(no subject)
Moooooooooooore votinnnnnnnnnnng. BUT PLEASE NOTE that Juri's batch is still open! Votes are really spread out over there, so we can't close it until more votes come in. GO GO GO. Aaaand that's closed now, thanks for being awesome, guys. ♥ KEEP VOTING. /o/
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. whoops late for work Cloooooosed!
Character: Palpatine of Naboo
Series: STAR WARS
Character Age: 61
Job: Distinguished Guest Motivational Speaker
Canon: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. . . There was a story about a man, his rise, his fall, and his redemption. It is also a story about robots, starships, fierce battles, beautiful princesses and all that good stuff. This app is about none of that, but it helps to know these things.
This is about a politician named Palpatine of Naboo. He has just been elected to an unprecedented and technically unconstitutional third term as Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. It is a time of crisis and there is nobody more upright and willing to fight against the corruption that plagues the system. His wisdom and insight are valued by all, especially young Anakin Skywalker. He is kind yet stern in his dealings and hailed by his supporters as the savior of the Republic.
Then there is the other side, the part of Palpatine that almost nobody knows about. Darth Sidious is the greatest enemy of the Republic, acting to pull it down and destroy its guardians. His plans are vast, his patience nigh-infinite, and his desire is to gather everything in the universe under his power. He loves nothing except himself, and his desire is to reshape the universe to his narcissistic whims. Sidious is the very avatar of the Dark Side of the Force. That they are the same man would seem impossible. And yet, it's all true. He's a plotter and a schemer bar none. The dark is generous, the dark is patient and the dark always wins.
Sample post:
My dear being, might I have a moment of your time? You are the first sentient creature I've seen apart from the fellows following me.
I can see you are quite shocked. Let me explain, I awoke in the forest with no recollection of how I had arrived on this planet. I then discovered that the forest was full of these shuffling petitioners and volunteered to take up their noble cause for them. It is quite obvious that bureaucratic foul ups have stopped the brain subsidy that they subsist upon. This young fellow with the worm in his cranium was so inspired that he followed me out of the woods. He's quite eager, but I'm afraid I can't break it to him that I don't need an intern.
Upon exiting the woods, I discovered much to my surprise a welcoming committee made up of these simians that you see around us. They immediately presented me with several items,including this archaic datapad, this slugthrower and informed me that I was to be the Distinguished Guest Speaker. I was understandably perplexed, but they refuse to answer any more questions and struck up the military tune they are currently playing. It's quite catchy, but I'm afraid that their orchestrations are less than helpful. Perhaps you could be of a bit more service?
Yes, you see I'm a bit concerned about my bed. I arrived in the forest in the bed from my personal apartments and I'm a bit worried about it's condition. Given my age and position, I'm afraid I'm a bit rubbish with physical labor and I can't move it myself. However, if you come and help me, I have so many wonderful things to show you. . .
Excuse me? No, I don't have a van, or any candy! What kind of question is that?
Poll Vote!
Name: Pi
Series: .hack GU
Age: 24
Job:Quality Control Analyst
Canon: Save the server, save the World. The .hack GU series is set about ten years in the future in a very popular massively mulitplayer online role playing game or MMORPG for short known as the World. Since the release of the second version of the World, it has been a creative success among enthusiasts but plagued many problems, such as deadly computer viruses, players killing of other players for fun and hacking items and characters. The administration staff is overworked and underpaid, and thus, some players take it upon themselves to save themselves and find out the truth behind the World, and why a mysterious player killer or PKer, known only as Tri-Edge is attacking and sending other players into comas in the real world.
Though her appearance may seem like some designer's joke as a combination of clown and sexy teacher, Pi is ultimately one of the more serious characters in the series. She's an able programmer and administrator who has no time to waste on what she perceives to be petty problems or personal grievances. Pi prefers to maintain her personal independence in Japan's misogynistic society through her own skills, intelligence and ability, rather then rely on the consideration of others. Her first priority is her loyalty to the greater good, and then to Master Yata, her boss and supervisor at CC Corporation. She's incredibly dedicated to her causes and Yata, even quiting her previous job at the request of her estranged half-brother to investigate the inherent troubles in the World. But she is not without sympathy: she will go out of her way to advocate for the sake of other people's feelings if she thinks that it's right.
Sample app:
I have no idea why they would send a programmer like me to examine this new type of field. It's needlessly macabre and gimicky--who wants to play in a map that's going to turn you into a Zombie if you go into it too many times? I thought most players liked the more scenic types of terrain, like the islands, or the castle. But it's obvious that the company isn't going to spend their time actually listening to their employees, just do things like turn us into Quality Control Analysts. What's there to examine? I can see the graphics department made sure they did their usual obsessive job on the terrain. The blood in the showers is pretty realistic looking, and the cabins certainly look lived in.
Hm? An admin request-? You were PKed and you'd like some admin help? I don't see what's so important about another player killing incident, especially since it's a test server. Just because we're the administrators doesn't mean we're the people you're supposed to come whining to if you get PKed by other players! Haven't you been reading the forums recently? If you had, you'd know that they've got a history of attacking other Zombie class PCs left and right. Our support staff have talked to them about it before and we can do so again if it's turning another problem. But it should be common sense for you to avoid them, even if you are new at this. And if you had, this way you wouldn't be wasting my time and yours.
Now, I'm going to let you go without a warning this time, but the next time you send in a time-wasting request, you and I are going to be having another chat. I'm not going to go this easy on you again, and I can ban you if you continue this behavior. Maybe you should be spending your time leveling up instead of complaining about your lack of skill. I think going back to the beginners server is a good place for you to start, where the areas should be about at your level, okay? And maybe get yourself some better equipment, because running around naked is really not the way to go, and besides, it's not something anyone wants to look at.
You don't need to thank me--anyone with a brain could tell you that. No, really, I'm sure you really mean it, but I don't need a hug--urk!
And to think I gave up the pleasure of working at LiveJournal for this.
Poll Vote!
Character: Barret Wallace
Series: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Character Age: 37
Job: Anger Management Counselor
Canon: A unique take on the age-old story of MAN vs. NATURE, Final Fantasy VII's main plot revolves around an eco-terrorist group called AVALANCHE and its quest to rid the world of evil in the forms of silver-haired generals as well as a super-powered energy corporation called ShinRa. Inspired to take action when a tragic accident with ShinRa cost him his family, friends, right arm, and hometown, Barret decided that the best way to take down the evil that cost him his loved ones was to become the leader of AVALANCHE and blow as much of ShinRa's shit up as possible for the next five years of his life. But despite his stubborn nature and great hatred towards ShinRa and all that it stands for, Barret gradually changes over time and eventually realizes that there are two sides to every conflict, and that in the process of seeking revenge he destroyed other lives as well. This new understanding lead him to adopt his current lifestyle, in which he a) still hates ShinRa's @#$# guts, b) occasionally feels guilty, and c) keeps blowing shit up on a regular basis to save the planet 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, BITCH.
Barret's main strengths are the six-foot chunk of meat he calls his body and the gigantic three-barreled machine gun he calls his right arm. He's passionate, and has a no-nonsense attitude towards life that sometimes expresses itself through multiple expletives and manly chest-thumping. If you don't mind the gratuitous fist-shaking and yelling, Barret is actually a positive force and therapeutic person to be around. He leads with his heart, not his head, and is fiercely loyal to his friends and fights with all he has for the cause he believes in. He also has a soft side that shows itself primarily around his beloved adopted daughter Marlene. And also Tifa and Cloud, but that's a different story. Because really, underneath all that tough slang-talk and roughness, Barret is at heart just another fluffy-and-violent environmentalist.
Sample Post:
YO, CAMPERS! I'm Barret Wallace, your instructor. Says here I'm s'posed to give you some "Anger Management Coaching" from this flimsy 'lil packet over here, but see'n as I'm see’n you can jus' tell your "Madam Director" to take those papers and shove it up her ass for all it's worth to y'all! Ain't nobody gonna flip that crap out and follow some stupid guidelines once they get angry! No-once someone gets angry, they get out there and punch shit out before they pick up ANY book, let alone some rulebook shit some monkeys scratched out for bananas.
SO LISTEN HERE. I've been doin' angry shit for as long as I can remember, and if that slime-crazy chick says I'm fit to teach it then I ain't gonna be responsible for teachin' you kids the wrong things. SO PAY ATTENTION, 'cause for starters I'm gonna teach you three basic rules 'bout workin' off steam, and if you're not listenin' and piss off the wrong sorts of people I ain't gonna run over and save yo' sorry asses 'cause YOU SHOULDA LISTENED.
1. PUNCH WITH YOUR THUMB TUCKED UNDER YOUR FIST. If you don't, you're gonna break somethin' more than jes' your knuckles and ('specially fer this lot) once it comes off it ain't ever comin' back. Those of you who break somethin' for the right reasons there might be a ways to help ya, but if you come whinin' to me 'cause you jes' done something goddamn stupid? Ain't gonna be no sympathy-from me or this Nurse Marcy.
2. DON'T EAT SHIT. Stuffing y'selves with the crap they serve in this camp whenever you're pissed is not just lethal, it’s useless. And-YO! Dead people back there! Where I come from it's damn disrespectful to steal your teammates’ heads when they’re not lookin’, so QUIT MESSIN' before I get over there and show you how noses really get broken!"
3. DON'T MESS WITH THE BARRIER. I don't care just HOW pissed you are at this camp or yourself or life in general, but where I come from the LIFE FORCE ITSELF runs through ALL barriers, and messin' with the Planet ain't gonna get you nowhere, much less out, and 'specially not on the right side of this arm. And all of you who think you're dang clever for usin' weapons to attack it, I'm sayin' that you can't shoot bullets at the thing 'cause of ricochet, and tossin' the lil'er ones at it ain't do nothin' but make damn unhappiness for everybody. For the rest of this camp, knockin' down that barrier's MY responsibility, so you jes' sit your asses down and let the professionals handle it!
Now, I know it ain't easy being stuck in this place, 'specially with all this shit goin' on and pain-in-the-ass rules, but if y'all are decent folk and don't pull nothing funny, ain't no reason the situation has to be as bad as it could be. This train ain't makin' no stops 'til we force it, and NO ONE’S gettin' outta here ‘til we ALL put in and pull through. SO GET YO' ASSES UP AND START WORKIN'! We’s gonna make it through!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tohma Seguchi
Series: Gravitation
Character Age:32
Job: Music Tyrant Instructor/Director
Canon: Welcome to the wildly spastic world of Gravitation, where Tokyo's entertainment industry is cutthroat and unpredictable. The road to the top of the Billboards is littered with shotgun wielding managers, power tripping producers, cross-dressing pink haired divas, and dark emo pasts for all those involved! Holding the purse strings and whip of the music industry is Tohma Seguchi, music and business genius. President of NG Productions, he controls the entertainment world as the revered prince of Japan's entertainment powerhouse. A highly driven individual, when Tohma says jump, you better be in mid-air before asking how high.
Hiding his ruthless calculations behind a sweet smile and always cheerful, friendly demeanor, Tohma demands the best from everyone involved with NG. He makes decisions that make or break the lives and spirits of bands with ease, placing the success of his company and those he cares for above all else... Even if it means getting rid of those threatening what he protects by running them over with cars. Everything comes down to business in the end, unless it has to do with his brother-in-law and top priority, Yuki Eiri. All in all, Tohma is a devoted perfectionist with the face of an angel and the sharp ruthlessness of a trained Doberman. With Tohma, you'll never get a chance to know which is worse, his bark or his bite.
Sample Post
When Lady Director wrote an invitation to me to scout out new musical talents for NG Productions, I wasn't expecting to do it as a music teacher, even as a temporary post. I've never bothered with honing teaching as my forte since sharp students are so difficult to come by in the industry. Nevertheless, being able to see hard working musicians in such a unique camp setting may provide a refreshing change of environment. Not to mention this camp came so highly recommended, though I have to admit I have never personally heard of any of these schools. Juneedafarts, Odorlin, and the Bossomlyn Conservatory of Music do sound familiar...
You're my first official class, so let me begin by explaining how the dynamics of class will be played out. I must admit, I was quite shocked when I first saw most of you, but equal opportunity seems to be the common tone lately. I understand it may be hard for everyone to harmonize with one another considering your differences in body parts, skills, and desire for brain consumption. Your director is in tune with that. In fact she cares so much about helping all of you become more musically well-rounded ah...individuals, she's provided some handbooks to go along with our class. Please review "Fugue-ing in Groups: Playing Hard & Fast" as well as "Recapitulation: Understanding Reattachment for Dummies"; there will be a review tomorrow. Worth 25% of your grade, of course.♥
I believe in encouraging participants to try their absolute best in everything they do. If you have any problems with this, a visit to our enthusiastic motivational counselor Miss Marcy should do wonders for your work habits. After an in-depth analysis of your weaknesses, time management skills, and erogenous zones, you should be ready to learn all about the magic of music scales and screaming, excuse me, singing on key. Oh, and please be nice. She's just a volunteer.
So, to make things more encouraging and fun for everyone here at Camp, I've arranged a Camp Idol music competition complete with prizes. The Director has even lined up a local guest band, Bowling for Brains singing their latest single, "Summer Camp Never Ends". Sign-ups will be held here on Friday starting at 6PM and will be manned by our local Music Ordinance and Dysfunction Services, for 12 hours. Any sexual connotations involving noodles, boxes and/or prosecutors will be treated as serious business and may be grounds for being banned from the competition. I will require all members of my music classes to participate. After all, a friendly competition is a good chance to use what we'll be learning in class in a real life opportunity. Yes, even you, Ms. Havnoeyes. We'll have to have you work extra hard on the sight reading. And are there still any prizes if you lose?
I'll give you one guess and no, the answer is not "braaains-".
White van is very close indeed.
Poll Vote!
Character: Harry Dresden
Series: The Dresden Files (books)
Age: Mid-thirties.
Job: Wizard for hire.
Canon: Harry Dresden woke up on his eleventh birthday to find a giant knocking the door off the hinges of a shack to deliver his birthday cake and -- whoops, wrong Harry. Harry Dresden already knew he was a wizard at the age of eleven, being apprenticed to a shady wizard named Justin DuMorne, who taught Harry everything he knew about magic until Justin tried to enthrall Harry and Harry burninated him to death. He was captured by the White Council (the group that keeps rogue wizards in check) and almost executed for being a warlock until another wizard, Ebenezar McCoy, stepped in and offered to keep an eye on him. Fast-forward several years to Harry opening up shop as a wizard for hire, only to end up bailing Chicago out of one magical jam after another. Faeries, werewolves, vampires, wizards, demons... Harry deals with 'em all. At the point in canon I'm taking him from, he's just expelled a fallen angel from his head, discovered his burned-to-jerky left hand is slowly regenerating, and taken on an apprentice who will get both of them executed if she makes one mistake. So camp might actually be a vacation.
Zombies. I hate these guys.
A few years ago, I had to chase down a couple of overpowered necromantic apprentices who were lurking around Chicago looking for their old master's "Joy of Evil God Creation" cookbook. I had to fight off the shambling, rotting hordes of the undead, who not only warped my steel front door trying to break in and kill me, but drooled on my books, my furniture, and my good leather duster. Do you know what kind of laundry you have to do after a major zombie invasion? Most spot removers don't list "ichor." My rugs still haven't recovered.
The point is, the White Council, which is basically the Justice League for wizards, decided this meant I had an aptitude for fighting massive numbers of undead, and sent me down here to Louisiana to look into, and I quote, "the unusually powerful and complex barrier set up around a deserted rural campground, as well as the rumors of massive necromantic activity." So now I'm stuck up to my knees in a swamp, having just blasted about five zombies into something that looks unpleasantly like Dinty Moore stew, and staring at a sign that says "Camp Fuck You Die." Who knew succubi had summer camp? Especially a summer camp with... purple gorillas attempting to demonstrate positions that got thrown out of the Kama Sutra for being too explicit. Horny purple gorillas and a barrier made up of more energy than a small nuclear reactor.
Great.
As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.
The second step is getting ready to blast it.
Listen up, you mauve monkeys! This is a hand-carved staff, made from lightning-struck oak, rubbed down with virgin beeswax and shod with meteor iron. It takes me the better part of a week to make one of these, assuming I have the materials near to hand. It serves as a focus for my magic, which means more power. Without it, I could give you a headache that you'd need a bottle of aspirin for. With it, I can blow off your head.
In other words...
This is my boomstick!
Poll Vote!
Character: Evelyn Carnahan-O’Connell
Series: The Mummy / The Mummy Returns
Age: Middle to late thirties range
Job: Educator and Instructor of Ancient Egyptian to the Living and the Undead
Canon: Egypt. Land of sand. Home to dead guys that don't like to stay dead, and birthplace of books that really have no business being read. These are all key plot points in the Mummy series, as reading said book brings said dead guy back to life. This translates into bad stuff for mankind, as he apparently got up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus and decided to take his bad mood out on everybody. At the end of the day, the mummy's mighty might and legion of dusty, rotting sidekicks cannot withstand the awesome power of our heroes' ability to read.
Evelyn is a proper English girl through and through. She is prim and has impeccable manners. What sets her apart from other women is that she has some very progressive habits, such as reading and thinking. Bookish only beginning to describe her, Evelyn possesses a thirst for knowledge that, while well-meaning, is the cause of a great deal of messiness that is usually, thankfully, solved by more reading. Armed with her knowledge of what is proper, a sense of duty, and a backbone to rival some men (her brother included), Evelyn refuses to run away from danger...unless, of course, someone is dragging her. For her own good, of course.
Sample Post:
I hope you'll forgive me for not awarding you extra points for persistence. Perhaps you consider it to be a winning part of your personality, but it's not a sentiment I share with you. I said no the first time because I fail to see how a facility such as yours would require someone of my qualifications. And, while I notice that you have a significant number of dead--or undead, should you prefer--among your population, there is the slight problem of them not actually speaking, or even knowing, ancient Egyptian. Therefore, teaching your residents the language is clearly a futile and pointless effort.
Oh honestly! You expect me to first teach your...your residents of questionable viability a dead language so that they will be more accurate? Accurate to what, pray tell, other than creating a situation in which poor puns about dead languages and dead people can be made? Though I suspect, knowing as little about you as I do, that this is likely your intent. Well, that's of little consequence to me! Neglecting the fact that you have brought me here against my will and presented me with a task that is ridiculous, to put it politely, I must object simply on the basis of ability. Considering your...living-challenged residents are barely capable of stringing together two or more words in their native language, I presume that attempting to teach them the intricacies and details of a dead language will prove futile. Considering this, my presence here is unnecessary, and knowing such I would request to be taken back home. Immediately.
I say, is that a...a book they're holding? "Ancient Egyptian for Dummies"? Oh for goodness sake! I find it extremely difficult to believe that a book such as that would hold any relevant information! I know you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I suspect in this instance that it's an accurate assessment of the contents. Who would title a book thus? Moreover, who would think so little of themselves as to buy something that proclaims to the world their opinion of themselves?
....Oh. I didn't know gorillas were capable of purchasing books. I do believe I'm better off not knowing what kind of establishment would allow gorillas to buy books. I suppose if this beastly place has any charm, it's in the swiftness of its response to questions that I had admittedly formed to be rhetorical. I do believe I might have been better off not knowing, though.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. whoops late for work Cloooooosed!
Character: Palpatine of Naboo
Series: STAR WARS
Character Age: 61
Job: Distinguished Guest Motivational Speaker
Canon: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. . . There was a story about a man, his rise, his fall, and his redemption. It is also a story about robots, starships, fierce battles, beautiful princesses and all that good stuff. This app is about none of that, but it helps to know these things.
This is about a politician named Palpatine of Naboo. He has just been elected to an unprecedented and technically unconstitutional third term as Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic. It is a time of crisis and there is nobody more upright and willing to fight against the corruption that plagues the system. His wisdom and insight are valued by all, especially young Anakin Skywalker. He is kind yet stern in his dealings and hailed by his supporters as the savior of the Republic.
Then there is the other side, the part of Palpatine that almost nobody knows about. Darth Sidious is the greatest enemy of the Republic, acting to pull it down and destroy its guardians. His plans are vast, his patience nigh-infinite, and his desire is to gather everything in the universe under his power. He loves nothing except himself, and his desire is to reshape the universe to his narcissistic whims. Sidious is the very avatar of the Dark Side of the Force. That they are the same man would seem impossible. And yet, it's all true. He's a plotter and a schemer bar none. The dark is generous, the dark is patient and the dark always wins.
Sample post:
My dear being, might I have a moment of your time? You are the first sentient creature I've seen apart from the fellows following me.
I can see you are quite shocked. Let me explain, I awoke in the forest with no recollection of how I had arrived on this planet. I then discovered that the forest was full of these shuffling petitioners and volunteered to take up their noble cause for them. It is quite obvious that bureaucratic foul ups have stopped the brain subsidy that they subsist upon. This young fellow with the worm in his cranium was so inspired that he followed me out of the woods. He's quite eager, but I'm afraid I can't break it to him that I don't need an intern.
Upon exiting the woods, I discovered much to my surprise a welcoming committee made up of these simians that you see around us. They immediately presented me with several items,including this archaic datapad, this slugthrower and informed me that I was to be the Distinguished Guest Speaker. I was understandably perplexed, but they refuse to answer any more questions and struck up the military tune they are currently playing. It's quite catchy, but I'm afraid that their orchestrations are less than helpful. Perhaps you could be of a bit more service?
Yes, you see I'm a bit concerned about my bed. I arrived in the forest in the bed from my personal apartments and I'm a bit worried about it's condition. Given my age and position, I'm afraid I'm a bit rubbish with physical labor and I can't move it myself. However, if you come and help me, I have so many wonderful things to show you. . .
Excuse me? No, I don't have a van, or any candy! What kind of question is that?
Poll Vote!
Name: Pi
Series: .hack GU
Age: 24
Job:Quality Control Analyst
Canon: Save the server, save the World. The .hack GU series is set about ten years in the future in a very popular massively mulitplayer online role playing game or MMORPG for short known as the World. Since the release of the second version of the World, it has been a creative success among enthusiasts but plagued many problems, such as deadly computer viruses, players killing of other players for fun and hacking items and characters. The administration staff is overworked and underpaid, and thus, some players take it upon themselves to save themselves and find out the truth behind the World, and why a mysterious player killer or PKer, known only as Tri-Edge is attacking and sending other players into comas in the real world.
Though her appearance may seem like some designer's joke as a combination of clown and sexy teacher, Pi is ultimately one of the more serious characters in the series. She's an able programmer and administrator who has no time to waste on what she perceives to be petty problems or personal grievances. Pi prefers to maintain her personal independence in Japan's misogynistic society through her own skills, intelligence and ability, rather then rely on the consideration of others. Her first priority is her loyalty to the greater good, and then to Master Yata, her boss and supervisor at CC Corporation. She's incredibly dedicated to her causes and Yata, even quiting her previous job at the request of her estranged half-brother to investigate the inherent troubles in the World. But she is not without sympathy: she will go out of her way to advocate for the sake of other people's feelings if she thinks that it's right.
Sample app:
I have no idea why they would send a programmer like me to examine this new type of field. It's needlessly macabre and gimicky--who wants to play in a map that's going to turn you into a Zombie if you go into it too many times? I thought most players liked the more scenic types of terrain, like the islands, or the castle. But it's obvious that the company isn't going to spend their time actually listening to their employees, just do things like turn us into Quality Control Analysts. What's there to examine? I can see the graphics department made sure they did their usual obsessive job on the terrain. The blood in the showers is pretty realistic looking, and the cabins certainly look lived in.
Hm? An admin request-? You were PKed and you'd like some admin help? I don't see what's so important about another player killing incident, especially since it's a test server. Just because we're the administrators doesn't mean we're the people you're supposed to come whining to if you get PKed by other players! Haven't you been reading the forums recently? If you had, you'd know that they've got a history of attacking other Zombie class PCs left and right. Our support staff have talked to them about it before and we can do so again if it's turning another problem. But it should be common sense for you to avoid them, even if you are new at this. And if you had, this way you wouldn't be wasting my time and yours.
Now, I'm going to let you go without a warning this time, but the next time you send in a time-wasting request, you and I are going to be having another chat. I'm not going to go this easy on you again, and I can ban you if you continue this behavior. Maybe you should be spending your time leveling up instead of complaining about your lack of skill. I think going back to the beginners server is a good place for you to start, where the areas should be about at your level, okay? And maybe get yourself some better equipment, because running around naked is really not the way to go, and besides, it's not something anyone wants to look at.
You don't need to thank me--anyone with a brain could tell you that. No, really, I'm sure you really mean it, but I don't need a hug--urk!
And to think I gave up the pleasure of working at LiveJournal for this.
Poll Vote!
Character: Barret Wallace
Series: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Character Age: 37
Job: Anger Management Counselor
Canon: A unique take on the age-old story of MAN vs. NATURE, Final Fantasy VII's main plot revolves around an eco-terrorist group called AVALANCHE and its quest to rid the world of evil in the forms of silver-haired generals as well as a super-powered energy corporation called ShinRa. Inspired to take action when a tragic accident with ShinRa cost him his family, friends, right arm, and hometown, Barret decided that the best way to take down the evil that cost him his loved ones was to become the leader of AVALANCHE and blow as much of ShinRa's shit up as possible for the next five years of his life. But despite his stubborn nature and great hatred towards ShinRa and all that it stands for, Barret gradually changes over time and eventually realizes that there are two sides to every conflict, and that in the process of seeking revenge he destroyed other lives as well. This new understanding lead him to adopt his current lifestyle, in which he a) still hates ShinRa's @#$# guts, b) occasionally feels guilty, and c) keeps blowing shit up on a regular basis to save the planet 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE, BITCH.
Barret's main strengths are the six-foot chunk of meat he calls his body and the gigantic three-barreled machine gun he calls his right arm. He's passionate, and has a no-nonsense attitude towards life that sometimes expresses itself through multiple expletives and manly chest-thumping. If you don't mind the gratuitous fist-shaking and yelling, Barret is actually a positive force and therapeutic person to be around. He leads with his heart, not his head, and is fiercely loyal to his friends and fights with all he has for the cause he believes in. He also has a soft side that shows itself primarily around his beloved adopted daughter Marlene. And also Tifa and Cloud, but that's a different story. Because really, underneath all that tough slang-talk and roughness, Barret is at heart just another fluffy-and-violent environmentalist.
Sample Post:
YO, CAMPERS! I'm Barret Wallace, your instructor. Says here I'm s'posed to give you some "Anger Management Coaching" from this flimsy 'lil packet over here, but see'n as I'm see’n you can jus' tell your "Madam Director" to take those papers and shove it up her ass for all it's worth to y'all! Ain't nobody gonna flip that crap out and follow some stupid guidelines once they get angry! No-once someone gets angry, they get out there and punch shit out before they pick up ANY book, let alone some rulebook shit some monkeys scratched out for bananas.
SO LISTEN HERE. I've been doin' angry shit for as long as I can remember, and if that slime-crazy chick says I'm fit to teach it then I ain't gonna be responsible for teachin' you kids the wrong things. SO PAY ATTENTION, 'cause for starters I'm gonna teach you three basic rules 'bout workin' off steam, and if you're not listenin' and piss off the wrong sorts of people I ain't gonna run over and save yo' sorry asses 'cause YOU SHOULDA LISTENED.
1. PUNCH WITH YOUR THUMB TUCKED UNDER YOUR FIST. If you don't, you're gonna break somethin' more than jes' your knuckles and ('specially fer this lot) once it comes off it ain't ever comin' back. Those of you who break somethin' for the right reasons there might be a ways to help ya, but if you come whinin' to me 'cause you jes' done something goddamn stupid? Ain't gonna be no sympathy-from me or this Nurse Marcy.
2. DON'T EAT SHIT. Stuffing y'selves with the crap they serve in this camp whenever you're pissed is not just lethal, it’s useless. And-YO! Dead people back there! Where I come from it's damn disrespectful to steal your teammates’ heads when they’re not lookin’, so QUIT MESSIN' before I get over there and show you how noses really get broken!"
3. DON'T MESS WITH THE BARRIER. I don't care just HOW pissed you are at this camp or yourself or life in general, but where I come from the LIFE FORCE ITSELF runs through ALL barriers, and messin' with the Planet ain't gonna get you nowhere, much less out, and 'specially not on the right side of this arm. And all of you who think you're dang clever for usin' weapons to attack it, I'm sayin' that you can't shoot bullets at the thing 'cause of ricochet, and tossin' the lil'er ones at it ain't do nothin' but make damn unhappiness for everybody. For the rest of this camp, knockin' down that barrier's MY responsibility, so you jes' sit your asses down and let the professionals handle it!
Now, I know it ain't easy being stuck in this place, 'specially with all this shit goin' on and pain-in-the-ass rules, but if y'all are decent folk and don't pull nothing funny, ain't no reason the situation has to be as bad as it could be. This train ain't makin' no stops 'til we force it, and NO ONE’S gettin' outta here ‘til we ALL put in and pull through. SO GET YO' ASSES UP AND START WORKIN'! We’s gonna make it through!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tohma Seguchi
Series: Gravitation
Character Age:32
Job: Music Tyrant Instructor/Director
Canon: Welcome to the wildly spastic world of Gravitation, where Tokyo's entertainment industry is cutthroat and unpredictable. The road to the top of the Billboards is littered with shotgun wielding managers, power tripping producers, cross-dressing pink haired divas, and dark emo pasts for all those involved! Holding the purse strings and whip of the music industry is Tohma Seguchi, music and business genius. President of NG Productions, he controls the entertainment world as the revered prince of Japan's entertainment powerhouse. A highly driven individual, when Tohma says jump, you better be in mid-air before asking how high.
Hiding his ruthless calculations behind a sweet smile and always cheerful, friendly demeanor, Tohma demands the best from everyone involved with NG. He makes decisions that make or break the lives and spirits of bands with ease, placing the success of his company and those he cares for above all else... Even if it means getting rid of those threatening what he protects by running them over with cars. Everything comes down to business in the end, unless it has to do with his brother-in-law and top priority, Yuki Eiri. All in all, Tohma is a devoted perfectionist with the face of an angel and the sharp ruthlessness of a trained Doberman. With Tohma, you'll never get a chance to know which is worse, his bark or his bite.
Sample Post
When Lady Director wrote an invitation to me to scout out new musical talents for NG Productions, I wasn't expecting to do it as a music teacher, even as a temporary post. I've never bothered with honing teaching as my forte since sharp students are so difficult to come by in the industry. Nevertheless, being able to see hard working musicians in such a unique camp setting may provide a refreshing change of environment. Not to mention this camp came so highly recommended, though I have to admit I have never personally heard of any of these schools. Juneedafarts, Odorlin, and the Bossomlyn Conservatory of Music do sound familiar...
You're my first official class, so let me begin by explaining how the dynamics of class will be played out. I must admit, I was quite shocked when I first saw most of you, but equal opportunity seems to be the common tone lately. I understand it may be hard for everyone to harmonize with one another considering your differences in body parts, skills, and desire for brain consumption. Your director is in tune with that. In fact she cares so much about helping all of you become more musically well-rounded ah...individuals, she's provided some handbooks to go along with our class. Please review "Fugue-ing in Groups: Playing Hard & Fast" as well as "Recapitulation: Understanding Reattachment for Dummies"; there will be a review tomorrow. Worth 25% of your grade, of course.♥
I believe in encouraging participants to try their absolute best in everything they do. If you have any problems with this, a visit to our enthusiastic motivational counselor Miss Marcy should do wonders for your work habits. After an in-depth analysis of your weaknesses, time management skills, and erogenous zones, you should be ready to learn all about the magic of music scales and screaming, excuse me, singing on key. Oh, and please be nice. She's just a volunteer.
So, to make things more encouraging and fun for everyone here at Camp, I've arranged a Camp Idol music competition complete with prizes. The Director has even lined up a local guest band, Bowling for Brains singing their latest single, "Summer Camp Never Ends". Sign-ups will be held here on Friday starting at 6PM and will be manned by our local Music Ordinance and Dysfunction Services, for 12 hours. Any sexual connotations involving noodles, boxes and/or prosecutors will be treated as serious business and may be grounds for being banned from the competition. I will require all members of my music classes to participate. After all, a friendly competition is a good chance to use what we'll be learning in class in a real life opportunity. Yes, even you, Ms. Havnoeyes. We'll have to have you work extra hard on the sight reading. And are there still any prizes if you lose?
I'll give you one guess and no, the answer is not "braaains-".
White van is very close indeed.
Poll Vote!
Character: Harry Dresden
Series: The Dresden Files (books)
Age: Mid-thirties.
Job: Wizard for hire.
Canon: Harry Dresden woke up on his eleventh birthday to find a giant knocking the door off the hinges of a shack to deliver his birthday cake and -- whoops, wrong Harry. Harry Dresden already knew he was a wizard at the age of eleven, being apprenticed to a shady wizard named Justin DuMorne, who taught Harry everything he knew about magic until Justin tried to enthrall Harry and Harry burninated him to death. He was captured by the White Council (the group that keeps rogue wizards in check) and almost executed for being a warlock until another wizard, Ebenezar McCoy, stepped in and offered to keep an eye on him. Fast-forward several years to Harry opening up shop as a wizard for hire, only to end up bailing Chicago out of one magical jam after another. Faeries, werewolves, vampires, wizards, demons... Harry deals with 'em all. At the point in canon I'm taking him from, he's just expelled a fallen angel from his head, discovered his burned-to-jerky left hand is slowly regenerating, and taken on an apprentice who will get both of them executed if she makes one mistake. So camp might actually be a vacation.
Zombies. I hate these guys.
A few years ago, I had to chase down a couple of overpowered necromantic apprentices who were lurking around Chicago looking for their old master's "Joy of Evil God Creation" cookbook. I had to fight off the shambling, rotting hordes of the undead, who not only warped my steel front door trying to break in and kill me, but drooled on my books, my furniture, and my good leather duster. Do you know what kind of laundry you have to do after a major zombie invasion? Most spot removers don't list "ichor." My rugs still haven't recovered.
The point is, the White Council, which is basically the Justice League for wizards, decided this meant I had an aptitude for fighting massive numbers of undead, and sent me down here to Louisiana to look into, and I quote, "the unusually powerful and complex barrier set up around a deserted rural campground, as well as the rumors of massive necromantic activity." So now I'm stuck up to my knees in a swamp, having just blasted about five zombies into something that looks unpleasantly like Dinty Moore stew, and staring at a sign that says "Camp Fuck You Die." Who knew succubi had summer camp? Especially a summer camp with... purple gorillas attempting to demonstrate positions that got thrown out of the Kama Sutra for being too explicit. Horny purple gorillas and a barrier made up of more energy than a small nuclear reactor.
Great.
As they say, the first step is admitting you have a problem.
The second step is getting ready to blast it.
Listen up, you mauve monkeys! This is a hand-carved staff, made from lightning-struck oak, rubbed down with virgin beeswax and shod with meteor iron. It takes me the better part of a week to make one of these, assuming I have the materials near to hand. It serves as a focus for my magic, which means more power. Without it, I could give you a headache that you'd need a bottle of aspirin for. With it, I can blow off your head.
In other words...
This is my boomstick!
Poll Vote!
Character: Evelyn Carnahan-O’Connell
Series: The Mummy / The Mummy Returns
Age: Middle to late thirties range
Job: Educator and Instructor of Ancient Egyptian to the Living and the Undead
Canon: Egypt. Land of sand. Home to dead guys that don't like to stay dead, and birthplace of books that really have no business being read. These are all key plot points in the Mummy series, as reading said book brings said dead guy back to life. This translates into bad stuff for mankind, as he apparently got up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus and decided to take his bad mood out on everybody. At the end of the day, the mummy's mighty might and legion of dusty, rotting sidekicks cannot withstand the awesome power of our heroes' ability to read.
Evelyn is a proper English girl through and through. She is prim and has impeccable manners. What sets her apart from other women is that she has some very progressive habits, such as reading and thinking. Bookish only beginning to describe her, Evelyn possesses a thirst for knowledge that, while well-meaning, is the cause of a great deal of messiness that is usually, thankfully, solved by more reading. Armed with her knowledge of what is proper, a sense of duty, and a backbone to rival some men (her brother included), Evelyn refuses to run away from danger...unless, of course, someone is dragging her. For her own good, of course.
Sample Post:
I hope you'll forgive me for not awarding you extra points for persistence. Perhaps you consider it to be a winning part of your personality, but it's not a sentiment I share with you. I said no the first time because I fail to see how a facility such as yours would require someone of my qualifications. And, while I notice that you have a significant number of dead--or undead, should you prefer--among your population, there is the slight problem of them not actually speaking, or even knowing, ancient Egyptian. Therefore, teaching your residents the language is clearly a futile and pointless effort.
Oh honestly! You expect me to first teach your...your residents of questionable viability a dead language so that they will be more accurate? Accurate to what, pray tell, other than creating a situation in which poor puns about dead languages and dead people can be made? Though I suspect, knowing as little about you as I do, that this is likely your intent. Well, that's of little consequence to me! Neglecting the fact that you have brought me here against my will and presented me with a task that is ridiculous, to put it politely, I must object simply on the basis of ability. Considering your...living-challenged residents are barely capable of stringing together two or more words in their native language, I presume that attempting to teach them the intricacies and details of a dead language will prove futile. Considering this, my presence here is unnecessary, and knowing such I would request to be taken back home. Immediately.
I say, is that a...a book they're holding? "Ancient Egyptian for Dummies"? Oh for goodness sake! I find it extremely difficult to believe that a book such as that would hold any relevant information! I know you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I suspect in this instance that it's an accurate assessment of the contents. Who would title a book thus? Moreover, who would think so little of themselves as to buy something that proclaims to the world their opinion of themselves?
....Oh. I didn't know gorillas were capable of purchasing books. I do believe I'm better off not knowing what kind of establishment would allow gorillas to buy books. I suppose if this beastly place has any charm, it's in the swiftness of its response to questions that I had admittedly formed to be rhetorical. I do believe I might have been better off not knowing, though.
Poll Vote!