(Untitled)

Dec 20, 2008 21:13

Next round, everybody keep voting ♥ The last round is STILL OPEN so vote on that first, I'm just putting the next up quicker so I can close before my flight tomorrow~ I need to pack

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 02:22:12 UTC
Ins for Merlin and Loki. Abstain on Sakura since she seems more violent than I'm used to but hey I've been out of Naruto fandom for a while now.

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 02:35:51 UTC
Hello, if you're okay with it, this Natsu apper would like to ask about crit. If you'd rather not, I understand.

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 02:39:23 UTC
There is a bit too much going on so it's hard to follow. It's also hard to showcase the character's voice when there's so much focus on moving him from one situation to the next. Sections need to be fleshed out more so voice can match with the flow of the app. I understand from canon this character is a bit manic and chatty so maybe lots of sentences at once might help. As is, it's choppy.

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 02:43:54 UTC
I wonder if I just wrote it wrong, then. He isn't really that chatty, exuberant, yes! But he's not the type to talk at length. I thought him literally visit many places around camp would be too much, which is what he would probably do, but did try to use the tour guide to give that effect without the actual movement.

If I need to reapp, I'll try something else, I think. Thank you for the crit.

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 02:52:02 UTC
I think the tour guide approach will work better if it's less "I go here" and "and then I go here" and "then I see that." It's too formulaic, and that's what creates the choppiness. It doesn't feel natural. Let Natsu chill in one place or one topic and expand on what his reaction is to it. Also, you mentioned a hatred of random transportation. Have a gorilla or a herd of toucans cart him off and have him spaz out about that. I think with more clear direction on fewer topics, you will have a strong app. The problem here is there is just too much too really get a feel for anything in particular. This causes the voice to become very generic.

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Atoli Apper sistercomplex December 21 2008, 03:03:10 UTC
I'd also like to ask for concrit, if you'd care to offer any! Thanks.

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Re: Atoli Apper sistercomplex December 21 2008, 03:07:28 UTC
Actually... you were a mistake. I'm fixing that now.

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Re: Atoli Apper sistercomplex December 21 2008, 03:08:22 UTC
Oh! Well, that's good to know! Thank you! ♥

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proudgreenbulge December 21 2008, 03:07:54 UTC
I think the anime makes her at least 10x more violent than usual XDD I guess many people have that impression... In the recent eps Naruto seems to get a beat-down from her every second...Poor thing..XD

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sistercomplex December 21 2008, 03:08:58 UTC
I figured it was something like that. That's why I'm holding my vote this time.

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