(no subject)
... eh, might as well post the last batch since I'm in the account. Info about the next app date to be posted later!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Yeah, they're not moving anymore, CLOSED
Character: Rachel Elizabeth Dare
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Age: 16
Canon: WARNING: THIS APPLICATION CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES.
Good news! That dyslexia and ADHD that makes school hard for you? It's really a sign of your demigod blood, meaning that from around your eleventh birthday you're going to be attacked by monsters that no-one else can see, and you have to go to a special camp in order to learn how to fight these monsters off ... wait, what? Since when is that good news? Welcome to the world of Perseus "Percy" Jackson, a demigod with the blood of a sea god in his veins, as he learns how to be worthy of his namesake and be a hero who gets a happy ending. His development is accelerated by the war brewing between the gods and the titans, and it is while saving one of his friends from the titans that Percy meets Rachel Elizabeth Dare.
Rachel is not a demigod. Instead, Rachel is a spunky, determined mortal girl who has a knack of seeing the future, being immune to illusions and drawing on her clothing when she's bored. She's the free spirited and artistic daughter of a property developer, and so chafes under his expectations of what she should be in comparison to what she is ...something that can become quite awkward as her gifts develop. Taking absolutely no crap from anyone, Rachel is willing to make hard choices to save her friends, eventually becoming the new Oracle of Delphi.
Sample Post:
Apollo and I really need to talk when I get back. I know I said that Clarion Academy was boring and I really should have asked for clarification when he offered me an adventure. But let's be honest! Now, instead of being in a place that's deathly boring, it's just deathly. I swear that zombie lost its head just now, and not in the heat of battle! Is that contagious? I hope not! But now I've exchanged snobby rich girls talking about their Swiss finishing school for zombies that look like swiss cheese! This is not really an improvement. He could have at least given me a hint that my life involved zombies, zombies and more zombies for the foreseeable future.
It started out all right! I told my father that I was visiting a friend for the summer and then started making my way here with a bit of divine help. The unicorn was a bit much though; it's not even Greek. Where would you even find one? Walmart? I asked it, but it just shrugged, dumped me here and said it couldn't get any closer. It did tell me some other things about this place, mostly that sex and sugar are banned. Good luck making that stick! By the way, whoever here kills unicorns, you're a terrible person and should feel bad. How could you hurt a unicorn? What kind of monster are you? Anyway, carrying on my terrible luck today, I got kidnapped by a bunch of zombies to play Dungeons and Dragons the minute I started looking for the unicorn killer. And yes, it really was as stupid as that!
Wait up, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, you say. Zombies play tabletop games? I thought they were into chewing on skulls and starring in horror movies. It looks like they only understood half of what Dungeons and Dragons is about. So, instead of rolling dice and pretending to be Thor McBigstaff from Smitesville, they think that they are a Paladin and can smite evil. I've met demigods, so I completely believe that somewhere out there there probably is a whole group of paladins who wander the Earth defeating evil. I'm also sure that they're not just a bunch of unwashed geek zombies who, when not groaning "braaaains", misquote Star Wars. Rather than watch them screw it up and picking themselves up yet again from being defeated - which is so gross - I pulled some Oracular authority and started telling them what to do.
And that was the beginning of my big fat geek misadventure.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rika Furude
Series: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
Character Age: Elevenish.
Warning: Spoilers for up through the start of the Minagoroshi arc.
Canon: In the small, quiet village of Hinamizawa, it seems like nothing bad could ever happen. It's the type of place where you'd think nothing of going over to a neighbor's to borrow their soy sauce when you need some. But it has a dark secret or two. Actually, if you want to be technical, it probably has more dark secrets than it does people, culminating in a series of murders every year at Hinamizawa's Watanagashi Festival. At the very center of these mysteries is Rika, trapped in an eternal time loop of these endless murders, trying desperately to stop them before her own death.
Rika herself tends to prefer the cute mask of the child she's supposed to be, gleefully playing games and peppering her speech with miis and nipas and generally acting as cutesy as she can get away with. And, as heir to Hinamizawa's shrine and the village's holy maiden, she can get away with quite a lot, despite how frequently her tendency to troll people and her words of wisdom tend to break the mask. In truth though, she's mentally a mostly adult woman slowly despairing, terribly bored by the endless repetitions and prone to monologuing at god about her fate when alone.
Note: In Hinamizawa, tag is called zombie tag, and played by having the it person turn everyone they touch into it zombies.
Sample Post:
Mii...you're all really eager about playing zombie tag, aren't you? You know you don't have to dress up for it, right? You shouldn't let your face fall like that just because I don't immediately say I like it. I do. It's an amazing zombie costume, nipa! Your zombie rags look like you crawled out of the grave in them, and the fallen face gag was executed perfectly! You even got the smell right. I don't know you managed to find rotting flesh perfume, but it's really accurate. It's just that you just need to work on your technique a bit. Shambling around looks good, but it makes you so slow I don't know how you could ever win a game. Here, I'll show you. Try and catch me!
You can't get me up here, so I guess that means I won! Hee hee. You should learn to take your losses gracefully! Just because I can climb up trees and your arms come off when you try doesn't mean you have to cry about it. Mii...such sad zombies. That one cried so hard that its eyes came out, poor thing. Next thing you know it'll be his brains, and that's when things will get really messy. You really shouldn't let that happen. When your hunger for brains is stronger than your loyalty to your friends, it leads to bad ends. These are important words of wisdom from Hinamizawa's shrine maiden, and you should remember them, nipa!
Ah, they ignored me and now they're fighting amongst themselves. So far, that's the only thing that has remained the same between here and Hinamizawa. I could wish it to be something different, but that seems resistant to tampering. I wonder what kind of eddy of fate this place represents? It seems to be totally unrelated to mine. None of the people whose destinies are tangled with my own are here. Do I dare hope that Hinamizawa's fate is different here? After fighting my destined death for so long, could I truly have stumbled into a world beyond my fate?
No, I can't rely on that. I need to find out more about this place. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that destiny's gears don't grind without reason, however small. But what will I do if fate has brought me to a place not tied to my death? Can I really abandon the others to their fates and make a mockery of my own struggle just for the opportunity for a bit of novelty and the chance to bypass that endless summer? I wonder.
Poll Vote!
Character: Timothy Drake/Red Robin
Series: DC Comics
Age: Older teens.
Canon: Once upon a time, a Dark Knight decided the best way to avenge his parents' murder was to run around in tights and scare the bejeezus out of Gotham city's criminals. A few years into the gig, the man picked up a young acrobatic orphan named Dick (you're allowed to giggle only once) and together they fought crime as the Batman and his sidekick, Robin the Boy Wonder. Dick eventually claimed independence from his mentor/adoptive father and went from one fashion faux-pas to another, leaving Batman no choice but to ask the kid jacking his tires if he wanted to be the next Robin. Jason agreed! ... and died a few years later, thus rendering Batman absolutely apeshit with grief (/abuse of Google Image Search).
Enter the concerned Timothy Drake, a boy with a natural genius that borders on the obscene. Tim soon realizes Batman is losing himself without a Robin to act as a counter-weight, and -- having known Batman's and both Robins' secret identities since he was nine years old -- he decides to do something about it. But since Dick was currently being a dick, Tim kindofsortof volunteers himself for the Robin job, and lo! Batman agreed, and for many years it was solid partnership. As the third Robin, Tim was efficient, independent, brilliant... you could tell he'd been trained by the World's Greatest Detective. These were the salad days~
But whoops! The important people in Tim's life just kept being murdered. First his mother, then his father, girlfriend, and best friend dropped, and Tim was left starting to remind everyone of a post-Jason!Batman re: the angst department. Tim even debated resurrecting his loved ones through Lazarus pits and advanced cloning techniques (what). But now Tim is finally bett-- okay no because then Batman died and Tim's position as Robin was usurped by an asshole and his ex-girlfriend back from the dead attempted to assassinate him and Tim just so does not need this right now.
tl;dr: After everything in his life went to Hell, Timothy Drake morphed from precocious-geeky-fanboy Robin to dark, teenage-detective Red Robin. BUT Tim has currently just returned to Gotham after learning that Batman is still alive and he's just... trapped in time (what x 2). So. idk maybe Tim might stop being a giant asshole in mourning pretty soon. More hugs'll probably help, preferably from Nightwing and Batman.
Sample:
Field Report: Camp Fuck You Die
- Red Robin, Louisiana, 03/19/2010
Prefacing with:
I realize there stands very little chance of anyone from the family ever reading this, but first impressions of camp are not pleasant, and maybe if I analyze the situation more objectively, I can pretend that a giant cephalopod did not just goose my behind.
Current thoughts/theories:
Having done it, I can safely say that entering into "Camp Fuck You Die" is the easy part. I came to investigate camp after discovering evidence that THE GODDAMN BATMAN (B: it's an automatic "camp effect," ignore it) might have left a message here for us back when he was here two hundred years ago -- and even for the cape and cowl crowd, how weird is that to type out?
Like I said in the field report from Paris, I'd found a message so obtuse that it could have only been left by THE GODDAMN BATMAN (B: camp's influence again, sorry) warning just us or -- I don't know, whoever else would even pay mind to a centuries-old book about bats fighting crime -- about a high possibility of the genetic experiments here eventually terrorizing the world at large. And yes, having seen the "wildlife" populating the area, I'm wishing
hadn't been like he always is: absolutely right. With everything on my plate, I hadn't wanted to be contemplating the idea of super-powered, flesh-eating zombies terrorizing a place like Gotham city.
... you know. For a second time. (N: I'm still maintaining that since I wasn't there for most of it, I'm not up to writing the report of that for
the boss.)
Conclusion:
I don't know when any member of our "family" will be able to read this log, let alone
you-know-who. Messages from the past are obviously a one-way street, right? But I'll keep updating the files on Camp Fuck You Die; I have faith the rest of the team will be able to access the account eventually. Until then, this is THE MOTHERFUCKING RED ROBIN signing ou--
Wait, are you kidding me?
Poll Vote!
Character: Czeslaw Meyer
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: physically 12, really 233
Canon: Guns, violence, bootlegging, jazz, and classy suits, Baccano! is a story that makes you think it’s all about a few mafia families and their wacky, bloody hijinks. The truth of the matter is a lot more complicated, expanding all the way from New York in the thirties, to a roadtrip in 2001, and even focusing on a boatload of immortals… and their wacky, bloody hijinks. The only sure thing about the cast of Baccano! is that wherever they go, there’s going to be chaos and possibly a high body count.
Czeslaw Meyer gets mixed up in things by being in the wrong place at the wrong time, on board of a train that just happens to be under siege by three (or four) equally insane factions. The good news is that he’s immortal and can’t die permanently of either old age or if he gets shot in the face a few times. The bad news is that he’s stuck as a helpless young boy... and horrible deaths happen to him far, far more often than he likes. Naturally he’d try and avoid this as much as possible, but it’s kind of hard when the person responsible is your former caretaker who liked to torture immortal shotas for the lulz. Because of this he’s a two-faced being: the adorable child to most people who meet him, and the paranoid, manipulative person underneath. While sometimes he acts shy around people, he’s just as okay with playing up the cute kid angle and using childlike speech if it’ll get him somewhere. Openly sweet, secretly still uncaring about most of humanity, and with a bad habit of egging any soon-to-be murderers on when things look bad, is it really any wonder why he keeps winding up dead?
Sample Post:
I knew I should have stayed back in New York. Even a back alley is safer than a swamp filled with crocodiles. Crocodiles that appear to only attack my hands. It doesn’t matter if I’ve lost them before; they can't have them! Then there was the bear who wouldn’t leave me alone and kept offering me candy, and that monster in the lake. Just what kind of place is Louisiana? ...But I won’t let all of my efforts go to waste, and this road has to lead somewhere. Eh? A camp? It's probably some boy scouts or families that haven’t moved to the west. These people might be useful after all.
Excuse me, excuse me, mister, I need your help! I was running away from this very scary bear monster and I was hoping that you’d be able to fight him off- oh wow you’re really glad to meet new people aren’t you? I bet you’re one of those super helpful Eagle scouts or something! Well there aren’t any eagles here, so I guess you’re toucan scouts or something, ahaha. By the way, it’s great that you’re inviting your friends along too, but... could you put me down? I’m fine with walking, and I don’t get hurt easily so it’s all right. You don't need to worry about me, really! I'll be fine, promise. Um, also the exit is back that way, so let’s go there, okay? Please mister, I need to get home-!
-I didn’t mean to pull on your sleeve that hard! I’m so sorry, mister! I’m sure I’ll be able to fix your... arm. I- I’m really really sorry! We have to stop the bleeding somehow! We got to stop it or there’s gonna be so much blood! I'll get you to a hospital, don't worry! You’re slow, but we’ll make it, honest! Uwaah, it’s all so scary...
...Hey, why aren’t you bleeding more? That's pretty strange, you know? Are you even really human? You’re not like those weird animals in the swamp, are you? Hey mister, you don’t need to call more of your friends. We can try and work something out. It’s not that bad, right? Right? It didn't look healthy to begin with! C’mon, you don’t need to get this angry. I know it probably hurts, but just because I hurt your arm doesn’t mean you should try and eat my brains! Ahh! W-where did you get that gun?! This won’t solve anything; it’s not going to get your arm back! Just put that gun away and call off your friends, okay? That’s not really how you rearm yourself!
...So that’s how things are going to end, is it? Fine then, go ahead! It can’t possibly be worse than what I’ve gone through! Shoot me, drown me, poison me, grind my hand to a bloody pulp, throw me in an acid bath! There’s nothing you can do that I haven’t experienced before! So try it, just try it! I won’t be frightened by your…
Eh? I couldn’t hear you. Mmn, what did you say?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Yeah, they're not moving anymore, CLOSED
Character: Rachel Elizabeth Dare
Series: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Age: 16
Canon: WARNING: THIS APPLICATION CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES.
Good news! That dyslexia and ADHD that makes school hard for you? It's really a sign of your demigod blood, meaning that from around your eleventh birthday you're going to be attacked by monsters that no-one else can see, and you have to go to a special camp in order to learn how to fight these monsters off ... wait, what? Since when is that good news? Welcome to the world of Perseus "Percy" Jackson, a demigod with the blood of a sea god in his veins, as he learns how to be worthy of his namesake and be a hero who gets a happy ending. His development is accelerated by the war brewing between the gods and the titans, and it is while saving one of his friends from the titans that Percy meets Rachel Elizabeth Dare.
Rachel is not a demigod. Instead, Rachel is a spunky, determined mortal girl who has a knack of seeing the future, being immune to illusions and drawing on her clothing when she's bored. She's the free spirited and artistic daughter of a property developer, and so chafes under his expectations of what she should be in comparison to what she is ...something that can become quite awkward as her gifts develop. Taking absolutely no crap from anyone, Rachel is willing to make hard choices to save her friends, eventually becoming the new Oracle of Delphi.
Sample Post:
Apollo and I really need to talk when I get back. I know I said that Clarion Academy was boring and I really should have asked for clarification when he offered me an adventure. But let's be honest! Now, instead of being in a place that's deathly boring, it's just deathly. I swear that zombie lost its head just now, and not in the heat of battle! Is that contagious? I hope not! But now I've exchanged snobby rich girls talking about their Swiss finishing school for zombies that look like swiss cheese! This is not really an improvement. He could have at least given me a hint that my life involved zombies, zombies and more zombies for the foreseeable future.
It started out all right! I told my father that I was visiting a friend for the summer and then started making my way here with a bit of divine help. The unicorn was a bit much though; it's not even Greek. Where would you even find one? Walmart? I asked it, but it just shrugged, dumped me here and said it couldn't get any closer. It did tell me some other things about this place, mostly that sex and sugar are banned. Good luck making that stick! By the way, whoever here kills unicorns, you're a terrible person and should feel bad. How could you hurt a unicorn? What kind of monster are you? Anyway, carrying on my terrible luck today, I got kidnapped by a bunch of zombies to play Dungeons and Dragons the minute I started looking for the unicorn killer. And yes, it really was as stupid as that!
Wait up, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, you say. Zombies play tabletop games? I thought they were into chewing on skulls and starring in horror movies. It looks like they only understood half of what Dungeons and Dragons is about. So, instead of rolling dice and pretending to be Thor McBigstaff from Smitesville, they think that they are a Paladin and can smite evil. I've met demigods, so I completely believe that somewhere out there there probably is a whole group of paladins who wander the Earth defeating evil. I'm also sure that they're not just a bunch of unwashed geek zombies who, when not groaning "braaaains", misquote Star Wars. Rather than watch them screw it up and picking themselves up yet again from being defeated - which is so gross - I pulled some Oracular authority and started telling them what to do.
And that was the beginning of my big fat geek misadventure.
Poll Vote!
Character: Rika Furude
Series: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni
Character Age: Elevenish.
Warning: Spoilers for up through the start of the Minagoroshi arc.
Canon: In the small, quiet village of Hinamizawa, it seems like nothing bad could ever happen. It's the type of place where you'd think nothing of going over to a neighbor's to borrow their soy sauce when you need some. But it has a dark secret or two. Actually, if you want to be technical, it probably has more dark secrets than it does people, culminating in a series of murders every year at Hinamizawa's Watanagashi Festival. At the very center of these mysteries is Rika, trapped in an eternal time loop of these endless murders, trying desperately to stop them before her own death.
Rika herself tends to prefer the cute mask of the child she's supposed to be, gleefully playing games and peppering her speech with miis and nipas and generally acting as cutesy as she can get away with. And, as heir to Hinamizawa's shrine and the village's holy maiden, she can get away with quite a lot, despite how frequently her tendency to troll people and her words of wisdom tend to break the mask. In truth though, she's mentally a mostly adult woman slowly despairing, terribly bored by the endless repetitions and prone to monologuing at god about her fate when alone.
Note: In Hinamizawa, tag is called zombie tag, and played by having the it person turn everyone they touch into it zombies.
Sample Post:
Mii...you're all really eager about playing zombie tag, aren't you? You know you don't have to dress up for it, right? You shouldn't let your face fall like that just because I don't immediately say I like it. I do. It's an amazing zombie costume, nipa! Your zombie rags look like you crawled out of the grave in them, and the fallen face gag was executed perfectly! You even got the smell right. I don't know you managed to find rotting flesh perfume, but it's really accurate. It's just that you just need to work on your technique a bit. Shambling around looks good, but it makes you so slow I don't know how you could ever win a game. Here, I'll show you. Try and catch me!
You can't get me up here, so I guess that means I won! Hee hee. You should learn to take your losses gracefully! Just because I can climb up trees and your arms come off when you try doesn't mean you have to cry about it. Mii...such sad zombies. That one cried so hard that its eyes came out, poor thing. Next thing you know it'll be his brains, and that's when things will get really messy. You really shouldn't let that happen. When your hunger for brains is stronger than your loyalty to your friends, it leads to bad ends. These are important words of wisdom from Hinamizawa's shrine maiden, and you should remember them, nipa!
Ah, they ignored me and now they're fighting amongst themselves. So far, that's the only thing that has remained the same between here and Hinamizawa. I could wish it to be something different, but that seems resistant to tampering. I wonder what kind of eddy of fate this place represents? It seems to be totally unrelated to mine. None of the people whose destinies are tangled with my own are here. Do I dare hope that Hinamizawa's fate is different here? After fighting my destined death for so long, could I truly have stumbled into a world beyond my fate?
No, I can't rely on that. I need to find out more about this place. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that destiny's gears don't grind without reason, however small. But what will I do if fate has brought me to a place not tied to my death? Can I really abandon the others to their fates and make a mockery of my own struggle just for the opportunity for a bit of novelty and the chance to bypass that endless summer? I wonder.
Poll Vote!
Character: Timothy Drake/Red Robin
Series: DC Comics
Age: Older teens.
Canon: Once upon a time, a Dark Knight decided the best way to avenge his parents' murder was to run around in tights and scare the bejeezus out of Gotham city's criminals. A few years into the gig, the man picked up a young acrobatic orphan named Dick (you're allowed to giggle only once) and together they fought crime as the Batman and his sidekick, Robin the Boy Wonder. Dick eventually claimed independence from his mentor/adoptive father and went from one fashion faux-pas to another, leaving Batman no choice but to ask the kid jacking his tires if he wanted to be the next Robin. Jason agreed! ... and died a few years later, thus rendering Batman absolutely apeshit with grief (/abuse of Google Image Search).
Enter the concerned Timothy Drake, a boy with a natural genius that borders on the obscene. Tim soon realizes Batman is losing himself without a Robin to act as a counter-weight, and -- having known Batman's and both Robins' secret identities since he was nine years old -- he decides to do something about it. But since Dick was currently being a dick, Tim kindofsortof volunteers himself for the Robin job, and lo! Batman agreed, and for many years it was solid partnership. As the third Robin, Tim was efficient, independent, brilliant... you could tell he'd been trained by the World's Greatest Detective. These were the salad days~
But whoops! The important people in Tim's life just kept being murdered. First his mother, then his father, girlfriend, and best friend dropped, and Tim was left starting to remind everyone of a post-Jason!Batman re: the angst department. Tim even debated resurrecting his loved ones through Lazarus pits and advanced cloning techniques (what). But now Tim is finally bett-- okay no because then Batman died and Tim's position as Robin was usurped by an asshole and his ex-girlfriend back from the dead attempted to assassinate him and Tim just so does not need this right now.
tl;dr: After everything in his life went to Hell, Timothy Drake morphed from precocious-geeky-fanboy Robin to dark, teenage-detective Red Robin. BUT Tim has currently just returned to Gotham after learning that Batman is still alive and he's just... trapped in time (what x 2). So. idk maybe Tim might stop being a giant asshole in mourning pretty soon. More hugs'll probably help, preferably from Nightwing and Batman.
Sample:
Field Report: Camp Fuck You Die
- Red Robin, Louisiana, 03/19/2010
Prefacing with:
I realize there stands very little chance of anyone from the family ever reading this, but first impressions of camp are not pleasant, and maybe if I analyze the situation more objectively, I can pretend that a giant cephalopod did not just goose my behind.
Current thoughts/theories:
Having done it, I can safely say that entering into "Camp Fuck You Die" is the easy part. I came to investigate camp after discovering evidence that THE GODDAMN BATMAN (B: it's an automatic "camp effect," ignore it) might have left a message here for us back when he was here two hundred years ago -- and even for the cape and cowl crowd, how weird is that to type out?
Like I said in the field report from Paris, I'd found a message so obtuse that it could have only been left by THE GODDAMN BATMAN (B: camp's influence again, sorry) warning just us or -- I don't know, whoever else would even pay mind to a centuries-old book about bats fighting crime -- about a high possibility of the genetic experiments here eventually terrorizing the world at large. And yes, having seen the "wildlife" populating the area, I'm wishing
hadn't been like he always is: absolutely right. With everything on my plate, I hadn't wanted to be contemplating the idea of super-powered, flesh-eating zombies terrorizing a place like Gotham city.
... you know. For a second time. (N: I'm still maintaining that since I wasn't there for most of it, I'm not up to writing the report of that for
the boss.)
Conclusion:
I don't know when any member of our "family" will be able to read this log, let alone
you-know-who. Messages from the past are obviously a one-way street, right? But I'll keep updating the files on Camp Fuck You Die; I have faith the rest of the team will be able to access the account eventually. Until then, this is THE MOTHERFUCKING RED ROBIN signing ou--
Wait, are you kidding me?
Poll Vote!
Character: Czeslaw Meyer
Series: Baccano!
Character Age: physically 12, really 233
Canon: Guns, violence, bootlegging, jazz, and classy suits, Baccano! is a story that makes you think it’s all about a few mafia families and their wacky, bloody hijinks. The truth of the matter is a lot more complicated, expanding all the way from New York in the thirties, to a roadtrip in 2001, and even focusing on a boatload of immortals… and their wacky, bloody hijinks. The only sure thing about the cast of Baccano! is that wherever they go, there’s going to be chaos and possibly a high body count.
Czeslaw Meyer gets mixed up in things by being in the wrong place at the wrong time, on board of a train that just happens to be under siege by three (or four) equally insane factions. The good news is that he’s immortal and can’t die permanently of either old age or if he gets shot in the face a few times. The bad news is that he’s stuck as a helpless young boy... and horrible deaths happen to him far, far more often than he likes. Naturally he’d try and avoid this as much as possible, but it’s kind of hard when the person responsible is your former caretaker who liked to torture immortal shotas for the lulz. Because of this he’s a two-faced being: the adorable child to most people who meet him, and the paranoid, manipulative person underneath. While sometimes he acts shy around people, he’s just as okay with playing up the cute kid angle and using childlike speech if it’ll get him somewhere. Openly sweet, secretly still uncaring about most of humanity, and with a bad habit of egging any soon-to-be murderers on when things look bad, is it really any wonder why he keeps winding up dead?
Sample Post:
I knew I should have stayed back in New York. Even a back alley is safer than a swamp filled with crocodiles. Crocodiles that appear to only attack my hands. It doesn’t matter if I’ve lost them before; they can't have them! Then there was the bear who wouldn’t leave me alone and kept offering me candy, and that monster in the lake. Just what kind of place is Louisiana? ...But I won’t let all of my efforts go to waste, and this road has to lead somewhere. Eh? A camp? It's probably some boy scouts or families that haven’t moved to the west. These people might be useful after all.
Excuse me, excuse me, mister, I need your help! I was running away from this very scary bear monster and I was hoping that you’d be able to fight him off- oh wow you’re really glad to meet new people aren’t you? I bet you’re one of those super helpful Eagle scouts or something! Well there aren’t any eagles here, so I guess you’re toucan scouts or something, ahaha. By the way, it’s great that you’re inviting your friends along too, but... could you put me down? I’m fine with walking, and I don’t get hurt easily so it’s all right. You don't need to worry about me, really! I'll be fine, promise. Um, also the exit is back that way, so let’s go there, okay? Please mister, I need to get home-!
-I didn’t mean to pull on your sleeve that hard! I’m so sorry, mister! I’m sure I’ll be able to fix your... arm. I- I’m really really sorry! We have to stop the bleeding somehow! We got to stop it or there’s gonna be so much blood! I'll get you to a hospital, don't worry! You’re slow, but we’ll make it, honest! Uwaah, it’s all so scary...
...Hey, why aren’t you bleeding more? That's pretty strange, you know? Are you even really human? You’re not like those weird animals in the swamp, are you? Hey mister, you don’t need to call more of your friends. We can try and work something out. It’s not that bad, right? Right? It didn't look healthy to begin with! C’mon, you don’t need to get this angry. I know it probably hurts, but just because I hurt your arm doesn’t mean you should try and eat my brains! Ahh! W-where did you get that gun?! This won’t solve anything; it’s not going to get your arm back! Just put that gun away and call off your friends, okay? That’s not really how you rearm yourself!
...So that’s how things are going to end, is it? Fine then, go ahead! It can’t possibly be worse than what I’ve gone through! Shoot me, drown me, poison me, grind my hand to a bloody pulp, throw me in an acid bath! There’s nothing you can do that I haven’t experienced before! So try it, just try it! I won’t be frightened by your…
Eh? I couldn’t hear you. Mmn, what did you say?
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