!” sign you’ve got in there, I think they’re offended. More importantly, there’s something seriously wrong with your telephone system here. Is it normal for running out of phone credit to be met with such hostile reactions? The five zombies in dark glasses who tried to kick me off were really something, but it made me feel a bit unwelcome, you know.
Hey, a gorilla! I’ve never seen one of those outside of zoos before. They sure look different in the wild, all purple like that. The tie and clipboard though, those’re part of some animal attraction, gotta be. Haha, the way he’s glaring at me, it’s almost like he’s a debt collector or something. What’s he got on that clipboard anyway… “In regards to the destruction of six phones, five zombies and a partridge in a pear tree”?
Oh, yeah, that was me, wasn’t it. Well, a lot of stuff happened, you know!
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Tieria Erde
Series: Gundam 00
Character Age: Unknown, but appears to be anywhere ranging from 16 - 19
Canon: Not too far into Earth's future, the planet turns to solar energy, with three major powers in control of their generator sources. There is also WAR, as there usually is in a Gundam series. In the middle of it all is a group called Celestial Being, whose mission it is to end all warfare... by kicking the asses of both sides fighting until both give up. They do this with four super-powered robots called, you guessed it, GUNDAMS. Tieria Erde is one of these Gundam pilots, called "Gundam Meisters."
Tieria starts as the most uncooperative of his team, looking down upon his fellow Meisters - and even his own superior - with harsh judgment, scorn and quick blame. This attitude most likely comes from him being able to directly interlink with the supercomputer that Celestial Being follows. It could also be in part, due to Tieria's complete lack of understanding most people skills and emotions. Though he still keeps an air of that attitude as the series progresses, we find that Tieria is also easily self-depreciating and vulnerable when something goes wrong - be it from his own mistakes to said supercomputer rejecting him. But he also becomes passionately determined to protect people who in turn have saved him. Tieria is competent, intelligent and quick-thinking on top of this all, but unlike the other Meisters who have had their pasts and motivations delved into, Tieria's history remains a mystery.
Sample Post:
Mission Log: Start
I have arrived in the specified location in Northern American territory. My primary objective was to scout the area and discover any details available pertaining to the occurring conflict, followed by a report of these details. Finally, I'm to pose a suggestion for the easiest means of stopping this conflict, becoming directly involved if necessary. The delay in my mission log is due to my weapons being replaced with rubber chickens and balloons-- I believe the clown sitting next to me on my flight will be due for a surprise when he opens his luggage.
The conflict is between the native bakers, and the newcomers to this area. Source of conflict is a stolen cherry pie. The easiest course of success to ending this conflict is to infiltrate the newcomers' base and activate their Easy Bake Oven. Overheating will result in an overflow, or "popping" of the cherry filling, destroying it and the reason to continue all hostilities.
Tieria Erde, Mission Log: End
I will have no contact with any of my comrades during this mission. We were told to work alone, but "believe in each other" and assume each individual mission will be completed without delay or mistake. Hmph. Though I, for one, will endure any scolding and repercussions that await me for returning with a box of circus props, I wonder if I'm the only one who has to deal with disposing of stupid, unruly goats that keep trying to jump my leg. Disgusting creatures, they can't even keep their hormones in check enough to realize who or what they're mounting! However, those will be my only lost points of worth because I will ensure the rest of this mission goes as smoothly as it can.
...
Mission Log: Start
First attempt at infiltration has failed. The natives not only have a specially installed "trapdar" booby-trap and radar system around their perimeter that can detect me from close to half a mile away, but have a Trump Card in play; purple-helmeted and purple-armored warriors trained for "gorilla warfare." A broader scouting of the area leaves me to suggest a plan revolving around one "Marcy," who shows no loyalty nor mercy to either cause. My plan is to lead these guards to her territory and infiltrate while they are distracted.
Tieria Erde, Mission Log: End
Even though the guards are acting like brainless apes, there will be no underestimation or monkeying around on my part in dealing with them! I will prove that I am worthy of my title as a Gundam Meister by completing this mission. Such important tasks leave no room for mistakes, and as a Meister, one must bravely swing their blade in one hand with the strength of over a thousand of this Marcy's tentacles, while gently handling the finer details of Easy Bake Ovens and cherry pie-popping in the other.
Applicant #2
Character: Tieria Erde
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Character Age: Unknown, looks to be somewhere in his teens.
Canon: Gundam 00 is the latest in that one series with big robots, big political intrigue, and even bigger explosions. The plot of 00 revolves around Celestial Being, a secretive organization that strives to eliminate all warfare and military conflict on Earth by getting four mentally unstable young men (known as Gundam Meisters) to pilot super-powered mechs and blow things up. Hey, what could go wrong?
One of these Meisters, Tieria Erde, is not what you might call a people person. In fact, he seems to prefer computers to living organisms, and the cold expanse of space to any Earth residence. Cold, stoic, and proud to a fault, Tieria looks down on the other Meisters and the crew of their mothership, the Ptolemaios, often verbally berating them as being "unfit" for any act he may see as insubordination to the ideology and instructions of Celestial Being. His arrogance and inability to admit that anyone might meet his lofty standards seems to be, in part, a result of being able to directly interface with Celestial Being's supercomputer, Veda, and he often shows a surprising loyalty and emotional attachment to it. Following and carrying out orders from Veda is Tieria's top priority at all times, and when his link with the computer is threatened or he is unable to accomplish a goal set out for him, Tieria dives head-first into hurt girlfriend mode, even switching his personal pronouns around.
...But it's probably not surprising that Tieria isn't all bitchery and angry faces. Having recently shown a softer side of himself to one of his fellow Meisters, it's clear that underneath that pink cardigan beats the (possibly artificial) heart of a man who just wants to do his best, and who may be going through a bit of an identity crisis.
Sample Post:
The fundamental purpose of a joke, or any sort of humor for that matter, is to make one laugh. And yet here I am not laughing; I am not even smiling, so that can't be it. It is also quite obvious to those who know me, and thus those who would have access to me, that I do not approve of the very concept of vacations, and that goes double for forced excursions against my will and the will of Veda. And so, with the possibilities of tomfoolery and an attempt at forced rest soundly eliminated, I would like to be informed why on Earth I am on... Earth. I do not recall being sent here, so logic follows that this must be a fubar on the part of either my comrades or my superiors. I shouldn't be surprised! After all, displays of actual competence on their part are rare and highly sought after. But of all the places...
The entire existence of such a place is a contradiction. It is too organic, too wild, and yet nothing here seems natural at all. I cannot accept these surroundings, or the various anomalies found within them, for they are simply too illogical to believe. Even someone with the most rudimentary knowledge of basic biology would be able to realize that many of these things simply cannot be, and yet here they are in front of me, far more real than a trick of the light or the mind. Case in point: I have seen creatures that resemble the near-extinct classification of gorilla beringei graueri. I suspect that their coloring must be a result from their unusual dietary habits, as these primates are most certainly displaced from their acceptable place of residence. I simply cannot recall hearing of any wild colony of gorillas roaming the ecological terrain of one of the southern locales of the North American continent, and yet here they are. The flora, too, is engaging in extremely unusual behaviour. I realize that plants of the carnivorous variety will often have some sort of evolutionary trap built into their system, but floral crossdressing in order to attract a mate... that's a trap that borders on ridiculous, especially from an evolutionary standpoint. The act of pollination should not so graphically resemble the reproductive acts of human beings. Male gametes do not work that way.
But most vexing of all are the human beings that reside here. Due to the lack of infrastructure, I could have easily predicted that the residents of such an area would be sub par specimens of humanity, and I would have been right. Shuffling mouth-breathers with a vocabulary bordering on ludicrously singular... Yes, of course I have brains, although that's much more than I can say for any of you! Wandering around half-nude in a daze... where is your pride? Where is your honor? Where are your pants? You foul creatures, I warn you not to touch me. If you do, you will have to face the consequences, and they will be dire. More dire than the current state of your hygiene! Ah, unhand me, you... you...!
--I can't believe this. The organisms here have taken their pitiful failures to a new level; they seem to be unable to follow even the most steadfast rules of human biology. After all, how hard must it be to die and stay dead? They are unfit to be even corpses!
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