(no subject)
One of the apps in this batch reminded me that I need to get back to my playthrough of Suikoden V. Kingdom Hearts? What Kingdom Hearts?
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Haninozuka "Honey" Mitsukuni
Series: Ouran High School Host Club
Age: 18
Canon: Ouran High School is an exclusive institution for students from wealthy and affluent families. Its students are so oblivious to how "commoners" live that they think that instant coffee is fascinating. Honey is part of the Host Club which panders to the fangirls of the school. This club consists of various types of guys, ranging from the narcissistic king to incestuous twins to the silent big guy. The main character, Haruhi (Honey calls her Haru-chan), gets forced to join this swankiest club of the school when she breaks a super-expensive vase.
Anyway, Honey is the Host Club's representative of the classic shouta type. Even though he's 18, he looks and acts like an innocent child. He is cute, sweet, bubbly, and simply adorable. He tears up quickly when he is upset (which happens quite frequently), and is never seen without his stuffed rabbit, Usa-chan. He is also extremely partial to cute things, cakes and any types of sweets. His brother thinks that Usa-chan is some kind of alien's communication device, and that Honey is alien because our little Honey-kun would woke up in the middle of the night just to eat cakes... Anyway, don't be deceived by Honey's cuteness and small size. Yes, he may act stupidly sometimes and say things like a missing stuffed toy is on vacation. But this cute little shouta actually ranks first academically in his year level and is a Karate and Judo champion who knows various forms of martial arts.
Haru-chan never told me that commoner's summer camp is so teeny. But this tiny camp looks really interesting! I keep on bumping into something when I walk around. I think that it may be some kind of invisible wall like the ones which appeared in those really cool commoner's movies! ♥ And I find a really weird tree here! Its leaves look like balloons and there's a really strange sign on it which says, "If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat." What does it mean?
By the way, I met Zombie-chan who kept on saying weird stuffs like brains, cute and must not eat. And she's kind of gross as well... But... she was really, really nice! She wore a really cute bunny mask and gave me cakes and candy! And the chocolates she gave me looked like frogs! But I couldn't eat them because they leaped into a really big pool of chocolate and disappeared! and... I just have a really good idea for the Host Club! Let's fill one of the school's swimming pools with chocolates! We can have a Chocolate Party there with chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and... everything which is made of chocolate! Oh, and strawberry cakes as well!
Anyway, I ate some of the cake that Zombie-chan gave me. It tasted a little bit funny though. Commoner's tastes are weird. I've never eaten green fuzzy cakes before. But it was really good to be able to have cake with Zombie-chan. She gave me her piece of cake (which was strawberry flavored!) and said that she preferred brains over sweets. I don't know what she meant though... cause I don't think that brains are edible?
Oh, and Zombie-chan also told me a lot of things about this camp while we were having cakes and tea, like how that invisible wall is a big fat meanie! It traps everyone here so that even the superheros cannot leave! But even if I'm stuck here for a while, that's okay! There are so many cool people to meet, like Death Gods, baker ninjas and gay gay pilots! I've never met a real ninja before. I wonder if they can bake strawberries cakes...
So, um. I think that I forgot to introduce myself. Hi! I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni and this is Usa-chan. ♥ Zombie-chan told me that I can find the cabins and more cakes if I ignore the wildlife and follow this path... And- wai~ I just saw a flock of bunnies! I'm going to follow the bunnies now. Bye Bye. ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Lirin
Series: Saiyuki (manga)
Age: Looks to be around 16
Canon: Lirin is Kougaiji's little half sister (and thusly a youkai). They share the same father, but her mother is one of the main baddies of the series (and the 'other woman' zomg). Luckily, Lirin isn't much like her, apart from being strangely large-busted. She has unwavering faith in her big brother.
Lirin is often described as a 'female version of Goku' -- she's energetic, strong, and can be defeated in battle through the offering of vittles. She has a tendency to wander off on her own when bored. She's a child at heart, and enthusiastic about a fight. Special abilities include pestering monks, terrible acting skills, and being extremely difficult to keep track of.
Who'd want to come to a place like this? This stupid forest is so dull and gloomy, there's nothin' to do around here, I don't like it at all. So! Sanzo party! I'm callin' you out! Big bro still needs that sutra, and it's so boring around here -- come on, I'll take you all on at once! Let's go!
...But before that, if anyone sees a flying dragon, you should tell me right away! I borrowed one of brother's but I forgot to ask first to fly a~ll the way here, and it got lost. I bet he'll be pretty angry if he finds out I lost it, so-- eh? Oh! Nevermind, I found it! It's by the lake, so big bro doesn't have to know that... whaa? Whaa? HEY. YOU. Lake monster, brother's dragons aren't for eating! Stop, or I won't forgive you! Are you underestimating me?! I said ss--
...
Wo~w, all in one bite?
...
...Uuuuhhh, so, I walked a~ll the way here on foot without any dragons at all (it was really tough!), an' I'm gonna be pretty tired and hungry, 'specially after I'm done beatin' up the lake monster. So where d'you get something to eat around here?
And Yaone, you should come back soon, 'cause since you've been gone brother keeps making this grumpy face:
>:|
Poll Vote!
Character: Ohtori Kyoya
Series: Ouran Koukou Host Club
Age: 17
Canon: Ouran Koukou Host Club is a shoujo manga detailing the trials and tribulations scholarship student Fujioka Haruhi and her time at the school's host club. Kyoya is the vice-president of the infamous Host Club in Ouran Gakuen. Though he may be second in command by name, he clearly is the mastermind behind the shadows, orchestrating pretty much everything the Club does. His family is extremely wealthy and deals in 'recovery related' businesses, whatever that means. Whatever the family business may be, it puts him in a situation where three bodyguards must tail him on a constant basis. Fun times.
Kyoya is described as the one who fulfills the "cool" type, and definitely fits the role to a T. He's the man who knows everything at any given moment and coordinates everything, especially if it ends up with him making some money in the process. Methodical, often cold and even sometimes a little scary, you do not want to mess with him.
Several business sources have informed me of a location in Louisiana that is being advertised as the 'best new way to relax' resort for the infinitely wealthy and prestigious. I'll admit, my curiosity got the better of me, and I had to come investigate such and outlandish claim - especially since there's a possibility of acquisition.
Well, I don't know about relaxation, but there's certainly potential in this place.
I'm sure that there are people who are interested and willing to pay for an authentic survival experience, complete with exploding guts and bloodied campgrounds. Given the situation at this camp, it seem most likely to be geared for that sort of... setting. There are a few revisions that I must recommend though.
First of all, the name of this establishment is simply too vulgar. There would be an increased moment of surprise and shock if it were named something like "Happy Sunshine Days Campgrounds", instead of the obvious "Camp Fuck You Die." The irony would only enhance the 'house of horror' experience.
Secondly, though the shotguns do supply a surreal form of realism to the game, one should also consider that perhaps certain individuals would prefer a handgun instead. The shotguns may prove to be too user-unfriendly, and a crash-course in the handling of firearms should be provided to the customer, preferably not by one of the current undead staff. Let's leave those introductions for later, as to not sully their surprise.
Finally, a preliminary survey of current clients reveals doubts about the safety of the lake. Proper tests should be conducted to ascertain whether or not it is safe to swim in, just in case the guests decide to jump in as a method of escape from the walking undead. I suggest immediate expunging of that giant squid, or at least adding a filtration system to that lake. One must always cater to the client's wishes, isn't that right? It's a surprise that this facility has lasted so long without even a nod to basic business principles.
First and foremost, however, something must be done to provide an exit from this place. I forsee potential problems with this aspect. After all, word-of-mouth advertising only works if the clients can tell others about "Happy Sunshine Days Campgrounds".
Poll Vote!
Character: Anna Toudou
Series: Anne Freaks
Age: 16
Canon: Anna is an ex-member of an extremist cult called the Kakusei Group. When she was 6, an internal conflict erupted in the group and Anna escaped with nice doctor named Moe who thought a cult wasn't the best place for a kid to grow up. Ten years later, a 16 year old Anna catches a boy named Yuri burying his mother's dead body in a ditch. After giving him some awesome advice about how not to get caught at murder, Anna convinces Yuri to be her "parent killing partner" and to help her get rid of her father, the leader of the remaining Kakusei members.
At first glance, Anna seems to be a normal teenager, albeit one with a love of automatic weapons and enough know-how about killing people to keep the cast of CSI busy for weeks. She's a no-nonsense girl who hates cooking, adores wearing fashionable outfits, and loves her friends. She's also a few shounen heroes short of a tournament, if you know what I mean. She's got no qualms about killing people that get in her way or that threaten those she cares about. Have faith in the fact that if you get on her bad side, Anna will be there with a smile on her face and a song in her heart while she burns you alive.
Okay, so would the person who killed Stephan please come on down and fess up?
I have to admit, you did a nice job. No fibers, teeth, hair, hardly a trace of the man left. I can sense a murderer from 50 yards away, but I honestly haven't a clue as to who you are. Give me a hint to your identity sometime. I have a proposition for you.
As for everyone else, it's nice to meet you. Especially nice if you know something about technology. My computer's current actions lead me to believe it has a death wish of some kind. I've shot the thing at least six times, and it still insists on inviting me to something called D.I.A. If I wanted to go to a meeting of Daddy Issues Anonymous, I wouldn't have shot you the first time, would I. Silly computer. Spam e-mails are not for homicidal campers.
This machine doesn't seem well versed in the art of information gathering, either. Here I am, trying to figure out how to get rid of those stupid dragons, and my computer? The only thing it does is give me the message "Holy crap that serpent's breathing fire!" Yeah, I've heard that about dragons. But how do I kill them? Or at least get them to stop touching my stuff?
. . .Yeah, okay, if all the "help" this thing can give me is the message "We're gonna kill 'em with our long ass swords!" I can't be held responsible for my actions. It's not like the list of things to bring to camp had long-ass sword on it. Bug spray? Check. Rain gear? Check. A sword in case of pesky over-sized lizards? Nope, not on the list. It's a good thing I brought a few of my old handguns. Not as powerful as I like, but they'll do the job. Well, I can usually count on them to do the job, but the undead natives are an interesting exception to the rule. Whenever one of them loses a limb, they just brush it off (or yank it off, in some cases) and go back to their dating sims and poker games. I'm not sure how the one in the red shirt is planning to beat a royal flush without a head, arms, or even a pair, but any thing's possible. He could be cheating.
. . . Huh. One of the dragons ate my lighter. I'd up the fire danger for the next few days, if I were you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Viki
Series: Suikoden
Age: 16
Canon: Viki is your ditzy teleport mage! She appears in the nick of time to save you from walking (or sailing) everywhere, fully equipped with her Wow Wand and Blinking Mirror. She's appeared in all of the main series of games. She's not always the best at teleportation, but she tries hard! She's cute, but very forgetful and random. All that teleporting must do something to your brain. Watch out for sneezes! Beware of falling objects. She tends to end her time in a game by disappearing in the midst of a party. She doesn't generally remember where she used to be when she arrives where she is.
Aah... Aaah!
Achoo~~!
Oh! Oh my! Those tiny bubbles in the wine! They make me feel happy~ make me feel fine! Hee! They always tickle my nose and make me sneeze! Sorry about that potted plant over there, that seems to happen sometimes - Oh. This isn't where I used to be, was it? It doesn't look like it. I'm sure I was just in a castle of some sort!
Oh, anyway. What was I talking about? Something about... was it a prince? Maybe an empire? Could it have been the little kitty cat people? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter, since I'm not there anymore. Although... this place is kind of different. I don't remember being in a place like this before. Normally I can't go where I haven't been. It's strange. Very strange!
Oh, oh, you! You, over there with the missing eye and hand and elbow! Yes! Do you know where I am? Where this is? Urgh? What does that mean? Oh, were you trying to point to that sign over there? Silly, you have no fingers!
Ooh, those birds! Are they toucans? They're looking at me! Do you like my shiny staff, pretty birdies? Ready? Set! G-- hey, where are you going? I just wanted to teleport you to that tree! I can get you there in a flash! Probably.
Has anyone seen my mirror? I think I might have something on my dress.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zim
Series: Invader Zim
Age: Unknown in Earth-years, but Zim attends human grade
school and appears to be about nine or ten.
Canon: Zim is a member of the Irken race, aliens whose empire is based on
the tireless conquering of other worlds and subjugation of their (obviously
inferior) peoples. Unfortunately, as an Invader, Zim is a total
failure who was, in fact, banished. Er, but then he came back. In an
attempt to get him out of the way so he couldn't ruin any more conquests,
the Almighty Tallest sent Zim on a bogus "mission" to Earth, where he's
supposed to be gathering information while posing as a human grade-school
boy. Despite his horrible disguise and the fact that Dib, one of his
classmates, uncovered his secret almost right away, Zim is still trying to
fulfill his mission while also engaging in something of a rivalry with Dib.
Personality-wise, Zim is excitable, competitive, infuriatingly superior, and
very, very stupid. His plans almost always go awry, and his contempt for all
things human (or, in fact, all things not Irken) is always evident.
GIR! Gir, why did the navigational equipment malfunction? I want answers
give me--
Gir?
COMPUTER! Identify location! This place positively REEKS of filth-itude.
...Computer? NO! This cannot be! I cannot be STRANDED in this mudhole! I am
ZIM!
Wait, I see movement, MOVEMENT! HELLO DOWN THERE! I AM A PERFECTLY NORMAL
EARTH-BOY WITH A SKIN CONDITION! I WONDER IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHERE I AM--
Hey. Hey! Are you listening? Just let me climb down and-- Don't shamble
away! Wait! Come ba--
Oh, I see you brought your frUWAH WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOOOOOOU? GET YOUR
HANDS OFF ME YOU WORM-FILLED KNOBBLY-HEADED-- headed... THINGS WITH HEADS!
RRRGH! Take that! And THAT! And OH NO! Zombies... everywhere... Must get
back to... my SHIP...!
Ship... sinking. SINKING IN MUD! Accursed dirt-loving humans, why does your
planet have so much FILTH? Nevermind that, must escape from zombies. I'll
use my superior Irken intellect to GYAAAAAH ZOMBIE ON LEG ZOMBIE ON LEG RUN
AWAY RUN AWAY!
I see buildings up ahead. This place... what is it? Decrepit shacks... An
infantile Earth-larva amusement area... Gasp! Could it be-- Yes! Yes! It
could only be one thing... A SECRET MILITARY BASE!
That must be it! While the security is a bit unorthodox, it must surely
indicate that the secrets within are the key to this planet's undoing.
Seeeeecrets... so hidden and full of sweet juice... They shall be mine!
VICTORY FOR ZIM! WAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! Hahaha... Ha.
Um.
I mean. DO NOT BE ALARMED, I AM THE, UH, INSPECTOR-GENERAL. I AM HERE TO
GENERALLY INSPECT THIS BASE, AND I AM IN NO WAY AN ALIEN HERE TO
UNCOVER THE MEANS TO CRUSH YOUR PUNY AND GRIME-COVERED PLANET.
So. Show me to your command center, worthless stink-beasts!
Poll Vote!
Character: Coraline Jones
Series: Coraline, by Neil Gaiman
Age: 10
Canon: When Coraline Jones moved into the big old house with
her parents, she found a door that led into a different house - a copy
of her own. It was a much more interesting house; it had better toys
and better food. There were even copies of Coraline's neighbours. And
she had another father. And she had an Other Mother. An Other Mother
who wanted to keep her forever, and change her. An Other Mother who
would go to any lengths to do just that. (By which I mean
specifically: replace her eyes with black buttons and eventually take
her soul, leaving her as a ghost or perhaps a memory, hidden in the
dark. Also steal her parents and put them in a snow-globe on the
mantle.) Coraline escaped, barely. She hasn't got any special powers,
but she's clever, brave, and resourceful, with both a wonderful
imagination and a healthy grasp of reality. According to the adults
around her, she's just a quiet little girl, but Coraline knows she's
really an explorer. And she has become an expert at controlling her
fear.
Hello. My name is Coraline. Not Caroline. Coraline. I'm an explorer. I
thought I was exploring the back garden, but the back garden doesn't
have a swamp in it, I don't think. And it's much warmer here than it
is at home. So I think I must be somewhere else. Can somebody tell me
how to get back? Only I found a computer here with my name on it, and
I've learned to be suspicious of things that say they're mine when
they're not. Usually they want something from me. And I don't think
I'm interested, thank you.
I've already tried asking the grown-ups for directions, but they just
keep saying "Brains," at me, like zombies in a horror film. I think
there's something wrong with them. I think somebody should probably
call an ambulance for them right away, because they have bits falling
off. It's actually quite disgusting. And I'm not giving anyone
my brain. I like it just where it is.
I think these must be real zombies, which is sort of a problem,
because they aren't supposed to exist. If there were actually zombies
just running around in the woods, you would think that the grown-ups
would say so, because who knows when you'd have to be prepared for a
zombie showing up and trying to eat your brain? They'd have classes on
it in school, like when you have to take Self Defense in PE. I think a
class in Zombie Avoiding Skills would be a lot more useful than Maths
and Grammar and things.
I don't think I want to explore here anymore. The zombies are very
interesting, but they're starting to make me uncomfortable. And I
really don't think the sky should be that orangey-gray. It looks
rather toxic. So please somebody tell me where I am, and how to get
back where I was. Because I'm sure I can find my way back home, if I
have to. But I'd rather be there before my mum starts saying things
like "Where on earth were you when I called you in for supper,
Coraline Jones?" because then I'd have to explain and I'm sure she
wouldn't believe me. So thank you and goodbye.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Haninozuka "Honey" Mitsukuni
Series: Ouran High School Host Club
Age: 18
Canon: Ouran High School is an exclusive institution for students from wealthy and affluent families. Its students are so oblivious to how "commoners" live that they think that instant coffee is fascinating. Honey is part of the Host Club which panders to the fangirls of the school. This club consists of various types of guys, ranging from the narcissistic king to incestuous twins to the silent big guy. The main character, Haruhi (Honey calls her Haru-chan), gets forced to join this swankiest club of the school when she breaks a super-expensive vase.
Anyway, Honey is the Host Club's representative of the classic shouta type. Even though he's 18, he looks and acts like an innocent child. He is cute, sweet, bubbly, and simply adorable. He tears up quickly when he is upset (which happens quite frequently), and is never seen without his stuffed rabbit, Usa-chan. He is also extremely partial to cute things, cakes and any types of sweets. His brother thinks that Usa-chan is some kind of alien's communication device, and that Honey is alien because our little Honey-kun would woke up in the middle of the night just to eat cakes... Anyway, don't be deceived by Honey's cuteness and small size. Yes, he may act stupidly sometimes and say things like a missing stuffed toy is on vacation. But this cute little shouta actually ranks first academically in his year level and is a Karate and Judo champion who knows various forms of martial arts.
Haru-chan never told me that commoner's summer camp is so teeny. But this tiny camp looks really interesting! I keep on bumping into something when I walk around. I think that it may be some kind of invisible wall like the ones which appeared in those really cool commoner's movies! ♥ And I find a really weird tree here! Its leaves look like balloons and there's a really strange sign on it which says, "If You Go Into Heat, Package Your Meat." What does it mean?
By the way, I met Zombie-chan who kept on saying weird stuffs like brains, cute and must not eat. And she's kind of gross as well... But... she was really, really nice! She wore a really cute bunny mask and gave me cakes and candy! And the chocolates she gave me looked like frogs! But I couldn't eat them because they leaped into a really big pool of chocolate and disappeared! and... I just have a really good idea for the Host Club! Let's fill one of the school's swimming pools with chocolates! We can have a Chocolate Party there with chocolate cake, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cookies and... everything which is made of chocolate! Oh, and strawberry cakes as well!
Anyway, I ate some of the cake that Zombie-chan gave me. It tasted a little bit funny though. Commoner's tastes are weird. I've never eaten green fuzzy cakes before. But it was really good to be able to have cake with Zombie-chan. She gave me her piece of cake (which was strawberry flavored!) and said that she preferred brains over sweets. I don't know what she meant though... cause I don't think that brains are edible?
Oh, and Zombie-chan also told me a lot of things about this camp while we were having cakes and tea, like how that invisible wall is a big fat meanie! It traps everyone here so that even the superheros cannot leave! But even if I'm stuck here for a while, that's okay! There are so many cool people to meet, like Death Gods, baker ninjas and gay gay pilots! I've never met a real ninja before. I wonder if they can bake strawberries cakes...
So, um. I think that I forgot to introduce myself. Hi! I'm Haninozuka Mitsukuni and this is Usa-chan. ♥ Zombie-chan told me that I can find the cabins and more cakes if I ignore the wildlife and follow this path... And- wai~ I just saw a flock of bunnies! I'm going to follow the bunnies now. Bye Bye. ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Lirin
Series: Saiyuki (manga)
Age: Looks to be around 16
Canon: Lirin is Kougaiji's little half sister (and thusly a youkai). They share the same father, but her mother is one of the main baddies of the series (and the 'other woman' zomg). Luckily, Lirin isn't much like her, apart from being strangely large-busted. She has unwavering faith in her big brother.
Lirin is often described as a 'female version of Goku' -- she's energetic, strong, and can be defeated in battle through the offering of vittles. She has a tendency to wander off on her own when bored. She's a child at heart, and enthusiastic about a fight. Special abilities include pestering monks, terrible acting skills, and being extremely difficult to keep track of.
Who'd want to come to a place like this? This stupid forest is so dull and gloomy, there's nothin' to do around here, I don't like it at all. So! Sanzo party! I'm callin' you out! Big bro still needs that sutra, and it's so boring around here -- come on, I'll take you all on at once! Let's go!
...But before that, if anyone sees a flying dragon, you should tell me right away! I borrowed one of brother's but I forgot to ask first to fly a~ll the way here, and it got lost. I bet he'll be pretty angry if he finds out I lost it, so-- eh? Oh! Nevermind, I found it! It's by the lake, so big bro doesn't have to know that... whaa? Whaa? HEY. YOU. Lake monster, brother's dragons aren't for eating! Stop, or I won't forgive you! Are you underestimating me?! I said ss--
...
Wo~w, all in one bite?
...
...Uuuuhhh, so, I walked a~ll the way here on foot without any dragons at all (it was really tough!), an' I'm gonna be pretty tired and hungry, 'specially after I'm done beatin' up the lake monster. So where d'you get something to eat around here?
And Yaone, you should come back soon, 'cause since you've been gone brother keeps making this grumpy face:
>:|
Poll Vote!
Character: Ohtori Kyoya
Series: Ouran Koukou Host Club
Age: 17
Canon: Ouran Koukou Host Club is a shoujo manga detailing the trials and tribulations scholarship student Fujioka Haruhi and her time at the school's host club. Kyoya is the vice-president of the infamous Host Club in Ouran Gakuen. Though he may be second in command by name, he clearly is the mastermind behind the shadows, orchestrating pretty much everything the Club does. His family is extremely wealthy and deals in 'recovery related' businesses, whatever that means. Whatever the family business may be, it puts him in a situation where three bodyguards must tail him on a constant basis. Fun times.
Kyoya is described as the one who fulfills the "cool" type, and definitely fits the role to a T. He's the man who knows everything at any given moment and coordinates everything, especially if it ends up with him making some money in the process. Methodical, often cold and even sometimes a little scary, you do not want to mess with him.
Several business sources have informed me of a location in Louisiana that is being advertised as the 'best new way to relax' resort for the infinitely wealthy and prestigious. I'll admit, my curiosity got the better of me, and I had to come investigate such and outlandish claim - especially since there's a possibility of acquisition.
Well, I don't know about relaxation, but there's certainly potential in this place.
I'm sure that there are people who are interested and willing to pay for an authentic survival experience, complete with exploding guts and bloodied campgrounds. Given the situation at this camp, it seem most likely to be geared for that sort of... setting. There are a few revisions that I must recommend though.
First of all, the name of this establishment is simply too vulgar. There would be an increased moment of surprise and shock if it were named something like "Happy Sunshine Days Campgrounds", instead of the obvious "Camp Fuck You Die." The irony would only enhance the 'house of horror' experience.
Secondly, though the shotguns do supply a surreal form of realism to the game, one should also consider that perhaps certain individuals would prefer a handgun instead. The shotguns may prove to be too user-unfriendly, and a crash-course in the handling of firearms should be provided to the customer, preferably not by one of the current undead staff. Let's leave those introductions for later, as to not sully their surprise.
Finally, a preliminary survey of current clients reveals doubts about the safety of the lake. Proper tests should be conducted to ascertain whether or not it is safe to swim in, just in case the guests decide to jump in as a method of escape from the walking undead. I suggest immediate expunging of that giant squid, or at least adding a filtration system to that lake. One must always cater to the client's wishes, isn't that right? It's a surprise that this facility has lasted so long without even a nod to basic business principles.
First and foremost, however, something must be done to provide an exit from this place. I forsee potential problems with this aspect. After all, word-of-mouth advertising only works if the clients can tell others about "Happy Sunshine Days Campgrounds".
Poll Vote!
Character: Anna Toudou
Series: Anne Freaks
Age: 16
Canon: Anna is an ex-member of an extremist cult called the Kakusei Group. When she was 6, an internal conflict erupted in the group and Anna escaped with nice doctor named Moe who thought a cult wasn't the best place for a kid to grow up. Ten years later, a 16 year old Anna catches a boy named Yuri burying his mother's dead body in a ditch. After giving him some awesome advice about how not to get caught at murder, Anna convinces Yuri to be her "parent killing partner" and to help her get rid of her father, the leader of the remaining Kakusei members.
At first glance, Anna seems to be a normal teenager, albeit one with a love of automatic weapons and enough know-how about killing people to keep the cast of CSI busy for weeks. She's a no-nonsense girl who hates cooking, adores wearing fashionable outfits, and loves her friends. She's also a few shounen heroes short of a tournament, if you know what I mean. She's got no qualms about killing people that get in her way or that threaten those she cares about. Have faith in the fact that if you get on her bad side, Anna will be there with a smile on her face and a song in her heart while she burns you alive.
Okay, so would the person who killed Stephan please come on down and fess up?
I have to admit, you did a nice job. No fibers, teeth, hair, hardly a trace of the man left. I can sense a murderer from 50 yards away, but I honestly haven't a clue as to who you are. Give me a hint to your identity sometime. I have a proposition for you.
As for everyone else, it's nice to meet you. Especially nice if you know something about technology. My computer's current actions lead me to believe it has a death wish of some kind. I've shot the thing at least six times, and it still insists on inviting me to something called D.I.A. If I wanted to go to a meeting of Daddy Issues Anonymous, I wouldn't have shot you the first time, would I. Silly computer. Spam e-mails are not for homicidal campers.
This machine doesn't seem well versed in the art of information gathering, either. Here I am, trying to figure out how to get rid of those stupid dragons, and my computer? The only thing it does is give me the message "Holy crap that serpent's breathing fire!" Yeah, I've heard that about dragons. But how do I kill them? Or at least get them to stop touching my stuff?
. . .Yeah, okay, if all the "help" this thing can give me is the message "We're gonna kill 'em with our long ass swords!" I can't be held responsible for my actions. It's not like the list of things to bring to camp had long-ass sword on it. Bug spray? Check. Rain gear? Check. A sword in case of pesky over-sized lizards? Nope, not on the list. It's a good thing I brought a few of my old handguns. Not as powerful as I like, but they'll do the job. Well, I can usually count on them to do the job, but the undead natives are an interesting exception to the rule. Whenever one of them loses a limb, they just brush it off (or yank it off, in some cases) and go back to their dating sims and poker games. I'm not sure how the one in the red shirt is planning to beat a royal flush without a head, arms, or even a pair, but any thing's possible. He could be cheating.
. . . Huh. One of the dragons ate my lighter. I'd up the fire danger for the next few days, if I were you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Viki
Series: Suikoden
Age: 16
Canon: Viki is your ditzy teleport mage! She appears in the nick of time to save you from walking (or sailing) everywhere, fully equipped with her Wow Wand and Blinking Mirror. She's appeared in all of the main series of games. She's not always the best at teleportation, but she tries hard! She's cute, but very forgetful and random. All that teleporting must do something to your brain. Watch out for sneezes! Beware of falling objects. She tends to end her time in a game by disappearing in the midst of a party. She doesn't generally remember where she used to be when she arrives where she is.
Aah... Aaah!
Achoo~~!
Oh! Oh my! Those tiny bubbles in the wine! They make me feel happy~ make me feel fine! Hee! They always tickle my nose and make me sneeze! Sorry about that potted plant over there, that seems to happen sometimes - Oh. This isn't where I used to be, was it? It doesn't look like it. I'm sure I was just in a castle of some sort!
Oh, anyway. What was I talking about? Something about... was it a prince? Maybe an empire? Could it have been the little kitty cat people? Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter, since I'm not there anymore. Although... this place is kind of different. I don't remember being in a place like this before. Normally I can't go where I haven't been. It's strange. Very strange!
Oh, oh, you! You, over there with the missing eye and hand and elbow! Yes! Do you know where I am? Where this is? Urgh? What does that mean? Oh, were you trying to point to that sign over there? Silly, you have no fingers!
Ooh, those birds! Are they toucans? They're looking at me! Do you like my shiny staff, pretty birdies? Ready? Set! G-- hey, where are you going? I just wanted to teleport you to that tree! I can get you there in a flash! Probably.
Has anyone seen my mirror? I think I might have something on my dress.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zim
Series: Invader Zim
Age: Unknown in Earth-years, but Zim attends human grade
school and appears to be about nine or ten.
Canon: Zim is a member of the Irken race, aliens whose empire is based on
the tireless conquering of other worlds and subjugation of their (obviously
inferior) peoples. Unfortunately, as an Invader, Zim is a total
failure who was, in fact, banished. Er, but then he came back. In an
attempt to get him out of the way so he couldn't ruin any more conquests,
the Almighty Tallest sent Zim on a bogus "mission" to Earth, where he's
supposed to be gathering information while posing as a human grade-school
boy. Despite his horrible disguise and the fact that Dib, one of his
classmates, uncovered his secret almost right away, Zim is still trying to
fulfill his mission while also engaging in something of a rivalry with Dib.
Personality-wise, Zim is excitable, competitive, infuriatingly superior, and
very, very stupid. His plans almost always go awry, and his contempt for all
things human (or, in fact, all things not Irken) is always evident.
GIR! Gir, why did the navigational equipment malfunction? I want answers
give me--
Gir?
COMPUTER! Identify location! This place positively REEKS of filth-itude.
...Computer? NO! This cannot be! I cannot be STRANDED in this mudhole! I am
ZIM!
Wait, I see movement, MOVEMENT! HELLO DOWN THERE! I AM A PERFECTLY NORMAL
EARTH-BOY WITH A SKIN CONDITION! I WONDER IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHERE I AM--
Hey. Hey! Are you listening? Just let me climb down and-- Don't shamble
away! Wait! Come ba--
Oh, I see you brought your frUWAH WHAT ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOOOOOOU? GET YOUR
HANDS OFF ME YOU WORM-FILLED KNOBBLY-HEADED-- headed... THINGS WITH HEADS!
RRRGH! Take that! And THAT! And OH NO! Zombies... everywhere... Must get
back to... my SHIP...!
Ship... sinking. SINKING IN MUD! Accursed dirt-loving humans, why does your
planet have so much FILTH? Nevermind that, must escape from zombies. I'll
use my superior Irken intellect to GYAAAAAH ZOMBIE ON LEG ZOMBIE ON LEG RUN
AWAY RUN AWAY!
I see buildings up ahead. This place... what is it? Decrepit shacks... An
infantile Earth-larva amusement area... Gasp! Could it be-- Yes! Yes! It
could only be one thing... A SECRET MILITARY BASE!
That must be it! While the security is a bit unorthodox, it must surely
indicate that the secrets within are the key to this planet's undoing.
Seeeeecrets... so hidden and full of sweet juice... They shall be mine!
VICTORY FOR ZIM! WAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! Hahaha... Ha.
Um.
I mean. DO NOT BE ALARMED, I AM THE, UH, INSPECTOR-GENERAL. I AM HERE TO
GENERALLY INSPECT THIS BASE, AND I AM IN NO WAY AN ALIEN HERE TO
UNCOVER THE MEANS TO CRUSH YOUR PUNY AND GRIME-COVERED PLANET.
So. Show me to your command center, worthless stink-beasts!
Poll Vote!
Character: Coraline Jones
Series: Coraline, by Neil Gaiman
Age: 10
Canon: When Coraline Jones moved into the big old house with
her parents, she found a door that led into a different house - a copy
of her own. It was a much more interesting house; it had better toys
and better food. There were even copies of Coraline's neighbours. And
she had another father. And she had an Other Mother. An Other Mother
who wanted to keep her forever, and change her. An Other Mother who
would go to any lengths to do just that. (By which I mean
specifically: replace her eyes with black buttons and eventually take
her soul, leaving her as a ghost or perhaps a memory, hidden in the
dark. Also steal her parents and put them in a snow-globe on the
mantle.) Coraline escaped, barely. She hasn't got any special powers,
but she's clever, brave, and resourceful, with both a wonderful
imagination and a healthy grasp of reality. According to the adults
around her, she's just a quiet little girl, but Coraline knows she's
really an explorer. And she has become an expert at controlling her
fear.
Hello. My name is Coraline. Not Caroline. Coraline. I'm an explorer. I
thought I was exploring the back garden, but the back garden doesn't
have a swamp in it, I don't think. And it's much warmer here than it
is at home. So I think I must be somewhere else. Can somebody tell me
how to get back? Only I found a computer here with my name on it, and
I've learned to be suspicious of things that say they're mine when
they're not. Usually they want something from me. And I don't think
I'm interested, thank you.
I've already tried asking the grown-ups for directions, but they just
keep saying "Brains," at me, like zombies in a horror film. I think
there's something wrong with them. I think somebody should probably
call an ambulance for them right away, because they have bits falling
off. It's actually quite disgusting. And I'm not giving anyone
my brain. I like it just where it is.
I think these must be real zombies, which is sort of a problem,
because they aren't supposed to exist. If there were actually zombies
just running around in the woods, you would think that the grown-ups
would say so, because who knows when you'd have to be prepared for a
zombie showing up and trying to eat your brain? They'd have classes on
it in school, like when you have to take Self Defense in PE. I think a
class in Zombie Avoiding Skills would be a lot more useful than Maths
and Grammar and things.
I don't think I want to explore here anymore. The zombies are very
interesting, but they're starting to make me uncomfortable. And I
really don't think the sky should be that orangey-gray. It looks
rather toxic. So please somebody tell me where I am, and how to get
back where I was. Because I'm sure I can find my way back home, if I
have to. But I'd rather be there before my mum starts saying things
like "Where on earth were you when I called you in for supper,
Coraline Jones?" because then I'd have to explain and I'm sure she
wouldn't believe me. So thank you and goodbye.
Poll Vote!