(no subject)
NEXT ROUND here we go |Db
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Date Masamune
Series: Warriors Orochi
Character Age: 17-18 (Koei is flimsy)
Canon: Koei, ignoring historical accuracy since 1997! Date Masamune, leader of the Date clan, first appeared in Samurai Warriors as a 14 year old boy set to take on the mighty generals of the land. Aging up a bit for the "sequel" (one of the few to do so), Masamune's maturity level is still about the same. He has the same goal, conquer Japan to make her his, through whatever means possible! His appearance in Warriors Orochi is as if he's plucked from the middle of his SW2 campaigns. Fighting initially against Orochi, the evil bad snake demon (he's snaky and scaly and scary!) who smashed Ancient China and Warring States era Japan together so he could get a good fight, Masamune changes sides of his own will, after being defeated by the Serpent king and his overwhelming darkness (I told you! Scary.)
Date Masamune, a man with a mind and the army to back up his plans, also has a terrible personality. It's that ill temper and rashness that make life more difficult for him. Masamune came to power young, and he remains that way, youthful, brash, and very opportunistic, often acting without thinking. Despite that, his confidence is legendary, and he has little fear trash talking his opponents. His favorite word is imbecile, followed closely by moron and idiot. Even so, Masamune knows there are times when one must swallow their pride and submit to the direction of another, but he does it all in pursuit of his dreams ñ the honor of the Date, the expansion of Japan and the exploration of other lands. The bottom line is this: he will win, through whatever means possible, whether that be conquering Japan, or the land that Orochi created. You never stood a chance!
Sample Post:
Don't worry, Elizabeth, reinforcements are coming. The Date are coming! Sooner or later. Obviously, all you really need is me, Date Masamune! Which is good, because it's all you're getting for now. Morons! Can't they follow such a clearly marked trail? It's not as if I used breadcrumbs! Looks like I'll have to settle for you lot for now. Keep up, I don't have the time or patience to deal with half-wits or half-brains like you!
As you may already know, the Director is an ally of Orochi. And what does Orochi stand for? Entropy, fear, suffering! Complete and utter domination! I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, I think you could use a little more. Or, I know that's what Orochi would say. When it comes down to it, all that matters to me is his victory. So I'm behind this Elizabeth, 100%! I'll make your life hell! In the name of the Serpent King! It's not a euphemism!
Enough's enough. Let's get started! First, green guys! Nice choice of colors, I have to say. Shows your allegiance quite well! You'll be up on the hill. I want you to start a wall. No, I don't care what you make it out of! Just be careful, there's no time to waste! You'll never know when someone'll take the opportunity to attack! It doesn't have to be huge. We don't need a great wall, we just need an okay one. Something to slow them down. And next, my favorite! The cannons, the riflemen-- a rifleman troop of apes?! When she said I'd have a load of overgrown baboons to deal with, I had no idea she meant it literally.
Back to the wall... Once that's done, the next step is to send out some of you. You're already camouflaged, they'll never see you coming! I'm not talking about the moss between your teeth, either, I'm talking about that green you're wearing! Or... you are. Whichever it is, it doesn't matter. They'll never shut their borders in time! Hah! Orochi, just wait, you'll see the power that Masamune brings to your team! Wait, you say Orochi is here? What? Where?!
... That is not him in the lake! Imbeciles!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Raziel.
Series: Angel Sanctuary.
Character Age: Unknown, looks around thirteen years old.
Canon: Angel Sanctuary is the story of Setsuna Mudou, part time angel, part time Messiah, as he goes from Heaven to Hell and back again in order to save his lover's life and stop the Apocalypse if he finds some extra time. There are a handful of angels and demons trying their best to help Setsuna stop the evil forces from of Heaven from destroying everything ever.
One of these angels is Raziel. Well, eventually he will be one one of these angels. Raziel is a young angel who takes rules very seriously, but he is also extremely trusting and naïve to a fault. Raziel honestly believes that Heaven's despotic laws exist to help others, and more often than not his belief that everyone is good causes him a lot of troubles. Born with the abilities of empathy and telepathy, Raziel was a guinea pig for Heaven's scientists until Zaphikel, a high ranked angel, found him and saved him, teaching him how to use and appreciate his abilities. Because of this, Raziel is extremely loyal to Zaphikel, and he pretty much made it his life goal to become Zaphikel's bitch boy, always ready to do anything that might help his master: let it be bringing him tea or go searching for him when he bailed his job again and bitch him about not doing his job as he should or even becoming a hostage so that the messiah can get to Heaven undetected.
Note: Assiah is the Angelic name for Earth.
Sample app:
Greetings, Fud Toucans. I'm candidate Raziel, and I've been assigned to monitoring this section of Assiah to help you memorize the rules of this place: please take notice of the brochures I've placed in front of you. I'm sure you weren't aware about the rules in the first place, but we will work together from now on for you to understand them and follow them. It's very important for us to work together on this now, because if we delay then the paperwork will stack up, causing even more paperwork, which will cause more delay and then master will just run away again and I'll have to search for him so that he can tell me what a bad, bad boy I've been and I'll have to apologize by bending ove-- HEY. Who did that? That wasn't what I was thinking at all! You don't have the right to make people think t-that kind of things! It's very rude! What kind of sick birds would just go and think such things between a mentor and his student?!
... no, I'm sorry, toucans. It was wrong of me to say that. It's not your fault you were born like this, right? I'm sure that you never asked to have these powers, and I shouldn't blame you just because you don't know how to control them. I... I understand how that is. However, just because you don't know it's not really an excuse. Once you're aware about your powers, it's your duty to learn how to control them, to make sure you're helpful to others. I think I understand why I was the one sent here now: the Lord does work in mysterious ways, but I think He wants me to teach you how to control your abilities. Let us focus on that for now.
First, toucans, you need to clear your minds. Now, try to think of things that you enjoy, things that calm you or make you happy, perhaps your favorite food or a friend. Are you ready? I'm going to read your minds now just to guide you a little so that I can show you how to stop your thoughts from projecting, so take a deep breath and don't try to fight it. Okay, here we have... an octopus? If that's what makes you happy, I suppose it's okay. Next we have... me? And then...
... No. No, no, no. That's not happening, not ever! Sex is banned! I underlined it twice on the brochure, right there! In red! it's impossible you missed it! What was that? Four Chan doesn't care? Well, point me in her direction right away! I have a thing or two to tell this Four Chan about sex and why she should care more about the rules!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gwendolyn
Series: Odin Sphere
Age: Unspecified, but most likely in the range of 16-18.
Canon: Erion is a land of fairy-tales and folklore, mixed with a liberal helping of Norse myth. Fairies, dwarves, fire demons, talking animals called pooka, and humans all war with each other while the threat of the impending apocalypse hangs over them. Our heroes are princes and princesses, blessed with magical powers and soul-powered weapons called Psyphers. There's only one problem: our heroes are also screwed-up teenagers with a huge mess of family issues and rather woeful love lives. Welcome to the world of Odin Sphere.
Gwendolyn is the princess of Ragnanival, daughter of the Demon Lord Odin. She has largely repressed her gentle side and spent her life fighting in his service, seeking his attention, praise, and love...which she's never really gotten. Inevitably, this has left her with an exceedingly low opinion of her own value, a great deal of loneliness, and a distinct lack of comprehension of the surprisingly many aspects of life that do not involve violence. Since the events of the game, she now applies her obsessive devotion to Oswald, her husband, as well.
As a note, everyone in Odin Sphere speaks in lofty mock-archaic fashion, to better match their fairy-tale roots.
Sample Post:
This land is alien to me. Is this the end of days come at last, against all our struggles to prevent it? No, it can't be. No armageddon could transform the innocent beasts of Erion into such creatures as these. Even the waves of monsters that I slew seem somehow wholesome in retrospect. Perhaps this is a dream? No, here I walk among things I never even imagined. No loathsome tentacle ever made gestures like that. I do not know what they mean, but surely I don't want to know, either.
Is there something I must do in such a place, for the sake of my land and my people? No, there is something else that troubles me more. What must I do to find my husband again and be sure that he is safe? If he is in their clutches, I will slay a thousand lecherous tentacles and never look back! But to look at those unnatural creatures, I fear I might be going mad. I have fought the walking dead more than once, but none ever wore heart-patterned undergarments and dangerously colorful shirts. No, I have been through too much to give in to fear like that now. If I am going mad, then he will find a way to save me, and if I am not, then I need to save him. Hear this, grinning corpses! If you dare threaten those who are dear to me, I will see that you are nothing but dusty bones and scraps of unsightly cloth.
Another monster! I must not let my pity and my doubt sway me; I must be on my guard. But I see that is no monster, only an innocent rabbit. It may be seeking shelter from the terrors of this place. In that it has my sympathy, and it may lead me to the inhabitants of this land, so that I may not be quite so alone. Lead on, rabbit, and you will have my gratitude. Oh, this must be the lair of a beast that hunts you. You are very brave for leading me here, despite your weakness, and I promise you I will do whatever I can to slay this monster and set you free from its terror. From the bones about me I can tell it has slain many. This is not my land, but I am in need of allies here, so I will do my best for you, kind rabbit. But where is the monster you need me to destroy? I see only the bloodstained bones, and you, and...your very sharp teeth...
I see. The monsters here come even in the most adorable of forms. I never thought I would shed the blood of such a creature. But I must be strong. If this is who I must become to triumph over this dark land and return to my duties at home...then Gwendolyn the Bunny-Slayer I shall become.
Poll Vote!
Character: Amamiya Yuuhi
Series: The Lucifer and Biscuit Hammer
Age: 18
Canon: The planet is in danger of being destroyed by an evil mage’s ultimate weapon, the Biscuit Hammer, and it’s up to lizard knight Noi Crezant to find the princess and her team of destined ring warriors to destroy the hammer, defeat the mage, and save the Earth once and for all. The only complications to this plan being that Noi is a harmless iguana-like creature, his destined warrior partner wants nothing to do with saving the world, and the princess only plans to stop the Biscuit Hammer so that she can destroy Earth with her own fists.
Amamiya Yuuhi is said destined partner, by which I mean random Japanese guy who insists the quest is either imaginary or too much effort until the princess saves his life and tells him her true goal. At which point he reveals that, yes, he secretly HAS believed all along that destroying the world is a worthy cause, what with his emo backstory and all. But making enemies is almost as troublesome as making friends, so until now he’s just kept everyone at a cold distance and insisted that his life be quiet, uneventful, and solitary. Which means he’s mostly just some unsociable loner type who dislikes company and conversation and comes across vaguely bored and unpleasant (with a healthy dose of deadpan) when he isn’t being actively rude and demeaning or using his wit for evil rather than good… As one of the few things he seems to really enjoy is watching people react to his perverted and rather irritating sense of humor. He’s a big fan of “surprise events” as he calls them, which mostly include nudity and lots of embarrassment, and he has been known to use his new knightly superpowers to flip up girls’ skirts and peek at their panties.
Sample Post:
…oh. No, I get it, you can put the goat and jousting lance away. You’re supposed to be a “gorilla knight,” right? The armor and nametag kind of gave it away. But I’ve already got one annoying, self-righteous pet around here somewhere, and I don’t need a second; even if you don‘t look quite as useless as him. Just point me to whoever‘s in charge of this place, and that’ll be enough.
And don’t think that you can just ignore me telling you to point the way and walk off somewhere like that instead to get me to follow you wherever you‘re going. Because I like strolling with smelly animals on the outskirts of creepy communes in the woods as much as the next person, but it’s just not going to happen. Even if you did bathe regularly and had a color scheme that made any sense for your species, I wouldn’t want people to see me associating with you. That outfit looks ridiculous. If you really do think you’re a knight, shouldn’t you have a code or something that tells you to take more pride in your appearance? Not to mention helping people out with what they ask for, like pointing, instead of just doing whatever you want to?
Yes, that’s right, you should be apologizing. If you were a samurai instead of a knight, this would probably be the part where you would take off your armor and properly apologize with your sword, so the least you could do for me is put your hands on the ground and bow your head in repentance.
No, wait… I have an even better idea for you to make it up to me. That’s an onsen over there, right? This is the perfect chance. Nobody even knows I’m here, so they’d never expect it. I know that I’m supposed to be looking for the person in charge and my schedule‘s pretty tight, but if you stand next to that wall there, and I get caught standing on your shoulders to peek, that’ll make for a really surprising event.
What are you doing hesitating now? I thought the wildlife around here was supposed to be all perverted, so how are you suddenly the only gorilla in this place who thinks this is going too far when you didn’t even remember you had a knight’s code until I told you; and you still owe me a favor to make up for forgetting it! Just stand right there for a second and let me- Would you stop moving so- I’m going to--!
Damn, why didn’t anybody tell me it was already a mixed bath? Falling over into the water didn’t make for a good event at all. What a waste, that would’ve been so perfect.
Poll Vote!
Character: Mark Grayson/Invincible
Series: Invincible
Age: 17-18
Canon: When Mark first developed superpowers, his first reaction was "it's about time". You see, Mark's father is Omni-Man, one of the most famous superheroes in the world, and it was only a matter of time before Mark himself developed powers of flight, superstrength and invulnerability. Everything seemed peachy keen, until Mark's father revealed that he was part of a plan to invade Earth and conquer it. Mark didn't like this idea much and now has two missions: keep the Earth safe from alien invaders (who have quite an interest in Mark) as well as fighting supervillains. Somewhere in there he has to fit in his civilian life. He's not very good at it.
For a kid who always knew he was going to punch supervillains in the face, Mark is surprisingly normal and likes reading comics and sleeping in until the good cartoons are on TV. He tries hard to be cool, but mostly just comes across as deadpan and sarcastic -- that is, when his friends haven't managed to convince him to fly them around in compromising positions. However, Mark is constantly at war with himself. Like his father, Mark has a very violent temper which he keeps under control but which has a tendency to come out when he's provoked. He wants his father's love and for him to be the loving, paternal figure he remembers from his childhood. And he really wants his father to stop calling his mother a pet. It would be fair to say that Mark's life is a struggle! And it is. But Mark doesn't take this lying down! After all, he's invincible!
Sample Post:
When someone says they have an offer that I wouldn't be able to refuse? Normally that's a metaphor. Down here, though, it's literal. Some zombie says that to me and then - wham! - suddenly they're sticking me in a delivery boy uniform for Camp Fuck Your Pizzeria. And I'd be the first one to go on about labor laws, but I don't know. Somehow, I don't think employee relations is a really high priority with them. Especially with that clause ... "pizza in thirty seconds or the pizza boy gets it"? Gee, thanks. No pressure! They didn't even tell me what "it" was, other than "I'd know when I saw it". Very helpful. But fine, whatever. I'll take the job for a bit. I'm Invincible, delivering a few pizzas shouldn't be that hard, right?
Yeah, right. First delivery was for Division: Biological And Demonic Tours Of Undiscovered Creations' Habitats as some kind of promotional gesture. Cute. I almost tore my shiny new uniform getting away from those gorillas. Who knew they were so grabby? That is, if they are gorillas. Purple wasn't exactly what we covered in school. And the delivery to the Nazi ninja in spacesuits was just weird. It's got to be one of those parallel universe things - but who knew that they'd be so keen on Papa's Darling Daughter's Meat Lovers? I bailed after they started talking about taking over Fox and HBO's share of the market. Heh, they should probably talk to Tim Minear; I bet he's got some info on how to get shows canceled.
But! Last delivery and then I am going home. Good thing I don't need to breathe, 'cause this one just had to be in the lake. I only wish that the existence of underwater civilizations was a surprise. At least this time I don't have to wear a dress - afternoon, Ms Marcy and here's your Execution Marine Surprise. Delivered to you in thirty seconds or else ... I ... get ... it. Hey, no-one said "it" would involve tentacles! In fact, I thought it was supposed to be a metaphorical "it". Or was it an allegorical "it"? Not that it matters as I was not only on time, but early. Hey! The customer is not always right. I timed it. See, it says it right here on this stopwatch. I wasn't late. I came, and in twenty seconds!
...oh my God, please don't tell my girlfriend I said that.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Republic of Latvia (Raivis Galante)
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Character Age: Unknown, but appears 15
Canon: Every country has its own little stereotypes- France loves fine wine and women, England is pissy, and Russia is always watching. Take those caricatures, a stack of textbooks, cover it all with a healthy helping of silliness and you'll come out with Axis Powers Hetalia, a presentation of world history as told by the human incarnations of the nations.
Hiding behind this cast of global superpowers is the small Baltic state Latvia. Years of living in Russia's shadow has left this already timid nation fearing almost anything and everything, and most especially Russia himself. With a stutter to match his shivers and a streak of remarkably failtastic luck, Latvia is of the most nonthreatening nations around. But beneath it all, he's not quite as hapless as he seems, for even with his unfortunate history, Latvia is still striving for the day when the little countries get their recognition!
Sample Post:
Could I have your attention please? ...e-excuse me! Your attention please!
Um. Thank you... I was tol- asked! Asked v-very nicely! if I could check on this place. You see, y-you have a big community here, but not many people have come out. Things go in, but not the other way and that's not good! Even towns should be careful not to import too much, just like c-countries should. If your neighbors get into trouble...or fight...conquer...dragged away bound... Um! I was s-saying that you'll have trouble too. They won't give you what you need, so you should h-help yourself and even giv- sell to them if you can. It's good for the economy too, and that's i-important. It's good to work.
So...is there any production here? Machinery? Livestock? H-handicrafts? Crops...? Oh! Uh, you do have handicrafts? Could I see them, if you don't mind? D-depending on what's made, handmade things can be souvenirs or collectibles. Those sell very well to tourists! And it must be impressive if you've worked yourself to the b-bone, like you said a-and l-like I can see... Is that the product? Those chairs are HWAAAA! S-s-sorry! I'm okay! N-no, it was l-less f-frightening than some p-people are... B-but, um, that's not what's meant by handicraft...handmade is made by hands, n-not of hands. It's...handwork. It's something done by yourself instead of with a- N-no! Not a handjob! Just n-nevermind...
A-anyways, they are well-made chairs, and a-anyone could tell that you put your b-b-blood, sweat, and tears into making them... But maybe something else could marketed too? A-and before you ask, f-footstools don't count. How about...uh...using natural resources? There's organic farming, h-hunting, and timber...for example. Not everything would work here t-though. The gorillas m-might hunt back, the trees seem too limp and w-wiggly for wood, and you can't farm in a swamp...but there's a lake, right?
That means fish! Those can be cooked, fished for sport, or even sold for aquariums and ponds. R-right, like pets. Betta, goldfish, koi, and- squid? I h-haven't heard of pet squid b-before, let alone f-freshwater squids...but if you say so... Are they good pets? Most fish aren't called a-affectionate. They don't do much...they come for food but they don't think much or play or rebel...they're decorative! But squid sound nice...e-especially the part about hugging. That's...sweet! Are you sure I could meet her? I wouldn't want to disturb her...but y-yes, I'd like to, please!
...o-oh...she's v-very l-large, isn't she... and f-friendly! B-but c-could she keep her...tentacles to herself? T-this sort of c-c-contact is in v-violation o-of my diplomatic immunitiiiya!!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Date Masamune
Series: Warriors Orochi
Character Age: 17-18 (Koei is flimsy)
Canon: Koei, ignoring historical accuracy since 1997! Date Masamune, leader of the Date clan, first appeared in Samurai Warriors as a 14 year old boy set to take on the mighty generals of the land. Aging up a bit for the "sequel" (one of the few to do so), Masamune's maturity level is still about the same. He has the same goal, conquer Japan to make her his, through whatever means possible! His appearance in Warriors Orochi is as if he's plucked from the middle of his SW2 campaigns. Fighting initially against Orochi, the evil bad snake demon (he's snaky and scaly and scary!) who smashed Ancient China and Warring States era Japan together so he could get a good fight, Masamune changes sides of his own will, after being defeated by the Serpent king and his overwhelming darkness (I told you! Scary.)
Date Masamune, a man with a mind and the army to back up his plans, also has a terrible personality. It's that ill temper and rashness that make life more difficult for him. Masamune came to power young, and he remains that way, youthful, brash, and very opportunistic, often acting without thinking. Despite that, his confidence is legendary, and he has little fear trash talking his opponents. His favorite word is imbecile, followed closely by moron and idiot. Even so, Masamune knows there are times when one must swallow their pride and submit to the direction of another, but he does it all in pursuit of his dreams ñ the honor of the Date, the expansion of Japan and the exploration of other lands. The bottom line is this: he will win, through whatever means possible, whether that be conquering Japan, or the land that Orochi created. You never stood a chance!
Sample Post:
Don't worry, Elizabeth, reinforcements are coming. The Date are coming! Sooner or later. Obviously, all you really need is me, Date Masamune! Which is good, because it's all you're getting for now. Morons! Can't they follow such a clearly marked trail? It's not as if I used breadcrumbs! Looks like I'll have to settle for you lot for now. Keep up, I don't have the time or patience to deal with half-wits or half-brains like you!
As you may already know, the Director is an ally of Orochi. And what does Orochi stand for? Entropy, fear, suffering! Complete and utter domination! I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. In fact, I think you could use a little more. Or, I know that's what Orochi would say. When it comes down to it, all that matters to me is his victory. So I'm behind this Elizabeth, 100%! I'll make your life hell! In the name of the Serpent King! It's not a euphemism!
Enough's enough. Let's get started! First, green guys! Nice choice of colors, I have to say. Shows your allegiance quite well! You'll be up on the hill. I want you to start a wall. No, I don't care what you make it out of! Just be careful, there's no time to waste! You'll never know when someone'll take the opportunity to attack! It doesn't have to be huge. We don't need a great wall, we just need an okay one. Something to slow them down. And next, my favorite! The cannons, the riflemen-- a rifleman troop of apes?! When she said I'd have a load of overgrown baboons to deal with, I had no idea she meant it literally.
Back to the wall... Once that's done, the next step is to send out some of you. You're already camouflaged, they'll never see you coming! I'm not talking about the moss between your teeth, either, I'm talking about that green you're wearing! Or... you are. Whichever it is, it doesn't matter. They'll never shut their borders in time! Hah! Orochi, just wait, you'll see the power that Masamune brings to your team! Wait, you say Orochi is here? What? Where?!
... That is not him in the lake! Imbeciles!!
Poll Vote!
Character: Raziel.
Series: Angel Sanctuary.
Character Age: Unknown, looks around thirteen years old.
Canon: Angel Sanctuary is the story of Setsuna Mudou, part time angel, part time Messiah, as he goes from Heaven to Hell and back again in order to save his lover's life and stop the Apocalypse if he finds some extra time. There are a handful of angels and demons trying their best to help Setsuna stop the evil forces from of Heaven from destroying everything ever.
One of these angels is Raziel. Well, eventually he will be one one of these angels. Raziel is a young angel who takes rules very seriously, but he is also extremely trusting and naïve to a fault. Raziel honestly believes that Heaven's despotic laws exist to help others, and more often than not his belief that everyone is good causes him a lot of troubles. Born with the abilities of empathy and telepathy, Raziel was a guinea pig for Heaven's scientists until Zaphikel, a high ranked angel, found him and saved him, teaching him how to use and appreciate his abilities. Because of this, Raziel is extremely loyal to Zaphikel, and he pretty much made it his life goal to become Zaphikel's bitch boy, always ready to do anything that might help his master: let it be bringing him tea or go searching for him when he bailed his job again and bitch him about not doing his job as he should or even becoming a hostage so that the messiah can get to Heaven undetected.
Note: Assiah is the Angelic name for Earth.
Sample app:
Greetings, Fud Toucans. I'm candidate Raziel, and I've been assigned to monitoring this section of Assiah to help you memorize the rules of this place: please take notice of the brochures I've placed in front of you. I'm sure you weren't aware about the rules in the first place, but we will work together from now on for you to understand them and follow them. It's very important for us to work together on this now, because if we delay then the paperwork will stack up, causing even more paperwork, which will cause more delay and then master will just run away again and I'll have to search for him so that he can tell me what a bad, bad boy I've been and I'll have to apologize by bending ove-- HEY. Who did that? That wasn't what I was thinking at all! You don't have the right to make people think t-that kind of things! It's very rude! What kind of sick birds would just go and think such things between a mentor and his student?!
... no, I'm sorry, toucans. It was wrong of me to say that. It's not your fault you were born like this, right? I'm sure that you never asked to have these powers, and I shouldn't blame you just because you don't know how to control them. I... I understand how that is. However, just because you don't know it's not really an excuse. Once you're aware about your powers, it's your duty to learn how to control them, to make sure you're helpful to others. I think I understand why I was the one sent here now: the Lord does work in mysterious ways, but I think He wants me to teach you how to control your abilities. Let us focus on that for now.
First, toucans, you need to clear your minds. Now, try to think of things that you enjoy, things that calm you or make you happy, perhaps your favorite food or a friend. Are you ready? I'm going to read your minds now just to guide you a little so that I can show you how to stop your thoughts from projecting, so take a deep breath and don't try to fight it. Okay, here we have... an octopus? If that's what makes you happy, I suppose it's okay. Next we have... me? And then...
... No. No, no, no. That's not happening, not ever! Sex is banned! I underlined it twice on the brochure, right there! In red! it's impossible you missed it! What was that? Four Chan doesn't care? Well, point me in her direction right away! I have a thing or two to tell this Four Chan about sex and why she should care more about the rules!
Poll Vote!
Character: Gwendolyn
Series: Odin Sphere
Age: Unspecified, but most likely in the range of 16-18.
Canon: Erion is a land of fairy-tales and folklore, mixed with a liberal helping of Norse myth. Fairies, dwarves, fire demons, talking animals called pooka, and humans all war with each other while the threat of the impending apocalypse hangs over them. Our heroes are princes and princesses, blessed with magical powers and soul-powered weapons called Psyphers. There's only one problem: our heroes are also screwed-up teenagers with a huge mess of family issues and rather woeful love lives. Welcome to the world of Odin Sphere.
Gwendolyn is the princess of Ragnanival, daughter of the Demon Lord Odin. She has largely repressed her gentle side and spent her life fighting in his service, seeking his attention, praise, and love...which she's never really gotten. Inevitably, this has left her with an exceedingly low opinion of her own value, a great deal of loneliness, and a distinct lack of comprehension of the surprisingly many aspects of life that do not involve violence. Since the events of the game, she now applies her obsessive devotion to Oswald, her husband, as well.
As a note, everyone in Odin Sphere speaks in lofty mock-archaic fashion, to better match their fairy-tale roots.
Sample Post:
This land is alien to me. Is this the end of days come at last, against all our struggles to prevent it? No, it can't be. No armageddon could transform the innocent beasts of Erion into such creatures as these. Even the waves of monsters that I slew seem somehow wholesome in retrospect. Perhaps this is a dream? No, here I walk among things I never even imagined. No loathsome tentacle ever made gestures like that. I do not know what they mean, but surely I don't want to know, either.
Is there something I must do in such a place, for the sake of my land and my people? No, there is something else that troubles me more. What must I do to find my husband again and be sure that he is safe? If he is in their clutches, I will slay a thousand lecherous tentacles and never look back! But to look at those unnatural creatures, I fear I might be going mad. I have fought the walking dead more than once, but none ever wore heart-patterned undergarments and dangerously colorful shirts. No, I have been through too much to give in to fear like that now. If I am going mad, then he will find a way to save me, and if I am not, then I need to save him. Hear this, grinning corpses! If you dare threaten those who are dear to me, I will see that you are nothing but dusty bones and scraps of unsightly cloth.
Another monster! I must not let my pity and my doubt sway me; I must be on my guard. But I see that is no monster, only an innocent rabbit. It may be seeking shelter from the terrors of this place. In that it has my sympathy, and it may lead me to the inhabitants of this land, so that I may not be quite so alone. Lead on, rabbit, and you will have my gratitude. Oh, this must be the lair of a beast that hunts you. You are very brave for leading me here, despite your weakness, and I promise you I will do whatever I can to slay this monster and set you free from its terror. From the bones about me I can tell it has slain many. This is not my land, but I am in need of allies here, so I will do my best for you, kind rabbit. But where is the monster you need me to destroy? I see only the bloodstained bones, and you, and...your very sharp teeth...
I see. The monsters here come even in the most adorable of forms. I never thought I would shed the blood of such a creature. But I must be strong. If this is who I must become to triumph over this dark land and return to my duties at home...then Gwendolyn the Bunny-Slayer I shall become.
Poll Vote!
Character: Amamiya Yuuhi
Series: The Lucifer and Biscuit Hammer
Age: 18
Canon: The planet is in danger of being destroyed by an evil mage’s ultimate weapon, the Biscuit Hammer, and it’s up to lizard knight Noi Crezant to find the princess and her team of destined ring warriors to destroy the hammer, defeat the mage, and save the Earth once and for all. The only complications to this plan being that Noi is a harmless iguana-like creature, his destined warrior partner wants nothing to do with saving the world, and the princess only plans to stop the Biscuit Hammer so that she can destroy Earth with her own fists.
Amamiya Yuuhi is said destined partner, by which I mean random Japanese guy who insists the quest is either imaginary or too much effort until the princess saves his life and tells him her true goal. At which point he reveals that, yes, he secretly HAS believed all along that destroying the world is a worthy cause, what with his emo backstory and all. But making enemies is almost as troublesome as making friends, so until now he’s just kept everyone at a cold distance and insisted that his life be quiet, uneventful, and solitary. Which means he’s mostly just some unsociable loner type who dislikes company and conversation and comes across vaguely bored and unpleasant (with a healthy dose of deadpan) when he isn’t being actively rude and demeaning or using his wit for evil rather than good… As one of the few things he seems to really enjoy is watching people react to his perverted and rather irritating sense of humor. He’s a big fan of “surprise events” as he calls them, which mostly include nudity and lots of embarrassment, and he has been known to use his new knightly superpowers to flip up girls’ skirts and peek at their panties.
Sample Post:
…oh. No, I get it, you can put the goat and jousting lance away. You’re supposed to be a “gorilla knight,” right? The armor and nametag kind of gave it away. But I’ve already got one annoying, self-righteous pet around here somewhere, and I don’t need a second; even if you don‘t look quite as useless as him. Just point me to whoever‘s in charge of this place, and that’ll be enough.
And don’t think that you can just ignore me telling you to point the way and walk off somewhere like that instead to get me to follow you wherever you‘re going. Because I like strolling with smelly animals on the outskirts of creepy communes in the woods as much as the next person, but it’s just not going to happen. Even if you did bathe regularly and had a color scheme that made any sense for your species, I wouldn’t want people to see me associating with you. That outfit looks ridiculous. If you really do think you’re a knight, shouldn’t you have a code or something that tells you to take more pride in your appearance? Not to mention helping people out with what they ask for, like pointing, instead of just doing whatever you want to?
Yes, that’s right, you should be apologizing. If you were a samurai instead of a knight, this would probably be the part where you would take off your armor and properly apologize with your sword, so the least you could do for me is put your hands on the ground and bow your head in repentance.
No, wait… I have an even better idea for you to make it up to me. That’s an onsen over there, right? This is the perfect chance. Nobody even knows I’m here, so they’d never expect it. I know that I’m supposed to be looking for the person in charge and my schedule‘s pretty tight, but if you stand next to that wall there, and I get caught standing on your shoulders to peek, that’ll make for a really surprising event.
What are you doing hesitating now? I thought the wildlife around here was supposed to be all perverted, so how are you suddenly the only gorilla in this place who thinks this is going too far when you didn’t even remember you had a knight’s code until I told you; and you still owe me a favor to make up for forgetting it! Just stand right there for a second and let me- Would you stop moving so- I’m going to--!
Damn, why didn’t anybody tell me it was already a mixed bath? Falling over into the water didn’t make for a good event at all. What a waste, that would’ve been so perfect.
Poll Vote!
Character: Mark Grayson/Invincible
Series: Invincible
Age: 17-18
Canon: When Mark first developed superpowers, his first reaction was "it's about time". You see, Mark's father is Omni-Man, one of the most famous superheroes in the world, and it was only a matter of time before Mark himself developed powers of flight, superstrength and invulnerability. Everything seemed peachy keen, until Mark's father revealed that he was part of a plan to invade Earth and conquer it. Mark didn't like this idea much and now has two missions: keep the Earth safe from alien invaders (who have quite an interest in Mark) as well as fighting supervillains. Somewhere in there he has to fit in his civilian life. He's not very good at it.
For a kid who always knew he was going to punch supervillains in the face, Mark is surprisingly normal and likes reading comics and sleeping in until the good cartoons are on TV. He tries hard to be cool, but mostly just comes across as deadpan and sarcastic -- that is, when his friends haven't managed to convince him to fly them around in compromising positions. However, Mark is constantly at war with himself. Like his father, Mark has a very violent temper which he keeps under control but which has a tendency to come out when he's provoked. He wants his father's love and for him to be the loving, paternal figure he remembers from his childhood. And he really wants his father to stop calling his mother a pet. It would be fair to say that Mark's life is a struggle! And it is. But Mark doesn't take this lying down! After all, he's invincible!
Sample Post:
When someone says they have an offer that I wouldn't be able to refuse? Normally that's a metaphor. Down here, though, it's literal. Some zombie says that to me and then - wham! - suddenly they're sticking me in a delivery boy uniform for Camp Fuck Your Pizzeria. And I'd be the first one to go on about labor laws, but I don't know. Somehow, I don't think employee relations is a really high priority with them. Especially with that clause ... "pizza in thirty seconds or the pizza boy gets it"? Gee, thanks. No pressure! They didn't even tell me what "it" was, other than "I'd know when I saw it". Very helpful. But fine, whatever. I'll take the job for a bit. I'm Invincible, delivering a few pizzas shouldn't be that hard, right?
Yeah, right. First delivery was for Division: Biological And Demonic Tours Of Undiscovered Creations' Habitats as some kind of promotional gesture. Cute. I almost tore my shiny new uniform getting away from those gorillas. Who knew they were so grabby? That is, if they are gorillas. Purple wasn't exactly what we covered in school. And the delivery to the Nazi ninja in spacesuits was just weird. It's got to be one of those parallel universe things - but who knew that they'd be so keen on Papa's Darling Daughter's Meat Lovers? I bailed after they started talking about taking over Fox and HBO's share of the market. Heh, they should probably talk to Tim Minear; I bet he's got some info on how to get shows canceled.
But! Last delivery and then I am going home. Good thing I don't need to breathe, 'cause this one just had to be in the lake. I only wish that the existence of underwater civilizations was a surprise. At least this time I don't have to wear a dress - afternoon, Ms Marcy and here's your Execution Marine Surprise. Delivered to you in thirty seconds or else ... I ... get ... it. Hey, no-one said "it" would involve tentacles! In fact, I thought it was supposed to be a metaphorical "it". Or was it an allegorical "it"? Not that it matters as I was not only on time, but early. Hey! The customer is not always right. I timed it. See, it says it right here on this stopwatch. I wasn't late. I came, and in twenty seconds!
...oh my God, please don't tell my girlfriend I said that.
Poll Vote!
Character: The Republic of Latvia (Raivis Galante)
Series: Axis Powers Hetalia
Character Age: Unknown, but appears 15
Canon: Every country has its own little stereotypes- France loves fine wine and women, England is pissy, and Russia is always watching. Take those caricatures, a stack of textbooks, cover it all with a healthy helping of silliness and you'll come out with Axis Powers Hetalia, a presentation of world history as told by the human incarnations of the nations.
Hiding behind this cast of global superpowers is the small Baltic state Latvia. Years of living in Russia's shadow has left this already timid nation fearing almost anything and everything, and most especially Russia himself. With a stutter to match his shivers and a streak of remarkably failtastic luck, Latvia is of the most nonthreatening nations around. But beneath it all, he's not quite as hapless as he seems, for even with his unfortunate history, Latvia is still striving for the day when the little countries get their recognition!
Sample Post:
Could I have your attention please? ...e-excuse me! Your attention please!
Um. Thank you... I was tol- asked! Asked v-very nicely! if I could check on this place. You see, y-you have a big community here, but not many people have come out. Things go in, but not the other way and that's not good! Even towns should be careful not to import too much, just like c-countries should. If your neighbors get into trouble...or fight...conquer...dragged away bound... Um! I was s-saying that you'll have trouble too. They won't give you what you need, so you should h-help yourself and even giv- sell to them if you can. It's good for the economy too, and that's i-important. It's good to work.
So...is there any production here? Machinery? Livestock? H-handicrafts? Crops...? Oh! Uh, you do have handicrafts? Could I see them, if you don't mind? D-depending on what's made, handmade things can be souvenirs or collectibles. Those sell very well to tourists! And it must be impressive if you've worked yourself to the b-bone, like you said a-and l-like I can see... Is that the product? Those chairs are HWAAAA! S-s-sorry! I'm okay! N-no, it was l-less f-frightening than some p-people are... B-but, um, that's not what's meant by handicraft...handmade is made by hands, n-not of hands. It's...handwork. It's something done by yourself instead of with a- N-no! Not a handjob! Just n-nevermind...
A-anyways, they are well-made chairs, and a-anyone could tell that you put your b-b-blood, sweat, and tears into making them... But maybe something else could marketed too? A-and before you ask, f-footstools don't count. How about...uh...using natural resources? There's organic farming, h-hunting, and timber...for example. Not everything would work here t-though. The gorillas m-might hunt back, the trees seem too limp and w-wiggly for wood, and you can't farm in a swamp...but there's a lake, right?
That means fish! Those can be cooked, fished for sport, or even sold for aquariums and ponds. R-right, like pets. Betta, goldfish, koi, and- squid? I h-haven't heard of pet squid b-before, let alone f-freshwater squids...but if you say so... Are they good pets? Most fish aren't called a-affectionate. They don't do much...they come for food but they don't think much or play or rebel...they're decorative! But squid sound nice...e-especially the part about hugging. That's...sweet! Are you sure I could meet her? I wouldn't want to disturb her...but y-yes, I'd like to, please!
...o-oh...she's v-very l-large, isn't she... and f-friendly! B-but c-could she keep her...tentacles to herself? T-this sort of c-c-contact is in v-violation o-of my diplomatic immunitiiiya!!
Poll Vote!