(no subject)
HERE, HAVE ANOTHER BATCH.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Fenrir.
Series: Matantei Loki Ragnorak (anime). Wikipedia Summary.
Character Age: Puppy.
Canon: Matantei Loki Ragnorak is a series that asks the hard questions. Questions such as 'If trickster god Loki was turned into a nine year old boy and sent to Japan to head a detective agency, what wacky hijinks would ensue?' 'What would happen if Thor had to get a part-time job?' And 'Can we turn a monstrous wolf into a cute, adorable puppy?" The answer is yes and Fenrir is that puppy.
Fenrir is roughly the size of a hill before descending to the mortal realm. Having been chained up in a distant forest presumably because he is destined to devour Odin during Ragnarok, it's no wonder that Fenrir has issues. With Maloki being the crack series it is, this results in a tiny puppy with a huge father-complex and a raging hatred for Odin. He also has an insatiable appetite (being chained up for a couple of centuries will do that for you). Fenrir is cute, energetic and eager to please so long as his Daddy Loki is around. Behind Loki's back, however, Fenrir demands pettings, bosses his younger brother around and talks trash with the Norse Assassin of the week. Basically? Fenrir is shounen retard in small, yippy dog form.
Sample Post:
You cowardly lurking bastards! I will never forgive you for this. Attacking such a one as me! I'll get you and I'll crunch you to shreds! I'll rip you apart! Peh -- no corner of hell will be empty of your screams, when I'm done with you! Thrice-cursed, rotten fleas! I'll murder you!
So persistent. Maybe they're not ordinary fleas at all. Is that your game? My nose will get to the bottom of this -- bleurgh. The smell!
This place sure stinks. The evil in the air, it's enough to make you sick. Not Odin's work, however. I don't think I've ever smelt anything this foul before. Death, despair, frustration, teenagers ... It's clear there's only one thing to be done. I, Fenrir, must find the source of this ungodly stench and roll in it!
Yosh! Here I go! (Wish me luck, Daddy!)
Feugh, that really is awful. I must be getting close, my nose is almost suffocated. I --!!!
Daddy, Daddy! I found a delicious bone! I found a delicious bone, Daddy, I --
Ah, that's right. I ran all this way here to get out of taking a bath. I'm not even sure where here is. Have I ended up in the underworld? No, what am I saying. Hell doesn't smell as bad as this place does. What does it matter anyway? If I don't know where I am, ten to one no one else does -- the perfect place to bury my bone!
OI! Bone! Don't walk away from me! Tch, what kind of sorry bastard are you? Don't you know when you're dead! Come back here right now or I'll -- ah. Zombies. Those undead morons! I despise them. Do you really think you can take my bone from me, you wretched puppet? You think you can stand there and ... reattach my bone to yourself.
Fine then, if that's how you want it. Don't think I'm letting you get away with that! You take my prized bone from me, I'll just have to dig a hole big enough to bury you and my bone, you stinking maggot bucket!
... don't go anywhere, bone-bag. This could take a while.
Poll Vote!
Character: Freyjadour Falenas
Series: Suikoden V
Character age: 16
Canon: In the fair land of Falena lived a Queen, her husband and their children, Princess Lymsleia and Prince Freyjadour. All was happy in this wonderful land, until someone decided to stage a coup while they were trying to choose a husband for the 10 year old Princess and all hell broke loose. Our hero, Prince Freyjadour, is deemed a "rebel" in this civil war, all because he wanted to set things right again.
The Prince is the typical Suikoden Hero - unofficially named (except in the novels) and silent. The game does a wonderful job or portraying what he does say, often through the use of his bodyguard, Lyon, but he "speaks" with dialogue selections far more than most other Suikoden heroes. He is deceptively good at understanding court intrigue and the way people might use him as a pawn, but he has a youthful vigor and is sometimes overzealous and unbelieving of the things that he wouldn't have been exposed to inside the Palace walls. The Prince is polite, choosing his words in situations carefully, which helps to make him a good ambassador. He's usually quite honest and modest, but he realizes the value of a little lie in public situations. The major trait he picked up from his father is his determination. Once he's made up his mind to do something, he doesn't like backing down. And one thing above all else: Prince Freyjadour cares for all his followers, but especially his family, placing their well-being far above his own.
Sample post:
Ah, hello, everyone! My name is Freyjadour Falenas, and I come on behalf of the Queendom of Falena - no, the Queen herself. She wishes to extend her condolences at the death of Lady Elizabeth's fiance. As a token of Her appreciation and good will, Her Majesty has asked that I stay here for a time, as part of... an exchange program. She'd like me to learn more about this place and for me to teach everyone a little about Falena too. I'm sure camp will prove to be most interesting, and I do think that everyone should try to learn a little more about their neighboring lands - I have lots of stories I can tell you about Falena, I'm sure!
The prospect of all this is quite exciting. Is this what all summer camps are like? I suppose the closest thing I can relate it to was the summers we spent in the mansion down by the river. Mother even hired a motivational speaker that time... though I don't believe my sister particularly approved of a man telling her what she ought to do. Oh, I apologize, I'm off track. What I really wanted to comment on is the name of this camp - is Fuck You Die a place around here? Perhaps the lake? That's how I decided on the name for my temporary headquarters, but this name seems... a little more personal than that. Maybe she named it for her fiance...
I've never managed to find my way here before, so it was very considerate for Lady Elizabeth send someone to greet me. He was holding up a sign, just waiting for me on the way in! It almost looked like he wasn't sure what my name was, but the sentiment was there, and I very much appreciate it. I'm not sure what kind of a name Hero is supposed to be. Hero of what, I wonder? I'm glad I didn't bring much with me, as I don't know if he would've been able to help carry any of it. I'm actually quite glad to see that he has his limitations, as Her Majesty would also be happy to know that you use employment equity principles here. No one should be discriminated against based on their physical limitations, and they say that with the loss of one sense or ability, your others become stronger, so my guide must have amazing toes given that most of his fingers... well. You know.
Oh, Her Majesty wanted me to mention one more thing - one of the reasons why she felt such a kinship with Lady Elizabeth, and why she has sent me here. I'm afraid that with all the excitement, I almost lost track myself! Both Falena and Camp are both ruled by women! While I'm not entirely certain about Camp, Falena's royal line has succession that follows the women's side, and typically, the eldest daughter inherits the throne. I suppose Camp Fuck You Die hasn't had any need to decide on rules of inheritance here, as it seems a mostly peaceful place, and I can't imagine why anyone would desire to hurt the Lady Director, but it's still something that Her Majesty wanted mentioned. To tell you the truth, the fact that Falena is this way makes things much easier for someone like me. The only possible way for me to ever rule Falena would be for me to be a woman! -- Wait, what do you mean, camp can fix that?
Poll Vote!
Character: Lyon
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 16
Canon: We're all familiar with stories set in fantasy worlds. Suikoden V is yet another one of those, this time involving True Runes, 108 Stars of Destiny and an inconvenient war. It starts in the Queendom of Falena, where women inherit the throne and where many consider male royalty only good for marrying off to foreigners. The Prince (otherwise known as the hero of the tale) begins to fight against those who staged a violent coup for the throne, where they do such things as attempting to commit genocide and starving a town already in ruin. In the end, he looked at the kingdom he was finally there, to sit on the throne as the Prince of Bel-Air - I mean, Falena.
Every prince needs a bodyguard, and in this case that duty falls to Lyon, who takes her job of protecting him very seriously -- so seriously in fact, that some people wonder if she follows him into the restroom. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, she is always at the Prince's side as a kind, bright, energetic though ocassionally oblivious young woman who uses her skills as a Queen's Knight's apprentice throughout the war to protect the Prince and his ideals. Usually soft-spoken to the point that many people might overlook her, she can easily get excited or angry at new and unusual situations, especially when it involves His Royal Highness. She does have a dark past, but doesn't allow it to overly affect her every day life, even when she gets [spoiler]ed in the [mcspoiler].
Note: In Suikoden, runes are special items that are equipped to enhance certain abilities.
Sample post:
Oh wow, just look at the scenery! I've never seen anything so - so unique! It's very beautiful, with the bright greens and yellows and... purple! That is supposed to be purple, right? I haven't seen anything like those animals before, but they look - very, very tough! The Rotting Zombies that I keep encountering have been a new experience and while I don't think they'll drop anything valuable when you slay them, I can see why they're included in the training regimen of this camp. I'm looking forward to working more with everyone here.
Oh, I'm sorry! I should have introduced myself. My name is Lyon and I'm here to inquire more about this training camp that we'd received information about. The brochure had mentioned that this Camp F-fuck You Die was excellent in training the "rapiers of tomorrow", as well as "exploring virgin entrances" and an interest in building careers in inter-species relationships! We all thought that in order to promote a united and peaceful culture, we should observe places where species can co-exist peacefully.
I'm aware that to most people, relating to other species may seem like a daunting task. But no matter whether they are beavers, these "gorillas" or the occasional dragon, everyone should have a say in the way that their country, or camp, develops. I'm very pleased to see all the progress that has been made in the area of these relations. There are relationships between the different communities that I doubt anyone could have dreamed of, e-even if some of them do appear to be illegal in Falena. Your wife, sir, she appears to be a dragon-horse . . .
Of course I'm not offended! I'm sure that the two of you will be very happy with each other. But already I can tell that we'll all have a lot to learn from each other! I'm very pleased to meet all of you, and I offer my abilities as a Queen's Knight apprentice to keep things running as smoothly as possible. With this Roaring Assault Protection Enhancement rune that the Amorous Gorilla dropped when I defeated him, I'll help make sure everyone has a good time!
W-wait, what do you mean that's not what the RAPE rune is for?
Poll Vote!
Character: Roy
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 16
Canon: Suikoden V is the epic tale of a kind and just prince who gathers an army of 108 destined warriors to save his Queendom of Falena from dictatorship, while at the same time dealing with his fate as the bearer of a powerful yet potentially dangerous True Rune. The Prince's name is Freyjadour Falenas, and this is his app.
Just kidding! This app isn't about the real Prince of Falena. It's about Roy, a downtrodden street bandit who bears an uncanny physical resemblance to him. Bitter over the fact that he shares the Prince's appearance but not his luck in life, Roy accepted a noble's offer to help ruin the Prince's name for fun and profit-- by robbing and terrorizing a peaceful mountain village while disguised as the real Prince. But after a confrontational duel that ended in his defeat, he agreed to turn over and join the Prince's army, using his looks to act as a decoy for the enemy.
Just because he's on the Prince's side now doesn't mean he's over his petty grudge, though. When off-duty, he makes the best of it by continuing to impersonate the Prince as a practical joke, having switched from plundering villages to more benign activities like gambling away large sums of money and intruding on the girls' baths in the castle. (Hey, it's a start!) But even when playing the part, his own cocky, rude, over-the-top attitude shows through, making him about as far from the real Prince as possible. Not to mention he likes to use (and misuse) ridiculously flowery language, failing to notice that nobody, not even royalty, talks like that anymore. Yet somehow Roy still manages to fool most people . . . at least until being caught off-guard causes him to slip his act.
Sample Post:
How're my favorite lil' swampy green neighbors today~? That's right, everyone, the Prince of Falena has arrived! Come give yer liberator a royal welcome, would ya?
Heh, not bad, not bad at all for a start! But I can do better. This is all new territory I'm dealin' with, so I gotta make my entrance extra memorable. Here goes!
Verily, wretched souls, thou hast heardeth me true! I, the valiant Prince Freyjadour Falenas, hath nobly come to free thee from thine life of poverty and oppression! Camp Fucketh Thou Perish-- damn, should that've been Fucketh Thee Perish?-- shall soon be no more in the clutches of yon cruel dictatress!
. . . HA HA HA! They bought it all! My whole act, every last bit of it! Just listen to 'em, singin' my praises. Braaaains, braaaaains~ Damn right I got brains! Ya think I'm a genius now, just wait till after I reveal my master plan.
Wait a sec. Somethin' feels off here . . . oh, I know! Ha ha, I'm so good I fooled myself into forgettin'! I ain't the one with the master plan! C'mon, why would I be? I'm just the fake, the decoy, the one they sent to distract everyone while the real Prince pulls off the real plan . . . uhh, whatever it is. Speakin' of, ain't it about time he showed up? Hmph, he's prolly still on the other side of that river back there, afraid to wade through an' get his feet muddy. Or dyed green an' purple. Whatever. If ya ask me, all that makes him is a real pansy.
Y'know, as long as I'm waitin', I think I could get used to this little swamp. I got off to a good start here. For once, I got the people's respect. Maybe here, I can be real royalty! Or at least treated like it, ya know? Yeah, yeah, just for a while! A day, a week, however long it takes the Prince to get his spoiled, lazy ass over here. That oughta be plenty of time to have some fun~
Ahem. Hear me, peons! There is to be a royal fortress built upon yonder lake! Hence, thine new ruler commands thee to tread forth into yonder-er forest and harvest for me its finest materials!
. . . Ugh, what the hell's all this?! Ain't trees supposed to die when ya cut 'em down?! Cuz this one's so not-dead it's movin' a-and why's it grabbin' at-- I mean, uh . . . What be this strange wildlife invading my royal space?! Remove it from mine presence at once and bringeth me a more obedient oak or pine or whatever ya got around h-HEY! WHY AREN'T YA LISTE-- I mean . . . D-didst thou not hearest me?! Comply at once, or thine head shall surely roll!
--Whaddaya mean, yer used to it?!
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Benkei
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 20-21 at best guesstimation.
Canon: Air Gear would have you believe that the back-alleys of Japan are stuffed to bursting with Storm Riders: punk kids equipped with rocket-powered, physics-defying, reality-altering rollerblades called Air Trek (A-T). If you can swallow those first discrepancies, you're all set. It follows Minami Itsuki and his team, Kogarasumaru, as they battle other A-T teams in Parts Wars, thwart anti A-T police units and survive the conspiracies of genetically-altered super Storm Riders. It's too late to invoke earth-logic, YOU WERE WARNED!
Benkei is General to Yoshitsune and second-in-command of Trident, a team that encompasses most of the Storm Riders in Western Japan. Trident's members make up an enormous chunk of Genesis, Kogarasumaru's nemesis team. She keeps order within Trident, often with a solid kick-to-the-face. Although not a Queen herself, Benkei has tangled with and defeated one simply for the challenge. Think of her as a samurai; she seeks the pleasure of a strong opponent more than power or reputation, and her loyalty to Yoshitsune is without question. In a plot filled with overly-enthusiastic shounen protagonists, perverted senpais and disturbingly nubile young girls, she's a fresh breath of cool, collected, kick-ass air.
Sample Post:
I firmly believe that one should always see a battle through to the end regardless of the odds. Principle and self-respect should always, always come before consideration of bodily harm, particularly when obeying the orders of one's superiors. But there are some such superiors who make it really, ridiculously difficult.
Case in point: the General sent me a text yesterday (for the first time in ages, mind you. I was almost beginning to consider possibly worrying about him). "Benkei," it said, "Get that ass of yours down here! Whipping rookies into shape, need you and your pimp cane Panther Crusher to knock a few heads. -XOXO" I assumed it must be something serious; the Crusher isn't a weapon to be taken lightly. I was even looking forward to whatever he'd lined up, but this…this is…a farse!
Look at you! You're purple, for God's sake! And there's already a gorilla-themed A-T team out there; you can't just dye their gimmick another color and pretend you're original. The pride of A-T lies in carving your own road, not simply following another's trek! Granted, you've done a fair job besting your opponents so far, but it doesn't take much to dismember a team of zombies, now does it? Get off your asses and put some heart into it! At least the zombies can boast of doing that much, though they might be a bit more literal than I'd like.
Listen to me! An opponent is never to be feared or pitied, only crushed! And while crushing does involve invading personal space, it definitely has nothing to do with your style of gameplay. I don't care if that's an effective distraction tactic, it smacks of a lack of discipline, too much familiarity, and possibly a little inbreeding.
Like it or not, I've been charged with making a proper team out of you. Perhaps the General assumes that if I can manage to forge Kogarasumaru into a unit, I can handle you louse-ridden lot. I suppose I could take that as a compliment, but somehow I suspect it's just a ruse to keep me occupied so he can panty-raid to his heart's content.
Hmm…Team Indigo Gorilla, split into two groups for a new training exercise! Let's call it Demolish-The-Panty-Tree. The group to successfully accomplish this goal gets to find out whether my leopard-print is painted on.
Applicant #2
Name: Benkei
Age: looks 20
Series: Air Gear
Canon: The story of one Ikki Minami as he rolls on motor-charged rollerskates on the way to the top is a journey through a world like ours where special skates (known as AT, or Air Trek) are capable of incredible speed and also strength. They're used in many places, from the mafia to football to warfare and more. But one of the most popular uses is in Storm Riding, in which teams of people come together to form gangs to advance through the Parts War, betting their team honor in the form of their emblems, gaining better parts and rankings so they can enter in the Gram Scale tournament to gain the ultimate set of parts, known as the Sky Regalia.
Benkei is one of the three generals of Trident, the western branch of the team Genesis, whose goal it is to go right to the top of the Parts War. She's the brawn behind the brains of Yoshitsune, whose rude and lecherous ways she either tolerates or ignores. Using her considerable stalking fighting and riding skills, she helps keep her region in line and is often referred to as Bishtemon, or "God of Warriors." And she talks like she's from a samurai film when she's being serious. Honor is deeply important to her, as is her team. This is not to say that she's without her softer, happier and overall more cheerful side: she loves showers, leopard print clothing, talking with heartmarks, and being reassuring in her own caring, if not always helpful, way. Like the cats whose print she wears, she can be deceptively slow to anger, but when it manifests, the results are memorable.
Permission was acquired to mention all characters from the players in this app.
Sample app:
This has to be a dream or a joke. I never thought I'd see the day that people were trying to skate around on rolling pins. And you want to challenge me on those things? Heh. Maybe a match won't be necessary. Rather, I think I'm going to die laughing. The idea that a bunch of flat-footed guys like you could think to take on the Bishtemon of the West! You're going to tell me that you're a top team in these parts next. Oh? Aiming for the top of the head? Well, that's a good start.
Still, it has been a awfully long ride to get here. I suppose I could use a bit of action. Your team name was Arrrrrghhuuuuuh, correct? Let's see your emblem, then!
What, you want me to back down? There's no way I'll do that! I have Trident's reputation and pride to consider after all. I don't want anyone to think that the god has stopped listening their prayers, after all. You're going to withdraw because I'm a girl and you can't beat one up? While I think that you couldn't do it if you tried to, I suppose it's a good thing that even you can rediscover some manners. I supose there's nothing stopping me from teaching you a little friendly lesson between friends, is there? There's no need to panic like that: I promise it won't hurt too much. Just enough to remember it for the rest of your life. The next thirty seconds of it, anyway. I'm told that playing with one's dinner is in bad taste, even for cats. ♥
Aaaah, now that wasn't a bad warm up. Just the sort of thing to get rid of the kinks from a long ride. Now to find where Yoshitsune's wandered off to. I should really put a tracking device on him if he's going to wander off far away places like this again without a good map. But this one is so hard to get to, it's almost as if someone doesn't want him to be found. A note saying "North, east, south and Dennis" is a bit of a challenge to follow, wouldn't you say?
Sorry about your jaw there, Ghhhhh. Strictly business, you understand. Repeat that again? Look over there?
HAH! Well, well, well, it looks like my leader has been quite the busy bee. I wasn't sure why he'd come all the way out to a swamp in the middle of nowhere, but seeing the environment and the lay of the land, I can see where he'd be amused enough to give it a look. It looks rather like something from an amusement park, and this tree with the underwear and this one with the condoms...it's almost as if this place was made for his sense of humor.
We'll just have to do something about that, now won't we? That underwear tree should really be replanted before he eats all of it. I think it'll look cute right next to this cabin with the roses, don't you? ♥
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Fenrir.
Series: Matantei Loki Ragnorak (anime). Wikipedia Summary.
Character Age: Puppy.
Canon: Matantei Loki Ragnorak is a series that asks the hard questions. Questions such as 'If trickster god Loki was turned into a nine year old boy and sent to Japan to head a detective agency, what wacky hijinks would ensue?' 'What would happen if Thor had to get a part-time job?' And 'Can we turn a monstrous wolf into a cute, adorable puppy?" The answer is yes and Fenrir is that puppy.
Fenrir is roughly the size of a hill before descending to the mortal realm. Having been chained up in a distant forest presumably because he is destined to devour Odin during Ragnarok, it's no wonder that Fenrir has issues. With Maloki being the crack series it is, this results in a tiny puppy with a huge father-complex and a raging hatred for Odin. He also has an insatiable appetite (being chained up for a couple of centuries will do that for you). Fenrir is cute, energetic and eager to please so long as his Daddy Loki is around. Behind Loki's back, however, Fenrir demands pettings, bosses his younger brother around and talks trash with the Norse Assassin of the week. Basically? Fenrir is shounen retard in small, yippy dog form.
Sample Post:
You cowardly lurking bastards! I will never forgive you for this. Attacking such a one as me! I'll get you and I'll crunch you to shreds! I'll rip you apart! Peh -- no corner of hell will be empty of your screams, when I'm done with you! Thrice-cursed, rotten fleas! I'll murder you!
So persistent. Maybe they're not ordinary fleas at all. Is that your game? My nose will get to the bottom of this -- bleurgh. The smell!
This place sure stinks. The evil in the air, it's enough to make you sick. Not Odin's work, however. I don't think I've ever smelt anything this foul before. Death, despair, frustration, teenagers ... It's clear there's only one thing to be done. I, Fenrir, must find the source of this ungodly stench and roll in it!
Yosh! Here I go! (Wish me luck, Daddy!)
Feugh, that really is awful. I must be getting close, my nose is almost suffocated. I --!!!
Daddy, Daddy! I found a delicious bone! I found a delicious bone, Daddy, I --
Ah, that's right. I ran all this way here to get out of taking a bath. I'm not even sure where here is. Have I ended up in the underworld? No, what am I saying. Hell doesn't smell as bad as this place does. What does it matter anyway? If I don't know where I am, ten to one no one else does -- the perfect place to bury my bone!
OI! Bone! Don't walk away from me! Tch, what kind of sorry bastard are you? Don't you know when you're dead! Come back here right now or I'll -- ah. Zombies. Those undead morons! I despise them. Do you really think you can take my bone from me, you wretched puppet? You think you can stand there and ... reattach my bone to yourself.
Fine then, if that's how you want it. Don't think I'm letting you get away with that! You take my prized bone from me, I'll just have to dig a hole big enough to bury you and my bone, you stinking maggot bucket!
... don't go anywhere, bone-bag. This could take a while.
Poll Vote!
Character: Freyjadour Falenas
Series: Suikoden V
Character age: 16
Canon: In the fair land of Falena lived a Queen, her husband and their children, Princess Lymsleia and Prince Freyjadour. All was happy in this wonderful land, until someone decided to stage a coup while they were trying to choose a husband for the 10 year old Princess and all hell broke loose. Our hero, Prince Freyjadour, is deemed a "rebel" in this civil war, all because he wanted to set things right again.
The Prince is the typical Suikoden Hero - unofficially named (except in the novels) and silent. The game does a wonderful job or portraying what he does say, often through the use of his bodyguard, Lyon, but he "speaks" with dialogue selections far more than most other Suikoden heroes. He is deceptively good at understanding court intrigue and the way people might use him as a pawn, but he has a youthful vigor and is sometimes overzealous and unbelieving of the things that he wouldn't have been exposed to inside the Palace walls. The Prince is polite, choosing his words in situations carefully, which helps to make him a good ambassador. He's usually quite honest and modest, but he realizes the value of a little lie in public situations. The major trait he picked up from his father is his determination. Once he's made up his mind to do something, he doesn't like backing down. And one thing above all else: Prince Freyjadour cares for all his followers, but especially his family, placing their well-being far above his own.
Sample post:
Ah, hello, everyone! My name is Freyjadour Falenas, and I come on behalf of the Queendom of Falena - no, the Queen herself. She wishes to extend her condolences at the death of Lady Elizabeth's fiance. As a token of Her appreciation and good will, Her Majesty has asked that I stay here for a time, as part of... an exchange program. She'd like me to learn more about this place and for me to teach everyone a little about Falena too. I'm sure camp will prove to be most interesting, and I do think that everyone should try to learn a little more about their neighboring lands - I have lots of stories I can tell you about Falena, I'm sure!
The prospect of all this is quite exciting. Is this what all summer camps are like? I suppose the closest thing I can relate it to was the summers we spent in the mansion down by the river. Mother even hired a motivational speaker that time... though I don't believe my sister particularly approved of a man telling her what she ought to do. Oh, I apologize, I'm off track. What I really wanted to comment on is the name of this camp - is Fuck You Die a place around here? Perhaps the lake? That's how I decided on the name for my temporary headquarters, but this name seems... a little more personal than that. Maybe she named it for her fiance...
I've never managed to find my way here before, so it was very considerate for Lady Elizabeth send someone to greet me. He was holding up a sign, just waiting for me on the way in! It almost looked like he wasn't sure what my name was, but the sentiment was there, and I very much appreciate it. I'm not sure what kind of a name Hero is supposed to be. Hero of what, I wonder? I'm glad I didn't bring much with me, as I don't know if he would've been able to help carry any of it. I'm actually quite glad to see that he has his limitations, as Her Majesty would also be happy to know that you use employment equity principles here. No one should be discriminated against based on their physical limitations, and they say that with the loss of one sense or ability, your others become stronger, so my guide must have amazing toes given that most of his fingers... well. You know.
Oh, Her Majesty wanted me to mention one more thing - one of the reasons why she felt such a kinship with Lady Elizabeth, and why she has sent me here. I'm afraid that with all the excitement, I almost lost track myself! Both Falena and Camp are both ruled by women! While I'm not entirely certain about Camp, Falena's royal line has succession that follows the women's side, and typically, the eldest daughter inherits the throne. I suppose Camp Fuck You Die hasn't had any need to decide on rules of inheritance here, as it seems a mostly peaceful place, and I can't imagine why anyone would desire to hurt the Lady Director, but it's still something that Her Majesty wanted mentioned. To tell you the truth, the fact that Falena is this way makes things much easier for someone like me. The only possible way for me to ever rule Falena would be for me to be a woman! -- Wait, what do you mean, camp can fix that?
Poll Vote!
Character: Lyon
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 16
Canon: We're all familiar with stories set in fantasy worlds. Suikoden V is yet another one of those, this time involving True Runes, 108 Stars of Destiny and an inconvenient war. It starts in the Queendom of Falena, where women inherit the throne and where many consider male royalty only good for marrying off to foreigners. The Prince (otherwise known as the hero of the tale) begins to fight against those who staged a violent coup for the throne, where they do such things as attempting to commit genocide and starving a town already in ruin. In the end, he looked at the kingdom he was finally there, to sit on the throne as the Prince of Bel-Air - I mean, Falena.
Every prince needs a bodyguard, and in this case that duty falls to Lyon, who takes her job of protecting him very seriously -- so seriously in fact, that some people wonder if she follows him into the restroom. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, she is always at the Prince's side as a kind, bright, energetic though ocassionally oblivious young woman who uses her skills as a Queen's Knight's apprentice throughout the war to protect the Prince and his ideals. Usually soft-spoken to the point that many people might overlook her, she can easily get excited or angry at new and unusual situations, especially when it involves His Royal Highness. She does have a dark past, but doesn't allow it to overly affect her every day life, even when she gets [spoiler]ed in the [mcspoiler].
Note: In Suikoden, runes are special items that are equipped to enhance certain abilities.
Sample post:
Oh wow, just look at the scenery! I've never seen anything so - so unique! It's very beautiful, with the bright greens and yellows and... purple! That is supposed to be purple, right? I haven't seen anything like those animals before, but they look - very, very tough! The Rotting Zombies that I keep encountering have been a new experience and while I don't think they'll drop anything valuable when you slay them, I can see why they're included in the training regimen of this camp. I'm looking forward to working more with everyone here.
Oh, I'm sorry! I should have introduced myself. My name is Lyon and I'm here to inquire more about this training camp that we'd received information about. The brochure had mentioned that this Camp F-fuck You Die was excellent in training the "rapiers of tomorrow", as well as "exploring virgin entrances" and an interest in building careers in inter-species relationships! We all thought that in order to promote a united and peaceful culture, we should observe places where species can co-exist peacefully.
I'm aware that to most people, relating to other species may seem like a daunting task. But no matter whether they are beavers, these "gorillas" or the occasional dragon, everyone should have a say in the way that their country, or camp, develops. I'm very pleased to see all the progress that has been made in the area of these relations. There are relationships between the different communities that I doubt anyone could have dreamed of, e-even if some of them do appear to be illegal in Falena. Your wife, sir, she appears to be a dragon-horse . . .
Of course I'm not offended! I'm sure that the two of you will be very happy with each other. But already I can tell that we'll all have a lot to learn from each other! I'm very pleased to meet all of you, and I offer my abilities as a Queen's Knight apprentice to keep things running as smoothly as possible. With this Roaring Assault Protection Enhancement rune that the Amorous Gorilla dropped when I defeated him, I'll help make sure everyone has a good time!
W-wait, what do you mean that's not what the RAPE rune is for?
Poll Vote!
Character: Roy
Series: Suikoden V
Age: 16
Canon: Suikoden V is the epic tale of a kind and just prince who gathers an army of 108 destined warriors to save his Queendom of Falena from dictatorship, while at the same time dealing with his fate as the bearer of a powerful yet potentially dangerous True Rune. The Prince's name is Freyjadour Falenas, and this is his app.
Just kidding! This app isn't about the real Prince of Falena. It's about Roy, a downtrodden street bandit who bears an uncanny physical resemblance to him. Bitter over the fact that he shares the Prince's appearance but not his luck in life, Roy accepted a noble's offer to help ruin the Prince's name for fun and profit-- by robbing and terrorizing a peaceful mountain village while disguised as the real Prince. But after a confrontational duel that ended in his defeat, he agreed to turn over and join the Prince's army, using his looks to act as a decoy for the enemy.
Just because he's on the Prince's side now doesn't mean he's over his petty grudge, though. When off-duty, he makes the best of it by continuing to impersonate the Prince as a practical joke, having switched from plundering villages to more benign activities like gambling away large sums of money and intruding on the girls' baths in the castle. (Hey, it's a start!) But even when playing the part, his own cocky, rude, over-the-top attitude shows through, making him about as far from the real Prince as possible. Not to mention he likes to use (and misuse) ridiculously flowery language, failing to notice that nobody, not even royalty, talks like that anymore. Yet somehow Roy still manages to fool most people . . . at least until being caught off-guard causes him to slip his act.
Sample Post:
How're my favorite lil' swampy green neighbors today~? That's right, everyone, the Prince of Falena has arrived! Come give yer liberator a royal welcome, would ya?
Heh, not bad, not bad at all for a start! But I can do better. This is all new territory I'm dealin' with, so I gotta make my entrance extra memorable. Here goes!
Verily, wretched souls, thou hast heardeth me true! I, the valiant Prince Freyjadour Falenas, hath nobly come to free thee from thine life of poverty and oppression! Camp Fucketh Thou Perish-- damn, should that've been Fucketh Thee Perish?-- shall soon be no more in the clutches of yon cruel dictatress!
. . . HA HA HA! They bought it all! My whole act, every last bit of it! Just listen to 'em, singin' my praises. Braaaains, braaaaains~ Damn right I got brains! Ya think I'm a genius now, just wait till after I reveal my master plan.
Wait a sec. Somethin' feels off here . . . oh, I know! Ha ha, I'm so good I fooled myself into forgettin'! I ain't the one with the master plan! C'mon, why would I be? I'm just the fake, the decoy, the one they sent to distract everyone while the real Prince pulls off the real plan . . . uhh, whatever it is. Speakin' of, ain't it about time he showed up? Hmph, he's prolly still on the other side of that river back there, afraid to wade through an' get his feet muddy. Or dyed green an' purple. Whatever. If ya ask me, all that makes him is a real pansy.
Y'know, as long as I'm waitin', I think I could get used to this little swamp. I got off to a good start here. For once, I got the people's respect. Maybe here, I can be real royalty! Or at least treated like it, ya know? Yeah, yeah, just for a while! A day, a week, however long it takes the Prince to get his spoiled, lazy ass over here. That oughta be plenty of time to have some fun~
Ahem. Hear me, peons! There is to be a royal fortress built upon yonder lake! Hence, thine new ruler commands thee to tread forth into yonder-er forest and harvest for me its finest materials!
. . . Ugh, what the hell's all this?! Ain't trees supposed to die when ya cut 'em down?! Cuz this one's so not-dead it's movin' a-and why's it grabbin' at-- I mean, uh . . . What be this strange wildlife invading my royal space?! Remove it from mine presence at once and bringeth me a more obedient oak or pine or whatever ya got around h-HEY! WHY AREN'T YA LISTE-- I mean . . . D-didst thou not hearest me?! Comply at once, or thine head shall surely roll!
--Whaddaya mean, yer used to it?!
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Benkei
Series: Air Gear
Character Age: 20-21 at best guesstimation.
Canon: Air Gear would have you believe that the back-alleys of Japan are stuffed to bursting with Storm Riders: punk kids equipped with rocket-powered, physics-defying, reality-altering rollerblades called Air Trek (A-T). If you can swallow those first discrepancies, you're all set. It follows Minami Itsuki and his team, Kogarasumaru, as they battle other A-T teams in Parts Wars, thwart anti A-T police units and survive the conspiracies of genetically-altered super Storm Riders. It's too late to invoke earth-logic, YOU WERE WARNED!
Benkei is General to Yoshitsune and second-in-command of Trident, a team that encompasses most of the Storm Riders in Western Japan. Trident's members make up an enormous chunk of Genesis, Kogarasumaru's nemesis team. She keeps order within Trident, often with a solid kick-to-the-face. Although not a Queen herself, Benkei has tangled with and defeated one simply for the challenge. Think of her as a samurai; she seeks the pleasure of a strong opponent more than power or reputation, and her loyalty to Yoshitsune is without question. In a plot filled with overly-enthusiastic shounen protagonists, perverted senpais and disturbingly nubile young girls, she's a fresh breath of cool, collected, kick-ass air.
Sample Post:
I firmly believe that one should always see a battle through to the end regardless of the odds. Principle and self-respect should always, always come before consideration of bodily harm, particularly when obeying the orders of one's superiors. But there are some such superiors who make it really, ridiculously difficult.
Case in point: the General sent me a text yesterday (for the first time in ages, mind you. I was almost beginning to consider possibly worrying about him). "Benkei," it said, "Get that ass of yours down here! Whipping rookies into shape, need you and your pimp cane Panther Crusher to knock a few heads. -XOXO" I assumed it must be something serious; the Crusher isn't a weapon to be taken lightly. I was even looking forward to whatever he'd lined up, but this…this is…a farse!
Look at you! You're purple, for God's sake! And there's already a gorilla-themed A-T team out there; you can't just dye their gimmick another color and pretend you're original. The pride of A-T lies in carving your own road, not simply following another's trek! Granted, you've done a fair job besting your opponents so far, but it doesn't take much to dismember a team of zombies, now does it? Get off your asses and put some heart into it! At least the zombies can boast of doing that much, though they might be a bit more literal than I'd like.
Listen to me! An opponent is never to be feared or pitied, only crushed! And while crushing does involve invading personal space, it definitely has nothing to do with your style of gameplay. I don't care if that's an effective distraction tactic, it smacks of a lack of discipline, too much familiarity, and possibly a little inbreeding.
Like it or not, I've been charged with making a proper team out of you. Perhaps the General assumes that if I can manage to forge Kogarasumaru into a unit, I can handle you louse-ridden lot. I suppose I could take that as a compliment, but somehow I suspect it's just a ruse to keep me occupied so he can panty-raid to his heart's content.
Hmm…Team Indigo Gorilla, split into two groups for a new training exercise! Let's call it Demolish-The-Panty-Tree. The group to successfully accomplish this goal gets to find out whether my leopard-print is painted on.
Applicant #2
Name: Benkei
Age: looks 20
Series: Air Gear
Canon: The story of one Ikki Minami as he rolls on motor-charged rollerskates on the way to the top is a journey through a world like ours where special skates (known as AT, or Air Trek) are capable of incredible speed and also strength. They're used in many places, from the mafia to football to warfare and more. But one of the most popular uses is in Storm Riding, in which teams of people come together to form gangs to advance through the Parts War, betting their team honor in the form of their emblems, gaining better parts and rankings so they can enter in the Gram Scale tournament to gain the ultimate set of parts, known as the Sky Regalia.
Benkei is one of the three generals of Trident, the western branch of the team Genesis, whose goal it is to go right to the top of the Parts War. She's the brawn behind the brains of Yoshitsune, whose rude and lecherous ways she either tolerates or ignores. Using her considerable stalking fighting and riding skills, she helps keep her region in line and is often referred to as Bishtemon, or "God of Warriors." And she talks like she's from a samurai film when she's being serious. Honor is deeply important to her, as is her team. This is not to say that she's without her softer, happier and overall more cheerful side: she loves showers, leopard print clothing, talking with heartmarks, and being reassuring in her own caring, if not always helpful, way. Like the cats whose print she wears, she can be deceptively slow to anger, but when it manifests, the results are memorable.
Permission was acquired to mention all characters from the players in this app.
Sample app:
This has to be a dream or a joke. I never thought I'd see the day that people were trying to skate around on rolling pins. And you want to challenge me on those things? Heh. Maybe a match won't be necessary. Rather, I think I'm going to die laughing. The idea that a bunch of flat-footed guys like you could think to take on the Bishtemon of the West! You're going to tell me that you're a top team in these parts next. Oh? Aiming for the top of the head? Well, that's a good start.
Still, it has been a awfully long ride to get here. I suppose I could use a bit of action. Your team name was Arrrrrghhuuuuuh, correct? Let's see your emblem, then!
What, you want me to back down? There's no way I'll do that! I have Trident's reputation and pride to consider after all. I don't want anyone to think that the god has stopped listening their prayers, after all. You're going to withdraw because I'm a girl and you can't beat one up? While I think that you couldn't do it if you tried to, I suppose it's a good thing that even you can rediscover some manners. I supose there's nothing stopping me from teaching you a little friendly lesson between friends, is there? There's no need to panic like that: I promise it won't hurt too much. Just enough to remember it for the rest of your life. The next thirty seconds of it, anyway. I'm told that playing with one's dinner is in bad taste, even for cats. ♥
Aaaah, now that wasn't a bad warm up. Just the sort of thing to get rid of the kinks from a long ride. Now to find where Yoshitsune's wandered off to. I should really put a tracking device on him if he's going to wander off far away places like this again without a good map. But this one is so hard to get to, it's almost as if someone doesn't want him to be found. A note saying "North, east, south and Dennis" is a bit of a challenge to follow, wouldn't you say?
Sorry about your jaw there, Ghhhhh. Strictly business, you understand. Repeat that again? Look over there?
HAH! Well, well, well, it looks like my leader has been quite the busy bee. I wasn't sure why he'd come all the way out to a swamp in the middle of nowhere, but seeing the environment and the lay of the land, I can see where he'd be amused enough to give it a look. It looks rather like something from an amusement park, and this tree with the underwear and this one with the condoms...it's almost as if this place was made for his sense of humor.
We'll just have to do something about that, now won't we? That underwear tree should really be replanted before he eats all of it. I think it'll look cute right next to this cabin with the roses, don't you? ♥
Poll Vote!