(no subject)
--trying to get this up before the Oscars start.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Abdel Adrian
Series: Baldur's Gate
Age: 20
Canon: When BioWare made Baldur's Gate, they set out to create a protagonist who could be shaped by the player's decisions, with a choice of responses to any situation - a protagonist without a character. That's not quite the way it worked out. In writing his responses (and the journal he obsessively maintains throughout the game), BioWare gave him a voice. In deciding the actions he might take, they gave him a personality. And when the Baldur's Gate novels were published, he got a name: Abdel Adrian.
Faerûn is a world where quests lie around every corner and monsters out of darkest legend lurk waiting to pounce on the unwary traveler. When adventure is thrust upon him by the death of his guardian and the discovery of a bounty on his head, Abdel does the only sensible thing - gather an unlikely crew of adorable thieves, insane rangers, and bitchy half-elves, and set out into the wilderness.
Abdel's a gentle boy who has to grow up fast when his life is abruptly turned upside down. He's a bit of a dork, with a sarcastic sense of humour that helps him outwit the stupider monsters in his world. When it comes to people he loves, he is very loyal, and he has a strong sense of purpose that drives him onward. He's also spectacularly good at doing kind of stupid things, including using magical items that he cannot possibly identify. Go Abdel.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die. It's strange that I'd never heard of such a huge tract of land, when I was starting to think I knew every inch of Faerûn. I guess maybe no one pays much attention because it's so peaceful here. There's plenty of quests, though - I must have run into five or six just since arriving, but they're all so odd. 'Rescue a fair maiden young man maiden with a kiss'? Can't they tell which it is? And look, here's another one: 'Collect the entire range of fantastic new body types in our Getting A Little Too Close To That Rule® set'.
No, it really says that. You can see for yourself if you want.
Then there's this belt I found. You get into the habit of picking stuff up on the road - never know when it might come in handy, after all, and it was...it was shiny. I thought maybe I could sell it. I mean return it to its rightful owner. One of the foul fowls said it makes you tell the truth, so now my hips won't lie. And neither will the rest of me. Not that I would, anyway. Stretching the truth is different. Everyone does it.
So what can I do for you? There's always something, and you're in luck - for such a brave, witty, awesome adventurer, my services are cheap. Well, reasonably cheap. And until the rest of my party gets here - they probably got lost going around the wrong way again - I'm willing to help out. Recovering stolen possessions, defeating hordes of vicious rodents, washing clothes, slaying dragons...okay, maybe not slaying dragons. But I have plenty of experience in everything else. Small things, big things, dirty jobs, really dirty jobs...an infestation of chibis? Well, sure, I can handle those for you. If you'll tell me what chibis are. And maybe lend me some equipment. And we might discuss payment while we're at it.
If I was staying here, I would certainly take you up on that very generous offer, but I'm afraid little images of your gods really aren't any good to me...icons aren't a form of currency back home. No. Not even a hundred of them. Gold would be much better. You've got some gold, right? Or a magic item? I'm not fussy. Is that a magic wand? It's kind of pink, and weirdly shaped, and that...vibration is really strange...but I'll take -
That's not what you do with a magic wand.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kino
Series: Kino's Journey
Age: 15 (link)
Canon: As a traveler, Kino explores the different and unique lands in her world. She rides astride a talking motorrad named Hermes. A motorrad is a two-wheeled vehicle that moves in the direction it is pointed; a motorcycle. Hermes is childlike and naive, quick to bore and complain; a sharp contrast for the mature and able Kino. However, they are a close pair who are dependent on each other. They spend three days in each country they visit; long enough to experience the culture but short enough to continue their travels.
Kino is a simple creature that simply wishes to see the world and is satisfied with a clean bed and good food. Kino understands her position as a traveller, remaining detached from those she encounters yet courteous and inquisitive. The dangers of the world appear often in Kino's travels; she can coolly dispatch her attackers with her array of weaponry and expert marksmanship. However, Kino possesses an enduring optimism in the beautiful world in which she travels.
Sample Post:
Hermes, I found the country. It's a mile east of...here. Hermes? I swore I left him here. He couldn't just drive away, as much as he would like to. Someone must have taken him, but why would they want him? Hermes just whines and chatters all the time. --Oh, they left a note; how kind of them.
Welcome traveler, to the most wonderful place on earth that's guaranteed to turn that frown upside down! And we mean it. We don't have any feathers, keyholes, or Holy Grail you intrepid world travelers may be searching for, but we've got something even better-- a complimentary shotgun and all the free ammunition you could ever want! If you could want more ammunition than this then we have people for that. Please enjoy your stay at Camp Fuck You Die since you'll be staying awhile! And we mean it.
They didn't make mention of Hermes, odd. This country has a unique name, if a bit rude. The entire place seems peculiar though. One could find feathers or keyholes easily. I wonder why people would travel to find these common objects. The Holy Grail seems unique but the people of the last country said it was in a foul and terrible country called France. They were right about the rabbits being deadly, a natural killer; they couldn't be wrong about the grail. But if one knows where the grail is then the trip to find it would be short, not roaming the countryside. There is no reason to these actions. They are like the nonsensical whims of a group of people doing whatever pleases them.
There is another note-- A parking ticket? Hermes was impounded for parking by a sentient fire hydrant? They did note the fire hydrant moved on its own, but they still gave me a ticket. It makes no sense, the one who should get the ticket is the fire hydrant. Law is law, however. The fine is to wear a scandalous bikini or compete in a jello wrestling match. --What's a bikini? If it creates scandals then wearing it wouldn't be a good idea. It could excite and upset the people of this land. I will compete in the match instead.
Now, I need to find the location of my 'wiggly, jiggly showdown'.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jiroubou
Series: Naruto
Age: 14, seriously.
Canon: One of the four elite bodyguards for the leader of Sound
Village, Orochimaru, Jiroubou is appointed the title of 'Southern
Gate'. He's the largest of the four, standing at about 5 feet 10
inches and weighing a good 214 pounds, but is also considered the
weakest of them. Even with this, Jiroubou's physical strength is
incredible, allowing him to wretch enormous slabs of earth from the
ground and toss them around as projectiles. He uses mainly basic
physical attacks and earth-based jutsu, but also has the ability to
absorb charka as a source of both energy and food. During the "Sasuke
Retrieval" arc, Jiroubou was left to fight of Chouji while the rest of
his team continued to Sound Village with Sasuke. He was, however,
defeated and killed by a fatal blow to the chest…from a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
As a person Jiroubou is a traditionalist, and will prefer things done
in a strictly orthodox way. Jiroubou is basically the 'gentleman' of
the group because of this, continuously scolding Tayuya on her dirty
language and oftentimes stepping in to keep the others in line. Aside
from that is his own self-loathing nature, with a sizeable inferiority
complex as a fun bonus.
Sample Post:
I refuse to believe that this is a camp.
A proper camp is a well-run establishment. My being woken at 5:30 am
due to the sound of power drills is not an example of such. Especially
not in a...field hospital? Definitely too much canvas for much else.
But I really don't care what that nurse said, a medical anything
anywhere is no place for power drills, hacksaws, or
such…diseased-looking skin as hers.
I had asked where I was, because I sure as hell don't remember Sound
having so many limbs just lying around outside of their containers
I don't even think they had any formaldehyde to keep them with!
Ugh., and I honestly thought it was an insult at first. I ended
up scolding the girl about her language for a good five minutes before
I realized that "Fuck You Die" was the name of where I was. I would
have asked exactly how I ended up with her, or in this place in
general, but I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the way that
the nurse kept eyeing my head and decided to leave while she was busy
reattaching some of her skin.
Lo and behold, as unsuitable a camp as this seems, I shortly found a
seemingly legit cafeteria upon entering. I wish I was happier to say
so. When I opened the door a swarm of hotdogs came flying out at me.
Yes, that's right. With wings. Needless to say, I got out of there.
But not before giving those wieners a piece of my mind. It's not
proper for meat to attack the people that are trying to eat them, or
fly for that matter!
I can only hope to find something else to eat here some time soon, or
I'll have to resort to the other people and their charka. Shut
up, I swear to it's not vore. If I could get a moment to, that
is, without one of those big furry things with odd helmets
interrupting all of my jutsu. Oh, enough with the grunting! Is this
some sort of hat-wearing ape code? Should monkeys even be
wearing hats? Oh, don't give me that look; you know exactly
what I mean! If only you lot were as bright as your fur, then maybe
you would know enough to stop shouting and growling like that!
And furthermore, I- Let go of me right now! Stop that you damn,
dirty apes! And stop grabbing me there, that t-tick-les-ss- augh! AGH!
...Oooh wet. So terribly wet. As a proper lake should be, but I am
still wet and cold and being laughed at by that pack of brutes. And
did I mention wet?
P-perhaps that nurse would see me again. I'm not quite suicidal
enough to look further into this hellhole for shelter.
Well, not yet, anyway
Poll Vote!
Character: Taikoubou
Series: Houshin Engi
Age: Early eighties (physically 17)
Canon: Following in the steps of Suikoden and Saiyuki, Houshin Engi is loosely based on an ancient Chinese novel that, wonders of wonder, actually takes place in Ancient China. Albeit a China populated by humans and Sennin (superhuman beings) where people wear shoes the length of a torso, science fiction lurks in every corner, and the fourth wall is constantly broken.
Enter Taikoubou, main character and military strategist of the Good Guys TM, peach-lover, and lazy, crazy Sennin extraordinaire. But all this belies the fact that Taikoubou may in fact be a genius with an ability to plan and foresee unlike any other. It's a difficult thing to believe though when the man who holds the fate of China in his hands is busy stealing fruit, pretending to join the enemy, kicking people off of towers, and getting beat up far too many times than a genius should. But underneath all the eccentricities is deep wisdom and unhesitating self-sacrifice.
Note: Taikoubou is being apped from approximately volume 20.
Sample Post:
--ah. It took far too long to lose all those officials. I don't want anything to do with all their paperwork and bills on capitol hills. Which means it's impromptu camping trip time! After all, the great outdoors is like the parlor of the world! There's nothing quite like taking it easy in the great outdoors while everyone else sweats and slaves. Now, they say home is where the hearts is, so I guess I should start with shelter. These polka-dotted leaves will make a great floor... I can use some of these funny fake pink birds to make things feel more lively... some sticks and these rotting arms will make do for the--
Rotting arms?
...
AUGH THERE ARE LEPERS IN MY WOODPILE GET THEM OUT GET THEM OUT! THEY ARE TRYING TO ASSIMILATE ME INTO THEIR LEPERACIOUS WAYS! Stop stop! I need those kneecaps--! And you! Don't touch those peaches. They don't look like brains at all. If anything, they look a little like bottoms.
Ugh. An army is one thing, but a pack of shambling, rapidly deteriorating lepers is another thing altogether. It's like herding cats or tiny children, and I'm far too young looking to be a father to kids or kittens! At least the trails of skin and fingers make it easy to see where they've been. I'm beginning to wonder what all the hype about living in peace with nature is about. This isn't peaceful or natural at all. Okay. Fine. I, Taikoubou, am going to have to take matters into my own hands and whip these wilting pansies into shape. Your first assignment is to start digging a fire pit, sweep the camping area, start cooking dinn--
Scratch that. Your first assignment is to not make lewd comments about the relation between the size of my shoes and certain parts of my anatomy.
Poll Vote!
Character: Fuuma Yousuke
Series: Ai Tenshi Densetsu Wedding Peach
Age: 14
Canon: In a world where angels in wedding dresses fight the demons of hair metal and their tiny demon familiars... where Love and Hate are so powerful they create sparkly waves of pink radiation... and where jewelry is more powerful than any gun, knife, or sword... one man stands between humanity and the forces of wussification!
...okay, not really.
Enter Fuuma Yousuke, love interest and goalie extraordinaire. A sarcastic fellow by nature, at times he seems to be the only one in Wedding Peach with any common sense -- and then at other times, no one in the series has any common sense at all, since he also moonlights as a shounen retard! He's stubborn, loyal to a fault, and frequently lacks social skills - after all, what better way to say "I kinda like you" to a girl than "wow, you're flat-chested and bad-tempered!" He can also be found in his natural habitat having lovers' spats with Momoko, defending her against wimpy nerds, and generally being a lovable ass. Later, we find out that Yousuke is actually a half-demon, causing him to be endowed with the super-human (and super-hairmetal!) powers of RAGE and ANGST and PATRICIDE!
In the end, after trying to kill his dad a couple of times, trying to overthrow the demon queen, trying to emo his girlfriend to death, and failing at all of the above, he brings his demonic Pa home to live crackily ever after with him and his human Ma. Yousuke's taken from this point at the end of the manga. A short explanation of the Demon World can be found here.
Sample Post:
Alright, Pa. I know some stuff in the human world is weird and new and frightening to you, like hairbrushes and toothpaste and not wearing a cape all the damn time. But when I get back home, we're gonna have a long talk about how you need to learn to actually read the brochures you get for the soccer camps you send your son to. And on the off-chance that you already knew what you were getting me into, we're gonna talk about how drinking the blood of your enemies is never involved in soccer. Neither are swords, shotguns, zombies, or familiars, in case you were wondering -- before you even ask. This is why you're not allowed to come to my games anymore, Pa.
Then again, if you could read, I don't think you'd have signed these release forms before sending me here. A release against drinking the water here? What is it, radioactive or something? Sure looks like it. What are we supposed to drink - milk? Funny, 'cause I have a release form for that, too. I mean, I can even understand the ones about regular bodily injuries, but... Decapitation? Defenestration? Castration? Tentacle rape? Do these sound like normal soccer injuries to you? And oh, here's a good one - 'release of responsibility in the event of camper becoming locker room gay.' Wow, if ever there was a comforting sheet of paper, here it is.
But the best one? The one that absolutely takes the cake? A release form to be in a video called "Zombies Gone Wild: Eating Out at Mardi Gras!" And don't give me any of that 'It'll make a real demon outta you, son' crap - that's not gonna put any more hair on my chest than that time you tried to make me eat those baby deer hearts. I told Ma, and you're banned from the kitchen, by the way.
If anything, it's liable to make me lose my lunch. Do you know how many of these zombies have flashed me since I got here? Do you have any idea what that looks like? Imagine this - dozens of scantily-clad zombie 'babes', just oozing around their old, moldy, haven't-been-washed-in-a-couple-decades t-shirts and cheap plastic beads, all stumbling towards you, and in their sexiest death moans, saying 'beeeeeeads, beeeeeeeeeeads!' And at least one of them dropped what she was trying to show off after she lifted her shirt up. And I'm not even gonna talk about what I saw one of them doing with their eyesocket...
But don't worry, Pa. I got pictures. Hell, the director even moaned that I could keep a copy of the tape - when he wasn't slobbering all over my arm. Yeah, I'll send that tape back to you, along with the video's director and this zombie that keeps throwing her panties at me. Maybe I can teleport them all at once. If that fails, I could always ship 'em out in one of these boxes marked 'to Heliport' that I've seen laying around - soon as I can get the zombies out of them. C'mon, guys, no one's gonna be fooled by hiding under a box.
Heck, since I'm feeling extra generous, I'll even throw in some of this lake water to make it a whole care package - I hear it's good for your skin, if nothing else. Gives it a nice, healthy glow! Let me know how it tastes, alright, Pa?
Poll Vote!
Character: Ishida Uryuu
Series: Bleach Click
Age: 16
Canon: The basic premise of Bleach is the destruction of Hollows, monsters who devour human souls and who are invisible to all but a few, by Shinigami and Quincy. Though different in method and in ideology, both Shinigami and Quincy share the ability to sense reiatsu - aka spirit force, to see Hollows and use specialized weapons. For Shinigami, this is the soul sword. For Quincy, it's a bow and arrow generated by focusing "spirit particles" and then aiming it at a target.
Uryuu, as a Quincy, uses a bow with great accuracy and often, extreme prejudice. He is capable of a nearly limitless amount of destruction with this weapon. Other characteristics include an obsession with crosses, especially blue ones - sometimes called the Quincy cross. He also is a master of Arts-and-Crafts-Fu, and hates buttons with a passion. He is president of the arts n crafts club at school and specializes in amazing feats when it comes to outfitting and/or repairing stuffed animals. In general, Ishida is intelligent but socially inept with a strong desire to appear cool to his peers. He hates most Shinigami but there are one or two he tolerates. For example, Kurosaki Ichigo is mainly considered a pain in the Quincy pride and a huge annoyance.
Uryuu is protective of his friends and capable of great loyalty. By the same token, when he has what he thinks are good reasons for hatred or dislike, those feelings do not fade easily. He's also rather unhinged when it comes to his Quincy outfits and their ultra cool, he thinks, capes. Spares are the norm.
Sample Post:
Shotguns are not my idea of standard issue at a camp. I'm not sure I know how to fire one. This one looks kind of rusty too. Or maybe that's some other kind of crusty reddish...oh.
Upon my arrival I had a bad few moments when one of the purple apes searched me for its banana ration. Naturally that didn't work very well. I was forced to be very firm with it. The good news is I'm not bleeding or even hurt. Much.
The bad news is I am not nearly as well-equipped as I was before arriving. Not only am I lacking the first aid kit and most of my emergency sewing box but I also don't seem to have much in the way of clothing. The two or three spares I usually carry are missing and the clothes I arrived in are presently being laundered.
I am wearing button fly jeans at least a size too big. There are also buttons on my shirt. Extra ones. For decoration. Apparently the original owner was a button crazed person who just walked into the swamp one day. After an hour in this ensemble I can see why. Fashion emergency does not even begin to describe it. Please see my announcement at the end of this post.
I recognize the reiatsu of some of you, and so, uh. Hi, I guess. Except for you, Kurosaki. Kindly keep your big orange head out of my way while I go about solving the murder. It shouldn't take too long. Hello, Inoue-san.
A N N O U N C E M E N T
I am willing to trade my services as a tailor (I also knit) to anyone who can supply me with sewing notions and/or cloth. Preferably white or blue, but at this point I'm not picky. Just please, no more buttons. Hooks and eyes or even a nice zipper would be wonderful. Anyone? My pants keep sliding down.
ETA: I hate YOU. You know who you are.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Abdel Adrian
Series: Baldur's Gate
Age: 20
Canon: When BioWare made Baldur's Gate, they set out to create a protagonist who could be shaped by the player's decisions, with a choice of responses to any situation - a protagonist without a character. That's not quite the way it worked out. In writing his responses (and the journal he obsessively maintains throughout the game), BioWare gave him a voice. In deciding the actions he might take, they gave him a personality. And when the Baldur's Gate novels were published, he got a name: Abdel Adrian.
Faerûn is a world where quests lie around every corner and monsters out of darkest legend lurk waiting to pounce on the unwary traveler. When adventure is thrust upon him by the death of his guardian and the discovery of a bounty on his head, Abdel does the only sensible thing - gather an unlikely crew of adorable thieves, insane rangers, and bitchy half-elves, and set out into the wilderness.
Abdel's a gentle boy who has to grow up fast when his life is abruptly turned upside down. He's a bit of a dork, with a sarcastic sense of humour that helps him outwit the stupider monsters in his world. When it comes to people he loves, he is very loyal, and he has a strong sense of purpose that drives him onward. He's also spectacularly good at doing kind of stupid things, including using magical items that he cannot possibly identify. Go Abdel.
Sample Post:
Camp Fuck You Die. It's strange that I'd never heard of such a huge tract of land, when I was starting to think I knew every inch of Faerûn. I guess maybe no one pays much attention because it's so peaceful here. There's plenty of quests, though - I must have run into five or six just since arriving, but they're all so odd. 'Rescue a fair maiden young man maiden with a kiss'? Can't they tell which it is? And look, here's another one: 'Collect the entire range of fantastic new body types in our Getting A Little Too Close To That Rule® set'.
No, it really says that. You can see for yourself if you want.
Then there's this belt I found. You get into the habit of picking stuff up on the road - never know when it might come in handy, after all, and it was...it was shiny. I thought maybe I could sell it. I mean return it to its rightful owner. One of the foul fowls said it makes you tell the truth, so now my hips won't lie. And neither will the rest of me. Not that I would, anyway. Stretching the truth is different. Everyone does it.
So what can I do for you? There's always something, and you're in luck - for such a brave, witty, awesome adventurer, my services are cheap. Well, reasonably cheap. And until the rest of my party gets here - they probably got lost going around the wrong way again - I'm willing to help out. Recovering stolen possessions, defeating hordes of vicious rodents, washing clothes, slaying dragons...okay, maybe not slaying dragons. But I have plenty of experience in everything else. Small things, big things, dirty jobs, really dirty jobs...an infestation of chibis? Well, sure, I can handle those for you. If you'll tell me what chibis are. And maybe lend me some equipment. And we might discuss payment while we're at it.
If I was staying here, I would certainly take you up on that very generous offer, but I'm afraid little images of your gods really aren't any good to me...icons aren't a form of currency back home. No. Not even a hundred of them. Gold would be much better. You've got some gold, right? Or a magic item? I'm not fussy. Is that a magic wand? It's kind of pink, and weirdly shaped, and that...vibration is really strange...but I'll take -
That's not what you do with a magic wand.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kino
Series: Kino's Journey
Age: 15 (link)
Canon: As a traveler, Kino explores the different and unique lands in her world. She rides astride a talking motorrad named Hermes. A motorrad is a two-wheeled vehicle that moves in the direction it is pointed; a motorcycle. Hermes is childlike and naive, quick to bore and complain; a sharp contrast for the mature and able Kino. However, they are a close pair who are dependent on each other. They spend three days in each country they visit; long enough to experience the culture but short enough to continue their travels.
Kino is a simple creature that simply wishes to see the world and is satisfied with a clean bed and good food. Kino understands her position as a traveller, remaining detached from those she encounters yet courteous and inquisitive. The dangers of the world appear often in Kino's travels; she can coolly dispatch her attackers with her array of weaponry and expert marksmanship. However, Kino possesses an enduring optimism in the beautiful world in which she travels.
Sample Post:
Hermes, I found the country. It's a mile east of...here. Hermes? I swore I left him here. He couldn't just drive away, as much as he would like to. Someone must have taken him, but why would they want him? Hermes just whines and chatters all the time. --Oh, they left a note; how kind of them.
Welcome traveler, to the most wonderful place on earth that's guaranteed to turn that frown upside down! And we mean it. We don't have any feathers, keyholes, or Holy Grail you intrepid world travelers may be searching for, but we've got something even better-- a complimentary shotgun and all the free ammunition you could ever want! If you could want more ammunition than this then we have people for that. Please enjoy your stay at Camp Fuck You Die since you'll be staying awhile! And we mean it.
They didn't make mention of Hermes, odd. This country has a unique name, if a bit rude. The entire place seems peculiar though. One could find feathers or keyholes easily. I wonder why people would travel to find these common objects. The Holy Grail seems unique but the people of the last country said it was in a foul and terrible country called France. They were right about the rabbits being deadly, a natural killer; they couldn't be wrong about the grail. But if one knows where the grail is then the trip to find it would be short, not roaming the countryside. There is no reason to these actions. They are like the nonsensical whims of a group of people doing whatever pleases them.
There is another note-- A parking ticket? Hermes was impounded for parking by a sentient fire hydrant? They did note the fire hydrant moved on its own, but they still gave me a ticket. It makes no sense, the one who should get the ticket is the fire hydrant. Law is law, however. The fine is to wear a scandalous bikini or compete in a jello wrestling match. --What's a bikini? If it creates scandals then wearing it wouldn't be a good idea. It could excite and upset the people of this land. I will compete in the match instead.
Now, I need to find the location of my 'wiggly, jiggly showdown'.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jiroubou
Series: Naruto
Age: 14, seriously.
Canon: One of the four elite bodyguards for the leader of Sound
Village, Orochimaru, Jiroubou is appointed the title of 'Southern
Gate'. He's the largest of the four, standing at about 5 feet 10
inches and weighing a good 214 pounds, but is also considered the
weakest of them. Even with this, Jiroubou's physical strength is
incredible, allowing him to wretch enormous slabs of earth from the
ground and toss them around as projectiles. He uses mainly basic
physical attacks and earth-based jutsu, but also has the ability to
absorb charka as a source of both energy and food. During the "Sasuke
Retrieval" arc, Jiroubou was left to fight of Chouji while the rest of
his team continued to Sound Village with Sasuke. He was, however,
defeated and killed by a fatal blow to the chest…from a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
As a person Jiroubou is a traditionalist, and will prefer things done
in a strictly orthodox way. Jiroubou is basically the 'gentleman' of
the group because of this, continuously scolding Tayuya on her dirty
language and oftentimes stepping in to keep the others in line. Aside
from that is his own self-loathing nature, with a sizeable inferiority
complex as a fun bonus.
Sample Post:
I refuse to believe that this is a camp.
A proper camp is a well-run establishment. My being woken at 5:30 am
due to the sound of power drills is not an example of such. Especially
not in a...field hospital? Definitely too much canvas for much else.
But I really don't care what that nurse said, a medical anything
anywhere is no place for power drills, hacksaws, or
such…diseased-looking skin as hers.
I had asked where I was, because I sure as hell don't remember Sound
having so many limbs just lying around outside of their containers
I don't even think they had any formaldehyde to keep them with!
Ugh., and I honestly thought it was an insult at first. I ended
up scolding the girl about her language for a good five minutes before
I realized that "Fuck You Die" was the name of where I was. I would
have asked exactly how I ended up with her, or in this place in
general, but I was feeling a little uncomfortable with the way that
the nurse kept eyeing my head and decided to leave while she was busy
reattaching some of her skin.
Lo and behold, as unsuitable a camp as this seems, I shortly found a
seemingly legit cafeteria upon entering. I wish I was happier to say
so. When I opened the door a swarm of hotdogs came flying out at me.
Yes, that's right. With wings. Needless to say, I got out of there.
But not before giving those wieners a piece of my mind. It's not
proper for meat to attack the people that are trying to eat them, or
fly for that matter!
I can only hope to find something else to eat here some time soon, or
I'll have to resort to the other people and their charka. Shut
up, I swear to it's not vore. If I could get a moment to, that
is, without one of those big furry things with odd helmets
interrupting all of my jutsu. Oh, enough with the grunting! Is this
some sort of hat-wearing ape code? Should monkeys even be
wearing hats? Oh, don't give me that look; you know exactly
what I mean! If only you lot were as bright as your fur, then maybe
you would know enough to stop shouting and growling like that!
And furthermore, I- Let go of me right now! Stop that you damn,
dirty apes! And stop grabbing me there, that t-tick-les-ss- augh! AGH!
...Oooh wet. So terribly wet. As a proper lake should be, but I am
still wet and cold and being laughed at by that pack of brutes. And
did I mention wet?
P-perhaps that nurse would see me again. I'm not quite suicidal
enough to look further into this hellhole for shelter.
Well, not yet, anyway
Poll Vote!
Character: Taikoubou
Series: Houshin Engi
Age: Early eighties (physically 17)
Canon: Following in the steps of Suikoden and Saiyuki, Houshin Engi is loosely based on an ancient Chinese novel that, wonders of wonder, actually takes place in Ancient China. Albeit a China populated by humans and Sennin (superhuman beings) where people wear shoes the length of a torso, science fiction lurks in every corner, and the fourth wall is constantly broken.
Enter Taikoubou, main character and military strategist of the Good Guys TM, peach-lover, and lazy, crazy Sennin extraordinaire. But all this belies the fact that Taikoubou may in fact be a genius with an ability to plan and foresee unlike any other. It's a difficult thing to believe though when the man who holds the fate of China in his hands is busy stealing fruit, pretending to join the enemy, kicking people off of towers, and getting beat up far too many times than a genius should. But underneath all the eccentricities is deep wisdom and unhesitating self-sacrifice.
Note: Taikoubou is being apped from approximately volume 20.
Sample Post:
--ah. It took far too long to lose all those officials. I don't want anything to do with all their paperwork and bills on capitol hills. Which means it's impromptu camping trip time! After all, the great outdoors is like the parlor of the world! There's nothing quite like taking it easy in the great outdoors while everyone else sweats and slaves. Now, they say home is where the hearts is, so I guess I should start with shelter. These polka-dotted leaves will make a great floor... I can use some of these funny fake pink birds to make things feel more lively... some sticks and these rotting arms will make do for the--
Rotting arms?
...
AUGH THERE ARE LEPERS IN MY WOODPILE GET THEM OUT GET THEM OUT! THEY ARE TRYING TO ASSIMILATE ME INTO THEIR LEPERACIOUS WAYS! Stop stop! I need those kneecaps--! And you! Don't touch those peaches. They don't look like brains at all. If anything, they look a little like bottoms.
Ugh. An army is one thing, but a pack of shambling, rapidly deteriorating lepers is another thing altogether. It's like herding cats or tiny children, and I'm far too young looking to be a father to kids or kittens! At least the trails of skin and fingers make it easy to see where they've been. I'm beginning to wonder what all the hype about living in peace with nature is about. This isn't peaceful or natural at all. Okay. Fine. I, Taikoubou, am going to have to take matters into my own hands and whip these wilting pansies into shape. Your first assignment is to start digging a fire pit, sweep the camping area, start cooking dinn--
Scratch that. Your first assignment is to not make lewd comments about the relation between the size of my shoes and certain parts of my anatomy.
Poll Vote!
Character: Fuuma Yousuke
Series: Ai Tenshi Densetsu Wedding Peach
Age: 14
Canon: In a world where angels in wedding dresses fight the demons of hair metal and their tiny demon familiars... where Love and Hate are so powerful they create sparkly waves of pink radiation... and where jewelry is more powerful than any gun, knife, or sword... one man stands between humanity and the forces of wussification!
...okay, not really.
Enter Fuuma Yousuke, love interest and goalie extraordinaire. A sarcastic fellow by nature, at times he seems to be the only one in Wedding Peach with any common sense -- and then at other times, no one in the series has any common sense at all, since he also moonlights as a shounen retard! He's stubborn, loyal to a fault, and frequently lacks social skills - after all, what better way to say "I kinda like you" to a girl than "wow, you're flat-chested and bad-tempered!" He can also be found in his natural habitat having lovers' spats with Momoko, defending her against wimpy nerds, and generally being a lovable ass. Later, we find out that Yousuke is actually a half-demon, causing him to be endowed with the super-human (and super-hairmetal!) powers of RAGE and ANGST and PATRICIDE!
In the end, after trying to kill his dad a couple of times, trying to overthrow the demon queen, trying to emo his girlfriend to death, and failing at all of the above, he brings his demonic Pa home to live crackily ever after with him and his human Ma. Yousuke's taken from this point at the end of the manga. A short explanation of the Demon World can be found here.
Sample Post:
Alright, Pa. I know some stuff in the human world is weird and new and frightening to you, like hairbrushes and toothpaste and not wearing a cape all the damn time. But when I get back home, we're gonna have a long talk about how you need to learn to actually read the brochures you get for the soccer camps you send your son to. And on the off-chance that you already knew what you were getting me into, we're gonna talk about how drinking the blood of your enemies is never involved in soccer. Neither are swords, shotguns, zombies, or familiars, in case you were wondering -- before you even ask. This is why you're not allowed to come to my games anymore, Pa.
Then again, if you could read, I don't think you'd have signed these release forms before sending me here. A release against drinking the water here? What is it, radioactive or something? Sure looks like it. What are we supposed to drink - milk? Funny, 'cause I have a release form for that, too. I mean, I can even understand the ones about regular bodily injuries, but... Decapitation? Defenestration? Castration? Tentacle rape? Do these sound like normal soccer injuries to you? And oh, here's a good one - 'release of responsibility in the event of camper becoming locker room gay.' Wow, if ever there was a comforting sheet of paper, here it is.
But the best one? The one that absolutely takes the cake? A release form to be in a video called "Zombies Gone Wild: Eating Out at Mardi Gras!" And don't give me any of that 'It'll make a real demon outta you, son' crap - that's not gonna put any more hair on my chest than that time you tried to make me eat those baby deer hearts. I told Ma, and you're banned from the kitchen, by the way.
If anything, it's liable to make me lose my lunch. Do you know how many of these zombies have flashed me since I got here? Do you have any idea what that looks like? Imagine this - dozens of scantily-clad zombie 'babes', just oozing around their old, moldy, haven't-been-washed-in-a-couple-decades t-shirts and cheap plastic beads, all stumbling towards you, and in their sexiest death moans, saying 'beeeeeeads, beeeeeeeeeeads!' And at least one of them dropped what she was trying to show off after she lifted her shirt up. And I'm not even gonna talk about what I saw one of them doing with their eyesocket...
But don't worry, Pa. I got pictures. Hell, the director even moaned that I could keep a copy of the tape - when he wasn't slobbering all over my arm. Yeah, I'll send that tape back to you, along with the video's director and this zombie that keeps throwing her panties at me. Maybe I can teleport them all at once. If that fails, I could always ship 'em out in one of these boxes marked 'to Heliport' that I've seen laying around - soon as I can get the zombies out of them. C'mon, guys, no one's gonna be fooled by hiding under a box.
Heck, since I'm feeling extra generous, I'll even throw in some of this lake water to make it a whole care package - I hear it's good for your skin, if nothing else. Gives it a nice, healthy glow! Let me know how it tastes, alright, Pa?
Poll Vote!
Character: Ishida Uryuu
Series: Bleach Click
Age: 16
Canon: The basic premise of Bleach is the destruction of Hollows, monsters who devour human souls and who are invisible to all but a few, by Shinigami and Quincy. Though different in method and in ideology, both Shinigami and Quincy share the ability to sense reiatsu - aka spirit force, to see Hollows and use specialized weapons. For Shinigami, this is the soul sword. For Quincy, it's a bow and arrow generated by focusing "spirit particles" and then aiming it at a target.
Uryuu, as a Quincy, uses a bow with great accuracy and often, extreme prejudice. He is capable of a nearly limitless amount of destruction with this weapon. Other characteristics include an obsession with crosses, especially blue ones - sometimes called the Quincy cross. He also is a master of Arts-and-Crafts-Fu, and hates buttons with a passion. He is president of the arts n crafts club at school and specializes in amazing feats when it comes to outfitting and/or repairing stuffed animals. In general, Ishida is intelligent but socially inept with a strong desire to appear cool to his peers. He hates most Shinigami but there are one or two he tolerates. For example, Kurosaki Ichigo is mainly considered a pain in the Quincy pride and a huge annoyance.
Uryuu is protective of his friends and capable of great loyalty. By the same token, when he has what he thinks are good reasons for hatred or dislike, those feelings do not fade easily. He's also rather unhinged when it comes to his Quincy outfits and their ultra cool, he thinks, capes. Spares are the norm.
Sample Post:
Shotguns are not my idea of standard issue at a camp. I'm not sure I know how to fire one. This one looks kind of rusty too. Or maybe that's some other kind of crusty reddish...oh.
Upon my arrival I had a bad few moments when one of the purple apes searched me for its banana ration. Naturally that didn't work very well. I was forced to be very firm with it. The good news is I'm not bleeding or even hurt. Much.
The bad news is I am not nearly as well-equipped as I was before arriving. Not only am I lacking the first aid kit and most of my emergency sewing box but I also don't seem to have much in the way of clothing. The two or three spares I usually carry are missing and the clothes I arrived in are presently being laundered.
I am wearing button fly jeans at least a size too big. There are also buttons on my shirt. Extra ones. For decoration. Apparently the original owner was a button crazed person who just walked into the swamp one day. After an hour in this ensemble I can see why. Fashion emergency does not even begin to describe it. Please see my announcement at the end of this post.
I recognize the reiatsu of some of you, and so, uh. Hi, I guess. Except for you, Kurosaki. Kindly keep your big orange head out of my way while I go about solving the murder. It shouldn't take too long. Hello, Inoue-san.
A N N O U N C E M E N T
I am willing to trade my services as a tailor (I also knit) to anyone who can supply me with sewing notions and/or cloth. Preferably white or blue, but at this point I'm not picky. Just please, no more buttons. Hooks and eyes or even a nice zipper would be wonderful. Anyone? My pants keep sliding down.
ETA: I hate YOU. You know who you are.
Poll Vote!