(no subject)
I have nothing important to say. NEXT BATCH, go~.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Canon Memphis
Series: Soukyuu no Fafner // Fafner in the Azure
Age: 16
Canon: The vaguely distant future sees the mass invasion of the world by shiny tentacle-raping aliens called Festums intending to reduce humanity to nonexistence. Naturally, humanity's only hope is the use of equally shiny giant robots usable only by Special Teenagers to combat the threat. Add a jug of existentialist angst, several scoops of homoerotic subtext and a dash of secret underground defense bases to produce the pseudo-Evangelionite drama that is Soukyuu no Fafner.
Cool, reserved, and strictly by-the-book obedient, Canon's initially the model soldier. Unlike the other Fafner pilots who've had relatively peaceful lives in The Last Happy Island Paradise On Earth, she's had the funfun privilege of watching her friends and family get eaten alive by Festums. That bit of emo and the subsequent years of military action are why she's content with just following instructions from anyone, as long as she doesn't have to act, decide, desire or do anything for herself. Or at least until the lead character verbally slaps her around for a bit. Introduced for the first time to a life apart from war, Canon eventually readjusts to the idea of peace and civilian routine and lives a kind of happily ever after, the end.
Though she still hits a few snags when it comes to overcoming that Pavlovian compliance to authority.
Sample Post:
[2200 hrs]
Arrival at the recreational camp facility confirmed. I regret to inform that the civilian transport unit procured for my transfer here was attacked and disabled en route by approximately sixteen heavily armed rabbits demanding the surrender of all sugar-based rations on board. Although the unit was not equipped with a self-destruct mechanism, detonation of the fuel tanks with the standard-issue shotgun proved successful once the assailants were lured inside by the breakfast cereals used as bait. It seems the television data was accurate; they are unable to resist the fruity flavors.
Proceeded to navigate the remaining distance on foot. Vehicular road was judged an inefficient route when ammunition levels had been drained to ten percent of original stock; however, I am pleased to report that several barricades on the road have been cleared for the time being, with approximately two hundred rabbits neutralized. They are presumed to be accomplices of the initial ambush group, as I apprehended one attempting to pilfer the remaining pack of rations hidden on my private person. Reconnaissance teams should find him by a U-bend securely bound to a tree branch by his ears, ready to be interrogated by double-agent code name "Toucan Sam".
Journey to facility was without further incident. A communique from camp personnel has advised cautionary measures against local wildlife, in particular all entities in the adjacent lake; they have been noted for future reference. I have sent a reply confirming reception of the information, but I am afraid that I cannot comply with their instructions to "run like hell from phallic appendages of any variety", as the Director's prior orders (see file: Welkommen To Camp Fun Und Delightful!.txt) supersede theirs and implicitly state that physical elimination of the threat's aquatic core is a priority. Preparations have been made for the operation at 0000 hrs.
It is an advanced mission, but I have been informed that this rubber chicken is sufficient equipment.
Poll Vote!
Character: Midou Ban
Series: GetBackers
Age: 18 (according to the manga)
Canon: Ban is half of the duo GetBackers, retrievers who will get back anything you've lost or had stolen. Together with his partner and Most Important Person Ginji they have a almost 100% success rate, and real nifty shounen powers to help them beat up anything standing between them and their target. Ban's powers - except for his ability to make people want to kill him within five minutes of meeting him, which is all his attitude - are connected to his bloodline. They include the Evil Eye, an ability to make anyone who meets his gaze experience illusions for the duration of a minute, and a right a arm capable of delivering crushing blows. The fact that the GetBackers are sleeping in Ban's tiny car and living on whatever they can wheedle out of the local café owner is more due to Ban's terrible luck with money and a general lack of any planning ability than anything else. The GetBackers have a lot of history with a sprawling unfinished-skyscraper-turned-slum type building called Mugenjou. The place appears to be a testing ground for everything weird and virtual reality, but the identity and purpose of those behind it remain shrouded in mystery.
Ban here is taken from a point in canon where the GetBackers have just completed a long and dangerous mission inside Mugenjou, and are about to head back to the outside world and their 4.5 million yen paycheck...
Sample Post:
Come on Ginji, let's go or-- Ginji?
Ch'. Not another of the damn VR illusions. I'm sick of them, and the job is done and I want to go home and GET PAID, you hear me? So just give it the hell up, and let me go, and maybe I won't break too much of your equipment letting myself out.
No? Well. Even if you don't show me to the door, I happen to have my own kind of key handy, so I'll be leaving NOW.
Okay, so that messed-up tree was a decoy, not a glitch ow splinters ow. Doesn't matter. I can find your projector or whatever, I promise. I'm not in the mood for games and did I mention that you're getting in the way of me getting paid? Money's no joking matter, you sick voyeuristic creeps with your cameras and your VR and... your zombies? The fuck now - no, you're not stealing the zombies, the zombie illusions are my thing! Are you even listening?!
No, not you. You're not real. You are lame-ass zombie illusions dragged up by these copycat wannabe-gods with their computers and observations and predictions and - ow! Okay, your swamp is very realistic - I get it, you bastards. Love what you've done to the place and all that, so could you call off these fucking mosquitoes? Though I think there's something wrong with your software. Seriously wrong. Mosquitoes do not come in the shape of... is that a tiny person with a straw? And wings and - anatomically correct why? Now you're just being ridiculous.
Ginji! This is no time to be distracted! That bastard, he's probably too busy with the girls to notice anything's wrong, and he should be able to just cut the power - where's the damn projector anyway? I can't have gone far from the others, they were right there, and then I was right here, so - I should still be close.
Let's see, back here and, then if I go this wa-- Wha? This is - some kind of force field? Heh. Told you I'd find it! And now things will break.
...I'm not a thing, I'm the... the invisi- envin- invincible Midou Ban. And not breakable, damn you! I know where the way out is now, so just one more time and--
The sky. And the big, big flowers in pretty colors and... what? What, no, FUCK YOU! Your swamp simulator is beyond just broken, you bastards! It's made me shrink, and - are those ants? Because the invincible Midou Ban does not duel ants.
And he certainly does not run away from them. He just scouts for a more favourable position from which to not duel them.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tiffany Aching
Series: Discworld (The Wee Free Men/A Hat Full of Sky)
Age: 11
Canon: Tiffany is a fairly powerful witch with a thirst for knowledge (she once read the dictionary cover to cover because no one told her she wasn't supposed to). Having grown up in a family of shepherds, she's also practical and sensible (mostly) and good with cheese. She was once, for a short while, Queen of the Faeries... sort of. She was actually queen of the Nac Mac Feegle, or "pictsies": a small, angry, and rather Scottish race that were kicked out of Faerieland for drunkenness.
Underneath all that, though, she's still an eleven-year-old girl who keeps a diary with little drawings of hearts and flowers and gets homesick when she's away for a long time and sometimes waits twenty-five minutes for a certain boy to pass by just so that she can ignore him pointedly.
A few notes of importance to the app: (1) although her grammar is perfect normally, she gets all dialectual when quoting her grandmother, and (2) yes, the expression "wanged with a frying pan" is canon.
Sample Post:
All right, so maybe I'm lost in this swamp. And maybe I have absolutely no idea where I am or how I got here, and it's all wet and muddy and getting dark and the trees all look the same and there's this disembodied voice that keeps saying things like "All hope abandon, ye who enter here" and "Dead men tell no tales" and insulting me and various members of my family (I'm not sure why it seems to think that I'd be terribly distressed by the suggestion that my mother is a hamster). Though it's not what it's saying that bothers me so much as the fact that I can't see it- invisible creatures are never good news, in my experience. It might not be actually dangerous, but maybe I should avoid using magic for now, just to be on the safe side. After all, there's no one here to help me out this time- not Miss Level, not Granny Weatherwax, not even a single drunk, angry, six-inch-high blue man. I do, however, seem to have a frying pan- which is strange, because I don't remember bringing one with me. I'm more than a little confused.
But sitting around worrying never got no lost sheep found, my grandmother would say. I am a witch, and witches don't sit around feeling sorry for themselves, even when they're lost in swamps that they are certain weren't there five minutes ago. Stranger things have happened to me, and I've managed to get through them. I even defeated the Queen of Faerie even if I still have no idea how and am not sure if I could do it again and found a way into Death if not a way back out. So I'm going to pick a direction and start walking, and if anything tries to attack me, I'll... I'll wang it in the face with this frying pan.
... All right, Mr. Disembodied Voice, you can stop laughing now.
Poll Vote!
Character: Matsumoto Rangiku
Series: Bleach
Age: Young enough to pass as a high schooler
Canon: I'll go ahead and say the
magic word: BOOBS. First thing you notice at a glance.
You might have thought Orihime had a beautiful and
bountiful chest of delightful bounce. Rangiku's puts
hers to shame. Now, got that out of the way, we're
good to go.
Rangiku was once a child of Rukongai, who grew up
orphaned and alone until she met Ichimaru Gin. BFF~!
Now she is the vice-captain of the 10 Division, under
Captain Hitsugaya. She is super easy-going and
friendly and a slacker to boot. Anything she can do to
skip out of doing paper work, she can and will do.
This includes skipping out early to drink sake; she is
indeed a great lover of alcohol and has a tolerence
high enough to drink numerous people off their
respective tables.
Sample Post:
Well look at that~! People actually do live here. No
kidding.
Sure, when I was given the option of trudging (Yes,
trudging, that's the only word that could be used to
describe what a person would have to do to actually
get anywhere around here) or doing the multiple piles
of paperwork on my desk (which should have been done
weeks ago. Ooops?), I say "Trudge Away". This'll be a
piece of cake. Nature? Bah, I can handle a little
nature. A lot of nature? Yes, that too. Dead Bodies?
It's nothing new.
Ahaha I can't believe this place~! The things I've
seen. The thing in the lake, with the tentacles? Sure,
I've heard stories , even seem some questionable
pictures, but who know? And my, the friendly
people-shaped..people.. here, lets call them the
locals. Weren't they helpful? Give 'em a bit of
discipline, a bit of makeup, a bit of sake, and it's
just like having a bunch of drunks eating out of the
palm of your hand. They even knew where to find the
people. ♥
After working up a little sweat, I'd love a bath. Or a
shower, whichever, I'm not really picky. Now which one
of you living breathing fairly clean people would like
to lead the way? Oh, and is there anything to drink
as well? Something strong would be nice.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kinomoto Sakura
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Age: 11 (taken from the end of the Sakura Cards arc)
Canon: On first appearance, Sakura is a cheerful, energetic girl who rollerblades to school, crushes on her older brother's best friend and has a best friend of her own who dresses her up in bizarre and wonderful outfits. But that's not all! After being tricked into entering an agreement by what appeared to be a talking teddybear, Sakura had to collect a series of magical cards before they destroyed her home town, or injured those she loved. She tries to keep her talents as a card captor secret, but this isn't as successful as she'd like.
Cheerfully oblivious to most romantic entanglements (she never does realise that one of her classmates is in a relationship with the teacher and it takes her an entire volume to understand her feelings towards Syaoran Li), Sakura's sunny naivete can occasionally get her into a lot of trouble. However, she believes strongly that everything will turn out for the best and this helps her in times of need. When the chips are down, Sakura's more than capable of standing up for her friends and allies.
Sample Post:
Hi! I'm Kinomoto Sakura and I'm eleven years old - I'm in the fourth grade, but almost in the fifth! Because two of my best friends went overseas, my father sent me to a summer camp, but this isn't how I expected a summer camp to be at all! After I got off the bus, I met a man collecting dropped fruit on the ground. He looked like he needed a hand and so I gave him one. It was the least rotten one, and he must have liked it because he took me to HanBurger! We only go out for dinner as a special treat at home, so he must really like the hand. The toy that came with the HanBurger Junior Justice Meal was much better than the moulded plastic ones that you get from McDonalds too! I don't think my dad would like me playing with toy shotguns, though, so I left it on the table.
Did you know there's a moogle in the playground? I saw them in a game on the Super Nintendo and guess what? He's the younger brother of the moogle in the game! He said he was looking for an End of Game Boss Battle with an evil villain called The Director so that he could save the world and 'pick up girls'. I told him he could pick me up and carry me if he wanted, but he just laughed. I don't get it. I must be too big for him to carry. He then asked me if I wanted to save. I didn't get what he meant and said so. He did it anyway, even when I didn't answer!
He must have a good reason though; everyone does. Maybe he needs me to help him find The Director so that he can go home? I can help him with that! The Director just needs to be shown that it's easier to smile than to frown, and then she'll let everyone go. Come on, Moogle-san, everything will surely be all right if we just believe in ourselves!
. . . why are you laughing?
Poll Vote!
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon: Meet Hakuba Saguru, half-British, half-Japanese teenage detective. This stuffed shirt of a seventeen-year-old left his home in London town to go chasing the infamous phantom thief, Kaitou Kid, in Japan. There, he relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but worse observation skills) to listen to him. Upon failing to capture the thief, Hakuba promptly abandoned a dorky catchphrase and an even dorkier outfit, and vowed to be the one to catch the Kid. He currently suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.
Hakuba has a somewhat obsessive personality, and has a bad habit of overwhelming people with questions. His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year, and he greatly enjoys announcing the time by it. He is accompanied in later appearances by his pet Sparrow hawk, Watson, who becomes very excited by the smell of blood. He flirts badly.
Sample Post:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is driving Watson batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say.
Camp Fuck You Die, was it? Odd sense of humor you Americans have. This is one of the more poorly organized summer camps I've seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, and the trees are badly in need of trimming. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana.
My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, though I'm beginning to think it was sent by an imposter. Nevertheless, I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit. You look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What color? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and set me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuroba Kaito
Series: Magic Kaitou/Detective Conan
Age: 17
Canon: "No matter what cards you hold in your hands--good or bad--reveal nothing. That is Poker Face." This happens to be the one lesson Kaito really takes to heart, having been taught this by his late father, the famous magician Kuroba Toichi. Even while juggling the life of a teenaged boy in high school who is an amazing magician himself, Kaito takes on the night life of a world renowned phantom thief known as Kaitou Kid--a role that his father had taken eight years ago, only to be killed by a mysterious organization. It's a difficult act to follow, especially when his best friend is the daughter of the Inspector in charge of capturing him, and one of the detectives most determined to catch him is actually a classmate of his who already suspects him.
But even with all of these things keeping him busy, Kaito is never one to just take life slowly and calmly. To keep up appearances and to drive the attention both toward and away from himself, he readily plays the role of the class clown. Always smiling and laughing, he'll play a prank on someone at the drop of a hat--or better yet, will perform a magic trick so outlandish that people wonder if the laws of physics are still in place. But even with everything working out so well, every person has their weakness, and Kaito's is that he's terrified of fish.
Sample Post:
This really isn't what the brochure said it was.
Like that swamp over there? Was supposed to be a giant pool or something that everyone got to play in. And those gorillas? Supposed to be...well, actually, not sure what they're supposed to be and I'm pretty sure gorillas don't live in Louisiana, or America for that matter. And then there's that thing in the mud that tried to eat my shoes--what the hell is that thing, anyway? I've been stuck up in the trees for a couple of hours now just because they were biting at my heels--literally.
But hey, this is cool. Can deal with this. From right here I've got a wonderful view of the all the stuff going on, which will definitely help with the heist and all, and a place to recuperate after the long journey here. Especially since I'm hanging out with the toucans. I'm figuring that since I had to leave my doves behind in Japan, I could train these guys to do some tricks. Like this one here? It can already play cards with me--bit odd, but hey, completely worth the weirdness in the fact that it's not too good at poker.
Though I kind of wish the other one behind me would stop doing...whatever it's doing--which isn't a nice or polite thing to do. Seriously, the just-not-rightness factor is slowly over-powering the weirdness on that case.
Still. Would be nice if I could actually...I dunno, get down from here? Only problem is that the toucan behind me doesn't seem to want to--uh...let me go. And, yeah...that thing is still waiting to eat my feet and I wasn't cheating, you stupid bird! It's not my fault you suck at this game. I mean, shouldn't it be easy for you to bluff since you're an animal? No, you're the one who was hiding an ace in your plumage--
...okay, how the hell can a bird aim my card gun at me?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Canon Memphis
Series: Soukyuu no Fafner // Fafner in the Azure
Age: 16
Canon: The vaguely distant future sees the mass invasion of the world by shiny tentacle-raping aliens called Festums intending to reduce humanity to nonexistence. Naturally, humanity's only hope is the use of equally shiny giant robots usable only by Special Teenagers to combat the threat. Add a jug of existentialist angst, several scoops of homoerotic subtext and a dash of secret underground defense bases to produce the pseudo-Evangelionite drama that is Soukyuu no Fafner.
Cool, reserved, and strictly by-the-book obedient, Canon's initially the model soldier. Unlike the other Fafner pilots who've had relatively peaceful lives in The Last Happy Island Paradise On Earth, she's had the funfun privilege of watching her friends and family get eaten alive by Festums. That bit of emo and the subsequent years of military action are why she's content with just following instructions from anyone, as long as she doesn't have to act, decide, desire or do anything for herself. Or at least until the lead character verbally slaps her around for a bit. Introduced for the first time to a life apart from war, Canon eventually readjusts to the idea of peace and civilian routine and lives a kind of happily ever after, the end.
Though she still hits a few snags when it comes to overcoming that Pavlovian compliance to authority.
Sample Post:
[2200 hrs]
Arrival at the recreational camp facility confirmed. I regret to inform that the civilian transport unit procured for my transfer here was attacked and disabled en route by approximately sixteen heavily armed rabbits demanding the surrender of all sugar-based rations on board. Although the unit was not equipped with a self-destruct mechanism, detonation of the fuel tanks with the standard-issue shotgun proved successful once the assailants were lured inside by the breakfast cereals used as bait. It seems the television data was accurate; they are unable to resist the fruity flavors.
Proceeded to navigate the remaining distance on foot. Vehicular road was judged an inefficient route when ammunition levels had been drained to ten percent of original stock; however, I am pleased to report that several barricades on the road have been cleared for the time being, with approximately two hundred rabbits neutralized. They are presumed to be accomplices of the initial ambush group, as I apprehended one attempting to pilfer the remaining pack of rations hidden on my private person. Reconnaissance teams should find him by a U-bend securely bound to a tree branch by his ears, ready to be interrogated by double-agent code name "Toucan Sam".
Journey to facility was without further incident. A communique from camp personnel has advised cautionary measures against local wildlife, in particular all entities in the adjacent lake; they have been noted for future reference. I have sent a reply confirming reception of the information, but I am afraid that I cannot comply with their instructions to "run like hell from phallic appendages of any variety", as the Director's prior orders (see file: Welkommen To Camp Fun Und Delightful!.txt) supersede theirs and implicitly state that physical elimination of the threat's aquatic core is a priority. Preparations have been made for the operation at 0000 hrs.
It is an advanced mission, but I have been informed that this rubber chicken is sufficient equipment.
Poll Vote!
Character: Midou Ban
Series: GetBackers
Age: 18 (according to the manga)
Canon: Ban is half of the duo GetBackers, retrievers who will get back anything you've lost or had stolen. Together with his partner and Most Important Person Ginji they have a almost 100% success rate, and real nifty shounen powers to help them beat up anything standing between them and their target. Ban's powers - except for his ability to make people want to kill him within five minutes of meeting him, which is all his attitude - are connected to his bloodline. They include the Evil Eye, an ability to make anyone who meets his gaze experience illusions for the duration of a minute, and a right a arm capable of delivering crushing blows. The fact that the GetBackers are sleeping in Ban's tiny car and living on whatever they can wheedle out of the local café owner is more due to Ban's terrible luck with money and a general lack of any planning ability than anything else. The GetBackers have a lot of history with a sprawling unfinished-skyscraper-turned-slum type building called Mugenjou. The place appears to be a testing ground for everything weird and virtual reality, but the identity and purpose of those behind it remain shrouded in mystery.
Ban here is taken from a point in canon where the GetBackers have just completed a long and dangerous mission inside Mugenjou, and are about to head back to the outside world and their 4.5 million yen paycheck...
Sample Post:
Come on Ginji, let's go or-- Ginji?
Ch'. Not another of the damn VR illusions. I'm sick of them, and the job is done and I want to go home and GET PAID, you hear me? So just give it the hell up, and let me go, and maybe I won't break too much of your equipment letting myself out.
No? Well. Even if you don't show me to the door, I happen to have my own kind of key handy, so I'll be leaving NOW.
Okay, so that messed-up tree was a decoy, not a glitch ow splinters ow. Doesn't matter. I can find your projector or whatever, I promise. I'm not in the mood for games and did I mention that you're getting in the way of me getting paid? Money's no joking matter, you sick voyeuristic creeps with your cameras and your VR and... your zombies? The fuck now - no, you're not stealing the zombies, the zombie illusions are my thing! Are you even listening?!
No, not you. You're not real. You are lame-ass zombie illusions dragged up by these copycat wannabe-gods with their computers and observations and predictions and - ow! Okay, your swamp is very realistic - I get it, you bastards. Love what you've done to the place and all that, so could you call off these fucking mosquitoes? Though I think there's something wrong with your software. Seriously wrong. Mosquitoes do not come in the shape of... is that a tiny person with a straw? And wings and - anatomically correct why? Now you're just being ridiculous.
Ginji! This is no time to be distracted! That bastard, he's probably too busy with the girls to notice anything's wrong, and he should be able to just cut the power - where's the damn projector anyway? I can't have gone far from the others, they were right there, and then I was right here, so - I should still be close.
Let's see, back here and, then if I go this wa-- Wha? This is - some kind of force field? Heh. Told you I'd find it! And now things will break.
...I'm not a thing, I'm the... the invisi- envin- invincible Midou Ban. And not breakable, damn you! I know where the way out is now, so just one more time and--
The sky. And the big, big flowers in pretty colors and... what? What, no, FUCK YOU! Your swamp simulator is beyond just broken, you bastards! It's made me shrink, and - are those ants? Because the invincible Midou Ban does not duel ants.
And he certainly does not run away from them. He just scouts for a more favourable position from which to not duel them.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tiffany Aching
Series: Discworld (The Wee Free Men/A Hat Full of Sky)
Age: 11
Canon: Tiffany is a fairly powerful witch with a thirst for knowledge (she once read the dictionary cover to cover because no one told her she wasn't supposed to). Having grown up in a family of shepherds, she's also practical and sensible (mostly) and good with cheese. She was once, for a short while, Queen of the Faeries... sort of. She was actually queen of the Nac Mac Feegle, or "pictsies": a small, angry, and rather Scottish race that were kicked out of Faerieland for drunkenness.
Underneath all that, though, she's still an eleven-year-old girl who keeps a diary with little drawings of hearts and flowers and gets homesick when she's away for a long time and sometimes waits twenty-five minutes for a certain boy to pass by just so that she can ignore him pointedly.
A few notes of importance to the app: (1) although her grammar is perfect normally, she gets all dialectual when quoting her grandmother, and (2) yes, the expression "wanged with a frying pan" is canon.
Sample Post:
All right, so maybe I'm lost in this swamp. And maybe I have absolutely no idea where I am or how I got here, and it's all wet and muddy and getting dark and the trees all look the same and there's this disembodied voice that keeps saying things like "All hope abandon, ye who enter here" and "Dead men tell no tales" and insulting me and various members of my family (I'm not sure why it seems to think that I'd be terribly distressed by the suggestion that my mother is a hamster). Though it's not what it's saying that bothers me so much as the fact that I can't see it- invisible creatures are never good news, in my experience. It might not be actually dangerous, but maybe I should avoid using magic for now, just to be on the safe side. After all, there's no one here to help me out this time- not Miss Level, not Granny Weatherwax, not even a single drunk, angry, six-inch-high blue man. I do, however, seem to have a frying pan- which is strange, because I don't remember bringing one with me. I'm more than a little confused.
But sitting around worrying never got no lost sheep found, my grandmother would say. I am a witch, and witches don't sit around feeling sorry for themselves, even when they're lost in swamps that they are certain weren't there five minutes ago. Stranger things have happened to me, and I've managed to get through them. I even defeated the Queen of Faerie even if I still have no idea how and am not sure if I could do it again and found a way into Death if not a way back out. So I'm going to pick a direction and start walking, and if anything tries to attack me, I'll... I'll wang it in the face with this frying pan.
... All right, Mr. Disembodied Voice, you can stop laughing now.
Poll Vote!
Character: Matsumoto Rangiku
Series: Bleach
Age: Young enough to pass as a high schooler
Canon: I'll go ahead and say the
magic word: BOOBS. First thing you notice at a glance.
You might have thought Orihime had a beautiful and
bountiful chest of delightful bounce. Rangiku's puts
hers to shame. Now, got that out of the way, we're
good to go.
Rangiku was once a child of Rukongai, who grew up
orphaned and alone until she met Ichimaru Gin. BFF~!
Now she is the vice-captain of the 10 Division, under
Captain Hitsugaya. She is super easy-going and
friendly and a slacker to boot. Anything she can do to
skip out of doing paper work, she can and will do.
This includes skipping out early to drink sake; she is
indeed a great lover of alcohol and has a tolerence
high enough to drink numerous people off their
respective tables.
Sample Post:
Well look at that~! People actually do live here. No
kidding.
Sure, when I was given the option of trudging (Yes,
trudging, that's the only word that could be used to
describe what a person would have to do to actually
get anywhere around here) or doing the multiple piles
of paperwork on my desk (which should have been done
weeks ago. Ooops?), I say "Trudge Away". This'll be a
piece of cake. Nature? Bah, I can handle a little
nature. A lot of nature? Yes, that too. Dead Bodies?
It's nothing new.
Ahaha I can't believe this place~! The things I've
seen. The thing in the lake, with the tentacles? Sure,
I've heard stories , even seem some questionable
pictures, but who know? And my, the friendly
people-shaped..people.. here, lets call them the
locals. Weren't they helpful? Give 'em a bit of
discipline, a bit of makeup, a bit of sake, and it's
just like having a bunch of drunks eating out of the
palm of your hand. They even knew where to find the
people. ♥
After working up a little sweat, I'd love a bath. Or a
shower, whichever, I'm not really picky. Now which one
of you living breathing fairly clean people would like
to lead the way? Oh, and is there anything to drink
as well? Something strong would be nice.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kinomoto Sakura
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Age: 11 (taken from the end of the Sakura Cards arc)
Canon: On first appearance, Sakura is a cheerful, energetic girl who rollerblades to school, crushes on her older brother's best friend and has a best friend of her own who dresses her up in bizarre and wonderful outfits. But that's not all! After being tricked into entering an agreement by what appeared to be a talking teddybear, Sakura had to collect a series of magical cards before they destroyed her home town, or injured those she loved. She tries to keep her talents as a card captor secret, but this isn't as successful as she'd like.
Cheerfully oblivious to most romantic entanglements (she never does realise that one of her classmates is in a relationship with the teacher and it takes her an entire volume to understand her feelings towards Syaoran Li), Sakura's sunny naivete can occasionally get her into a lot of trouble. However, she believes strongly that everything will turn out for the best and this helps her in times of need. When the chips are down, Sakura's more than capable of standing up for her friends and allies.
Sample Post:
Hi! I'm Kinomoto Sakura and I'm eleven years old - I'm in the fourth grade, but almost in the fifth! Because two of my best friends went overseas, my father sent me to a summer camp, but this isn't how I expected a summer camp to be at all! After I got off the bus, I met a man collecting dropped fruit on the ground. He looked like he needed a hand and so I gave him one. It was the least rotten one, and he must have liked it because he took me to HanBurger! We only go out for dinner as a special treat at home, so he must really like the hand. The toy that came with the HanBurger Junior Justice Meal was much better than the moulded plastic ones that you get from McDonalds too! I don't think my dad would like me playing with toy shotguns, though, so I left it on the table.
Did you know there's a moogle in the playground? I saw them in a game on the Super Nintendo and guess what? He's the younger brother of the moogle in the game! He said he was looking for an End of Game Boss Battle with an evil villain called The Director so that he could save the world and 'pick up girls'. I told him he could pick me up and carry me if he wanted, but he just laughed. I don't get it. I must be too big for him to carry. He then asked me if I wanted to save. I didn't get what he meant and said so. He did it anyway, even when I didn't answer!
He must have a good reason though; everyone does. Maybe he needs me to help him find The Director so that he can go home? I can help him with that! The Director just needs to be shown that it's easier to smile than to frown, and then she'll let everyone go. Come on, Moogle-san, everything will surely be all right if we just believe in ourselves!
. . . why are you laughing?
Poll Vote!
Character: Hakuba Saguru
Series: Magic Kaito/Detective Conan (AKA, Case Closed)
Age: 17
Canon: Meet Hakuba Saguru, half-British, half-Japanese teenage detective. This stuffed shirt of a seventeen-year-old left his home in London town to go chasing the infamous phantom thief, Kaitou Kid, in Japan. There, he relied on his father's status as Metropolitan Chief of Police to get officers with more experience (but worse observation skills) to listen to him. Upon failing to capture the thief, Hakuba promptly abandoned a dorky catchphrase and an even dorkier outfit, and vowed to be the one to catch the Kid. He currently suspects his classmate, Kuroba Kaito, of being the thief in question, but has no evidence to back his suspicions up.
Hakuba has a somewhat obsessive personality, and has a bad habit of overwhelming people with questions. His prized possession is his pocket watch, which looses only 0.001 second every year, and he greatly enjoys announcing the time by it. He is accompanied in later appearances by his pet Sparrow hawk, Watson, who becomes very excited by the smell of blood. He flirts badly.
Sample Post:
What the bloody hell is Kaitou Kid doing, holding a heist at a murder site? All this old blood here is driving Watson batty. And those people wandering around dressed as corpses... Very bad taste, I must say.
Camp Fuck You Die, was it? Odd sense of humor you Americans have. This is one of the more poorly organized summer camps I've seen. No clear trails, farm animals running everywhere, and the trees are badly in need of trimming. Still, one can't always choose where one works. I suppose I'd best get started then, hadn't I?
Current time: 14:00 hours, 45 minutes, 27.10 seconds.
Current location: Camp Fuck You Die, Louisiana.
My name is Hakuba Saguru, and I'm here at the request of the local authorities as an expert on the phantom thief 1412, also known as Kaitou Kid. I was told that the director received a heist notice not long ago, though I'm beginning to think it was sent by an imposter. Nevertheless, I'd like to ask a few questions.
You there, in the gorilla suit. You look like you know your way around here; maybe you can answer my questions. First, tell me everything you know about the gem that Kid plans to steal. What size is it? What color? How much is it worth? Are there any strange legends or properties associated with it? When did the Director get it? Who did she get it from? Is it related at all to this murder? What sort of security system do you have set up to protect it? Has anyone else ever tried to--
I say, gorilla man, stop with the grunting and set me down this instant! I wasn't done asking questions yet!
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuroba Kaito
Series: Magic Kaitou/Detective Conan
Age: 17
Canon: "No matter what cards you hold in your hands--good or bad--reveal nothing. That is Poker Face." This happens to be the one lesson Kaito really takes to heart, having been taught this by his late father, the famous magician Kuroba Toichi. Even while juggling the life of a teenaged boy in high school who is an amazing magician himself, Kaito takes on the night life of a world renowned phantom thief known as Kaitou Kid--a role that his father had taken eight years ago, only to be killed by a mysterious organization. It's a difficult act to follow, especially when his best friend is the daughter of the Inspector in charge of capturing him, and one of the detectives most determined to catch him is actually a classmate of his who already suspects him.
But even with all of these things keeping him busy, Kaito is never one to just take life slowly and calmly. To keep up appearances and to drive the attention both toward and away from himself, he readily plays the role of the class clown. Always smiling and laughing, he'll play a prank on someone at the drop of a hat--or better yet, will perform a magic trick so outlandish that people wonder if the laws of physics are still in place. But even with everything working out so well, every person has their weakness, and Kaito's is that he's terrified of fish.
Sample Post:
This really isn't what the brochure said it was.
Like that swamp over there? Was supposed to be a giant pool or something that everyone got to play in. And those gorillas? Supposed to be...well, actually, not sure what they're supposed to be and I'm pretty sure gorillas don't live in Louisiana, or America for that matter. And then there's that thing in the mud that tried to eat my shoes--what the hell is that thing, anyway? I've been stuck up in the trees for a couple of hours now just because they were biting at my heels--literally.
But hey, this is cool. Can deal with this. From right here I've got a wonderful view of the all the stuff going on, which will definitely help with the heist and all, and a place to recuperate after the long journey here. Especially since I'm hanging out with the toucans. I'm figuring that since I had to leave my doves behind in Japan, I could train these guys to do some tricks. Like this one here? It can already play cards with me--bit odd, but hey, completely worth the weirdness in the fact that it's not too good at poker.
Though I kind of wish the other one behind me would stop doing...whatever it's doing--which isn't a nice or polite thing to do. Seriously, the just-not-rightness factor is slowly over-powering the weirdness on that case.
Still. Would be nice if I could actually...I dunno, get down from here? Only problem is that the toucan behind me doesn't seem to want to--uh...let me go. And, yeah...that thing is still waiting to eat my feet and I wasn't cheating, you stupid bird! It's not my fault you suck at this game. I mean, shouldn't it be easy for you to bluff since you're an animal? No, you're the one who was hiding an ace in your plumage--
...okay, how the hell can a bird aim my card gun at me?
Poll Vote!