(no subject)
More apps! There's a dup at the end of this batch. Sian's batch is still open, so be sure to vote on that as well!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closedddd.
Character: Katherine Pierce
Series: The Vampire Diaries
Age: at least several centuries old. Physically, 17.
Canon: In Mystic Falls, a town steeped in history and mystery, Elena Gilbert felt sad and out of place with no one to talk to but her diary. She was dealt a new hand of cards when she met a mysterious stranger who turned out to a vampire - Stefan Salvatore. Elena proceeded to fall head over heels in love with him, which is all well and good but nothing is ever that simple. With Stefan’s brother Damon stirring the pot of the town’s strange supernatural history, Elena’s friends changing all too fast and the encroaching threat of Stefan’s diabolical ex-girlfriend hanging over their relationship, Elena watches her life change around her all too quickly.
Said diabolical ex-girlfriend is otherwise known as Katherine. A vampiric duplicate of Elena, Katherine was the first to equal-opportunity date the Salvatore brothers. You know what they say about your first love: it always comes back to haunt you. When Katherine returns to Mystic Falls, she swears it is just to get Stefan back. The truth of the matter is far more ambiguous. A danger to everyone in the town, Katherine has a plan for every situation and her true purpose is a ~mystery~. Prone to being mocking and routinely an objectifier, Katherine loves to have fun, even - or especially - if it’s at the cost of others. Coquettish, selfish, and often melodramatic, Katherine is always sure to make things work just how she prefers them to, whether she has to flirt, lop off a finger, or exert the authority given to her by her age. And she’s sure of that authority - she’ll rip out your spleen and file her nails at the same time if she has to, but that’s Plan B. You’ll be just fine, so long as you don’t get in her way. ♥
Sample Post:
I’m quite impressed, Marcy. Not many people manage to contact me so easily. When we take the fact that you don’t have opposable thumbs into account, it was quite a feat. Though I suppose the fuzzy bearcat creature who delivered it may have had something to do with the success of your correspondence. Haha . . . there are a good few people in the world who’d be kind of pissed if they knew they could contact me through “MogNet”. I was surprised enough that I thought I’d come to meet you personally. Wasn’t that nice of me?
Anyway! To business. In your letter you asked me to join you in becoming a founding member of the Camp League of Evil Exes ... and I’ve had stranger offers. But isn’t evil a bit of a strong word? It hurts to be replaced, doesn’t it? I think you know exactly what I mean. I always take my time in scoping out a place before I do business of any kind, and it seems like there’s been a lot of sad changes in your recent past. The move from the swamp to this farmland has been tough on you, hasn’t it? People excuse it by saying that times change, but let’s face the facts, as bizarre as they may be. This place has dumped you, left you in a silo, and filled itself with cows. And you want revenge. Of course you do.
But starting some campy league isn’t going to get you what you want. I’m no stranger to taking revenge, and it works best when it isn’t so overblown. When you include costumes, you’re missing the point and I promise you it’s better when it’s personal. You don’t need a whole league of bitter hearts to get your point across. Fortunately for you .... there’s a few things in this camp that are very interesting to me. You never know when a girl might need to set up a magic barrier. Plus, I enjoy the novelty of making a deal with something quite as unique as you. So perhaps I’ll open a few doors for you and you can do what all those princesses trapped in towers should have done in those stories ... go out the back way.
As for what I want in return, don’t you worry. It’ll just be a few little favors. If I must specify, perhaps I’ll want . . . information. After all, no one’s been here as long as you have . . . I’m sure you know some things that’ll make my hair curl. But I’m not interested in the garden variety information, you know. That’s the deal. I’m going to help you relight your bad, bad romance, and in return you’re going to tell me everything you know about this place. All the dirty little secrets. Promise?
Right. I’ll consider the awkward grip of your tentacle as acceptance. Good luck with all your ... endeavors, Marcy. Remember, every love affair needs a bite to it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sam Evans
Series: Glee
Character Age: 16 years old
Canon: At Ohio's McKinley High, one dedicated glee club director has pulled together a group of students to form a high school show choir! With a healthy mixing of social misfits, cheerleaders, and even a jock or two, they've formed a formidable group of singers and dancers known as "New Directions." Their long-term goals? Well, they've got dreams of making it to Regionals--and maybe even Nationals! No dream is too big for them... except maybe avoiding getting slushies thrown in their faces by some of the close-minded jocks who see them as losers.
Meet Sam Evans, a transfer student and the latest addition to the Glee Club. As the new kid, he's still trying to figure out his way through the school's social networks. Despite the fact that he enjoys singing, he initially rejects the idea of joining New Directions due to fear of social alienation. After a football injury sidelines him, he decides to give the club a chance. He's a sweet guy, but he's a bit socially awkward and naive at times. He approaches life with a casual, zen outlook, and isn't easily fazed for very long. He's got his fair share of lame jokes and slightly nerdy interests--does anyone else here speak Na'vi? ...You know, those blue guys from Avatar? He does have some insecurities, though, most notably a fixation on his physical appearance. Overall, he's really just a decent, friendly teenage boy.
Sample Post:
Wow, I'm impressed. When I heard we were heading to the Midwest for a Halloween production, it sounded kind of strange, you know? It's not the first place that comes to mind when I think of terror and things that lurk in the night. Now, I'm not talking about the farmhouses. It's very Night of the Living Dead, and I can respect that. But that was in Pennsylvania, and that's just a whole different kind of scene from the Midwest. It's kind of like if you took Star Trek, and had Starfleet based on Mars instead of Earth.... It's possible that comparison made more sense in my head.
Anyway, I like that you're going for the look of the Night of the Living Dead zombies, with the classic shambling, braaaaains, and all the undeath. Don't get me wrong, I loved 28 Days Later as much as the next guy, but viral "zombies" don't feel true to the spirit of the zombie genre. It's all about the rotting flesh, the torn clothes, that whole dirty "I just dug my way out of my own grave" look. Not that I need to tell you about that, from what I'm seeing.
Man, you guys are really taking this show seriously. There's the costumes, the make-up, the terrifyingly realistic prop body parts lying around... That eyeball over there actually felt real. It was gross and cool all at the same time. And then there's that guy over there that keeps talking about wanting some dude's brains--and hey, I really did appreciate the offer to share once he finally gets his hands on some. Even if they are as tasty as he seemed to think, brains are off my diet. I've heard they're rich in cholesterol.
Since you've come here to help out, I'm guessing we're putting on a musical, right? I can't wait to hear what songs we're going to be doing. There's a lot of songs about zombies and Halloween stuff. There's always Thriller, that's a classic. Hey, what are those looks for? I'm hoping that my glee club will get to do that--
--Hey! Oh man, that's disgusting. I didn't know slushies came in soylent green flavor. ...Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that supposed to be people? You guys are really into this production, aren't you? That's kinda cool.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lloyd Irving
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Character Age: 19
Canon: The Tales of Symphonia series is about fate - namely, how it sucks and needs to be kicked to the curb. It's about discrimination, and how that also sucks: many of the core conflicts come down to the emnity between elves and humans, and especially the half-elves who get caught in the middle. It's about how it's not a good idea to trap people in jewels for a stat boost, or rely on grief-crazed teenagers to create your world religions in order to bring their dead sisters back. And last but not least, it's about how unfortunate it can be when squirrels have hissy fits at the wrong time. Those things are why the main party has to go on their journeys to reunite and save two worlds. But what DOES this series think is okay? The answer is obviously friendship.
Lloyd Irving is mostly an idiot, the kind who asks his five-years-younger best friend to do his homework for him and whines when no one will let him cheat. Though people naturally treat him as leader, he comes across as a confident, friendly, and stupid guy, even if he produces a SAT vocab word or an extraordinary insight now and then. He's at his most intimidating and suave when he barely talks; you just don't worry about someone naive enough that betrayals and plots almost always catch him napping. But if he hits you with something and tells you that you're his friend who has a right to live in the middle of your boss fight against him, it tends to take you off guard. When Lloyd's shocked and angry at his friends' destinies, he's willing to do his best to rewrite the rules of the world, with only two swords and a lot of attitude.
Sample Post:
It was sure brave of that nice Miss Sayre lady to come all this way to give me a tip-off about her friends. They've been taken prisoner! The brochure is talking like it's all fun and games, but I'm not fooled so easily. I bet anyone who wanted a long, hard ride in the hay that badly could find their own wagon. The double rainbow across the picture is pretty intense, but it's not bright enough to hide how all the "petting zoo attractions" are people, and sick ones at that. Look at their skin hanging off - and it says right here that they're not allowed to have their normal diet! They call it a farm, but everyone already knows that "human ranch" is a way to say prison. Ugh, I'm tired of this - if this is what humans are getting, I don't want to see how the half-elves are treated. Can't you people think of any better way to get what you want than locking up someone you don't like? Everyone has to learn to stop relying on other people for their goals unless you're sure to get their consent first! We only have one life to live, so we should be living it to the fullest with our friends, not causing everyone else unhappiness. I've gotta get on the ball and see what's going on here. It'll be a hard nut to crack, but when it comes to places like this, I'm a nutcracker.
...though if the entrance exam this thing is talking about is anything to go by, this might be my hardest job yet. I hope my handwriting is still good enough to read. The one fortune teller said it looked friendly!
I'm In Character
by Lloyd
Hello, my name is Lloyd Irving. I'm nineteen years old and I was born in Iselia don't know where I was born, but I grew up in Iselia, in Sylvarant. My adopted dad says I fell off a cliff! Some people call me Lloyd the Great because I did some things to help the Chosen of Regeneration reunite the worlds, but that makes me feel kind of weird. I'm on a secret mission right now, so I'd rather you call me Lloyd Irving, Undercover Agent! (I'm pretty great, though.)
But I don't get what I'm supposed to say about my voice. It's kind of deep? If I talk too much people say it's annoying? If I get a cold it gets all scratchy? This is the dumbest thing ever, I give up, this is always what happens when I try to do my homework. Blah blah. How many words is this?
One hundred fifty. Half of what I'm supposed to have, if the crossed out words count. That's pretty good, right? A for effort! Who cares, it was a stupid assignment, I don't know why they'd require it. Three to six hundred words about my voice? "Use the commonly accepted formatting"? They didn't even say anywhere what the format should BE! They're crazy, no one can travel and think about this stuff at the same time! I bet my brain overheats. I'm just going to end up breaking in, no matter what I write...
Whatever. There's no point in finishing early! I have time left anyway - I bet no one does these till the last minute. What's the worst that could happen?
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Dave Strider
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: 13 years old
Canon: Welcome to Homestuck- where four young children with vocabularies FAR beyond their ages are playing a game that warps the very fabric of reality and summons the apocalypse, where time-travel is a way of life and the most badass bunny ever must be put back in the box. In order to beat the game the kids must keep their heads cool and overcome many dangerous foes, as well as survive the well-intentioned but often profanity laced and irate assistance of some trolls with experience in the game…
And you when you talk about cool heads, you’re talking about Dave Strider. So cool that he can never be seen without his shades or express any sentiment without a heaping dose of abrasive behaviour and wordy witticisms sprinkled in, Dave is at first glance an insufferable ’cool kid’-prick that would drive any sane person insane in seconds. Fortunately, there is more to him than constantly being in your face and ironically disdainful of your lameness. Dig a little deeper and you will see that Dave is willing to do anything for his friends. He will fight for them, sacrifice himself for them and even stomach their completely sincere love for bad movies, cartoons and pretentious prose because they are his crew and he is theirs. Dave will never miss an opportunity to hype them up as the bees knees and be there when you need him to be there (which is partially made easier because he develops the power to manipulate time over the course of the game), and is generally the nicest insufferable prick you’re ever gonna meet. Just don’t expect him to ever express this nice side without couching it in layers and layers of irony, strange metaphors and smart-ass sasstalk, and you have a loyal friend in Dave Strider... as long as you don’t expose him to plush puppets. There is no irony in his heart for them- only screaming terror.
Note: all the characters in Homestuck have a unique way of writing. Dave talks in red text without any caps and very little punctuation.
Sample Post:
-- turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo posted by CampsFuckingFauna--
TG: okay see im cool with the anthro-subcultural scene as long as it’s not getting up in my grill
TG: and this is the fucking definition of up in my grill
TG: talking farmland critters in my face like im walt disney and theyre begging me to not go lemmingcide on their asses
TG: trying to convince me i have won a trip to the land of fucking and death
TG: newsflash: we call that ’earth’- theres this whole history there of people doing very little but fucking and dying
TG: its not as new or as cool as you think and it doesn’t make your little haven against fursecution any more special than your regular sweaty nerd convention
TG: so im just gonna turn down the golden ticket to this wonderfarmland and give it to some young pup buying his first set of catears
TG: hell appreciate it more than i wi
TG: is that a giant squid?
TG: thats some elder god looking fucker right there
TG: like your combined repressed sexual fucked-upitude summoned some divine being of depravity that requires strapping young virgin sacrifices to keep up your plentiful pocky harvests
cravings that apparently you think i should go over there and appease
TG: which first of all is kind of impossible seeing as my sheer awesome is making you people pregnant as we speak
TG: with children you are far too weak to carry so sorry in advance for when they burst out of your spontaneously formed wombs
TG: and second i am not letting something that’s more wrong than a whole room full of plushass anywhere near me
TG: and anyone who thinks otherwise will be on the receiving end of a beatdown so legendary that those who live to tell the tale will be like babies reciting shakespeare
TG: you know theres some deep truthful shit about humanity somewhere in there but damn if you can hear it through the drooling and diaper-soaking
TG: whats that? baby dont approve of my in your face ways and think i should take a chillpill?
TG: then let me make something perfectly gogdamn clear here
TG: on another world and time three kids are trying to beat a game or die trying
TG: and if im not there to watch their backs they can just bend over and spell out ’goodbye’ on their collectively screwed sphincters with their damn tongues
TG: so hey thanks a whole lot for offering me some bullshit vacation to farmville pedo edition but I can seriously not do this right now so either back the hell outta my way or get ready to lose limbs
TG: easy choice show me the way out or decap attack slick as a ninja mac on a skateboard track
TG: what will it be homes?
TG: yeah i thought you would go for the option that ends with you guys alive
TG: ill just head for the exitgate you guys pointed out to me like the suavest and most gullible mofo you ever seen
TG: just gonna go step into this here barn that im sure is not at all some kind of clever ambush
TG: that i wont just undo by rewinding time yes sir just gonna walk into this barn
TG: this barn full with
TG: bulbous plush rumps and
TG: plushie chtulhus with the tentacles and the rumps and
TG: you have won the battle you sick fuckers but the war has only begun
Applicant #2
Character: Dave Strider (screen name turntechGodhead [TG])
Series: Homestuck
Age: 13
Canon: Homestuck is a multi-layered adventure involving apocalyptic virtual worlds, time travel, and a very complicated game of chess. It all begins when four friends fall into a mysterious place called the medium after they unwittingly initiate the end of the world by playing a computer game. At first this game seems like nothing more than a complicated house building simulator, but it all too quickly becomes clear that Sburb, the game, is much more than that. At first, they believe that the point of the game is to save the world but they soon find out this is impossible.
Dave Strider, one of the children to enter the game, is the very epitome of the cool kid. Specifically, the cool kid who thinks you're alright but does not have time for your bullshit. Raised since birth to defy physics, fight with ninja swords and be ironic, he seems to have every reason to wave others off. He’s very self aware about being cool, and that being cool is lame, but even that is lame, and he represents this ideal ironically, something that is all but religion to him. His very existence is a mockery to advertisements and video game representations where hapless marketing strategists attempt to appeal to a young demographic with visual cues (sunglasses, skateboards, “street” culture) to amuse himself and anyone who shares in this understanding.
NOTE: (Dave doesnt type using capitalization basic puntuation or even apostrophes. Commas are rare, though occasionally show up. For ease, in this app I will use sparse punctuation and omit the red text. It should also be noted that, at any given moment, Dave is wont to spin out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS and drop PHAT RHYMES. He is also known to straight up REPRESENT.)
SAMPLE POST
> BE DAVE
You are now DAVE STRIDER. You are somewhere you shouldn't be, which is to say you are exactly where you want to be. There are a lot of buttons in front of you, a broken lock behind you. After a single, dramatic pause you hit a switch to turn on loudspeakers generally used for announcements to send a very special message to the entire camp.
To the camp where fuckers die:
It must be fucking Christmas up in here
Shit, I’ll be Santa
Get ready to get your stocking stuffed
Because I’m flying by, dropping off some lyrical candy
And you best digest these phat rhymes
To everyone out there in the fields
And everyone in your cabins
And all you other motherfuckers who can hear me
I’m gonna make you feel me
Crushed under the weight of this rhythm
Whoever you are
Wherever you are
And in case you didn’t know?
I’m runnin' this shit
> DROP THAT BEAT
You proceed to drop that beat. Using your TIMETABLES, you make some magic happen.
> SPIT SOME RHYMES FOR THESE POOR MOFOS
You're about to get clocked into another fucking time zone
Strider's got the mic so it's a mother fucking crime zone
Hope you’re not burn prone
Because I flow like a firestorm
Your mind blown
That's my main intention
My rhymes'll get you so high
Bitch you will need an intervention
Only protection's prevention
But now you're lyin’ infected
Expect the unexpected
Cause when I spit it's hard to deal with
All the erections I've erected
So real so sublime
Let's make this moment last a lifetime
Lifeline
We're intertwined now
Guess you're mine now
And if you're not, guess who's got nothin’ but time now
Now and forever
Actually, you know what?
Whatever.
> CONTINUE TO DISTRIBUTE FINE LYRICAL CANDY
Nah.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closedddd.
Character: Katherine Pierce
Series: The Vampire Diaries
Age: at least several centuries old. Physically, 17.
Canon: In Mystic Falls, a town steeped in history and mystery, Elena Gilbert felt sad and out of place with no one to talk to but her diary. She was dealt a new hand of cards when she met a mysterious stranger who turned out to a vampire - Stefan Salvatore. Elena proceeded to fall head over heels in love with him, which is all well and good but nothing is ever that simple. With Stefan’s brother Damon stirring the pot of the town’s strange supernatural history, Elena’s friends changing all too fast and the encroaching threat of Stefan’s diabolical ex-girlfriend hanging over their relationship, Elena watches her life change around her all too quickly.
Said diabolical ex-girlfriend is otherwise known as Katherine. A vampiric duplicate of Elena, Katherine was the first to equal-opportunity date the Salvatore brothers. You know what they say about your first love: it always comes back to haunt you. When Katherine returns to Mystic Falls, she swears it is just to get Stefan back. The truth of the matter is far more ambiguous. A danger to everyone in the town, Katherine has a plan for every situation and her true purpose is a ~mystery~. Prone to being mocking and routinely an objectifier, Katherine loves to have fun, even - or especially - if it’s at the cost of others. Coquettish, selfish, and often melodramatic, Katherine is always sure to make things work just how she prefers them to, whether she has to flirt, lop off a finger, or exert the authority given to her by her age. And she’s sure of that authority - she’ll rip out your spleen and file her nails at the same time if she has to, but that’s Plan B. You’ll be just fine, so long as you don’t get in her way. ♥
Sample Post:
I’m quite impressed, Marcy. Not many people manage to contact me so easily. When we take the fact that you don’t have opposable thumbs into account, it was quite a feat. Though I suppose the fuzzy bearcat creature who delivered it may have had something to do with the success of your correspondence. Haha . . . there are a good few people in the world who’d be kind of pissed if they knew they could contact me through “MogNet”. I was surprised enough that I thought I’d come to meet you personally. Wasn’t that nice of me?
Anyway! To business. In your letter you asked me to join you in becoming a founding member of the Camp League of Evil Exes ... and I’ve had stranger offers. But isn’t evil a bit of a strong word? It hurts to be replaced, doesn’t it? I think you know exactly what I mean. I always take my time in scoping out a place before I do business of any kind, and it seems like there’s been a lot of sad changes in your recent past. The move from the swamp to this farmland has been tough on you, hasn’t it? People excuse it by saying that times change, but let’s face the facts, as bizarre as they may be. This place has dumped you, left you in a silo, and filled itself with cows. And you want revenge. Of course you do.
But starting some campy league isn’t going to get you what you want. I’m no stranger to taking revenge, and it works best when it isn’t so overblown. When you include costumes, you’re missing the point and I promise you it’s better when it’s personal. You don’t need a whole league of bitter hearts to get your point across. Fortunately for you .... there’s a few things in this camp that are very interesting to me. You never know when a girl might need to set up a magic barrier. Plus, I enjoy the novelty of making a deal with something quite as unique as you. So perhaps I’ll open a few doors for you and you can do what all those princesses trapped in towers should have done in those stories ... go out the back way.
As for what I want in return, don’t you worry. It’ll just be a few little favors. If I must specify, perhaps I’ll want . . . information. After all, no one’s been here as long as you have . . . I’m sure you know some things that’ll make my hair curl. But I’m not interested in the garden variety information, you know. That’s the deal. I’m going to help you relight your bad, bad romance, and in return you’re going to tell me everything you know about this place. All the dirty little secrets. Promise?
Right. I’ll consider the awkward grip of your tentacle as acceptance. Good luck with all your ... endeavors, Marcy. Remember, every love affair needs a bite to it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sam Evans
Series: Glee
Character Age: 16 years old
Canon: At Ohio's McKinley High, one dedicated glee club director has pulled together a group of students to form a high school show choir! With a healthy mixing of social misfits, cheerleaders, and even a jock or two, they've formed a formidable group of singers and dancers known as "New Directions." Their long-term goals? Well, they've got dreams of making it to Regionals--and maybe even Nationals! No dream is too big for them... except maybe avoiding getting slushies thrown in their faces by some of the close-minded jocks who see them as losers.
Meet Sam Evans, a transfer student and the latest addition to the Glee Club. As the new kid, he's still trying to figure out his way through the school's social networks. Despite the fact that he enjoys singing, he initially rejects the idea of joining New Directions due to fear of social alienation. After a football injury sidelines him, he decides to give the club a chance. He's a sweet guy, but he's a bit socially awkward and naive at times. He approaches life with a casual, zen outlook, and isn't easily fazed for very long. He's got his fair share of lame jokes and slightly nerdy interests--does anyone else here speak Na'vi? ...You know, those blue guys from Avatar? He does have some insecurities, though, most notably a fixation on his physical appearance. Overall, he's really just a decent, friendly teenage boy.
Sample Post:
Wow, I'm impressed. When I heard we were heading to the Midwest for a Halloween production, it sounded kind of strange, you know? It's not the first place that comes to mind when I think of terror and things that lurk in the night. Now, I'm not talking about the farmhouses. It's very Night of the Living Dead, and I can respect that. But that was in Pennsylvania, and that's just a whole different kind of scene from the Midwest. It's kind of like if you took Star Trek, and had Starfleet based on Mars instead of Earth.... It's possible that comparison made more sense in my head.
Anyway, I like that you're going for the look of the Night of the Living Dead zombies, with the classic shambling, braaaaains, and all the undeath. Don't get me wrong, I loved 28 Days Later as much as the next guy, but viral "zombies" don't feel true to the spirit of the zombie genre. It's all about the rotting flesh, the torn clothes, that whole dirty "I just dug my way out of my own grave" look. Not that I need to tell you about that, from what I'm seeing.
Man, you guys are really taking this show seriously. There's the costumes, the make-up, the terrifyingly realistic prop body parts lying around... That eyeball over there actually felt real. It was gross and cool all at the same time. And then there's that guy over there that keeps talking about wanting some dude's brains--and hey, I really did appreciate the offer to share once he finally gets his hands on some. Even if they are as tasty as he seemed to think, brains are off my diet. I've heard they're rich in cholesterol.
Since you've come here to help out, I'm guessing we're putting on a musical, right? I can't wait to hear what songs we're going to be doing. There's a lot of songs about zombies and Halloween stuff. There's always Thriller, that's a classic. Hey, what are those looks for? I'm hoping that my glee club will get to do that--
--Hey! Oh man, that's disgusting. I didn't know slushies came in soylent green flavor. ...Hey, wait a minute. Isn't that supposed to be people? You guys are really into this production, aren't you? That's kinda cool.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lloyd Irving
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Character Age: 19
Canon: The Tales of Symphonia series is about fate - namely, how it sucks and needs to be kicked to the curb. It's about discrimination, and how that also sucks: many of the core conflicts come down to the emnity between elves and humans, and especially the half-elves who get caught in the middle. It's about how it's not a good idea to trap people in jewels for a stat boost, or rely on grief-crazed teenagers to create your world religions in order to bring their dead sisters back. And last but not least, it's about how unfortunate it can be when squirrels have hissy fits at the wrong time. Those things are why the main party has to go on their journeys to reunite and save two worlds. But what DOES this series think is okay? The answer is obviously friendship.
Lloyd Irving is mostly an idiot, the kind who asks his five-years-younger best friend to do his homework for him and whines when no one will let him cheat. Though people naturally treat him as leader, he comes across as a confident, friendly, and stupid guy, even if he produces a SAT vocab word or an extraordinary insight now and then. He's at his most intimidating and suave when he barely talks; you just don't worry about someone naive enough that betrayals and plots almost always catch him napping. But if he hits you with something and tells you that you're his friend who has a right to live in the middle of your boss fight against him, it tends to take you off guard. When Lloyd's shocked and angry at his friends' destinies, he's willing to do his best to rewrite the rules of the world, with only two swords and a lot of attitude.
Sample Post:
It was sure brave of that nice Miss Sayre lady to come all this way to give me a tip-off about her friends. They've been taken prisoner! The brochure is talking like it's all fun and games, but I'm not fooled so easily. I bet anyone who wanted a long, hard ride in the hay that badly could find their own wagon. The double rainbow across the picture is pretty intense, but it's not bright enough to hide how all the "petting zoo attractions" are people, and sick ones at that. Look at their skin hanging off - and it says right here that they're not allowed to have their normal diet! They call it a farm, but everyone already knows that "human ranch" is a way to say prison. Ugh, I'm tired of this - if this is what humans are getting, I don't want to see how the half-elves are treated. Can't you people think of any better way to get what you want than locking up someone you don't like? Everyone has to learn to stop relying on other people for their goals unless you're sure to get their consent first! We only have one life to live, so we should be living it to the fullest with our friends, not causing everyone else unhappiness. I've gotta get on the ball and see what's going on here. It'll be a hard nut to crack, but when it comes to places like this, I'm a nutcracker.
...though if the entrance exam this thing is talking about is anything to go by, this might be my hardest job yet. I hope my handwriting is still good enough to read. The one fortune teller said it looked friendly!
I'm In Character
by Lloyd
Hello, my name is Lloyd Irving. I'm nineteen years old and I was born in Iselia don't know where I was born, but I grew up in Iselia, in Sylvarant. My adopted dad says I fell off a cliff! Some people call me Lloyd the Great because I did some things to help the Chosen of Regeneration reunite the worlds, but that makes me feel kind of weird. I'm on a secret mission right now, so I'd rather you call me Lloyd Irving, Undercover Agent! (I'm pretty great, though.)
But I don't get what I'm supposed to say about my voice. It's kind of deep? If I talk too much people say it's annoying? If I get a cold it gets all scratchy? This is the dumbest thing ever, I give up, this is always what happens when I try to do my homework. Blah blah. How many words is this?
One hundred fifty. Half of what I'm supposed to have, if the crossed out words count. That's pretty good, right? A for effort! Who cares, it was a stupid assignment, I don't know why they'd require it. Three to six hundred words about my voice? "Use the commonly accepted formatting"? They didn't even say anywhere what the format should BE! They're crazy, no one can travel and think about this stuff at the same time! I bet my brain overheats. I'm just going to end up breaking in, no matter what I write...
Whatever. There's no point in finishing early! I have time left anyway - I bet no one does these till the last minute. What's the worst that could happen?
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Dave Strider
Series: Homestuck
Character Age: 13 years old
Canon: Welcome to Homestuck- where four young children with vocabularies FAR beyond their ages are playing a game that warps the very fabric of reality and summons the apocalypse, where time-travel is a way of life and the most badass bunny ever must be put back in the box. In order to beat the game the kids must keep their heads cool and overcome many dangerous foes, as well as survive the well-intentioned but often profanity laced and irate assistance of some trolls with experience in the game…
And you when you talk about cool heads, you’re talking about Dave Strider. So cool that he can never be seen without his shades or express any sentiment without a heaping dose of abrasive behaviour and wordy witticisms sprinkled in, Dave is at first glance an insufferable ’cool kid’-prick that would drive any sane person insane in seconds. Fortunately, there is more to him than constantly being in your face and ironically disdainful of your lameness. Dig a little deeper and you will see that Dave is willing to do anything for his friends. He will fight for them, sacrifice himself for them and even stomach their completely sincere love for bad movies, cartoons and pretentious prose because they are his crew and he is theirs. Dave will never miss an opportunity to hype them up as the bees knees and be there when you need him to be there (which is partially made easier because he develops the power to manipulate time over the course of the game), and is generally the nicest insufferable prick you’re ever gonna meet. Just don’t expect him to ever express this nice side without couching it in layers and layers of irony, strange metaphors and smart-ass sasstalk, and you have a loyal friend in Dave Strider... as long as you don’t expose him to plush puppets. There is no irony in his heart for them- only screaming terror.
Note: all the characters in Homestuck have a unique way of writing. Dave talks in red text without any caps and very little punctuation.
Sample Post:
-- turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo posted by CampsFuckingFauna--
TG: okay see im cool with the anthro-subcultural scene as long as it’s not getting up in my grill
TG: and this is the fucking definition of up in my grill
TG: talking farmland critters in my face like im walt disney and theyre begging me to not go lemmingcide on their asses
TG: trying to convince me i have won a trip to the land of fucking and death
TG: newsflash: we call that ’earth’- theres this whole history there of people doing very little but fucking and dying
TG: its not as new or as cool as you think and it doesn’t make your little haven against fursecution any more special than your regular sweaty nerd convention
TG: so im just gonna turn down the golden ticket to this wonderfarmland and give it to some young pup buying his first set of catears
TG: hell appreciate it more than i wi
TG: is that a giant squid?
TG: thats some elder god looking fucker right there
TG: like your combined repressed sexual fucked-upitude summoned some divine being of depravity that requires strapping young virgin sacrifices to keep up your plentiful pocky harvests
cravings that apparently you think i should go over there and appease
TG: which first of all is kind of impossible seeing as my sheer awesome is making you people pregnant as we speak
TG: with children you are far too weak to carry so sorry in advance for when they burst out of your spontaneously formed wombs
TG: and second i am not letting something that’s more wrong than a whole room full of plushass anywhere near me
TG: and anyone who thinks otherwise will be on the receiving end of a beatdown so legendary that those who live to tell the tale will be like babies reciting shakespeare
TG: you know theres some deep truthful shit about humanity somewhere in there but damn if you can hear it through the drooling and diaper-soaking
TG: whats that? baby dont approve of my in your face ways and think i should take a chillpill?
TG: then let me make something perfectly gogdamn clear here
TG: on another world and time three kids are trying to beat a game or die trying
TG: and if im not there to watch their backs they can just bend over and spell out ’goodbye’ on their collectively screwed sphincters with their damn tongues
TG: so hey thanks a whole lot for offering me some bullshit vacation to farmville pedo edition but I can seriously not do this right now so either back the hell outta my way or get ready to lose limbs
TG: easy choice show me the way out or decap attack slick as a ninja mac on a skateboard track
TG: what will it be homes?
TG: yeah i thought you would go for the option that ends with you guys alive
TG: ill just head for the exitgate you guys pointed out to me like the suavest and most gullible mofo you ever seen
TG: just gonna go step into this here barn that im sure is not at all some kind of clever ambush
TG: that i wont just undo by rewinding time yes sir just gonna walk into this barn
TG: this barn full with
TG: bulbous plush rumps and
TG: plushie chtulhus with the tentacles and the rumps and
TG: you have won the battle you sick fuckers but the war has only begun
Applicant #2
Character: Dave Strider (screen name turntechGodhead [TG])
Series: Homestuck
Age: 13
Canon: Homestuck is a multi-layered adventure involving apocalyptic virtual worlds, time travel, and a very complicated game of chess. It all begins when four friends fall into a mysterious place called the medium after they unwittingly initiate the end of the world by playing a computer game. At first this game seems like nothing more than a complicated house building simulator, but it all too quickly becomes clear that Sburb, the game, is much more than that. At first, they believe that the point of the game is to save the world but they soon find out this is impossible.
Dave Strider, one of the children to enter the game, is the very epitome of the cool kid. Specifically, the cool kid who thinks you're alright but does not have time for your bullshit. Raised since birth to defy physics, fight with ninja swords and be ironic, he seems to have every reason to wave others off. He’s very self aware about being cool, and that being cool is lame, but even that is lame, and he represents this ideal ironically, something that is all but religion to him. His very existence is a mockery to advertisements and video game representations where hapless marketing strategists attempt to appeal to a young demographic with visual cues (sunglasses, skateboards, “street” culture) to amuse himself and anyone who shares in this understanding.
NOTE: (Dave doesnt type using capitalization basic puntuation or even apostrophes. Commas are rare, though occasionally show up. For ease, in this app I will use sparse punctuation and omit the red text. It should also be noted that, at any given moment, Dave is wont to spin out UNBELIEVABLY ILL JAMS and drop PHAT RHYMES. He is also known to straight up REPRESENT.)
SAMPLE POST
> BE DAVE
You are now DAVE STRIDER. You are somewhere you shouldn't be, which is to say you are exactly where you want to be. There are a lot of buttons in front of you, a broken lock behind you. After a single, dramatic pause you hit a switch to turn on loudspeakers generally used for announcements to send a very special message to the entire camp.
To the camp where fuckers die:
It must be fucking Christmas up in here
Shit, I’ll be Santa
Get ready to get your stocking stuffed
Because I’m flying by, dropping off some lyrical candy
And you best digest these phat rhymes
To everyone out there in the fields
And everyone in your cabins
And all you other motherfuckers who can hear me
I’m gonna make you feel me
Crushed under the weight of this rhythm
Whoever you are
Wherever you are
And in case you didn’t know?
I’m runnin' this shit
> DROP THAT BEAT
You proceed to drop that beat. Using your TIMETABLES, you make some magic happen.
> SPIT SOME RHYMES FOR THESE POOR MOFOS
You're about to get clocked into another fucking time zone
Strider's got the mic so it's a mother fucking crime zone
Hope you’re not burn prone
Because I flow like a firestorm
Your mind blown
That's my main intention
My rhymes'll get you so high
Bitch you will need an intervention
Only protection's prevention
But now you're lyin’ infected
Expect the unexpected
Cause when I spit it's hard to deal with
All the erections I've erected
So real so sublime
Let's make this moment last a lifetime
Lifeline
We're intertwined now
Guess you're mine now
And if you're not, guess who's got nothin’ but time now
Now and forever
Actually, you know what?
Whatever.
> CONTINUE TO DISTRIBUTE FINE LYRICAL CANDY
Nah.
Poll Vote!