(no subject)
First round!! Have some lovely counselors~
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. NO ONE SAW THAT.
Character: Castiel
Series: Supernatural (on Wikipedia)
Character Age: He is a thousands-year-old angel, but is portrayed by an actor in his late 30s.
Job: Advanced Theological Studies Professor
Canon: Supernatural is about two brothers, Sam and Dean, who live in a world that is much like our own, except that things like ghosts and vampires exist and they hunt them. Angels are also real, and the brothers are first introduced to that idea (because somehow angels being real is weirder than werewolves being weird, but okay) through Castiel, an angel of the Lord who is sent to help them stop the Apocalypse. He starts off as an enigmatic figure who offers useful information and is possibly on their side, makes a definite turn to their side and becomes a tragic fallen angel until he's redeemed. At which point he starts rubbing shoulders with demons because he thinks he can save the world. Again.
Despite having lived for centuries, Castiel is still learning a lot about humans and what it means to be one and to experience complex emotions. He spent most of his life as a soldier that only followed orders and did what had to be done, but due to being influenced by Dean and Sam and humanity in general, ended up rebelling against Heaven in order to do the right thing. He's pushy, impatient, goal-oriented, and kind of a dick a lot of the time, partly due to often focusing on the bigger picture and getting the job done. He speaks more formally than the average person and can range between clipped and verbose depending on the situation, but he's learning about things like swearing due to being around humans. Despite all this his heart is usually in the right place and he will be fiercely loyal toward anyone who has made an impression on him.
Sample Post:
This place is worse than most. I have walked the Earth now, and seen many things. Most humans are oblivious to what is truly taking place around them. Here, it is different. Here children are made into soldiers. Here the dead walk. Here people are kept from their homes, from their goals and obligations. All under the "pretense" of "fun." I don't understand what is being accomplished here. I have far more important duties to attend to, but I've been confined to this... camp. Seeing how I'm unable to leave, I've decided to learn what I can. Perhaps I can find a solution, to what I was facing before my imprisonment.
You have stood out, Marcy, most of all. I've asked a number of people about you, but most of it was garbled. The undead here are particularly decayed. Perhaps it's the humidity. As for the other captives, they all have varying opinions about you. With no clear answers, I've tried to make my own conclusions. My first thought was the kraken. But once, long ago, I laid eyes on that creature. It was immense. Its teeth could tear a ship apart in seconds. You are much more docile. I have seen you reach out to those below and caress them with your many limbs. You do not strike me as hostile. You are not something to be hunted.
So if not a monster, then what? You are on high here, observing them. Watching. This is what my Father was meant to do. It's what we were all told He did do, and we believed it. But I know enough now to understand that belief is not enough. They will not follow you on faith alone, Marcy. Continue to reach out to them; wrap your arms around them. But that alone is not enough. If you have wisdom to share, share it. Find a messenger. I will do what I can to decipher your language, but I need time and this place is short on it. Or those birds may have more luck with comprehending you than I have. I will have to consult with them. If we can help this place heal, perhaps I can borrow your strength when I return to my own duties.
I will come again. We have much to talk about.
Poll Vote!
Character: Seymour Birkhoff
Series: Nikita (2010)
Age: late 20s / early 30s-ish
Job: Tech Support
Canon: There is a secret, black-ops organization (tm) funded by the United States government known only as "Division." Like all good secret, black-ops organizations (tm), Division has become corrupt over the years. Full of recruits with troubled pasts that have been molded into master assassins, Division has become its own entity, performing operations for fun and profit, even if they hurt their own - a fact which most recruits are unaware of. Enter Nikita. A former Division recruit, Nikita is now on a quest to take Division down, bring their crimes to light, and free the recruits and others operating under Division from the mercenary lives they lead.
Seymour Birkhoff doesn't quite fit into either of those categories. As Division's head technician, Birkhoff is in charge of all the computer systems and fancy gadgets that they use. As the "nerd" of the group, Birkhoff isn't exactly what one would call sociable; he'd much prefer to watch operations go down from behind a computer screen with a can of Red Bull in one hand, letting a flippant stream of commentary on the mission at hand flow as he pleases. He's smart and he knows it, a fact that he's always rubbing in people's faces. Birkhoff can be in-your-face and grating at times, especially when he thinks he's right and more often than not, he comes off as cranky and put upon because of it. He's always quick to back off and retreat to his monitors, however, when presented with a real threat. Bravery is not his strong suit. However, despite the fact that Birkhoff works for the shadiest people known to man, he himself does have a few morals buried deep, deep, deep down inside. There is a softer, gooey center to Birkhoff's hardened shell of jackassery - it just might require a pickaxe to reach it.
Sample Post:
Next.
Yeah, okay, whatever. State your name and the problem you're having with your techno- ... jesus christ. Okay, you, with the- you know what, my patience is shot to hell this evening so for my sanity, we're going to call that a skin condition. You, with the skin condition, will you set that laptop down already? I'm not running a charity here, despite what these apes have informed me via several lewd gestures that are so not your standard accepted sign language. So just hand the laptop over and I swear to god, if you take that as literally as the last kid with a "skin condition" did, I will strangle you with your own mouse cord.
Let's pop this baby open, run a scan, and see what your problem is. Besides the "Will it Blend" job on the casing, of course. Tell you what - how about we call this a voided warranty and move on? Don’t even try arguing with me on that one. These dings and scratches mess with the system. I mean, seriously, would you do this to a car? ... Don't answer that. Okay, your keyboard is unresponsive, which can happen for a number of reasons. In your case? It's because you're a slob who eats at the computer, and this gray ... matter thing that we're going to call a "steak" got stuck between the keys. Just take a tool later and clean out the keys- and no, your tongue is not a tool. Will you get your face out of my personal space already?!
Besides, the scan's finished anyway and let me tell you, the results are mind blowing. Because you see, that, my friend, is a virus. Make that a lot of viruses - damn, we could go ahead and call this an infestation. Where you got all of these from is another question entirely since this place has one hell of a firewall. Let me just tap into your browsing history and ... dude, seriously? "Ultra Kinky #109: Drillin' Your Grrrrilla"? "Primating for Goblow"? Those images are burned into my retinas now, thanks. Your ape fetish is showing, and it's also showing a hell of a lot of trojans - not the kind you'd use when getting your monkey jollies, for the record.
Damn. I ... no, I'm going to stick with "damn," because there aren’t really any other words for primate porn. This has been both educational and highly disturbing, and given the line of work I'm used to? That's impressive. You know what? If you ask me - and given that you're seeking my help on this thing, you are - I would actually be doing the world a favor by not repairing this machine. It's like Old Yeller in a way, if he were submitted to ape fetish vids on a nightly basis. Because sometimes, man, you’ve just gotta do the right thing. Look, it's not just this laptop that needs the fixing. Here's what you really need: a twelve step program, skin cream, and years of therapy. Okay? Okay. Now, take your glorified paper weight and go. And send the next idiot in while you're at it! ... And tell them to bring a bottle of tequila with them because man, what I've got in my thermos right now sure as hell isn't strong enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Airachnid
Series: Transformers: Prime
Character Age: Like millions of Earth years
Job: Hunting Instructor
Canon: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, two factions of a race of robotic life-forms waged a long and brutal war--so long and brutal, in fact, that it left their homeworld uninhabitable, forcing both sides to leave in a Great Exodus. Now, many millennia later, the war has re-ignited on a distant world known as Earth, where the Autobots are once again waging their battles to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.
But all that's none of Airachnid's concern--or, at least, wasn't. Always a bit of a lone wolfspider, she went solo during the Exodus, abandoning the Decepticon "boys' club" (as she calls it) to take up a life of traveling from inhabited world to inhabited world and hunting indigenous sentient species for fun and trophies. She eventually crash-landed on Earth, where a series of embarrassing circumstances conspired to return her to the Decepticon fold.
Airachnid is, simply put, a sadist. Just hunting down her prey is never enough--she delights in playing games, in tormenting her targets emotionally and physically before finally finishing them off in some amusingly painful way. She gets a particular kick out of mentally breaking her foes by making them watch her torture and kill their loved ones. If she has any sort of redeeming feature at all, it's that, in spite of being a murderous loner, she does feel a certain degree of camaraderie with the Decepticons and is willing to go to bat against those who would hurt them. Alas, that tendency is easily overridden by her pragmatic self-interest; she's also quite willing to side with enemies if she thinks there's something in it for her.
Sample Post:
Hello, children, do make yourselves comfortable. I'd like to welcome you all to my beginning hunting class. Now, teaching a bunch of prey animals like yourselves how to be predators wouldn't exactly be my cup of tea, usually, but your dear Director cut a wonderful deal with me: I get to take the underperforming students' heads as trophies. Consider that a little extra incentive to excel. So, for our first lesson, what we'll be doing is playing a little game of hide and seek--one of my favorites. It's to test how well you can conceal yourselves, you see? That's as useful a skill for a hunter as it is for the hunted. Of course, the little deal I mentioned before will be in full effect! The first...let's say five students I find will be dropping the class. The next five will be assigned to clean up what's left of them. Now, now, don't look so frightened. I'm not a monster, you know--I'll give you all a nice head start. How does three minutes sound? I should note, though, that I started counting at the beginning of the class. That's right, better get moving, children!
...Sigh, children, this is downright disappointing. I had hoped that a group of students who were more or less physically and mentally intact might do better than my first group, who were all in some stage of decay. Would you like to know what happened to them, hmmm? Well, those of you who're trying to hide in the cornfield are probably tripping over some of their torsos right about now. Don't want to end up like them? Then don't bore me. If I can't get any fun out of finding you, I'm going to have to get it out of punishing you! And believe me, you won't find that any fun at all. You may find it educational, though--you'd be amazed how much your squishy little flesh-bodies can endure before they give out.
Haha! I see that got one of you riled up. Well done, child, I didn't see that coming. But while I admire your aggression, I'm afraid I can't give you full marks. Did you really think that Earth firearm you've been issued had a chance of taking me down? Listen well, children: you've got to know your limits, especially when you're hunting something bigger than you are. Sometimes, it's best to just cut your losses. But like I said, you do get partial credit. So instead of disemboweling you and mounting your head on my wall, you're going to point out to me your favorite classmate, and their head will be going up instead.
Tsk, what do you mean, "all my rewards are really just punishments?" I certainly find them all quite rewarding. Now go on and pick. You have until the count of five...
Poll Vote!
Character: Belus
Series: Tarot Cafe
Character Age: Early twenties
Job: Play Director
Canon: Pamela's life sucks. Her mother was killed as a witch, her draconian guardian was also killed and finally, when it was Pamela's turn to die, she found that she was immortal. Desperate, she made a deal with Belus in order to win her mortality. In return, Pamela had to find all the beads to Belial's necklace. 700 years later, in a small Tarot Cafe, Pamela is still working towards her goal, with the unscrutable Belus by her side.
Belus is a demon with problems, most of them having to do with his perpetual boredom. Vain, proud and flirtatous, Belus sees himself as above everyone else, preferring to dress up pretentiously and talk in riddles while showing off. While he may seem like nothing more than a pretty face, Belus can be vindictive and cruel when it suits him, as well as kind and loving. With an interest for physical and spiritual beauty, he seems wiser than he looks, often downplaying his own strengths. He is a man of many moods all in the name of having a good time himself.
Sample Entry:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
Shakespeare said it best, even after all this time. But of course, Shakespeare did everything better than everyone else. Can't fault true genius. It's too bad we can't have another one at the turn of the century, but I know you all tried your best. Though I'm not really sure at all, but let's keep our hopes high, shall we? I'm Belus. Yes, I know, I'm pretty. You may stare as long as you look, but I have a job to do and I think it would be rather entertaining, so let's actually get it done for once. I'm your Play Director which means I will be directing this production of Zombieo and Gorriliet. I'm not sure how I feel about the name, but I can see why it was chosen. So line up, audition and try not to burst into pieces when you're not picked. I have no patience for dramatics, unless they're the ones I've chosen.
Remember, when you audition, you are no longer a simple zombie or gorilla or even a mere toucan perched on the tree. You become the part, relive it, feel the exact same way as the character does. Submerge yourself into the role of Zombieo, feel the pain he felt at the last moments of his life. Oh, did I forget which scene you're auditioning for? I thought we should go straight to the best scene of the play, the fatal death. I do enjoy a fatality from time to time, provided it's done with heartbreak and emotion. Even the audience will love it, trust me. I know what's best for the production. If you want to sway your audience, it takes more than hollow eye sockets and slobbering jaws, though that does fit well with our theme. I've directed many plays over the ages, especially tragedies. And nothing can quite compare to the shock and horror reflected in the eyes of a doomed individual. But I've gone off-track. The point is, put every last bit of life into your acting or consider yourself dropped.
I'm glad we all know what to do. Luckily, I brought some props on the way here. Don't worry, the poison's not real and neither is the sword. They're too dangerous for my tastes and besides, I don't want to get my beautiful face all scratched up in an accident. Remember, you need to be the part, not just play it. That's it, ham it up. You are no longer a simple farm-zombie, you're Zombieo and the love of your life is dead. Take up your sword and join her in the afterlife. C'mon, plunge it in--Hold on. Was that a real sword? Whoops, I suppose I got them mixed up. Looks like the poison's real too. I guess this is why I'm the Play Director instead of the Props Manager.
At any rate, all's well that ends well. If you ever recover, come by and we'll put on one heck of a play.
Poll Vote!
Character: Georgia "George" Mason
Series: Feed by Mira Grant
Character Age: 22
Job: Disabilities Advocate
Canon: Imagine that in the process of curing cancer and the common cold, a virus is accidentally created that turns people into zombies when they die. Imagine a horrible summer where thirty-two percent of the world's population gets killed off in one fell swoop. Sounds like your typical zombie apocalypse story, right? Except Feed takes place twenty-five years after the zombie apocalypse and shows a world that is coping with the dead coming back to life. Coping so well, in fact, that the paparazzi, media, internet, and presidential elections are still going strong.
George Mason is a journalist blogger; specifically a Newsie, which is a journalist concerned with exposing the truth. George only ever wanted to be a Newsie her entire life and she's a good one. If a scandal is being covered up or injustice being done, she'll do her best to make sure the facts get out. She's one of the more respected Newsies in the blogging world, since she's fastidious at making sure she has the facts straight before releasing a story. She's also a blogger journalist who will go out into the zombie-infested world to find a story, instead of hiding behind a computer screen while waiting for one to come to her. George is afflicted with Retinal Kellis-Amberlee, which means her pupils are permanently dilated and don't contract in response to light. This makes life a little interesting, considering that she has to wear special sunglasses in natural or artificially lit areas or else she would be blinded. Fortunately, her brother Shaun, an Irvin who pokes dead things for a good story and ratings, is usually there to watch her back. And despite the insults she gives him, George loves her brother dearly.
NOTE: The CDC stands for the Center for Disease Control. In the Feed universe, they have primary United States jurisdiction in infected areas and are actively searching for a cure to the whole zombie problem.
Sample Post: "I'm booooooored, George!" "Can't we find something dead to poke, George?" "I swear, we'll just be there an hour, George!" The next time my stupid Irvin of a brother convinces me to go along on one of his ratings jaunts, I hope someone has the brains to shoot me before I blindly go along without checking the place out online. I don't know who he found out about this camp from, but they were comically mistaken in their facts. Shaun was told that it was an abandoned summer camp with some undead roaming around, a Level 6 hazard zone at worst. We never dreamed that someone would be trapping live people in a zombie summer camp. Who would be suicidally crazy enough to be in charge of a place like this?
Apparently, the "Director" is. She even had the balls to ask me to be the camp's Disabilities Advocate via a text on my phone, and then emailed me camp's literature. It took me about two seconds to say hell no, just like any sane person would. Unfortunately, she then yanked my wireless connection and killed my cell phone coverage. That means I can't contact anyone to get this fixed or call the CDC for help. And, of course, I'm separated from Shaun right now because he just had to run the opposite way when we were ambushed by a zombie mob. He'd better find me soon so I can yell at him for all this and convince him to always let me scout out new places for him to explore.
At least, I've found a safe shelter for now. I've barricaded myself in a small cabin with a kid named Kupo. I don't know what kind of delusion he's laboring under, but he's clearly traumatized by being trapped here and is coping by wearing a white bear suit and saying his name over and over. At least, I think Kupo's his name. He's probably one of the kids I'm suppose to be an advocate for; if thinking you're a talking bear isn't a disability, I don't know what is.
While he's been Kupo-ing, I checked out the literature the Director sent me. It's a nice little marketing sham that she's got going on. "Liberate your mind and visit our cozy summer camp! Share your brains with like-minded individuals!" Shaun would get a kick out of it, if he were here. I don't know how many deluded people were taken in by the Director's bullshit or what her purpose is, and I don't care. It's going to stop now. As soon as I get out of here, this story's going to be shouted from the top of all servers, across all bandwidths. It'll go viral faster than a real virus and the CDC will be here in seconds. If the Director thought she could hush up a story this big, she picked the wrong Newsie to mess around with.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. NO ONE SAW THAT.
Character: Castiel
Series: Supernatural (on Wikipedia)
Character Age: He is a thousands-year-old angel, but is portrayed by an actor in his late 30s.
Job: Advanced Theological Studies Professor
Canon: Supernatural is about two brothers, Sam and Dean, who live in a world that is much like our own, except that things like ghosts and vampires exist and they hunt them. Angels are also real, and the brothers are first introduced to that idea (because somehow angels being real is weirder than werewolves being weird, but okay) through Castiel, an angel of the Lord who is sent to help them stop the Apocalypse. He starts off as an enigmatic figure who offers useful information and is possibly on their side, makes a definite turn to their side and becomes a tragic fallen angel until he's redeemed. At which point he starts rubbing shoulders with demons because he thinks he can save the world. Again.
Despite having lived for centuries, Castiel is still learning a lot about humans and what it means to be one and to experience complex emotions. He spent most of his life as a soldier that only followed orders and did what had to be done, but due to being influenced by Dean and Sam and humanity in general, ended up rebelling against Heaven in order to do the right thing. He's pushy, impatient, goal-oriented, and kind of a dick a lot of the time, partly due to often focusing on the bigger picture and getting the job done. He speaks more formally than the average person and can range between clipped and verbose depending on the situation, but he's learning about things like swearing due to being around humans. Despite all this his heart is usually in the right place and he will be fiercely loyal toward anyone who has made an impression on him.
Sample Post:
This place is worse than most. I have walked the Earth now, and seen many things. Most humans are oblivious to what is truly taking place around them. Here, it is different. Here children are made into soldiers. Here the dead walk. Here people are kept from their homes, from their goals and obligations. All under the "pretense" of "fun." I don't understand what is being accomplished here. I have far more important duties to attend to, but I've been confined to this... camp. Seeing how I'm unable to leave, I've decided to learn what I can. Perhaps I can find a solution, to what I was facing before my imprisonment.
You have stood out, Marcy, most of all. I've asked a number of people about you, but most of it was garbled. The undead here are particularly decayed. Perhaps it's the humidity. As for the other captives, they all have varying opinions about you. With no clear answers, I've tried to make my own conclusions. My first thought was the kraken. But once, long ago, I laid eyes on that creature. It was immense. Its teeth could tear a ship apart in seconds. You are much more docile. I have seen you reach out to those below and caress them with your many limbs. You do not strike me as hostile. You are not something to be hunted.
So if not a monster, then what? You are on high here, observing them. Watching. This is what my Father was meant to do. It's what we were all told He did do, and we believed it. But I know enough now to understand that belief is not enough. They will not follow you on faith alone, Marcy. Continue to reach out to them; wrap your arms around them. But that alone is not enough. If you have wisdom to share, share it. Find a messenger. I will do what I can to decipher your language, but I need time and this place is short on it. Or those birds may have more luck with comprehending you than I have. I will have to consult with them. If we can help this place heal, perhaps I can borrow your strength when I return to my own duties.
I will come again. We have much to talk about.
Poll Vote!
Character: Seymour Birkhoff
Series: Nikita (2010)
Age: late 20s / early 30s-ish
Job: Tech Support
Canon: There is a secret, black-ops organization (tm) funded by the United States government known only as "Division." Like all good secret, black-ops organizations (tm), Division has become corrupt over the years. Full of recruits with troubled pasts that have been molded into master assassins, Division has become its own entity, performing operations for fun and profit, even if they hurt their own - a fact which most recruits are unaware of. Enter Nikita. A former Division recruit, Nikita is now on a quest to take Division down, bring their crimes to light, and free the recruits and others operating under Division from the mercenary lives they lead.
Seymour Birkhoff doesn't quite fit into either of those categories. As Division's head technician, Birkhoff is in charge of all the computer systems and fancy gadgets that they use. As the "nerd" of the group, Birkhoff isn't exactly what one would call sociable; he'd much prefer to watch operations go down from behind a computer screen with a can of Red Bull in one hand, letting a flippant stream of commentary on the mission at hand flow as he pleases. He's smart and he knows it, a fact that he's always rubbing in people's faces. Birkhoff can be in-your-face and grating at times, especially when he thinks he's right and more often than not, he comes off as cranky and put upon because of it. He's always quick to back off and retreat to his monitors, however, when presented with a real threat. Bravery is not his strong suit. However, despite the fact that Birkhoff works for the shadiest people known to man, he himself does have a few morals buried deep, deep, deep down inside. There is a softer, gooey center to Birkhoff's hardened shell of jackassery - it just might require a pickaxe to reach it.
Sample Post:
Next.
Yeah, okay, whatever. State your name and the problem you're having with your techno- ... jesus christ. Okay, you, with the- you know what, my patience is shot to hell this evening so for my sanity, we're going to call that a skin condition. You, with the skin condition, will you set that laptop down already? I'm not running a charity here, despite what these apes have informed me via several lewd gestures that are so not your standard accepted sign language. So just hand the laptop over and I swear to god, if you take that as literally as the last kid with a "skin condition" did, I will strangle you with your own mouse cord.
Let's pop this baby open, run a scan, and see what your problem is. Besides the "Will it Blend" job on the casing, of course. Tell you what - how about we call this a voided warranty and move on? Don’t even try arguing with me on that one. These dings and scratches mess with the system. I mean, seriously, would you do this to a car? ... Don't answer that. Okay, your keyboard is unresponsive, which can happen for a number of reasons. In your case? It's because you're a slob who eats at the computer, and this gray ... matter thing that we're going to call a "steak" got stuck between the keys. Just take a tool later and clean out the keys- and no, your tongue is not a tool. Will you get your face out of my personal space already?!
Besides, the scan's finished anyway and let me tell you, the results are mind blowing. Because you see, that, my friend, is a virus. Make that a lot of viruses - damn, we could go ahead and call this an infestation. Where you got all of these from is another question entirely since this place has one hell of a firewall. Let me just tap into your browsing history and ... dude, seriously? "Ultra Kinky #109: Drillin' Your Grrrrilla"? "Primating for Goblow"? Those images are burned into my retinas now, thanks. Your ape fetish is showing, and it's also showing a hell of a lot of trojans - not the kind you'd use when getting your monkey jollies, for the record.
Damn. I ... no, I'm going to stick with "damn," because there aren’t really any other words for primate porn. This has been both educational and highly disturbing, and given the line of work I'm used to? That's impressive. You know what? If you ask me - and given that you're seeking my help on this thing, you are - I would actually be doing the world a favor by not repairing this machine. It's like Old Yeller in a way, if he were submitted to ape fetish vids on a nightly basis. Because sometimes, man, you’ve just gotta do the right thing. Look, it's not just this laptop that needs the fixing. Here's what you really need: a twelve step program, skin cream, and years of therapy. Okay? Okay. Now, take your glorified paper weight and go. And send the next idiot in while you're at it! ... And tell them to bring a bottle of tequila with them because man, what I've got in my thermos right now sure as hell isn't strong enough.
Poll Vote!
Character: Airachnid
Series: Transformers: Prime
Character Age: Like millions of Earth years
Job: Hunting Instructor
Canon: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, two factions of a race of robotic life-forms waged a long and brutal war--so long and brutal, in fact, that it left their homeworld uninhabitable, forcing both sides to leave in a Great Exodus. Now, many millennia later, the war has re-ignited on a distant world known as Earth, where the Autobots are once again waging their battles to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.
But all that's none of Airachnid's concern--or, at least, wasn't. Always a bit of a lone wolfspider, she went solo during the Exodus, abandoning the Decepticon "boys' club" (as she calls it) to take up a life of traveling from inhabited world to inhabited world and hunting indigenous sentient species for fun and trophies. She eventually crash-landed on Earth, where a series of embarrassing circumstances conspired to return her to the Decepticon fold.
Airachnid is, simply put, a sadist. Just hunting down her prey is never enough--she delights in playing games, in tormenting her targets emotionally and physically before finally finishing them off in some amusingly painful way. She gets a particular kick out of mentally breaking her foes by making them watch her torture and kill their loved ones. If she has any sort of redeeming feature at all, it's that, in spite of being a murderous loner, she does feel a certain degree of camaraderie with the Decepticons and is willing to go to bat against those who would hurt them. Alas, that tendency is easily overridden by her pragmatic self-interest; she's also quite willing to side with enemies if she thinks there's something in it for her.
Sample Post:
Hello, children, do make yourselves comfortable. I'd like to welcome you all to my beginning hunting class. Now, teaching a bunch of prey animals like yourselves how to be predators wouldn't exactly be my cup of tea, usually, but your dear Director cut a wonderful deal with me: I get to take the underperforming students' heads as trophies. Consider that a little extra incentive to excel. So, for our first lesson, what we'll be doing is playing a little game of hide and seek--one of my favorites. It's to test how well you can conceal yourselves, you see? That's as useful a skill for a hunter as it is for the hunted. Of course, the little deal I mentioned before will be in full effect! The first...let's say five students I find will be dropping the class. The next five will be assigned to clean up what's left of them. Now, now, don't look so frightened. I'm not a monster, you know--I'll give you all a nice head start. How does three minutes sound? I should note, though, that I started counting at the beginning of the class. That's right, better get moving, children!
...Sigh, children, this is downright disappointing. I had hoped that a group of students who were more or less physically and mentally intact might do better than my first group, who were all in some stage of decay. Would you like to know what happened to them, hmmm? Well, those of you who're trying to hide in the cornfield are probably tripping over some of their torsos right about now. Don't want to end up like them? Then don't bore me. If I can't get any fun out of finding you, I'm going to have to get it out of punishing you! And believe me, you won't find that any fun at all. You may find it educational, though--you'd be amazed how much your squishy little flesh-bodies can endure before they give out.
Haha! I see that got one of you riled up. Well done, child, I didn't see that coming. But while I admire your aggression, I'm afraid I can't give you full marks. Did you really think that Earth firearm you've been issued had a chance of taking me down? Listen well, children: you've got to know your limits, especially when you're hunting something bigger than you are. Sometimes, it's best to just cut your losses. But like I said, you do get partial credit. So instead of disemboweling you and mounting your head on my wall, you're going to point out to me your favorite classmate, and their head will be going up instead.
Tsk, what do you mean, "all my rewards are really just punishments?" I certainly find them all quite rewarding. Now go on and pick. You have until the count of five...
Poll Vote!
Character: Belus
Series: Tarot Cafe
Character Age: Early twenties
Job: Play Director
Canon: Pamela's life sucks. Her mother was killed as a witch, her draconian guardian was also killed and finally, when it was Pamela's turn to die, she found that she was immortal. Desperate, she made a deal with Belus in order to win her mortality. In return, Pamela had to find all the beads to Belial's necklace. 700 years later, in a small Tarot Cafe, Pamela is still working towards her goal, with the unscrutable Belus by her side.
Belus is a demon with problems, most of them having to do with his perpetual boredom. Vain, proud and flirtatous, Belus sees himself as above everyone else, preferring to dress up pretentiously and talk in riddles while showing off. While he may seem like nothing more than a pretty face, Belus can be vindictive and cruel when it suits him, as well as kind and loving. With an interest for physical and spiritual beauty, he seems wiser than he looks, often downplaying his own strengths. He is a man of many moods all in the name of having a good time himself.
Sample Entry:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
Shakespeare said it best, even after all this time. But of course, Shakespeare did everything better than everyone else. Can't fault true genius. It's too bad we can't have another one at the turn of the century, but I know you all tried your best. Though I'm not really sure at all, but let's keep our hopes high, shall we? I'm Belus. Yes, I know, I'm pretty. You may stare as long as you look, but I have a job to do and I think it would be rather entertaining, so let's actually get it done for once. I'm your Play Director which means I will be directing this production of Zombieo and Gorriliet. I'm not sure how I feel about the name, but I can see why it was chosen. So line up, audition and try not to burst into pieces when you're not picked. I have no patience for dramatics, unless they're the ones I've chosen.
Remember, when you audition, you are no longer a simple zombie or gorilla or even a mere toucan perched on the tree. You become the part, relive it, feel the exact same way as the character does. Submerge yourself into the role of Zombieo, feel the pain he felt at the last moments of his life. Oh, did I forget which scene you're auditioning for? I thought we should go straight to the best scene of the play, the fatal death. I do enjoy a fatality from time to time, provided it's done with heartbreak and emotion. Even the audience will love it, trust me. I know what's best for the production. If you want to sway your audience, it takes more than hollow eye sockets and slobbering jaws, though that does fit well with our theme. I've directed many plays over the ages, especially tragedies. And nothing can quite compare to the shock and horror reflected in the eyes of a doomed individual. But I've gone off-track. The point is, put every last bit of life into your acting or consider yourself dropped.
I'm glad we all know what to do. Luckily, I brought some props on the way here. Don't worry, the poison's not real and neither is the sword. They're too dangerous for my tastes and besides, I don't want to get my beautiful face all scratched up in an accident. Remember, you need to be the part, not just play it. That's it, ham it up. You are no longer a simple farm-zombie, you're Zombieo and the love of your life is dead. Take up your sword and join her in the afterlife. C'mon, plunge it in--Hold on. Was that a real sword? Whoops, I suppose I got them mixed up. Looks like the poison's real too. I guess this is why I'm the Play Director instead of the Props Manager.
At any rate, all's well that ends well. If you ever recover, come by and we'll put on one heck of a play.
Poll Vote!
Character: Georgia "George" Mason
Series: Feed by Mira Grant
Character Age: 22
Job: Disabilities Advocate
Canon: Imagine that in the process of curing cancer and the common cold, a virus is accidentally created that turns people into zombies when they die. Imagine a horrible summer where thirty-two percent of the world's population gets killed off in one fell swoop. Sounds like your typical zombie apocalypse story, right? Except Feed takes place twenty-five years after the zombie apocalypse and shows a world that is coping with the dead coming back to life. Coping so well, in fact, that the paparazzi, media, internet, and presidential elections are still going strong.
George Mason is a journalist blogger; specifically a Newsie, which is a journalist concerned with exposing the truth. George only ever wanted to be a Newsie her entire life and she's a good one. If a scandal is being covered up or injustice being done, she'll do her best to make sure the facts get out. She's one of the more respected Newsies in the blogging world, since she's fastidious at making sure she has the facts straight before releasing a story. She's also a blogger journalist who will go out into the zombie-infested world to find a story, instead of hiding behind a computer screen while waiting for one to come to her. George is afflicted with Retinal Kellis-Amberlee, which means her pupils are permanently dilated and don't contract in response to light. This makes life a little interesting, considering that she has to wear special sunglasses in natural or artificially lit areas or else she would be blinded. Fortunately, her brother Shaun, an Irvin who pokes dead things for a good story and ratings, is usually there to watch her back. And despite the insults she gives him, George loves her brother dearly.
NOTE: The CDC stands for the Center for Disease Control. In the Feed universe, they have primary United States jurisdiction in infected areas and are actively searching for a cure to the whole zombie problem.
Sample Post: "I'm booooooored, George!" "Can't we find something dead to poke, George?" "I swear, we'll just be there an hour, George!" The next time my stupid Irvin of a brother convinces me to go along on one of his ratings jaunts, I hope someone has the brains to shoot me before I blindly go along without checking the place out online. I don't know who he found out about this camp from, but they were comically mistaken in their facts. Shaun was told that it was an abandoned summer camp with some undead roaming around, a Level 6 hazard zone at worst. We never dreamed that someone would be trapping live people in a zombie summer camp. Who would be suicidally crazy enough to be in charge of a place like this?
Apparently, the "Director" is. She even had the balls to ask me to be the camp's Disabilities Advocate via a text on my phone, and then emailed me camp's literature. It took me about two seconds to say hell no, just like any sane person would. Unfortunately, she then yanked my wireless connection and killed my cell phone coverage. That means I can't contact anyone to get this fixed or call the CDC for help. And, of course, I'm separated from Shaun right now because he just had to run the opposite way when we were ambushed by a zombie mob. He'd better find me soon so I can yell at him for all this and convince him to always let me scout out new places for him to explore.
At least, I've found a safe shelter for now. I've barricaded myself in a small cabin with a kid named Kupo. I don't know what kind of delusion he's laboring under, but he's clearly traumatized by being trapped here and is coping by wearing a white bear suit and saying his name over and over. At least, I think Kupo's his name. He's probably one of the kids I'm suppose to be an advocate for; if thinking you're a talking bear isn't a disability, I don't know what is.
While he's been Kupo-ing, I checked out the literature the Director sent me. It's a nice little marketing sham that she's got going on. "Liberate your mind and visit our cozy summer camp! Share your brains with like-minded individuals!" Shaun would get a kick out of it, if he were here. I don't know how many deluded people were taken in by the Director's bullshit or what her purpose is, and I don't care. It's going to stop now. As soon as I get out of here, this story's going to be shouted from the top of all servers, across all bandwidths. It'll go viral faster than a real virus and the CDC will be here in seconds. If the Director thought she could hush up a story this big, she picked the wrong Newsie to mess around with.
Poll Vote!