(no subject)
HAVE ANOTHER ROUND, hoho. good lord, this Patapon demo is addictive. There's a dup in this one!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. These percentages aren't changing. Closed! The higher scoring app in the dup will be reposted later. ♥
Applicant #1
Character: Eliot Nightlay
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: around 15
Canon: Pandora Hearts is a little like giving Alice in Wonderland to Todd McFarlane: epically rendered and able to scare the pants off you at any given moment. Your cheery young protagonist, Oz, starts with the literal birthday from hell, getting dragged into the Abyss, his world's personal torment for sinners. Escape comes in the form of a demonic bunny-girl and a fatal contract, leaving the two to emerge 10 years later. With the contract ticking away at Oz's biological clock, the characters struggle to discover the truth about the Abyss and their own pasts before it's too late.
Eliot Nightlay enters the equation as Oz learns more about the villains who seek the Abyss' power. He is proud, a skilled sword fighter and can't stand people who hide from their problems or display matyr complexes. Prone to frequent loud outbursts and carrying a very short temper, Eliot is quick to attack stupidity and always ready to give his opinion, even if nobody asks for it. The usual targets of this criticism and rage are Oz and his manservant, Gil, who just happens to be Eliot's adopted brother. But beneath this bitchy attitude is a sincere and caring boy who knows just how to tell people what they need to hear. Even if it means telling them in capslock.
Sample Entry:
Everybody in this place is completely stupid! If it's not the freaks in the ape suits harassing me with fliers -- I told you, I DON'T NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES!! -- it's the moronic birds who won't stop following me! What does "soon soon Eliot" even mean?! Soon something will start making sense? Soon I'm going to smack you? Soon you'll leave me alone for five damn seconds so I can figure out where I'm going?!
And this useless map isn't helping! A two-year-old could have drawn better. The leaves on this tree look like socks. The boat in the middle of the lake is a circle with scribbles around it. And what the hell is that squiggle near this edge supposed to be? A fence? How hard is it for people here to make something straight?! Never mind, that would require intelligence, and I already know that's a lost cause.
Argh! I can't believe I've been walking around this sick reject of a swamp for hours thanks to that map and haven't found one person who can use his head --And I don't mean for dodge ball!! Hey, you, I know you don't care about cracking your skull open but did you ever think about how that's going to traumatize everyone else? No, I didn't think so! You're too busy whining about how nobody understands you. Everyone's so much smarter because they have "braaaains". You're pathetic! Stop moaning long enough to pull yourself together and maybe you can actually talk to people and stop being so miserable! In a place like this, there has to be someone as weird as you. Go look for them and get out of my face!
Well, that's one problem solv -- Why the hell are you hugging me?? Didn't I just tell you to get lost? Get off! I'm not nice! It's just that -- Your crying was really annoying! ... And is starting to becoming annoying again. Fine! You want to show you've really learned the error of your ways? You can help me find the two idiots who got lost here. No, I didn't come to rescue them! I don't care about them at all! I just have to make sure that guy isn't embarrassing the House of Nightlay! Got it? Good. Let's get moving. I'll find what I'm after, even if I have to cut through everything in this disgusting place! When Eliot Nightlay draws his sword...
DON'T YOU DARE IYAAAAN AT ME!!
Applicant #2
Character: Elliot Nightlay
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: About 16-17
Canon: In stories, people get thrown into dark scary abysses all the time, really. In Oz Vessalius' case, he just gets stabbed by his best friend before he's shoved into one. Fortunately, he finds a way out through a contract with a crazy bunny girl named Alice, which puts him ten years into the future complete with a timer on his chest. From there, they find a mysterious organization named Pandora waiting, discover that Oz's life sucks more than it seems and learn that Alice's memories need quite the effort to find and piece together.
Along the way, Oz meets Elliot Nightlay, who's more than a little vocal about what he believes in. Being the son of one of the Four Great Duke Houses, pride and honour mean a lot to him, and people who value neither life nor dignity tend to find themselves on his even angrier side-- angry being his default expression, of course. His manner of speech, so to speak, is peppered with large bold font and exclamation marks as well as sudden violent swiping motions of his sword whenever he's affronted by something. Sometimes, this is accompanied by a lecture, which he sees fit to dole out anytime the whim strikes him. If you happen not to be in the mood for it, that's just too bad ♥
Sample Post:
What is wrong with you morons?! Here you have one of your own taken by a giant tentacled creature and instead of reaching out to help as you should, you watch him fend for himself while you line up waiting for your turn! Have you no shame? How do you live with yourselves, pretending that there's nothing wrong with abandoning someone so easily and resigning to what you call fate? If you actually believe this kind of apathy will save you from being hurt, you'd better think again! Those who belittle the value of their own worth hurt not only themselves but the people around them, and you must be a fool if you imagined for one moment that this isn't true!
The same goes for you over there! Why did you just lie there and let that monster have its way with you? If I hadn't saved you, you might have been dead by now! You should have fought it, or at least tried your best to wring out of its hold! Affecting some damsel in distress routine won't get you anywhere; it just makes you look more pathetic than you already are, giving up on yourself without even attempting to break free with the best of your own abilities! --Haa?! You liked what it was doing to you?! So what if you say this creature is your sugar daddy? It may be true that I don't understand the type of relationship you have, but I do know that being a father figure doesn't make it right for it to do whatever it wants to you! It certainly doesn't make any of its actions excusable either, even if it gives you something you want badly but aren't allowed to have, especially something that's been banned in this camp! Rules are there for a good reason, and being able to have all the sugar you want is a poor price for your dignity!
Tch, I see now why that woman who names herself your Director would come asking for help. It's not just that green, blotchy skin that makes you her so called "poor, demoralized patients", it's the way you view yourselves! You're behaving like cowards who are too afraid to face the reality of your situation and do something about it; succumbing so easily to the shadow of your own disease that you aren't even aware that you're throwing away your pride and yourself! It's about time you realize what you lack and take a step forth from that point! The moment you do, you'll find that where you go from there is all up to you to decide, even choosing a different path from the one you've been on -- which isn't going into the lake with the monster! What is wrong with you peons?! Have you no pride ?!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Leo
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: 16-17
Canon: Oz Vessalius lived a seemingly carefree and luxurious life as the heir to his noble family. That is, until his coming of age ceremony when was thrown into the Abyss- a nightmare world of monsters and Alice in Wonderland references. Upon his rescue he's thrust into a world of political intrigue between noble houses where no one is who or what they seem and everyone has some kind of ulterior motive for whatever they appear to be doing. But even nobles have to attend school, and it's at such a fine institution that Oz runs into Elliot, heir of the rival Nightray family, and his servant Leo.
Despite his status as a servant, Leo's hobbies include teasing his master and occasionally hitting him over the head to knock some sense into him. When he's not subjecting Elliot to comical abuse, he provides an unflappably calm and sensible voice of reason, offering his (usually very accurate) observations whenever he thinks necessary. As his master is hot-headed and prone to missing things while ranting, this is often the case. While his mane of messy black hair and permanent glasses flash may look intimidating, Leo is actually something of a pacifist: He may carry a gun, but don't count on him being willing or able to hit anything with it. He also has a soft spot for children that brings out a slightly more gentle side to him.
Sample Post:
Ah, could you keep it down? I'm trying to read this map and it's difficult enough without that groaning in the background. If you must practice your moans then do it somewhere else where it won't disturb people. Or at least where it won't disturb me, if being disturbing is your goal. You might want to try drawing out the 's' in 'brains' further, by the way. Mind you, even silence may not be enough to help in this case. This is the most bizarre map I've ever seen, it's as if every time I look at it a new building has appeared on it. I don't know how Elliot expects me to find him if there aren't even a stable number of buildings in this place. I would ask for directions but I don't believe zombies and gorillas are known for their verbal skills.
It's odd, I would have thought that being in a situation like this would be scary, like in novels. I'm all alone in a swamp infested by wildlife of varieties I didn't know were possible, after all. But actually being here is quite a different experience. The worst part so far has been scaring off those gorillas earlier so they would let me go. I was starting to get worried I'd have to shoot one, but thankfully the sight of my gun turned out to be enough to send them running. I'm relieved, I probably would have missed. But as long as I can keep them at bay by waving my weapon around it should be fine. In any case the situation was really my fault in the first place for trying to step in and stop them fighting each other. I wasn't aware that gorillas liked to spar, but then I wasn't aware that they came in that shade, either. This place doesn't seem to have much to do with logic.
Still, I should find Elliot before he manages to get himself into trouble. Or trouble we can't get out of anyway, since it's probably a bit late for that. Perhaps I should just listen for the sound of yelling and follow that... come to think of it, I think I can hear yelling. I wasn't being serious, but whatever works, I guess. Let's go see what he's gotten himself into this ti- ah. You're not Elliot at all. So sorry for interrupting your, ah, moment together, I'll just turn around and forget I ever saw that. Don't get angry, it's only reasonable to assume there's trouble when one hears sounds like that. If you're not careful you might find the next person to come in does so with an unsheathed sword at the ready.
Poll Vote!
Character: Shidou Mariya
Series: Maria Holic
Age: High school first year (~15)
Canon: It's a tale as old as time! Our protagonist, Kanako, enrolls in a prestigious private school searching for love, and discovers that her roommate is hiding a terrible secret! Will they work together to protect Mariya's true gender as love blossoms between them? . . . FUCK no. Kanako is horrified to find out that the adorable, popular Shidou Mariya is actually a boy concealing his gender to attend an all-girls Catholic school. Especially when the beautiful and gentle flower among women turns out to be foul-mouthed, manipulative, sadistic, and . . . well, pretty much pure evil, on TOP of having a dick. Kanako's goal of a dreamy lesbian romance is viciously kicked in the face as Mariya forces her to keep his secret, using blackmail, extortion, abuse, and the repeated use of marine products.
This is the part of the canon section where you're reassured that Mariya surely couldn't be as bad as he sounds; after all, he's class representative, incredibly intelligent, stunningly gorgeous, a first-rate actor, and religious enough to be (quote) the reincarnation of Jesus Fucking Christ (end quote). However, the unfortunate truth of the matter is that Mariya really is 99.9% crazy sadist-just really, really good at keeping up the perky, everybody-loves-Mariya face in public. He can drop an octave and a smile at the drop of a hat, and repeatedly threatens and insults even his closest, er, "friend," his maid, Matsurika. After all, there's nobody in the world worthy of being respected by the utter perfection that is Mariya~
Sample Post:
Hello and good afternoon to the students of C.F.U.D. Academy~ It's an honour for me to be here on this gorgeous summer day to address you amidst the, ah, calls of wildlife and the reflection of sunlight off your most . . . charming lake! On behalf of all the students at Ame no Kisaki, I'd like to extend a warm thank-you for this chance to broaden our horizons and create an international partnership with a new sister school! I can only hope that your annual summer camp retreat will offer you the chance to unwind from the rigor morti-ahaha, from . . . the rigors of daily life. Ehe! And please forgive me if my English is sometimes poor. I am looking forward to improving my knowledge of your language alongside making so many new friends in America. Please be kind to me~! ♥
At Ame no Kisaki, we have a saying: all this beauty is of God! In such troubled times, we must always remember that the world we live in is one world under God, and that the unity and strength of the faithful will guide us all to higher ground. Only with a harmonious and charitable attitude may we fulfill our duties as children under the Lord.
Now, let us close our eyes and cast our hearts upward. Please, join me in a moment of silent prayer.
. . .
(Dear Father who art in heaven, please deliver me from this fucking shithole before I drive a rosary through somebody's fucking eye. I don't know what the hell they were playing at, sending me to this maggot-infested scratch in the asscrack of the earth, but if I don't get the hell out of here I'm going to scream. This is no place for the great Shidou Mariya! Screw getting to know these fucking commoners-I'd rather throat-kiss a sub-amoebic life form scraped off the bottom of my fucking shoe than go within five feet of these losers. They've probably got more STDs than the disgusting lesbian. And living in cabins? Ugh, please KILL me. I'll commit multiple homicide before I share a room with any of these pond scum.
Oh, and if You in Your wisdom see fit to send a spiritual message to my USELESS MAID who had better be getting this because I am stabbing it at her with every ounce of mental fortitude I possess . . . please tell her: if you don't get your stupid fat ass here YESTERDAY, I'm boxing you up and sending you to fucking Cuba where you'll spend the rest of your useless life dancing with a monkey and a pair of cymbals on a communist street corner. Bitch, if I find out how you managed to disappear between the airport and here, I'm going to strangle you with your own pigtails.)
. . . amen! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Miyamae Kanako
Series: Maria Holic
Character Age: Second year of high school, so around 16.
Canon: Young and enthusiastic lesbian Miyamae Kanako transfers into an all girls' catholic high school because she has one very simple hope: Meet the woman of her dreams and have a fantastic romance! She thinks she's found this when she meets the beautiful, gentle Mariya -- but the woman of her dreams turns out to be the man of her nightmares; he's a boy in disguise. Not just any boy, either; Mariya is a sadist who teams up with his bitchy maidservant to force Kanako to keep his secret by threatening to frame her for rape! In order to avoid having her chances at romance dashed (as well as not wanting to get arrested for a criminal act she didn't commit), Kanako is forced not just to keep his secret but to room with him and endure his torments, which range from waking her up while wearing adorable nurse cosplay to ...well, pouring gasoline on her and threatening to set her on fire. Still, she can't say her school life's too hard as she meets and grows close to many of her cute (yet strangely bizarre) classmates.
Although Kanako is at heart a nice girl getting by in awkward circumstances, she's also extreeeemely high-energy, kind of perverted, and dumb as bricks. Kanako's not afraid of very much, coping fairly well with bizarre situations like the fact that God's a catgirl dorm mom, or that her handbag is carnivorous and has tentacles. She has a constant habit of monologuing -- both out loud and in her mind (occasionally both; Mariya chastizes her for getting what she thinks and what she says mixed up) -- at a frantic and breakneck pace as she tries to consider all possible elements of a situation or goes on long spiels of romantic and sexual fantasy. She tends to romanticise her life, casting her mental images of herself and the girls around her in classic shoujo and art noveau styles. She is quite literally allergic to men and wants to avoid the risk of the itchy, painful hives she gets if she so much as brushes up against one. Fortunately, her rampant and loud love of the ladies makes male touch unnecessary -- though she'd really like it if she could avoid getting nosebleeds whenever she talks to the pretty girls around her.
Sample App:
Dear Mother in Heaven, I have arrived at a place where my dreams might finally be able to come true!!
When I think of Summer Camp, I think of beautiful girls eating together in a mess hall and sleeping together in tents and cabins! Ahh... sleeping together... No sooner had Mariya let slip that he'd heard of this place -- and that it was above him to ever attend, of course -- than I'd packed my bag and was out of there! No more tough decisions about what I'll do over summer break; it's camping time for me! Here I am, ready for action and adventure! Especially action.
I grabbed a pamphlet at the front gate and I have to say, things are looking promising so far. It says that cabins are strictly divided by sex, no boys allowed in the girls' cabins and vice versa. That's definitely what I like to hear! No more having to change clothes while hiding, no more glimpses of an unsightly flat chest when preparing for bed, no more itchy painful hives when some asshole wakes me up in the morning! Instead I'll be surrounded by gorgeous girls at all hours of the day -- their lovely sleeping faces, cheerful morning conversation, meals at the mess hall, summer games in the afternoon, ahhhhh, it even says the showers are communal! Is this my chance to earn a harem ending to the dating sim of my life?! No, no, I can't think about it, what sort of impression will I make if I arrive covered in my own blood and with my nose still bleeding?!
Deep breath, deep breath... But, though the pamphlet's got my hopes up, all the girls I've seen from a distance so far have looked sort of... sick or dead. They'd better not all be like that. Dammit, even if people call me a pervert, I'm a delicate lily, not a necrophiliac! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure lepers are nice people, and I'm sure plenty of them are beautiful in their own way, but a girl can only handle so much! -- Ohhhh, wait a second, wait a second, I get it! It's got to be some sort of themed costume thing ... or maybe they're shooting a zombie movie! Summer camps often feature in horror movies, right? That explains everything! Fight on, Freddy! Viva Jason Voorhees!!
I hope I find my way off the set soon, regardless... I'm starting to think I've gotten lost. But I can't let it get to me! Kanako, hold the image of the lovely ladies in your mind and keep on walking! This is the summer of my youth! Camp will bring the fulfillment of my hopes! I'll meet someone wonderful and we'll do so many incredible things together... We'll roast marshmallows over the campfire, sing camp songs in perfect harmony, wake up each other for breakfast, feed each other roasted sausage, stay up at night watching the stars, canoe together on the placid lake -- I'm not following the day's natural progression of hours but who cares?! Finally, after a day or two of these activities (going after her on the first night would be a little much, I guess), I'll climb into her bunk... we'll have to be quiet to avoid waking our roommates, but that's fine, it'll be perfect, beautiful... and my unfortunate chastity will finally come to an end! Oh, I'm almost there, I can see the campgrounds! I'll just finish reading this pamphlet to prepare myself for my grand debut, and ...
...
WHAT?! A no what rule?! You're lying! It's a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
Poll Vote!
Character: Princess Sapphire Rhodonite
Series: Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice
Age: 17
Canon: Even in Hell, education is important. Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice takes place in a school for demons, aptly named "Evil Academy". As you would expect, in such a school, one gets good marks by neglecting to do their homework or ditching classes- essentially, going against the mores we have established for our educational systems. Though it starts out as lighthearted as you'd think it would, it becomes a charming tale of heroes, demons, and princesses learning of things far more valuble than anything a school could teach, just like every other game in its series.
The princess in question is Sapphire. She's a bit (read: quite) airheaded, often to the point of recklessness, but she's much, much different from your typical video game princess. Robust and ruthless (read: a natural born killing machine), she's able to defend her country on her own. She has no issues helping others, either, though her methods are often a bit questionable. She can't let herself get kidnapped by some demon like all those other girls. How passé! Instead, she enrolls in the Evil Academy to get the jump on the Overlord before he can destroy her kingdom. However, her objective soon changes to saving a guard of hers, no matter what the means. If she has to open someone's heart with a chainsaw to do it, then so be it! It's worth it.
Sample Post:
So this is what they call a "summer camp"! It looks much different from what I've read about in books. Everyone's shuffling about so listlessly, though; they must be tired. Are the activities here really that strenuous? And the lake... I don't remember there being that many alligators in the pictures I saw. Upon closer inspection, it's much brighter in person! It's practically glowi- W-what's that? It's coming this way... An enemy already?! Take this!
...Oh no, there I go again! I'll never get any friends at this rate! Are you absolutely certain that you're alright, Sir Gyaaargh? You're the first person I've seen that reacted to one of my hell thrusts so well, but... you're green! You must eat a lot of vegetables. I hope you're remembering to wash them before you eat them, or you could die ♥ You eat brains, you said? Then how do you get that green color to your skin? I imagine that eating brains would make you pink... Is it possible that it's just an effect of going to this camp? Ah, it must be like a tan! How interesting~ None of my textbooks mentioned the sun in these kinds of places giving one of that color! Could I get one too, then?
Ah, another enemy...? Let me go! ...Oh, it's only you, Sir Gyaaargh. You startled me! Was that your arm? Please forgive me, it's a reflex of mine! Despite our being friends, I still cut your hand off. Though you were the one who grabbed me, I should apologize. I'm certain that you had a good reason; you don't look evil, after all! If you did, I would have killed you a long time ago!
This is the direction that you came from, isn't it? Are you certain that it's safe to be by this lake? I wouldn't want to get in trouble on my first day here. It would be terrible if I was sent home that quickly! If you're absolutely certain, then I suppose it must be alright, though I feel that I should ask about that tentacle rising out of it... It's also green! Do the two of you tan together? Ah, her name is “Marcy”? Hello, Lady Marcy, it's nice to meet you! I'm Sapphire Rhodonite! I'm your new frie-
What's that, Sir Gyaaargh? I shouldn't get too close...? But she seems so nice! You say that she does terrible things to the campers here, though? ...Oh, I don't think I can say that word; what would the ESRB think? Let's see. Sexual harassment? A truly evil being! In that case, I'll have to defeat her for everyone's sakes! Hm, I'm unable to fight her on equal ground... I'll simply have to do my best to rip her apart!
Prepare yourself, Lady Marcy!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Scott Hayden
Series: Starman (TV)
Age: 14
Canon: Starman features the adventures of an alien and his teenage, half-human son trying to live their lives while trying to escape a government agent, George Fox, who believes that the two of them are the precursors of an invasion force. Which is not true, of course, but somebody has to believe the wrong things in every show, right? In the meantime, the two of them meet many people from many walks of life, from illegal immigrants and con men to astronomers and doctors, helping those they meet along the way.
The poor half-human, half-alien is Scott Hayden. A typical 1980's American teenager, Scott can be abrasive and incredulous... especially given that he's thrown into this situation where he has nowhere that he can permanently call home. Moving from place to place makes Scott crave the stability he can't have, and his resentment towards his situation sometimes results in sullenness and rebellion. His father's tendency to walk right into adventures exasperates him, though he has to confess that at least he has family... even if it's terminally clueless.
Sample Post:
Hey, let me go, stupid gorilla! Just because I'm wearing a backpack doesn't mean I'm some sort of traveling entertainer! Sheesh. You try moving about from place to place because some stupid government agent thinks you're a threat to the planet or something. Hey, come back! Just because I don't want to entertain doesn't mean I want to be lost in some Louisiana swampland! Okay. So, who else is here? Hey, green guy! You there!
So, what's your story? Yeah, you in the... Ew, are you rotting? I saw your arm come off! Don't tell me that I'm in some horror movie or something. I did watch horror movies when I was younger, you know, and I'm not going to be the helpless victim of a zombie horde! Ew, get away from me. I don't care if you're pretending to be helpful; I'm not stupid. You want to eat my brains, anybody who's not my Dad would know that. No, breaking out into Michael Jackson tunes is not going to help.
Instead of singing Thriller, could you tell me where this is? Summer camp? You're kidding! I'm sure my Dad would be fascinated by you zombies. And the toucans. And the gorillas. And that stupid rabbit that tried to eat my foot. I am not a gourmet meal for the wildlife! I don't care if the toucans mentioned how tasty hybrid flesh is! I've been to summer camp before, and it's never like this. Usually, summer camp takes place during the summer, not the fall. What did you do with Dad anyway? Are you working for Fox?
That's a stupid question. Even Fox would want nothing to do with you guys. You wouldn't want anything to do with him, either. I've dealt with con artists, illegal immigrants, and more homeless folk than you know -
no, you can't eat them. But yeah, I think his brains would taste pretty foul. And I don't think most of his assistants have any brains to eat. Not that I would mind if you ate them. Or gave him a heart attack - though I think he's watched more than enough horror movies.
Hey! No, I didn't say eat my brains! I need them. No, you can't have my jacket, either - you think that jackets grow on trees? What do you mean, underwear does?
Either way, you still can't have my brains. Or my jacket. Or the rest of my clothes.
...Whoever Marcy is, she can't have them either.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tsukumo
Series: Karneval
Age: 16
Canon: Who doesn't love the circus? Cotton candy, clowns, catching criminals before the end of the day... well, that's not so common, is it? Unless you are talking about the mysterious Circus! This aptly-named organization is best compared to a modern-day police force, except it consists of entertainers with very exceptional combat expertise. Circus will set up carnivals to distract townspeople and set them at ease while they arrange raids to catch wanted criminals. Nai and Gareki are eventually picked up by one of the teams of the very organization they seek.
One of the members of that team is Tsukumo, an acrobat who matches up perfectly with her job: distant, talented, and beautiful. Besides captivating the hearts of many men and women, she's bested quite the handful of villains as well. On the combat side of Circus, she devotingly follows every order with precision. She'd easily place a civilian's life before her own with little to no hesitation. But alas, even if she's beautiful and has the best intentions for mankind, it's her serious personality that scares off potential suitors. Not that she minds this, considering she's uninterested and a socially awkward anyway. Otherwise, Tsukumo is a cool, composed, and collected young lady who enjoys reading and studying in her free time. She's often trying to tutor the little protagonist, too. Even so, she has a particularly girly side to her... Besides the dollish outfits, I mean. One that's not taken with bugs at all, especially the furry ones with at least a million legs.
Sample Post:
...and that is why it's a bad decision to drink the water from this camp's lake. Not only could it cause disease, but there is the possibility of chronic damage that would affect you for the rest of your life. That marks the end of chapter six of Water and Wastewater Microbiology. Looking at all of you now... you should listen to my advice. Or perhaps "abide by" is a more appropriate term, seeing as several of you no longer have ears. Before beginning the next chapter, I'll take some questions. Just raise... what's left of your hand. If you need me to, I can always read this section again... even if that would make it the third time. Yes, do you have something you'd like for me to explain?
No, you may not use the restroom. A fellow listener of yours left prior to my second reading and they have yet to return. Either they got themselves lost or they chose not to come back. Educating the zombie population on the dangers of camp was an order from Circus; everyone should be taking advantage of this opportunity. Not only is this information helpful, but it's interesting, too. Back to your question: wait until I'm done with the reading. Yes, you in the back?
That's an excellent question. I'm impressed that you've been following along. Pertaining to what you asked me, there is a variety of elements that can be discovered in water, especially in a lake as poorly maintained as Camp Fuck You Die's. I'll list them off for you: there can be pathogenic viruses, traces of mercury, cyanide, led and arsenic, as well as the genderswitchus, and the canis lupus influenza. Besides those, there is also a variety of biological toxins that are naturally found in the environment. If I had to go on about the low sanitary standards of this particular lake, I'd have to say its pH levels are most likely higher than anything presented to man. But to go on and say that a tentacle monster developed from large compounds of toxic waste... that would be going too far. That sounds more like something from a crude horror film with a low budget. Next question.
...you may not search for your eyeball. Your attempts to escape my reading are not fail-proof. I answered negatory the first time; the answer still stands. Just wait until I'm finished with this book. Now then, I'll move onto the next chapter: "Parasitology."
Calliphoridae are commonly called blowflies. They are found in temperate to tropical areas that provide a layer of loose, damp soil. The characteristics and arrangement of their hairs are used to tell the difference between members of this family. All blowflies have bristles located on the meron-- Wh-what...?
As if describing it in detail wasn't enough, there are graphic illustrations to go along with it, too...! Their antennas... bristly legs... I.... I refuse to read any further! You all are dismissed!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. These percentages aren't changing. Closed! The higher scoring app in the dup will be reposted later. ♥
Applicant #1
Character: Eliot Nightlay
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: around 15
Canon: Pandora Hearts is a little like giving Alice in Wonderland to Todd McFarlane: epically rendered and able to scare the pants off you at any given moment. Your cheery young protagonist, Oz, starts with the literal birthday from hell, getting dragged into the Abyss, his world's personal torment for sinners. Escape comes in the form of a demonic bunny-girl and a fatal contract, leaving the two to emerge 10 years later. With the contract ticking away at Oz's biological clock, the characters struggle to discover the truth about the Abyss and their own pasts before it's too late.
Eliot Nightlay enters the equation as Oz learns more about the villains who seek the Abyss' power. He is proud, a skilled sword fighter and can't stand people who hide from their problems or display matyr complexes. Prone to frequent loud outbursts and carrying a very short temper, Eliot is quick to attack stupidity and always ready to give his opinion, even if nobody asks for it. The usual targets of this criticism and rage are Oz and his manservant, Gil, who just happens to be Eliot's adopted brother. But beneath this bitchy attitude is a sincere and caring boy who knows just how to tell people what they need to hear. Even if it means telling them in capslock.
Sample Entry:
Everybody in this place is completely stupid! If it's not the freaks in the ape suits harassing me with fliers -- I told you, I DON'T NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES!! -- it's the moronic birds who won't stop following me! What does "soon soon Eliot" even mean?! Soon something will start making sense? Soon I'm going to smack you? Soon you'll leave me alone for five damn seconds so I can figure out where I'm going?!
And this useless map isn't helping! A two-year-old could have drawn better. The leaves on this tree look like socks. The boat in the middle of the lake is a circle with scribbles around it. And what the hell is that squiggle near this edge supposed to be? A fence? How hard is it for people here to make something straight?! Never mind, that would require intelligence, and I already know that's a lost cause.
Argh! I can't believe I've been walking around this sick reject of a swamp for hours thanks to that map and haven't found one person who can use his head --And I don't mean for dodge ball!! Hey, you, I know you don't care about cracking your skull open but did you ever think about how that's going to traumatize everyone else? No, I didn't think so! You're too busy whining about how nobody understands you. Everyone's so much smarter because they have "braaaains". You're pathetic! Stop moaning long enough to pull yourself together and maybe you can actually talk to people and stop being so miserable! In a place like this, there has to be someone as weird as you. Go look for them and get out of my face!
Well, that's one problem solv -- Why the hell are you hugging me?? Didn't I just tell you to get lost? Get off! I'm not nice! It's just that -- Your crying was really annoying! ... And is starting to becoming annoying again. Fine! You want to show you've really learned the error of your ways? You can help me find the two idiots who got lost here. No, I didn't come to rescue them! I don't care about them at all! I just have to make sure that guy isn't embarrassing the House of Nightlay! Got it? Good. Let's get moving. I'll find what I'm after, even if I have to cut through everything in this disgusting place! When Eliot Nightlay draws his sword...
DON'T YOU DARE IYAAAAN AT ME!!
Applicant #2
Character: Elliot Nightlay
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: About 16-17
Canon: In stories, people get thrown into dark scary abysses all the time, really. In Oz Vessalius' case, he just gets stabbed by his best friend before he's shoved into one. Fortunately, he finds a way out through a contract with a crazy bunny girl named Alice, which puts him ten years into the future complete with a timer on his chest. From there, they find a mysterious organization named Pandora waiting, discover that Oz's life sucks more than it seems and learn that Alice's memories need quite the effort to find and piece together.
Along the way, Oz meets Elliot Nightlay, who's more than a little vocal about what he believes in. Being the son of one of the Four Great Duke Houses, pride and honour mean a lot to him, and people who value neither life nor dignity tend to find themselves on his even angrier side-- angry being his default expression, of course. His manner of speech, so to speak, is peppered with large bold font and exclamation marks as well as sudden violent swiping motions of his sword whenever he's affronted by something. Sometimes, this is accompanied by a lecture, which he sees fit to dole out anytime the whim strikes him. If you happen not to be in the mood for it, that's just too bad ♥
Sample Post:
What is wrong with you morons?! Here you have one of your own taken by a giant tentacled creature and instead of reaching out to help as you should, you watch him fend for himself while you line up waiting for your turn! Have you no shame? How do you live with yourselves, pretending that there's nothing wrong with abandoning someone so easily and resigning to what you call fate? If you actually believe this kind of apathy will save you from being hurt, you'd better think again! Those who belittle the value of their own worth hurt not only themselves but the people around them, and you must be a fool if you imagined for one moment that this isn't true!
The same goes for you over there! Why did you just lie there and let that monster have its way with you? If I hadn't saved you, you might have been dead by now! You should have fought it, or at least tried your best to wring out of its hold! Affecting some damsel in distress routine won't get you anywhere; it just makes you look more pathetic than you already are, giving up on yourself without even attempting to break free with the best of your own abilities! --Haa?! You liked what it was doing to you?! So what if you say this creature is your sugar daddy? It may be true that I don't understand the type of relationship you have, but I do know that being a father figure doesn't make it right for it to do whatever it wants to you! It certainly doesn't make any of its actions excusable either, even if it gives you something you want badly but aren't allowed to have, especially something that's been banned in this camp! Rules are there for a good reason, and being able to have all the sugar you want is a poor price for your dignity!
Tch, I see now why that woman who names herself your Director would come asking for help. It's not just that green, blotchy skin that makes you her so called "poor, demoralized patients", it's the way you view yourselves! You're behaving like cowards who are too afraid to face the reality of your situation and do something about it; succumbing so easily to the shadow of your own disease that you aren't even aware that you're throwing away your pride and yourself! It's about time you realize what you lack and take a step forth from that point! The moment you do, you'll find that where you go from there is all up to you to decide, even choosing a different path from the one you've been on -- which isn't going into the lake with the monster! What is wrong with you peons?! Have you no pride ?!
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Leo
Series: Pandora Hearts
Character Age: 16-17
Canon: Oz Vessalius lived a seemingly carefree and luxurious life as the heir to his noble family. That is, until his coming of age ceremony when was thrown into the Abyss- a nightmare world of monsters and Alice in Wonderland references. Upon his rescue he's thrust into a world of political intrigue between noble houses where no one is who or what they seem and everyone has some kind of ulterior motive for whatever they appear to be doing. But even nobles have to attend school, and it's at such a fine institution that Oz runs into Elliot, heir of the rival Nightray family, and his servant Leo.
Despite his status as a servant, Leo's hobbies include teasing his master and occasionally hitting him over the head to knock some sense into him. When he's not subjecting Elliot to comical abuse, he provides an unflappably calm and sensible voice of reason, offering his (usually very accurate) observations whenever he thinks necessary. As his master is hot-headed and prone to missing things while ranting, this is often the case. While his mane of messy black hair and permanent glasses flash may look intimidating, Leo is actually something of a pacifist: He may carry a gun, but don't count on him being willing or able to hit anything with it. He also has a soft spot for children that brings out a slightly more gentle side to him.
Sample Post:
Ah, could you keep it down? I'm trying to read this map and it's difficult enough without that groaning in the background. If you must practice your moans then do it somewhere else where it won't disturb people. Or at least where it won't disturb me, if being disturbing is your goal. You might want to try drawing out the 's' in 'brains' further, by the way. Mind you, even silence may not be enough to help in this case. This is the most bizarre map I've ever seen, it's as if every time I look at it a new building has appeared on it. I don't know how Elliot expects me to find him if there aren't even a stable number of buildings in this place. I would ask for directions but I don't believe zombies and gorillas are known for their verbal skills.
It's odd, I would have thought that being in a situation like this would be scary, like in novels. I'm all alone in a swamp infested by wildlife of varieties I didn't know were possible, after all. But actually being here is quite a different experience. The worst part so far has been scaring off those gorillas earlier so they would let me go. I was starting to get worried I'd have to shoot one, but thankfully the sight of my gun turned out to be enough to send them running. I'm relieved, I probably would have missed. But as long as I can keep them at bay by waving my weapon around it should be fine. In any case the situation was really my fault in the first place for trying to step in and stop them fighting each other. I wasn't aware that gorillas liked to spar, but then I wasn't aware that they came in that shade, either. This place doesn't seem to have much to do with logic.
Still, I should find Elliot before he manages to get himself into trouble. Or trouble we can't get out of anyway, since it's probably a bit late for that. Perhaps I should just listen for the sound of yelling and follow that... come to think of it, I think I can hear yelling. I wasn't being serious, but whatever works, I guess. Let's go see what he's gotten himself into this ti- ah. You're not Elliot at all. So sorry for interrupting your, ah, moment together, I'll just turn around and forget I ever saw that. Don't get angry, it's only reasonable to assume there's trouble when one hears sounds like that. If you're not careful you might find the next person to come in does so with an unsheathed sword at the ready.
Poll Vote!
Character: Shidou Mariya
Series: Maria Holic
Age: High school first year (~15)
Canon: It's a tale as old as time! Our protagonist, Kanako, enrolls in a prestigious private school searching for love, and discovers that her roommate is hiding a terrible secret! Will they work together to protect Mariya's true gender as love blossoms between them? . . . FUCK no. Kanako is horrified to find out that the adorable, popular Shidou Mariya is actually a boy concealing his gender to attend an all-girls Catholic school. Especially when the beautiful and gentle flower among women turns out to be foul-mouthed, manipulative, sadistic, and . . . well, pretty much pure evil, on TOP of having a dick. Kanako's goal of a dreamy lesbian romance is viciously kicked in the face as Mariya forces her to keep his secret, using blackmail, extortion, abuse, and the repeated use of marine products.
This is the part of the canon section where you're reassured that Mariya surely couldn't be as bad as he sounds; after all, he's class representative, incredibly intelligent, stunningly gorgeous, a first-rate actor, and religious enough to be (quote) the reincarnation of Jesus Fucking Christ (end quote). However, the unfortunate truth of the matter is that Mariya really is 99.9% crazy sadist-just really, really good at keeping up the perky, everybody-loves-Mariya face in public. He can drop an octave and a smile at the drop of a hat, and repeatedly threatens and insults even his closest, er, "friend," his maid, Matsurika. After all, there's nobody in the world worthy of being respected by the utter perfection that is Mariya~
Sample Post:
Hello and good afternoon to the students of C.F.U.D. Academy~ It's an honour for me to be here on this gorgeous summer day to address you amidst the, ah, calls of wildlife and the reflection of sunlight off your most . . . charming lake! On behalf of all the students at Ame no Kisaki, I'd like to extend a warm thank-you for this chance to broaden our horizons and create an international partnership with a new sister school! I can only hope that your annual summer camp retreat will offer you the chance to unwind from the rigor morti-ahaha, from . . . the rigors of daily life. Ehe! And please forgive me if my English is sometimes poor. I am looking forward to improving my knowledge of your language alongside making so many new friends in America. Please be kind to me~! ♥
At Ame no Kisaki, we have a saying: all this beauty is of God! In such troubled times, we must always remember that the world we live in is one world under God, and that the unity and strength of the faithful will guide us all to higher ground. Only with a harmonious and charitable attitude may we fulfill our duties as children under the Lord.
Now, let us close our eyes and cast our hearts upward. Please, join me in a moment of silent prayer.
. . .
(Dear Father who art in heaven, please deliver me from this fucking shithole before I drive a rosary through somebody's fucking eye. I don't know what the hell they were playing at, sending me to this maggot-infested scratch in the asscrack of the earth, but if I don't get the hell out of here I'm going to scream. This is no place for the great Shidou Mariya! Screw getting to know these fucking commoners-I'd rather throat-kiss a sub-amoebic life form scraped off the bottom of my fucking shoe than go within five feet of these losers. They've probably got more STDs than the disgusting lesbian. And living in cabins? Ugh, please KILL me. I'll commit multiple homicide before I share a room with any of these pond scum.
Oh, and if You in Your wisdom see fit to send a spiritual message to my USELESS MAID who had better be getting this because I am stabbing it at her with every ounce of mental fortitude I possess . . . please tell her: if you don't get your stupid fat ass here YESTERDAY, I'm boxing you up and sending you to fucking Cuba where you'll spend the rest of your useless life dancing with a monkey and a pair of cymbals on a communist street corner. Bitch, if I find out how you managed to disappear between the airport and here, I'm going to strangle you with your own pigtails.)
. . . amen! ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Miyamae Kanako
Series: Maria Holic
Character Age: Second year of high school, so around 16.
Canon: Young and enthusiastic lesbian Miyamae Kanako transfers into an all girls' catholic high school because she has one very simple hope: Meet the woman of her dreams and have a fantastic romance! She thinks she's found this when she meets the beautiful, gentle Mariya -- but the woman of her dreams turns out to be the man of her nightmares; he's a boy in disguise. Not just any boy, either; Mariya is a sadist who teams up with his bitchy maidservant to force Kanako to keep his secret by threatening to frame her for rape! In order to avoid having her chances at romance dashed (as well as not wanting to get arrested for a criminal act she didn't commit), Kanako is forced not just to keep his secret but to room with him and endure his torments, which range from waking her up while wearing adorable nurse cosplay to ...well, pouring gasoline on her and threatening to set her on fire. Still, she can't say her school life's too hard as she meets and grows close to many of her cute (yet strangely bizarre) classmates.
Although Kanako is at heart a nice girl getting by in awkward circumstances, she's also extreeeemely high-energy, kind of perverted, and dumb as bricks. Kanako's not afraid of very much, coping fairly well with bizarre situations like the fact that God's a catgirl dorm mom, or that her handbag is carnivorous and has tentacles. She has a constant habit of monologuing -- both out loud and in her mind (occasionally both; Mariya chastizes her for getting what she thinks and what she says mixed up) -- at a frantic and breakneck pace as she tries to consider all possible elements of a situation or goes on long spiels of romantic and sexual fantasy. She tends to romanticise her life, casting her mental images of herself and the girls around her in classic shoujo and art noveau styles. She is quite literally allergic to men and wants to avoid the risk of the itchy, painful hives she gets if she so much as brushes up against one. Fortunately, her rampant and loud love of the ladies makes male touch unnecessary -- though she'd really like it if she could avoid getting nosebleeds whenever she talks to the pretty girls around her.
Sample App:
Dear Mother in Heaven, I have arrived at a place where my dreams might finally be able to come true!!
When I think of Summer Camp, I think of beautiful girls eating together in a mess hall and sleeping together in tents and cabins! Ahh... sleeping together... No sooner had Mariya let slip that he'd heard of this place -- and that it was above him to ever attend, of course -- than I'd packed my bag and was out of there! No more tough decisions about what I'll do over summer break; it's camping time for me! Here I am, ready for action and adventure! Especially action.
I grabbed a pamphlet at the front gate and I have to say, things are looking promising so far. It says that cabins are strictly divided by sex, no boys allowed in the girls' cabins and vice versa. That's definitely what I like to hear! No more having to change clothes while hiding, no more glimpses of an unsightly flat chest when preparing for bed, no more itchy painful hives when some asshole wakes me up in the morning! Instead I'll be surrounded by gorgeous girls at all hours of the day -- their lovely sleeping faces, cheerful morning conversation, meals at the mess hall, summer games in the afternoon, ahhhhh, it even says the showers are communal! Is this my chance to earn a harem ending to the dating sim of my life?! No, no, I can't think about it, what sort of impression will I make if I arrive covered in my own blood and with my nose still bleeding?!
Deep breath, deep breath... But, though the pamphlet's got my hopes up, all the girls I've seen from a distance so far have looked sort of... sick or dead. They'd better not all be like that. Dammit, even if people call me a pervert, I'm a delicate lily, not a necrophiliac! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure lepers are nice people, and I'm sure plenty of them are beautiful in their own way, but a girl can only handle so much! -- Ohhhh, wait a second, wait a second, I get it! It's got to be some sort of themed costume thing ... or maybe they're shooting a zombie movie! Summer camps often feature in horror movies, right? That explains everything! Fight on, Freddy! Viva Jason Voorhees!!
I hope I find my way off the set soon, regardless... I'm starting to think I've gotten lost. But I can't let it get to me! Kanako, hold the image of the lovely ladies in your mind and keep on walking! This is the summer of my youth! Camp will bring the fulfillment of my hopes! I'll meet someone wonderful and we'll do so many incredible things together... We'll roast marshmallows over the campfire, sing camp songs in perfect harmony, wake up each other for breakfast, feed each other roasted sausage, stay up at night watching the stars, canoe together on the placid lake -- I'm not following the day's natural progression of hours but who cares?! Finally, after a day or two of these activities (going after her on the first night would be a little much, I guess), I'll climb into her bunk... we'll have to be quiet to avoid waking our roommates, but that's fine, it'll be perfect, beautiful... and my unfortunate chastity will finally come to an end! Oh, I'm almost there, I can see the campgrounds! I'll just finish reading this pamphlet to prepare myself for my grand debut, and ...
...
WHAT?! A no what rule?! You're lying! It's a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
Poll Vote!
Character: Princess Sapphire Rhodonite
Series: Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice
Age: 17
Canon: Even in Hell, education is important. Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice takes place in a school for demons, aptly named "Evil Academy". As you would expect, in such a school, one gets good marks by neglecting to do their homework or ditching classes- essentially, going against the mores we have established for our educational systems. Though it starts out as lighthearted as you'd think it would, it becomes a charming tale of heroes, demons, and princesses learning of things far more valuble than anything a school could teach, just like every other game in its series.
The princess in question is Sapphire. She's a bit (read: quite) airheaded, often to the point of recklessness, but she's much, much different from your typical video game princess. Robust and ruthless (read: a natural born killing machine), she's able to defend her country on her own. She has no issues helping others, either, though her methods are often a bit questionable. She can't let herself get kidnapped by some demon like all those other girls. How passé! Instead, she enrolls in the Evil Academy to get the jump on the Overlord before he can destroy her kingdom. However, her objective soon changes to saving a guard of hers, no matter what the means. If she has to open someone's heart with a chainsaw to do it, then so be it! It's worth it.
Sample Post:
So this is what they call a "summer camp"! It looks much different from what I've read about in books. Everyone's shuffling about so listlessly, though; they must be tired. Are the activities here really that strenuous? And the lake... I don't remember there being that many alligators in the pictures I saw. Upon closer inspection, it's much brighter in person! It's practically glowi- W-what's that? It's coming this way... An enemy already?! Take this!
...Oh no, there I go again! I'll never get any friends at this rate! Are you absolutely certain that you're alright, Sir Gyaaargh? You're the first person I've seen that reacted to one of my hell thrusts so well, but... you're green! You must eat a lot of vegetables. I hope you're remembering to wash them before you eat them, or you could die ♥ You eat brains, you said? Then how do you get that green color to your skin? I imagine that eating brains would make you pink... Is it possible that it's just an effect of going to this camp? Ah, it must be like a tan! How interesting~ None of my textbooks mentioned the sun in these kinds of places giving one of that color! Could I get one too, then?
Ah, another enemy...? Let me go! ...Oh, it's only you, Sir Gyaaargh. You startled me! Was that your arm? Please forgive me, it's a reflex of mine! Despite our being friends, I still cut your hand off. Though you were the one who grabbed me, I should apologize. I'm certain that you had a good reason; you don't look evil, after all! If you did, I would have killed you a long time ago!
This is the direction that you came from, isn't it? Are you certain that it's safe to be by this lake? I wouldn't want to get in trouble on my first day here. It would be terrible if I was sent home that quickly! If you're absolutely certain, then I suppose it must be alright, though I feel that I should ask about that tentacle rising out of it... It's also green! Do the two of you tan together? Ah, her name is “Marcy”? Hello, Lady Marcy, it's nice to meet you! I'm Sapphire Rhodonite! I'm your new frie-
What's that, Sir Gyaaargh? I shouldn't get too close...? But she seems so nice! You say that she does terrible things to the campers here, though? ...Oh, I don't think I can say that word; what would the ESRB think? Let's see. Sexual harassment? A truly evil being! In that case, I'll have to defeat her for everyone's sakes! Hm, I'm unable to fight her on equal ground... I'll simply have to do my best to rip her apart!
Prepare yourself, Lady Marcy!
Poll Vote!
Character name: Scott Hayden
Series: Starman (TV)
Age: 14
Canon: Starman features the adventures of an alien and his teenage, half-human son trying to live their lives while trying to escape a government agent, George Fox, who believes that the two of them are the precursors of an invasion force. Which is not true, of course, but somebody has to believe the wrong things in every show, right? In the meantime, the two of them meet many people from many walks of life, from illegal immigrants and con men to astronomers and doctors, helping those they meet along the way.
The poor half-human, half-alien is Scott Hayden. A typical 1980's American teenager, Scott can be abrasive and incredulous... especially given that he's thrown into this situation where he has nowhere that he can permanently call home. Moving from place to place makes Scott crave the stability he can't have, and his resentment towards his situation sometimes results in sullenness and rebellion. His father's tendency to walk right into adventures exasperates him, though he has to confess that at least he has family... even if it's terminally clueless.
Sample Post:
Hey, let me go, stupid gorilla! Just because I'm wearing a backpack doesn't mean I'm some sort of traveling entertainer! Sheesh. You try moving about from place to place because some stupid government agent thinks you're a threat to the planet or something. Hey, come back! Just because I don't want to entertain doesn't mean I want to be lost in some Louisiana swampland! Okay. So, who else is here? Hey, green guy! You there!
So, what's your story? Yeah, you in the... Ew, are you rotting? I saw your arm come off! Don't tell me that I'm in some horror movie or something. I did watch horror movies when I was younger, you know, and I'm not going to be the helpless victim of a zombie horde! Ew, get away from me. I don't care if you're pretending to be helpful; I'm not stupid. You want to eat my brains, anybody who's not my Dad would know that. No, breaking out into Michael Jackson tunes is not going to help.
Instead of singing Thriller, could you tell me where this is? Summer camp? You're kidding! I'm sure my Dad would be fascinated by you zombies. And the toucans. And the gorillas. And that stupid rabbit that tried to eat my foot. I am not a gourmet meal for the wildlife! I don't care if the toucans mentioned how tasty hybrid flesh is! I've been to summer camp before, and it's never like this. Usually, summer camp takes place during the summer, not the fall. What did you do with Dad anyway? Are you working for Fox?
That's a stupid question. Even Fox would want nothing to do with you guys. You wouldn't want anything to do with him, either. I've dealt with con artists, illegal immigrants, and more homeless folk than you know -
no, you can't eat them. But yeah, I think his brains would taste pretty foul. And I don't think most of his assistants have any brains to eat. Not that I would mind if you ate them. Or gave him a heart attack - though I think he's watched more than enough horror movies.
Hey! No, I didn't say eat my brains! I need them. No, you can't have my jacket, either - you think that jackets grow on trees? What do you mean, underwear does?
Either way, you still can't have my brains. Or my jacket. Or the rest of my clothes.
...Whoever Marcy is, she can't have them either.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tsukumo
Series: Karneval
Age: 16
Canon: Who doesn't love the circus? Cotton candy, clowns, catching criminals before the end of the day... well, that's not so common, is it? Unless you are talking about the mysterious Circus! This aptly-named organization is best compared to a modern-day police force, except it consists of entertainers with very exceptional combat expertise. Circus will set up carnivals to distract townspeople and set them at ease while they arrange raids to catch wanted criminals. Nai and Gareki are eventually picked up by one of the teams of the very organization they seek.
One of the members of that team is Tsukumo, an acrobat who matches up perfectly with her job: distant, talented, and beautiful. Besides captivating the hearts of many men and women, she's bested quite the handful of villains as well. On the combat side of Circus, she devotingly follows every order with precision. She'd easily place a civilian's life before her own with little to no hesitation. But alas, even if she's beautiful and has the best intentions for mankind, it's her serious personality that scares off potential suitors. Not that she minds this, considering she's uninterested and a socially awkward anyway. Otherwise, Tsukumo is a cool, composed, and collected young lady who enjoys reading and studying in her free time. She's often trying to tutor the little protagonist, too. Even so, she has a particularly girly side to her... Besides the dollish outfits, I mean. One that's not taken with bugs at all, especially the furry ones with at least a million legs.
Sample Post:
...and that is why it's a bad decision to drink the water from this camp's lake. Not only could it cause disease, but there is the possibility of chronic damage that would affect you for the rest of your life. That marks the end of chapter six of Water and Wastewater Microbiology. Looking at all of you now... you should listen to my advice. Or perhaps "abide by" is a more appropriate term, seeing as several of you no longer have ears. Before beginning the next chapter, I'll take some questions. Just raise... what's left of your hand. If you need me to, I can always read this section again... even if that would make it the third time. Yes, do you have something you'd like for me to explain?
No, you may not use the restroom. A fellow listener of yours left prior to my second reading and they have yet to return. Either they got themselves lost or they chose not to come back. Educating the zombie population on the dangers of camp was an order from Circus; everyone should be taking advantage of this opportunity. Not only is this information helpful, but it's interesting, too. Back to your question: wait until I'm done with the reading. Yes, you in the back?
That's an excellent question. I'm impressed that you've been following along. Pertaining to what you asked me, there is a variety of elements that can be discovered in water, especially in a lake as poorly maintained as Camp Fuck You Die's. I'll list them off for you: there can be pathogenic viruses, traces of mercury, cyanide, led and arsenic, as well as the genderswitchus, and the canis lupus influenza. Besides those, there is also a variety of biological toxins that are naturally found in the environment. If I had to go on about the low sanitary standards of this particular lake, I'd have to say its pH levels are most likely higher than anything presented to man. But to go on and say that a tentacle monster developed from large compounds of toxic waste... that would be going too far. That sounds more like something from a crude horror film with a low budget. Next question.
...you may not search for your eyeball. Your attempts to escape my reading are not fail-proof. I answered negatory the first time; the answer still stands. Just wait until I'm finished with this book. Now then, I'll move onto the next chapter: "Parasitology."
Calliphoridae are commonly called blowflies. They are found in temperate to tropical areas that provide a layer of loose, damp soil. The characteristics and arrangement of their hairs are used to tell the difference between members of this family. All blowflies have bristles located on the meron-- Wh-what...?
As if describing it in detail wasn't enough, there are graphic illustrations to go along with it, too...! Their antennas... bristly legs... I.... I refuse to read any further! You all are dismissed!
Poll Vote!