Drama is there, but I'm still mourning.
This has obviously been a really hard week, most definately the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I know burying a parent is something that almost everyone goes through in life, but my dad was too young... He passed last Saturday at the age of 57 and was buried Wednesday. I know there has been drama posted here from me and my siblings, and i apologise for those who have read this and said "What the Fuck?!?" I meant every word in the last few posts, but more importratly... I just want to write that I am going to miss having him around. I rarely cry nor even express emotions at all, but this happening really brought me to a new level. I feel like my heart was just ripped from my body and stolen. Being am emphathetioc person..I have a habit of feeding emotions off others. In other words, when others express emotions, and my logic agrees with them as to why they are feeling those emotions..I usually feel them too. I was doing ok during the wake until I saw my grandmother cry. This was her 2nd son she had to bury....and she's 77 years old. At the same time, I was doing great because I haven't seen my mother cry. She is so emotionally strong and seems to be taking this very well.
I moved back home earlier this month because I was in a financial bind, and I was holding my good friend Jeff from moving with his girlfriend. I got to spend my father's last few weeks with him at home and was so grateful. I beleive everything happens for a reason....and I think I know why this happened. I do feel stronger emotionally than I ever have before and think I am finally ready to start acting like a man rather than a little boy. It's such a shame that it took my father's death to bring this to the surface, but I had been coasting through life for a while. I wasted 2 years of my life playing Everquest 2 and it prevented me from doing pretty much anything.
I am gonna miss him a lot, as he was such a great man and taught me that family and love are the 2 most important things in this world. I have been seperated from most of my family for a while and given up on love as well, but now I think I need ot find both again quickly. Life is too short and we all need to live life for ourselves. My father lived life for his family...Everything from providing food and shelter for everyone as well as cooking every meal, and begging us yearly to form a family vacation. He really loved us...and we loved him immensely for it. I only wish that I will get married eventually, have kids and be a great father to them like he was for me. He had a great life full of stories and experiences. there was nothing I couldn't talk to him about and he always had something to say. I think I am finally done crying, but this will definately take some time to get used to. My goal now is to get a good paying job, and really help support my mom and sis.
I moved back home earlier this month because I was in a financial bind, and I was holding my good friend Jeff from moving with his girlfriend. I got to spend my father's last few weeks with him at home and was so grateful. I beleive everything happens for a reason....and I think I know why this happened. I do feel stronger emotionally than I ever have before and think I am finally ready to start acting like a man rather than a little boy. It's such a shame that it took my father's death to bring this to the surface, but I had been coasting through life for a while. I wasted 2 years of my life playing Everquest 2 and it prevented me from doing pretty much anything.
I am gonna miss him a lot, as he was such a great man and taught me that family and love are the 2 most important things in this world. I have been seperated from most of my family for a while and given up on love as well, but now I think I need ot find both again quickly. Life is too short and we all need to live life for ourselves. My father lived life for his family...Everything from providing food and shelter for everyone as well as cooking every meal, and begging us yearly to form a family vacation. He really loved us...and we loved him immensely for it. I only wish that I will get married eventually, have kids and be a great father to them like he was for me. He had a great life full of stories and experiences. there was nothing I couldn't talk to him about and he always had something to say. I think I am finally done crying, but this will definately take some time to get used to. My goal now is to get a good paying job, and really help support my mom and sis.