...and what I'll do is mess you up and lie to you. Look at you, you know it's true.
I feel like an ugly, used, wasteful, piece of shit. I'm fucking tired of life. I don't even care that people come and go. I'm sick of dressing up or dressing down, which doesn't make sense because I always do and wear whatever the fuck I want. But who cares if I do whatever I want, when I can't get other people to do what EYE want. Who gives a shit if I'm kool, passive aggressive, holding of morals and fucking complacent when everyone else is a disappointment to me in comparison? And what if I let down my guard and start hanging out with cocaine addicts and meth-mothers. What changes if I do it? What fucking changes if I bust my balls to get my forensic science degree. Am I going to help SOLVE CRIMES? Keep the guilty behind bars and the innocent out? Solve the fucking puzzles, or work at a desk for someone who does? In the end, I don't give a shit who's murdered, who's family grieves, who didn't rape a ten year old, or who did. I want to control everyone, I want everyone to do whatever the fuck they want but only when it is what I want, and though I seem easy going, calm, and non-confrontational, if I seem "chill" it's because in my mind I'm thinking of 1,000 different ways to fucking kill, or atleast mangle or embarass, the people that are not up to par. I get by from being a fucking dick, and nobody even notices. I want everyone to work for me, I want someone to rig the lottery, so I win, and then go back to splitting beans with their poor family. I want to be an animal so all I have to do is make a fucking noise with my mouth, and I've already mated some lioness bitch and my life goal is FUCKING OVER within a matter of minutes. "It's making sick sense" and I'm going to fucking In-n-Out burger, even though I hate my life so much right now that I'll probably just stare at my food. For a fat girl at heart, you better believe that's devistating.