(no subject)
Weeeeee last batch /o/
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Tsukigata Dahn
Series: Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. King Abaddon
Character Age: 25
Job: Bug Hunt Supervisor
Canon: It is the year 1931, the 20th year of Japan's Taisho era, and a sinister conspiracy is unfolding in the shadows of Tokyo! The people's very luck is being stolen, strange insects are traded in the slums, and a mysterious girl asks Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha and Detective Narumi Shouhei for assistance in locating a man named Dahn. It's up to Raidou to solve the case, and thwart Dahn's nefarious plot! Or so it would seem; when Raidou finally tracks him down, he finds a courageous man fighting for a noble cause. Dahn is the heir to the Tsukigata clan of Fukoshi, elite ninjas who use insects in combat and assassination. However, the clan has terrible secrets, horrors which have doomed the Tsukigata family and their rural village to tragedy and loss for generations. Dahn formulates a plan to save his home and his family, and goes rogue from the clan, unsealing the forbidden luck eating insects.
Dahn's personality is firey, direct, and rather unrefined; raised in the rural Tsukigata village, he's something a country bumpkin, which tends to show in his speech. He's stubborn as a mule, refusing to back down once he's decided on a course of action, and possessing of enough skill, craftiness, and confidence to give hell to anything in his way. But at heart, Dahn's no bad guy. He's driven to protect what's important to him and make things right, seeing the damage done by his scheme as a regrettable necessity. He's honest, spirited, and even has a good sense of humor. And people that earn Dahn's trust have in him a loyal ally that would accompany them to the end of the world. Sometimes literally.
Sample Post:
All right kids, listen up, 'cause I ain't keen on repeating myself. As y'all may know, the bug hunt is apparently a fine summer camp tradition according to the pamphlet I got from the camp explaining things, and none other than yours truly, Tsukigata Dahn, was chosen to supervise the event. You could call me something of a bug exp-
What's that, boy? Brains? Yeah, I know I'm smart an' all, but I'd rather you not interrupt. Aw, come on, stop the moanin', I ain't giving you detention or nothing like that. You're a growin' boy, you oughta have a little more energy! Hell, all you kids are lookin' pretty under the weather, and scruffier than a mangy ox to boot. Do they not got bathing in the west? Y'all are in the middle of a swamp after all, you're liable to catch dysentery! I'll just take that vacant gawking as a sign to move on, but just remember that I won't be the one responsible for cleanin' up any kinds of "bodily fluids."
So like I said, you're lucky there's an expert like me on the scene! Now, I bet none of you know what a Fukoshi is, since most of the folks I mentioned it to just told me to watch my mouth, or thought I was talkin' about underwear. I'll have y'all know that fundoshi refers to skivvies, but a Fukoshi is sorta like a professor of Insectology who can also kick your ass. So before we start the hunt, I'll give you a few tips on the finer points of dealin' with bugs. When you're lookin' for bugs, a forest like this is a good place to start, though sometimes you can find 'em hiding in any number of places that're cool and dark. Like in your pillowcase, if some bastard out there really wants to tan your hide, heh. The key is to get the drop on 'em, before they can notice you. I know kid, my brains are pretty awesome.
And a little safety tip here, while most insects are more afraid of you then you are of them, you still wanna be careful around them, especially the bigger ones. Normally you'll be able to catch 'em if you just creep up nice and quiet-like, but the real nasty bugs will try to sting you, get in your hair, or have relations with your sister. If one of 'em does get riled, it's best to tell me. Now, with that over with, let's start the hunt! You two, stop gnawing on each other like a couple ornery housecats! Were y'all even listening? Don't start with the moanin' again, because you better believe, once this hunt gets started, we ain't stoppin' for nothing!
Poll Vote!
Character: Roland Deschain
Series: The Dark Tower
Age: Unknown, even to him, but looks in his late forties/early fifties.
Job: Survival expert
Canon: In a world that has moved on without him, Roland Deschain is the last gunslinger left alive, and that seems to be mostly because he’s too damn stubborn to die. For longer than anyone knows, including him, he’s been travelling in search of the elusive Dark Tower, the hub of reality. His latest escapades include destroying the entire population of the village of Tull, letting the boy he was looking after fall to his death, and aging ten years in a single night. That’s just how much fun his life is.
Then again, fun isn’t a word you’d much associate with Roland. By his own admission unimaginative and not very good at thinking around corners, he’s also lacking a sense of humour or any ability to take himself less than seriously. He’s incredibly single-minded, and will sacrifice just about anyone and anything in his search for the Tower. He’s been a gunslinger since he was fourteen, so you’d be hard-pressed to find a better fighter, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good strategist - he tends to charge into the thick of things, trusting to luck and instinct, and somehow manages to walk away in one piece. He’s hugely charismatic and a lot more of a romantic than he’d ever admit, with a high sense of honour and duty, but not what you’d call friendly, and definitely not one for small talk.
He believes heavily in ka - fate or predestination - a belief which guides most of what he does.
[Note: Roland speaks with a Midworld accent; for example, ‘sai’ means ‘sir’ or ‘madam’, and ‘ken’ is ‘understand’.
This version of Roland is taken from the end of the first book]
Sample Post:
Listen to me, and hear me damn well. I don’t ken where this place is, nor how I came to be here, nor what those things are that look so much like slow mutants - slow mutants they are not, or they could hardly keep walking once filled with lead - but I ken damn fine that there is no way out the way I came. This paper I hold says as much, as if ‘twere not enough to see my bullets ricochet from yon invisible wall - those that were still bullets and not jelly, anyway. Oh, this is a strange place indeed, say true. But there will be water if God wills it, so they say - though that water looks precious little like anything willed by God.
I’ll not take a step nearer to it. I have no thirst, none so desperate that I’ll risk such shadowed waters - nor that shape beneath them. I’ll not draw, not until I must, but stand warned.
No, sai, I’m no artist, to draw on paper. You mistake me.
Now, if you’ll step away - thankee - to business. I’ve little enough wish to be here, but since I am… well, ka is like a wind, and I’m not one to stand in its path. Survival expert, this note says - aye, and I’m an expert in surviving. But that’s the first thing in surviving; to know what ‘tis you’re living for.
And speaking of survival, do not think that I am unaware of you driving me towards the water. A survivor knows what danger he must walk into, and how best to face it, and these waters are no danger I must face. These guns are not for decoration; I live by them. When a man’s life comes down to his iron, he must keep it as best he can, and that’s a lesson worth knowing. Your survival can rely on having clean guns and dry shells--
…No, sai, placing the gun in your mouth is no way to clean it. Certainly no way to keep the bullets dry.
No way to teach survival to yourself, either. Have a care, sai, that trigger will… ah. Well. A man can live without a jaw, I suppose.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Death
Series: Discworld
Age: Eternal (or, many eons)
Job: Life Coach
Canon: Discworld is a series about occurrences on an alternate earth called the Disc, which is a flat world balanced on four elephants standing on a giant turtle hurtling through space. It’s a place where magic and belief have incredible power, and the gods and personifications of our world are very real and prone to smiting. The Disc is currently in a technological period roughly equivalent to the Middle Ages, although the use of magic has enabled some more modern inventions to exist, and throughout the series progress can be seen. There is no set protagonist in the series; rather there are arcs following certain groups of people and often crossing paths with characters from previous installments. The aim of the books is usually to parody something from Earth, such as Christmas, the Post Office, or Hollywood. The only character who shows up in every book (although sometimes only for a few lines) is Death.
Death is, as his name suggests, the anthropomorphic personification of death on the Discworld. He’s a seven foot tall skeleton, and spends most of his time traversing the Disc to collect souls. He’s fascinated by humans and their ability to unnecessarily complicate things, and will never waste an opportunity to learn more about them. In his recent centuries he’s taken to copying them in the manner of someone who understands the structure but not the function (a bedroom that he never uses, towels that are totally rigid, bone-hard soap). He’s kind but efficient, and views his job as a public service. Contrary to his appearance, Death has a wry sense of humor and irony. Because he has no vocal chords, his speech is projected directly into people’s heads and is represented by ALL CAPS.
Sample Entry:
…AH, EXCUSE ME. WRONG UNIVERSE. I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT, I’LL JUST BE ON MY WAY NOW. THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING.
OR PERHAPS NOT. MY COMPLIMENTS TO WHOEVER ERECTED THIS BARRIER; IT IS ONE OF THE MORE INTRICATE THAT I’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING. OF COURSE IN THE PAST I WAS USUALLY ON THE OTHER SIDE. INCIDENTALLY, I DO HOPE THAT THIS IS NOT ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO SQUIRREL AWAY THE GODS TO A PLACE THEY CANNOT INTERFERE. AS MUCH AS THEY ENJOY PLAYING WITH OTHERS, THEY GET SURPRISINGLY TOUCHY WHEN THE SAME RULES ARE APPLIED TO THEMSELVES.
THIS COULD ALWAYS BE A WIZARD CONSTRUCT, ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD REQUIRE A LARGE LEAP FORWARD IN THEIR DIMENSION-CARETAKING POLICIES. THEY DO NOT MEDDLE ENOUGH TO MERIT THEIR OWN FACILITY HERE. EVEN IF THEY DID, THERE WOULDN’T BE SUCH A MARKED ABSENCE OF FOOD OR ARGUING.
THIS IS ALL VERY UNSETTLING; I SHOULD BE ABLE TO LEAVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. IS IT AN OVERLARGE RITE CIRCLE? THAT SHOULDN’T BE AN OBSTACLE. THE PLANT LIFE DOESN’T APPEAR COOPERATIVE ENOUGH TO YIELD ANY STICKS.
I SUPPOSE THAT THIS IS ONE OF THOSE PLACES PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY DO NOT WISH TO DEAL WITH THEM? SOMETHING OF AN ODD LOCATION, UNLESS THEY WERE AIMING FOR DEATH BY MALARIA. A BIT EXCESSIVE, THOUGH. THERE’S PLENTY OF PLACES WHERE THEY CAN DO THAT FOR FREE IF THEY’RE SO INTENT ON IT.
HELLO. NICE TO HAVE FINALLY FOUND A PERSON WITH ALL THEIR LIMBS ATTACHED. I HATE TO BE A TROUBLE, BUT I REALLY MUST BE RETURNING TO THE DISC. PEOPLE WILL TALK, DEATH COASTING OFF TO HAVE A WALK THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE’S WORLD. IT’S VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. AS I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE TRICK TO IT, IF YOU WOULD JUST BREAK THE ENCLOSURE FOR A MOMENT-
LIFE COACH? ER. CONSIDERING THAT I AM ONLY PRESENT AT THE END OF THE LIFESPAN, I’M NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED FOR GIVING ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT OF CAREER GOALS. THAT INCLUDES YOUR IMPRESSIVE ARRAY OF UNDEAD. THAT’S NOT EVEN TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION THAT I AM ALREADY EMPLOYED PERMANENTLY.
IF YOU ARE SO INSISTENT, WHY NOT SPEAK WITH MY SUPERIOR? THIS IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS, SO TO SPEAK.
BUT MAY I OFFER A SUGGESTION? THIS MAN IN THE FIRST SET OF PATIENT FILES SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIS BOWEL PROBLEMS BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO BECOME A SAILOR. CHOLERA HAS A WAY OF INTERFERING WITH LASHING SAILS AND WHATNOT.
Poll Vote!
Character: Johann Kraus
Series: Hellboy / BPRD (comic series)
Age: 45
Job: Kitchen Inspector
Canon: Johann Kraus is an ectoplasmic cloud inhabiting a human-shaped suit with a clear glass globe for a head. Born in post-WWII Germany, Johann was a talented physical medium with a reputation for genuine interest in helping both the aggrieved and the spirits they wished to communicate with. In 2002, while conducting a seance, he was caught in a continent-spanning explosion on the ethereal plane, and his spirit returned to find his body a burned husk. Lucky enough to run into the Bureau, he was provided with the containment suit he wears --and is-- today.
He's not exactly dead, but he's not really alive either. Johann --polite, amiable, and reserved-- seems oddly at peace with the line he straddles between life and death, though not without issue. Johann forges close ties with those around him, whatever the form: human, creature, or creation. He doesn't need to eat, or even sleep, which gives him time to placate his insatiable curiousity of all things strange and occult. It also lets him snoop, with great enthusiasm, into the lives of his friends. His boundless energy can be exhausting, particularly when it becomes necessary to remind him that a simple explanation is preferable to an all-encompassing lecture or ramble. When flustered or excited, it is not uncommon for Johann to sprinkle his speech with German phrases or exclamations.
Sample Post:
Good morning, my friend! Please do not be alarmed; I was just completing my routine evaluation of your cabin kitchen as part of new regulations. Do accept my apologies if my presence has surprised or disturbed you. Myself? I am Johann Kraus, once a prominent physical medium. Be assured that I mean you no harm --rather, I simply intend to ask of you a few questions while you fill out this form about your satisfaction with the C.F.U.D. food services provided for you. You do not mind, do you? Wundabar!
Before I begin, it is my understanding that the residents here handle their own culinary needs. It was told to me that you did once have a communal mess hall, but I was also informed that it became unsanitary once overrun by the walking dead. You would not think that so many such ghouls would exist out in a backwater like this. Do you suppose that this was the site of a battle in your American Civil War? A whole platoon of forgotten soldiers --perhaps more! Such strong emotion could be to blame for the strong geo-mantic forces at play here. Populations tend to aggregate over such numinously potent sites; think of the largest city you have ever visited, and you will see this to be true. It is likely that psychic energies are what made man choose that site over many others in the once-untamed wilderness, but that is not to say that the wild things today are tame --oh no, my friend! Still, energy is what may have gathered so many interesting persons here; otherwise, who would live in such an unpleasant swamp?
... Ah, come again? You mean to tell me that this infestation of the cafeteria is no more? I can see from your response, however, that you still think lowly of the food there regardless. Especially on Tuesday? Perhaps you might tell me more --here! There is a space for further explanation on page three of that form. First, though, I am intrigued by your unique aura; do tell me how it was that you came to be here, and for what reasons you have chosen to--
Pardon me again? Oh, of course! If it is a formal complaint you wish to lodge against the food offered to you at the cafeteria, then I do have a form for that purpose. Unfortunately, and do excuse me, I was not advised by your Director as to where to submit such complaints. You are still free to fill it out, but I ask for you patience as it might be a little while before your concerns are addressed... particularly when you have so many. My goodness. I do begin to see that this favour to Mrs. Sayre may take longer to accomplish if the conditions are as adverse as you suggest. It is good, in a way, but I fear I may be here much longer than I had planned...
Yes, you are nearly to the end of the form. When you are done, you just need to sign here, und here, and then please complete this additional form for my own records after. Do not worry, the third form is much shorter, but perhaps long enough for you to first tell me a little more about yourself...
Poll Vote!
Character name: Eclipse
Series: Demon Diary
Age: A few thousand years, probably.
Job: Smile Instructor
Canon: When Demon Lord Raenef IV suddenly dies, the demon world is in uproar and the task of finding and educating a new "Demon Lord Raenef" is appointed to the demon Eclipse. It just so happens the destined new Lord is a young boy with a cheery, outgoing personality, not at all like the shady, evil sort that's expected of a demon lord, and Eclipse now has to teach this new Raenef V to become a full-fledged master of dark magic and slayer of holy knights. Realizing he's in for a challenge, Eclipse wonders if things are really going to work out the way he wants to, as he's now stuck serving under a clown who doesn't know the start or end of his own spells, befriends his enemies and just wants to save people with a big smile.
Eclipse is a high ranking demon whose services are sought out by many Demon Lords. He's also devoted and intelligent, short tempered, high strung and proud with a sour disposition. Occasionally referred to as "mister grumpmeister" by his disciple and Lord in charge, Eclipse is just one level below a Demon Lord, and would be a great teacher if he didn't get annoyed at every single mistake Raenef makes. He might evoke fear in people who meet him, but if Raenef doesn't want Eclipse to hurt them, Eclipse'll back down because he respects the wishes of his Lord, though he can definitely chide Raenef and lose his temper. Had it not been for the fact that Raenef is so innocent and sweet, Eclipse would probably not have given in to a mother hen kind of side of himself he didn't think existed, as he finds himself inadvertently caring for his Lord a little more than he intended to.
Sample Post: While I do understand your explanation for bringing me here, Director, I do not appreciate the way I've been treated so far. I do not take the theft of my free will lightly, and I do not approve of your dragging me away from my duties at my home. An accidental summoning? Surely you jest. I am above getting caught by some low level incantation made by your lowly monsters and I do not see the purpose of my presence. No, not even if offered a job... A smile instructor? Please tell me who thought of something so ridiculous. I'm a demon of the third order, not some kindergarten teacher, and I live to serve my Demon Lord, no one else, certainly not some selfish mortal woman who cannot solve her problems on her own.
Yes, I can see your biggest problem is this murder case. What I cannot see is why the creatures in this place would need to learn how to smile in regards to that. First of all, zombies cannot move their facial muscles because of obvious extreme atrophia and secondly, they serve no other purpose than to scare people, or perhaps do some obscure menial task which is simple and below anyone else. Why you have the living dead to serve you in the first place just shows your lack of taste. I have no intention to stay and teach them anything, much less something unnecessary and idiotic. Sense in this camp of yours is frighteningly scarce, and it leaves me unimpressed.
Smile with their eyes? I am not convinced. They hardly have eyes left, and you still want me to do this? I never said I'd comply in the first place, so don't try to persuade me! It doesn't matter that you think I'm "as pretty as Tyra Banks". I have no idea who you're talking about or why it should matter, and I have no interest in knowing. You're starting to get on my nerves, woman.
No, I'm not about to become your guinea pig in summoning experiments. It doesn't matter that I'm a demon; summoning me isn't something to joke about. Just because your pitiful zombie horde somehow managed to call forth a high level demon with their meager abilities doesn't mean you can go ahead and dare order me around. Such impudence. I could have complimented your bravery, but I'm not about to waste my breath. And your zombies' attempts at talking your way out of this are completely redundant. I'm certainly not fluent in their gurgling speech, nor will I ever bother to be. The fact that you cannot be bothered to do it on your own doesn't improve my view on you in the slightest.
However, it seems to me that logic is apparently a subject too hard for you to grasp. Now, if you return me to my Lord's castle this instant, I won't leave any permanent damage. Not that I expect much resistance from a mortal with bodyguards who are falling apart.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Naoya
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Character Age: 24
Job: Network Administrator
Canon: Warning: this app contains spoilers.
Tokyo is on the verge of being destroyed. This time, it involves demons everywhere, the city being under complete lockdown by the Self-Defense Force, and the fact that everyone in the city is going to die in seven days. Three teenagers find themselves trapped in the midst of this chaos, trying to survive armed with only their wits and their COMPs- handheld electronic devices that have been modified to run a program to allows them to summon demons of their own. Even as they try to survive, they are drawn into a conflict that is, as always, far more complicated than it seems.
Naoya is the cousin of the game's protagonist (who was one of the kids trapped in the lockdown when everything went to hell). He is cold, calm, and logical, as well as manipulative and arrogant; he is also a genius programmer, and the creator of the Demon Summoning Program. While he is helpful to some degree, providing his cousin and his cousin's friends with the tools they need to survive, it is very clear that he knows much more than he is saying-and he talks as if he knows more then he's letting on-and that he has his own agenda.
Note: the ancient common tongue is a song that summons demons.
Sample Entry:
Heh...from one lockdown to another. At least this one is by the will of a human, rather than by the hand of God. As there again seems to be no way out, I might as well make the most of this opportunity. How unfortunate that the Director has no mind for anything except her fiance's death. Tch, such a waste of her potential, but power is there to be used, and if she won't use it...heh. It's obvious where her priorities lie. Obsolete hardware, completely outdated software, a network that can barely access anything? Still running Windows, I see, and a particularly unstable version, at that. Questionable as that is, at least they haven't changed to OS X. Overrated and pretentious...hahaha, God must be a Mac user. It would certainly suit Him... And neither God nor Apple is a friend of mine.
The state of the computer network is scarcely surprising, though, given her lack of attention to the rest of this place. However, her lack of attention may yet prove to be of some use, as well as the creatures she summoned. First...hm. The main server is old, yes, but as long as it can run the program, it won't matter. Time enough for upgrading once the reprogramming is finished.
There. That wasn't so difficult, certainly not as difficult as creating the demon summoning server the first time. Using demons would be preferable, but the algorithms would need to be adjusted and without someone capable of performing the demon-summoning melody...impossible for now. Now the specific alterations need to be coded in. The question is, which variety of creature would be suitable for bringing under COMP control? Let's see: the gorillas are entirely unsuitable, and the toucans seem only good for singing nonsense in irritatingly cheerful voices. "All God's children are gonna die?" Hmph, common sense, no need to sing about that.. The zombies, then, even if all they are good for would be for as a mindless horde commanded to perform simple tasks. The ancient common tongue wouldn't be necessary in order to summon additional zombies as there are plenty already here, small value compared to how useless they are.
Even the stupidest demon can perform a task more complex than shamble about like drones, flailing for brains.
Tch. I've already started, and I won't give up now. Perhaps just changing this variable slightly will be enough. What's this? An error message? "Error 309: unauthorized intrusion detected; initializing standard punishment procedure." Heh, how interesting. What could this possibly do?
...what. I see. Hmph...I didn't predict an outcome like this. How ridiculous, turning all my data into lolcats, of all things; someone has entirely too much time on their hands. An inconvenient setback, but not insurmountable. Hehehe...if anyone believes that this will make me give up, they would be incorrect.
Poll Vote!
Character: Katakura Kojuurou
Series: Sengoku Basara
Character Age: 29
Job: Dragon-Sitter
Canon: Screw things like "physics" and "historical accuracy"! This is Sengoku Basara, a series taking place in - what else? - Japan, at the height of its warring era, 15th century to 16th century. Including things like mecha, gattling guns and bikehorses, Basara likes to use artistic license quite liberally. Most of the characters barely resemble their historical counterparts, and this is especially true in the case of the "dragon" Date Masamune, the Engrish-speaking, bikehorse-riding lord of the Oushuu province. In comparison, Kojuurou, his retainer, is nearly normal. He's the only one in the series with actual standard samurai gear. This doesn't make him any less powerful, though; known as the Right Eye of the Dragon, he can kick ass just as well as the guy with a gattling gun.
Kojuurou's loyalty to his lord is his most defining character trait. He's always at Masamune's back, protecting it when he charges recklessly into an enemy fortress (or stopping him if doing that is too stupid). He also acts as the Oushuu army's tactician, advising his lord on strategies as well as political actions. Most of the time, he's Masamune's voice of reason - much less brash than his lord, he can see when Masamune will put himself in too much danger. He's extremely attached to Oushuu and all of its army's men; for just a few of their lives, he's willing to go above and beyond the call of duty. And it's not hard to believe that he would - serious and determined, Kojuurou is someone you wouldn't want to cross paths with if you slighted Masamune or the men of Oushuu.
Sample Entry:
Men of Camp Fuck You Die, I've determined from this letter that Lord Date Masamune has been taken hostage by the Demon Queen Elizabeth Sayre. A brazen act like this shows the scale of her power. Being able to imprison so many of you together with my Lord is no small feat; however, irregardless of the arms you are missing, we can grasp - with our own hands - control of Camp, and with that, secure your freedom. The Demon Queen's base of operations, according to this letter, is the Lake. Her troops stationed there are commanded by her chief retainers, "Loudspeaker" and "Softspeaker.". Such a large area would be difficult to surround, if we were to try that tactic, but I propose a different approach.
If we take a less direct route through the woods for cover and attack from behind, we will easily be able to surprise Sayre. You - Brains, was it? - will lead a small patrol first, directly to the lake to distract Marcy. Be as bold as you must with her - we'll need as much of a diversion as possible. But remember this: in this army, no matter how temporary my time as your commander may be, none of you are expendable cannon fodder. We all serve a purpose here, and that purpose is to free Lord Masamune as well as yourselves. We shall -
- Who are you? An emissary from the Demon Queen Sayre? If she has given you terms to avoid a long siege, I will hear them, but know that I will not accept anything less than the release of- ... I am not sure I understand. Babysit a dragon? The only dragon I know if is my lord, and he does not require "babysitting." If you could provide any amount of clarification as to what this dragon she has in mind is, I would be gladly try bargain with her. An agreement would save us both unwanted casualties, and a fair trade would be preferable to wasting the lives - unlives - of my men. Although, as it stands now Brains' patrol will soon arrive at the lake to distract Marcy. We will need to move forward and attack, else we lose this chance!
You'll show me the dragon? Very well, then. Pick your hand up so you can point me in the right direction. If it's by the lake, I will be able to find it... that is the dragon? A dragon, I have been taught, has wings, a long sinewy body, and a large toothy maw, not tentacles. And it would live in a place more suiting than a lake. However, if I am required to take care of such a creature to ensure my Lord Masamune's release, I will put all of my effort into it.
Men of Camp Fuck You Die, prepare to dragon-sit!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Tsukigata Dahn
Series: Devil Summoner: Raidou Kuzunoha vs. King Abaddon
Character Age: 25
Job: Bug Hunt Supervisor
Canon: It is the year 1931, the 20th year of Japan's Taisho era, and a sinister conspiracy is unfolding in the shadows of Tokyo! The people's very luck is being stolen, strange insects are traded in the slums, and a mysterious girl asks Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha and Detective Narumi Shouhei for assistance in locating a man named Dahn. It's up to Raidou to solve the case, and thwart Dahn's nefarious plot! Or so it would seem; when Raidou finally tracks him down, he finds a courageous man fighting for a noble cause. Dahn is the heir to the Tsukigata clan of Fukoshi, elite ninjas who use insects in combat and assassination. However, the clan has terrible secrets, horrors which have doomed the Tsukigata family and their rural village to tragedy and loss for generations. Dahn formulates a plan to save his home and his family, and goes rogue from the clan, unsealing the forbidden luck eating insects.
Dahn's personality is firey, direct, and rather unrefined; raised in the rural Tsukigata village, he's something a country bumpkin, which tends to show in his speech. He's stubborn as a mule, refusing to back down once he's decided on a course of action, and possessing of enough skill, craftiness, and confidence to give hell to anything in his way. But at heart, Dahn's no bad guy. He's driven to protect what's important to him and make things right, seeing the damage done by his scheme as a regrettable necessity. He's honest, spirited, and even has a good sense of humor. And people that earn Dahn's trust have in him a loyal ally that would accompany them to the end of the world. Sometimes literally.
Sample Post:
All right kids, listen up, 'cause I ain't keen on repeating myself. As y'all may know, the bug hunt is apparently a fine summer camp tradition according to the pamphlet I got from the camp explaining things, and none other than yours truly, Tsukigata Dahn, was chosen to supervise the event. You could call me something of a bug exp-
What's that, boy? Brains? Yeah, I know I'm smart an' all, but I'd rather you not interrupt. Aw, come on, stop the moanin', I ain't giving you detention or nothing like that. You're a growin' boy, you oughta have a little more energy! Hell, all you kids are lookin' pretty under the weather, and scruffier than a mangy ox to boot. Do they not got bathing in the west? Y'all are in the middle of a swamp after all, you're liable to catch dysentery! I'll just take that vacant gawking as a sign to move on, but just remember that I won't be the one responsible for cleanin' up any kinds of "bodily fluids."
So like I said, you're lucky there's an expert like me on the scene! Now, I bet none of you know what a Fukoshi is, since most of the folks I mentioned it to just told me to watch my mouth, or thought I was talkin' about underwear. I'll have y'all know that fundoshi refers to skivvies, but a Fukoshi is sorta like a professor of Insectology who can also kick your ass. So before we start the hunt, I'll give you a few tips on the finer points of dealin' with bugs. When you're lookin' for bugs, a forest like this is a good place to start, though sometimes you can find 'em hiding in any number of places that're cool and dark. Like in your pillowcase, if some bastard out there really wants to tan your hide, heh. The key is to get the drop on 'em, before they can notice you. I know kid, my brains are pretty awesome.
And a little safety tip here, while most insects are more afraid of you then you are of them, you still wanna be careful around them, especially the bigger ones. Normally you'll be able to catch 'em if you just creep up nice and quiet-like, but the real nasty bugs will try to sting you, get in your hair, or have relations with your sister. If one of 'em does get riled, it's best to tell me. Now, with that over with, let's start the hunt! You two, stop gnawing on each other like a couple ornery housecats! Were y'all even listening? Don't start with the moanin' again, because you better believe, once this hunt gets started, we ain't stoppin' for nothing!
Poll Vote!
Character: Roland Deschain
Series: The Dark Tower
Age: Unknown, even to him, but looks in his late forties/early fifties.
Job: Survival expert
Canon: In a world that has moved on without him, Roland Deschain is the last gunslinger left alive, and that seems to be mostly because he’s too damn stubborn to die. For longer than anyone knows, including him, he’s been travelling in search of the elusive Dark Tower, the hub of reality. His latest escapades include destroying the entire population of the village of Tull, letting the boy he was looking after fall to his death, and aging ten years in a single night. That’s just how much fun his life is.
Then again, fun isn’t a word you’d much associate with Roland. By his own admission unimaginative and not very good at thinking around corners, he’s also lacking a sense of humour or any ability to take himself less than seriously. He’s incredibly single-minded, and will sacrifice just about anyone and anything in his search for the Tower. He’s been a gunslinger since he was fourteen, so you’d be hard-pressed to find a better fighter, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good strategist - he tends to charge into the thick of things, trusting to luck and instinct, and somehow manages to walk away in one piece. He’s hugely charismatic and a lot more of a romantic than he’d ever admit, with a high sense of honour and duty, but not what you’d call friendly, and definitely not one for small talk.
He believes heavily in ka - fate or predestination - a belief which guides most of what he does.
[Note: Roland speaks with a Midworld accent; for example, ‘sai’ means ‘sir’ or ‘madam’, and ‘ken’ is ‘understand’.
This version of Roland is taken from the end of the first book]
Sample Post:
Listen to me, and hear me damn well. I don’t ken where this place is, nor how I came to be here, nor what those things are that look so much like slow mutants - slow mutants they are not, or they could hardly keep walking once filled with lead - but I ken damn fine that there is no way out the way I came. This paper I hold says as much, as if ‘twere not enough to see my bullets ricochet from yon invisible wall - those that were still bullets and not jelly, anyway. Oh, this is a strange place indeed, say true. But there will be water if God wills it, so they say - though that water looks precious little like anything willed by God.
I’ll not take a step nearer to it. I have no thirst, none so desperate that I’ll risk such shadowed waters - nor that shape beneath them. I’ll not draw, not until I must, but stand warned.
No, sai, I’m no artist, to draw on paper. You mistake me.
Now, if you’ll step away - thankee - to business. I’ve little enough wish to be here, but since I am… well, ka is like a wind, and I’m not one to stand in its path. Survival expert, this note says - aye, and I’m an expert in surviving. But that’s the first thing in surviving; to know what ‘tis you’re living for.
And speaking of survival, do not think that I am unaware of you driving me towards the water. A survivor knows what danger he must walk into, and how best to face it, and these waters are no danger I must face. These guns are not for decoration; I live by them. When a man’s life comes down to his iron, he must keep it as best he can, and that’s a lesson worth knowing. Your survival can rely on having clean guns and dry shells--
…No, sai, placing the gun in your mouth is no way to clean it. Certainly no way to keep the bullets dry.
No way to teach survival to yourself, either. Have a care, sai, that trigger will… ah. Well. A man can live without a jaw, I suppose.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Death
Series: Discworld
Age: Eternal (or, many eons)
Job: Life Coach
Canon: Discworld is a series about occurrences on an alternate earth called the Disc, which is a flat world balanced on four elephants standing on a giant turtle hurtling through space. It’s a place where magic and belief have incredible power, and the gods and personifications of our world are very real and prone to smiting. The Disc is currently in a technological period roughly equivalent to the Middle Ages, although the use of magic has enabled some more modern inventions to exist, and throughout the series progress can be seen. There is no set protagonist in the series; rather there are arcs following certain groups of people and often crossing paths with characters from previous installments. The aim of the books is usually to parody something from Earth, such as Christmas, the Post Office, or Hollywood. The only character who shows up in every book (although sometimes only for a few lines) is Death.
Death is, as his name suggests, the anthropomorphic personification of death on the Discworld. He’s a seven foot tall skeleton, and spends most of his time traversing the Disc to collect souls. He’s fascinated by humans and their ability to unnecessarily complicate things, and will never waste an opportunity to learn more about them. In his recent centuries he’s taken to copying them in the manner of someone who understands the structure but not the function (a bedroom that he never uses, towels that are totally rigid, bone-hard soap). He’s kind but efficient, and views his job as a public service. Contrary to his appearance, Death has a wry sense of humor and irony. Because he has no vocal chords, his speech is projected directly into people’s heads and is represented by ALL CAPS.
Sample Entry:
…AH, EXCUSE ME. WRONG UNIVERSE. I’M SORRY ABOUT THAT, I’LL JUST BE ON MY WAY NOW. THIS IS QUITE EMBARRASSING.
OR PERHAPS NOT. MY COMPLIMENTS TO WHOEVER ERECTED THIS BARRIER; IT IS ONE OF THE MORE INTRICATE THAT I’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING. OF COURSE IN THE PAST I WAS USUALLY ON THE OTHER SIDE. INCIDENTALLY, I DO HOPE THAT THIS IS NOT ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO SQUIRREL AWAY THE GODS TO A PLACE THEY CANNOT INTERFERE. AS MUCH AS THEY ENJOY PLAYING WITH OTHERS, THEY GET SURPRISINGLY TOUCHY WHEN THE SAME RULES ARE APPLIED TO THEMSELVES.
THIS COULD ALWAYS BE A WIZARD CONSTRUCT, ALTHOUGH THAT WOULD REQUIRE A LARGE LEAP FORWARD IN THEIR DIMENSION-CARETAKING POLICIES. THEY DO NOT MEDDLE ENOUGH TO MERIT THEIR OWN FACILITY HERE. EVEN IF THEY DID, THERE WOULDN’T BE SUCH A MARKED ABSENCE OF FOOD OR ARGUING.
THIS IS ALL VERY UNSETTLING; I SHOULD BE ABLE TO LEAVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. IS IT AN OVERLARGE RITE CIRCLE? THAT SHOULDN’T BE AN OBSTACLE. THE PLANT LIFE DOESN’T APPEAR COOPERATIVE ENOUGH TO YIELD ANY STICKS.
I SUPPOSE THAT THIS IS ONE OF THOSE PLACES PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY DO NOT WISH TO DEAL WITH THEM? SOMETHING OF AN ODD LOCATION, UNLESS THEY WERE AIMING FOR DEATH BY MALARIA. A BIT EXCESSIVE, THOUGH. THERE’S PLENTY OF PLACES WHERE THEY CAN DO THAT FOR FREE IF THEY’RE SO INTENT ON IT.
HELLO. NICE TO HAVE FINALLY FOUND A PERSON WITH ALL THEIR LIMBS ATTACHED. I HATE TO BE A TROUBLE, BUT I REALLY MUST BE RETURNING TO THE DISC. PEOPLE WILL TALK, DEATH COASTING OFF TO HAVE A WALK THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE’S WORLD. IT’S VERY UNPROFESSIONAL. AS I CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THE TRICK TO IT, IF YOU WOULD JUST BREAK THE ENCLOSURE FOR A MOMENT-
LIFE COACH? ER. CONSIDERING THAT I AM ONLY PRESENT AT THE END OF THE LIFESPAN, I’M NOT THE MOST QUALIFIED FOR GIVING ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT OF CAREER GOALS. THAT INCLUDES YOUR IMPRESSIVE ARRAY OF UNDEAD. THAT’S NOT EVEN TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION THAT I AM ALREADY EMPLOYED PERMANENTLY.
IF YOU ARE SO INSISTENT, WHY NOT SPEAK WITH MY SUPERIOR? THIS IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS, SO TO SPEAK.
BUT MAY I OFFER A SUGGESTION? THIS MAN IN THE FIRST SET OF PATIENT FILES SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIS BOWEL PROBLEMS BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO BECOME A SAILOR. CHOLERA HAS A WAY OF INTERFERING WITH LASHING SAILS AND WHATNOT.
Poll Vote!
Character: Johann Kraus
Series: Hellboy / BPRD (comic series)
Age: 45
Job: Kitchen Inspector
Canon: Johann Kraus is an ectoplasmic cloud inhabiting a human-shaped suit with a clear glass globe for a head. Born in post-WWII Germany, Johann was a talented physical medium with a reputation for genuine interest in helping both the aggrieved and the spirits they wished to communicate with. In 2002, while conducting a seance, he was caught in a continent-spanning explosion on the ethereal plane, and his spirit returned to find his body a burned husk. Lucky enough to run into the Bureau, he was provided with the containment suit he wears --and is-- today.
He's not exactly dead, but he's not really alive either. Johann --polite, amiable, and reserved-- seems oddly at peace with the line he straddles between life and death, though not without issue. Johann forges close ties with those around him, whatever the form: human, creature, or creation. He doesn't need to eat, or even sleep, which gives him time to placate his insatiable curiousity of all things strange and occult. It also lets him snoop, with great enthusiasm, into the lives of his friends. His boundless energy can be exhausting, particularly when it becomes necessary to remind him that a simple explanation is preferable to an all-encompassing lecture or ramble. When flustered or excited, it is not uncommon for Johann to sprinkle his speech with German phrases or exclamations.
Sample Post:
Good morning, my friend! Please do not be alarmed; I was just completing my routine evaluation of your cabin kitchen as part of new regulations. Do accept my apologies if my presence has surprised or disturbed you. Myself? I am Johann Kraus, once a prominent physical medium. Be assured that I mean you no harm --rather, I simply intend to ask of you a few questions while you fill out this form about your satisfaction with the C.F.U.D. food services provided for you. You do not mind, do you? Wundabar!
Before I begin, it is my understanding that the residents here handle their own culinary needs. It was told to me that you did once have a communal mess hall, but I was also informed that it became unsanitary once overrun by the walking dead. You would not think that so many such ghouls would exist out in a backwater like this. Do you suppose that this was the site of a battle in your American Civil War? A whole platoon of forgotten soldiers --perhaps more! Such strong emotion could be to blame for the strong geo-mantic forces at play here. Populations tend to aggregate over such numinously potent sites; think of the largest city you have ever visited, and you will see this to be true. It is likely that psychic energies are what made man choose that site over many others in the once-untamed wilderness, but that is not to say that the wild things today are tame --oh no, my friend! Still, energy is what may have gathered so many interesting persons here; otherwise, who would live in such an unpleasant swamp?
... Ah, come again? You mean to tell me that this infestation of the cafeteria is no more? I can see from your response, however, that you still think lowly of the food there regardless. Especially on Tuesday? Perhaps you might tell me more --here! There is a space for further explanation on page three of that form. First, though, I am intrigued by your unique aura; do tell me how it was that you came to be here, and for what reasons you have chosen to--
Pardon me again? Oh, of course! If it is a formal complaint you wish to lodge against the food offered to you at the cafeteria, then I do have a form for that purpose. Unfortunately, and do excuse me, I was not advised by your Director as to where to submit such complaints. You are still free to fill it out, but I ask for you patience as it might be a little while before your concerns are addressed... particularly when you have so many. My goodness. I do begin to see that this favour to Mrs. Sayre may take longer to accomplish if the conditions are as adverse as you suggest. It is good, in a way, but I fear I may be here much longer than I had planned...
Yes, you are nearly to the end of the form. When you are done, you just need to sign here, und here, and then please complete this additional form for my own records after. Do not worry, the third form is much shorter, but perhaps long enough for you to first tell me a little more about yourself...
Poll Vote!
Character name: Eclipse
Series: Demon Diary
Age: A few thousand years, probably.
Job: Smile Instructor
Canon: When Demon Lord Raenef IV suddenly dies, the demon world is in uproar and the task of finding and educating a new "Demon Lord Raenef" is appointed to the demon Eclipse. It just so happens the destined new Lord is a young boy with a cheery, outgoing personality, not at all like the shady, evil sort that's expected of a demon lord, and Eclipse now has to teach this new Raenef V to become a full-fledged master of dark magic and slayer of holy knights. Realizing he's in for a challenge, Eclipse wonders if things are really going to work out the way he wants to, as he's now stuck serving under a clown who doesn't know the start or end of his own spells, befriends his enemies and just wants to save people with a big smile.
Eclipse is a high ranking demon whose services are sought out by many Demon Lords. He's also devoted and intelligent, short tempered, high strung and proud with a sour disposition. Occasionally referred to as "mister grumpmeister" by his disciple and Lord in charge, Eclipse is just one level below a Demon Lord, and would be a great teacher if he didn't get annoyed at every single mistake Raenef makes. He might evoke fear in people who meet him, but if Raenef doesn't want Eclipse to hurt them, Eclipse'll back down because he respects the wishes of his Lord, though he can definitely chide Raenef and lose his temper. Had it not been for the fact that Raenef is so innocent and sweet, Eclipse would probably not have given in to a mother hen kind of side of himself he didn't think existed, as he finds himself inadvertently caring for his Lord a little more than he intended to.
Sample Post: While I do understand your explanation for bringing me here, Director, I do not appreciate the way I've been treated so far. I do not take the theft of my free will lightly, and I do not approve of your dragging me away from my duties at my home. An accidental summoning? Surely you jest. I am above getting caught by some low level incantation made by your lowly monsters and I do not see the purpose of my presence. No, not even if offered a job... A smile instructor? Please tell me who thought of something so ridiculous. I'm a demon of the third order, not some kindergarten teacher, and I live to serve my Demon Lord, no one else, certainly not some selfish mortal woman who cannot solve her problems on her own.
Yes, I can see your biggest problem is this murder case. What I cannot see is why the creatures in this place would need to learn how to smile in regards to that. First of all, zombies cannot move their facial muscles because of obvious extreme atrophia and secondly, they serve no other purpose than to scare people, or perhaps do some obscure menial task which is simple and below anyone else. Why you have the living dead to serve you in the first place just shows your lack of taste. I have no intention to stay and teach them anything, much less something unnecessary and idiotic. Sense in this camp of yours is frighteningly scarce, and it leaves me unimpressed.
Smile with their eyes? I am not convinced. They hardly have eyes left, and you still want me to do this? I never said I'd comply in the first place, so don't try to persuade me! It doesn't matter that you think I'm "as pretty as Tyra Banks". I have no idea who you're talking about or why it should matter, and I have no interest in knowing. You're starting to get on my nerves, woman.
No, I'm not about to become your guinea pig in summoning experiments. It doesn't matter that I'm a demon; summoning me isn't something to joke about. Just because your pitiful zombie horde somehow managed to call forth a high level demon with their meager abilities doesn't mean you can go ahead and dare order me around. Such impudence. I could have complimented your bravery, but I'm not about to waste my breath. And your zombies' attempts at talking your way out of this are completely redundant. I'm certainly not fluent in their gurgling speech, nor will I ever bother to be. The fact that you cannot be bothered to do it on your own doesn't improve my view on you in the slightest.
However, it seems to me that logic is apparently a subject too hard for you to grasp. Now, if you return me to my Lord's castle this instant, I won't leave any permanent damage. Not that I expect much resistance from a mortal with bodyguards who are falling apart.
Poll Vote!
Character name: Naoya
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Character Age: 24
Job: Network Administrator
Canon: Warning: this app contains spoilers.
Tokyo is on the verge of being destroyed. This time, it involves demons everywhere, the city being under complete lockdown by the Self-Defense Force, and the fact that everyone in the city is going to die in seven days. Three teenagers find themselves trapped in the midst of this chaos, trying to survive armed with only their wits and their COMPs- handheld electronic devices that have been modified to run a program to allows them to summon demons of their own. Even as they try to survive, they are drawn into a conflict that is, as always, far more complicated than it seems.
Naoya is the cousin of the game's protagonist (who was one of the kids trapped in the lockdown when everything went to hell). He is cold, calm, and logical, as well as manipulative and arrogant; he is also a genius programmer, and the creator of the Demon Summoning Program. While he is helpful to some degree, providing his cousin and his cousin's friends with the tools they need to survive, it is very clear that he knows much more than he is saying-and he talks as if he knows more then he's letting on-and that he has his own agenda.
Note: the ancient common tongue is a song that summons demons.
Sample Entry:
Heh...from one lockdown to another. At least this one is by the will of a human, rather than by the hand of God. As there again seems to be no way out, I might as well make the most of this opportunity. How unfortunate that the Director has no mind for anything except her fiance's death. Tch, such a waste of her potential, but power is there to be used, and if she won't use it...heh. It's obvious where her priorities lie. Obsolete hardware, completely outdated software, a network that can barely access anything? Still running Windows, I see, and a particularly unstable version, at that. Questionable as that is, at least they haven't changed to OS X. Overrated and pretentious...hahaha, God must be a Mac user. It would certainly suit Him... And neither God nor Apple is a friend of mine.
The state of the computer network is scarcely surprising, though, given her lack of attention to the rest of this place. However, her lack of attention may yet prove to be of some use, as well as the creatures she summoned. First...hm. The main server is old, yes, but as long as it can run the program, it won't matter. Time enough for upgrading once the reprogramming is finished.
There. That wasn't so difficult, certainly not as difficult as creating the demon summoning server the first time. Using demons would be preferable, but the algorithms would need to be adjusted and without someone capable of performing the demon-summoning melody...impossible for now. Now the specific alterations need to be coded in. The question is, which variety of creature would be suitable for bringing under COMP control? Let's see: the gorillas are entirely unsuitable, and the toucans seem only good for singing nonsense in irritatingly cheerful voices. "All God's children are gonna die?" Hmph, common sense, no need to sing about that.. The zombies, then, even if all they are good for would be for as a mindless horde commanded to perform simple tasks. The ancient common tongue wouldn't be necessary in order to summon additional zombies as there are plenty already here, small value compared to how useless they are.
Even the stupidest demon can perform a task more complex than shamble about like drones, flailing for brains.
Tch. I've already started, and I won't give up now. Perhaps just changing this variable slightly will be enough. What's this? An error message? "Error 309: unauthorized intrusion detected; initializing standard punishment procedure." Heh, how interesting. What could this possibly do?
...what. I see. Hmph...I didn't predict an outcome like this. How ridiculous, turning all my data into lolcats, of all things; someone has entirely too much time on their hands. An inconvenient setback, but not insurmountable. Hehehe...if anyone believes that this will make me give up, they would be incorrect.
Poll Vote!
Character: Katakura Kojuurou
Series: Sengoku Basara
Character Age: 29
Job: Dragon-Sitter
Canon: Screw things like "physics" and "historical accuracy"! This is Sengoku Basara, a series taking place in - what else? - Japan, at the height of its warring era, 15th century to 16th century. Including things like mecha, gattling guns and bikehorses, Basara likes to use artistic license quite liberally. Most of the characters barely resemble their historical counterparts, and this is especially true in the case of the "dragon" Date Masamune, the Engrish-speaking, bikehorse-riding lord of the Oushuu province. In comparison, Kojuurou, his retainer, is nearly normal. He's the only one in the series with actual standard samurai gear. This doesn't make him any less powerful, though; known as the Right Eye of the Dragon, he can kick ass just as well as the guy with a gattling gun.
Kojuurou's loyalty to his lord is his most defining character trait. He's always at Masamune's back, protecting it when he charges recklessly into an enemy fortress (or stopping him if doing that is too stupid). He also acts as the Oushuu army's tactician, advising his lord on strategies as well as political actions. Most of the time, he's Masamune's voice of reason - much less brash than his lord, he can see when Masamune will put himself in too much danger. He's extremely attached to Oushuu and all of its army's men; for just a few of their lives, he's willing to go above and beyond the call of duty. And it's not hard to believe that he would - serious and determined, Kojuurou is someone you wouldn't want to cross paths with if you slighted Masamune or the men of Oushuu.
Sample Entry:
Men of Camp Fuck You Die, I've determined from this letter that Lord Date Masamune has been taken hostage by the Demon Queen Elizabeth Sayre. A brazen act like this shows the scale of her power. Being able to imprison so many of you together with my Lord is no small feat; however, irregardless of the arms you are missing, we can grasp - with our own hands - control of Camp, and with that, secure your freedom. The Demon Queen's base of operations, according to this letter, is the Lake. Her troops stationed there are commanded by her chief retainers, "Loudspeaker" and "Softspeaker.". Such a large area would be difficult to surround, if we were to try that tactic, but I propose a different approach.
If we take a less direct route through the woods for cover and attack from behind, we will easily be able to surprise Sayre. You - Brains, was it? - will lead a small patrol first, directly to the lake to distract Marcy. Be as bold as you must with her - we'll need as much of a diversion as possible. But remember this: in this army, no matter how temporary my time as your commander may be, none of you are expendable cannon fodder. We all serve a purpose here, and that purpose is to free Lord Masamune as well as yourselves. We shall -
- Who are you? An emissary from the Demon Queen Sayre? If she has given you terms to avoid a long siege, I will hear them, but know that I will not accept anything less than the release of- ... I am not sure I understand. Babysit a dragon? The only dragon I know if is my lord, and he does not require "babysitting." If you could provide any amount of clarification as to what this dragon she has in mind is, I would be gladly try bargain with her. An agreement would save us both unwanted casualties, and a fair trade would be preferable to wasting the lives - unlives - of my men. Although, as it stands now Brains' patrol will soon arrive at the lake to distract Marcy. We will need to move forward and attack, else we lose this chance!
You'll show me the dragon? Very well, then. Pick your hand up so you can point me in the right direction. If it's by the lake, I will be able to find it... that is the dragon? A dragon, I have been taught, has wings, a long sinewy body, and a large toothy maw, not tentacles. And it would live in a place more suiting than a lake. However, if I am required to take care of such a creature to ensure my Lord Masamune's release, I will put all of my effort into it.
Men of Camp Fuck You Die, prepare to dragon-sit!
Poll Vote!