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OH GMAIL. This one got lost in the filters et all but VOTE on it too prz. Closed!
Character: Katsura Kotarou
Series: Gintama
Character Age: Late 20s
Job: Nutritionist
Canon: Gintama is about an alternative universe Tokyo where instead of white dudes colonizing, space aliens are invading. In case this sounds like a serious historical drama, it’s not. Gintama is a crack series full of meta that likes to talk about Gin’s balls. That’s testicles, not sports’ balls or dragonballs like other good natured shounen series.
Katsura is the leader of a nationalist group against Japan’s current government, which is ruled by the invading aliens. Respected by his followers, and very wanted by the government police (AKA the Shinsengumi), you might think Katsura is a competent person. Well... he is when plot and lives are at stake, but otherwise not so much. Prone to self-absorbed narration, easily influenced by the mood, and not the most logical man around, even the rest of Gintama’s cast think he’s coo coo nuts. If Gintama is like 4chan with its outrageous and gross humor, Katsura is like /b/, the most random, freakiest one of all. An old-fashioned weirdo who takes everything very seriously, he’s like that insane guy who sounds perfectly normal until you realize his cute pet he keeps talking about is actually a hairy man in a duck suit.
But the most important thing you need to know about Katsura is that he really likes to be called his proper name. Unfortunately, most people call him ‘Zura’ for short, which will produce the response, “It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!” This response is so hard-wired into Katsura’s brain, it happens every time he appears, without fail. “I’m not stupid, I’m Katsura”, “I’m not a moron, I’m Katsura”, “I’m not okay, I’m Katsura!”
Sample Entry:
When I told the taxi driver to take me to the dawn of a new Japan, I did not mean a farm like this, with its amber waves of grain. Everybody knows the Japanese eat rice while Westerners eat bread. The only bread I would eat would be a national bread, a Japanese bread... a Japanese pan, JA-PAN!! Baked by our country’s fine youth with their sunny hands and smiles, surely Ja-pan is a young man’s burning dream, somewhere... In any case, bread is too rich. Decadent foods, like parfaits and strawberry milk, will lead to decadent lifestyles, which will rot the samurai’s soul. I can already see them rotting. Yes, your souls have already rotted through, and now your bodies are following suit. It’s not “braaaiiins,” it’s Katsura, and starting today, I’ll be your nutritionist.
Let’s start with the basics: the food pyramid. Grains are on the bottom, followed by fruits and veggies, followed by protein and dairy, and so on and so on. That means you should eat the most grains, like rice or soba or corn porridge-- it’s not “Atkins,” it’s corn porridge! Just who is this Atkins fellow? ...So, according to Atkins, carbs are the enemy, and that’s why you partake in a high protein, brains-only diet. Hmph. Atkins? More like Fatkins; the real enemy is the Shinsengumi! The proof is in the pudding, my trusty food pyramid wouldn’t lie to us.
See how sturdy our grain base i-- aah! Who’s this shady figure ascending my trusty food pyramid? And why are the food categories vertical? Up is down, left is right, right is wrong, mypyramid.gov is-- dot... gov? I see. “My pyramid” has been a government ruse the entire time, a disgusting piece of alien propaganda. Come! Let us join hands and build a new pyramid, for our future and the dawn of a new polygon. Now, what kind of shape can I build with all these extra zombie hands? Maybe a turkey shape?
Like this!
Everyone! Keep your fingers from falling off, you’ll need all of them to create the optimum turkey shape!
But turkeys... such a high protein food... I see. The hand-turkey shape was a trap all along. This Atkins is a clever enemy. As your nutritionist, I must learn to pick and choose my battles. So instead of focusing on food, I will now turn my attention towards exercise. It’s not you saying “please dieeeee,” it’s me saying “please diet!”
Poll Vote!
Character: Katsura Kotarou
Series: Gintama
Character Age: Late 20s
Job: Nutritionist
Canon: Gintama is about an alternative universe Tokyo where instead of white dudes colonizing, space aliens are invading. In case this sounds like a serious historical drama, it’s not. Gintama is a crack series full of meta that likes to talk about Gin’s balls. That’s testicles, not sports’ balls or dragonballs like other good natured shounen series.
Katsura is the leader of a nationalist group against Japan’s current government, which is ruled by the invading aliens. Respected by his followers, and very wanted by the government police (AKA the Shinsengumi), you might think Katsura is a competent person. Well... he is when plot and lives are at stake, but otherwise not so much. Prone to self-absorbed narration, easily influenced by the mood, and not the most logical man around, even the rest of Gintama’s cast think he’s coo coo nuts. If Gintama is like 4chan with its outrageous and gross humor, Katsura is like /b/, the most random, freakiest one of all. An old-fashioned weirdo who takes everything very seriously, he’s like that insane guy who sounds perfectly normal until you realize his cute pet he keeps talking about is actually a hairy man in a duck suit.
But the most important thing you need to know about Katsura is that he really likes to be called his proper name. Unfortunately, most people call him ‘Zura’ for short, which will produce the response, “It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!” This response is so hard-wired into Katsura’s brain, it happens every time he appears, without fail. “I’m not stupid, I’m Katsura”, “I’m not a moron, I’m Katsura”, “I’m not okay, I’m Katsura!”
Sample Entry:
When I told the taxi driver to take me to the dawn of a new Japan, I did not mean a farm like this, with its amber waves of grain. Everybody knows the Japanese eat rice while Westerners eat bread. The only bread I would eat would be a national bread, a Japanese bread... a Japanese pan, JA-PAN!! Baked by our country’s fine youth with their sunny hands and smiles, surely Ja-pan is a young man’s burning dream, somewhere... In any case, bread is too rich. Decadent foods, like parfaits and strawberry milk, will lead to decadent lifestyles, which will rot the samurai’s soul. I can already see them rotting. Yes, your souls have already rotted through, and now your bodies are following suit. It’s not “braaaiiins,” it’s Katsura, and starting today, I’ll be your nutritionist.
Let’s start with the basics: the food pyramid. Grains are on the bottom, followed by fruits and veggies, followed by protein and dairy, and so on and so on. That means you should eat the most grains, like rice or soba or corn porridge-- it’s not “Atkins,” it’s corn porridge! Just who is this Atkins fellow? ...So, according to Atkins, carbs are the enemy, and that’s why you partake in a high protein, brains-only diet. Hmph. Atkins? More like Fatkins; the real enemy is the Shinsengumi! The proof is in the pudding, my trusty food pyramid wouldn’t lie to us.
See how sturdy our grain base i-- aah! Who’s this shady figure ascending my trusty food pyramid? And why are the food categories vertical? Up is down, left is right, right is wrong, mypyramid.gov is-- dot... gov? I see. “My pyramid” has been a government ruse the entire time, a disgusting piece of alien propaganda. Come! Let us join hands and build a new pyramid, for our future and the dawn of a new polygon. Now, what kind of shape can I build with all these extra zombie hands? Maybe a turkey shape?
Like this!
Everyone! Keep your fingers from falling off, you’ll need all of them to create the optimum turkey shape!
But turkeys... such a high protein food... I see. The hand-turkey shape was a trap all along. This Atkins is a clever enemy. As your nutritionist, I must learn to pick and choose my battles. So instead of focusing on food, I will now turn my attention towards exercise. It’s not you saying “please dieeeee,” it’s me saying “please diet!”
Poll Vote!