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"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
Dr. Seuss
"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
Alexander Graham Bell
I have officially fallen in love with those two quotes. Especially the second because that's the one that has the most to do with my life, but the first one is still really nice. When I really fall in love I'll put it in my lj again for one and all to see.
So it's been a long time since I've updated. I think my last entry is like "Happy Easter" or something like that. So let's see...what's been going on in my life? Oh yeah...nothing! I have great friends but no one special to share things with. Believe me I'm working on it. I've been working on it for a really long time though so I'm kinda running out of hope and patience. Maybe I've been looking at that closed door for too long that I've been missing those that have been opening for me. I'm sure that those have all closen by now anyway.
I only have a week left of school which can only mean one thing...FINALS!!! The nasty, disgusting tests that all college students must take at the end of each semester. I'm sure I'll do fine, but it's kinda fun to complain. I also have to pack up and move back home for the summer. I've already started and my Ma and I took a lot of shit home last weekend. But there is still so much here. All my pictures are home though. I cried for everyone that had to come down. I'm really going to miss being here. I think my Dad has a lot to do with that. It was really great to go away to school this year and move away from him. I know that it sounds really bad saying that, but if you knew my Dad you'd be saying it to. College has taught me a lot this year. And I don't just mean the stuff out of the books. It has been a really hard year for me, and most of you probably already know that, but I have learned so much about myself through everything. I feel like I know myself better than ever, and I learned who I can actually count on when I need to count on somebody other than myself. I learned that knowing someone since you were both six doesn't mean that you actually know them. Or that you are even friends with them. I learned that you only have to know someone for a little while before you know that that person is going to be a part of your life forever. I learned that good things can come from bad times. Steph, that one's for you. I hope you know what I'm talking about. I think that most importantly, I learned that while I really want a guy, a permanent boyfriend, someone to share my life with, I don't need or want to settle for someone that doesn't deserve me. Guys can be real assholes, but they can also be so sweet and affectionate, and I just need to find a guy who is more sweet and affectionate than he is an asshole. But I also learned that I am not a very patient person, and I'm not very good about waiting til that unexpected moment when the person I'm suppossed to spend forever with walks into my life.
Enough about guys for now. I have made so many great friends here at school this year. And we only have one more week left here in the dorms and we intend to make the best of it all!!! I think that Depression is something like alcoholism---you're never really cured, but you have good days and bad days. And I know that I haven't had a bad day here in so long and I fully intend to keep that up! There is so much to do in only week. We have to watch The Notebook, megan has to rap and do Lucky, Bad Boys, Jenga, Meijer runs, drink, prank calls, make videos. We have all done so much together and I want to do it all again before we move out. I love these girls and I think that Dana and I have learned a lot about each other this year. Our friendship has changed in so many ways this year by living together and that is not necessarily all bad. It was really good for both of us and I wouldn't change a second of what happened. Everything, even the bad stuff has made me realize so much about myself and my relationships with people. I know that I already said that, but it's definitely worth repeating. I went to Lincoln on Friday, and they were having their student-staff game and I was thinking about how great I thought high school was. I loved being around everyone everyday and doing stuff. I felt like such a huge part of that school and I truly loved being there everyday. But when I think about my first year of college and the independence I have now, there's just no comparison. If I mess up in a class, I don't have a counselor to make things all better. If I do really good in a class there really isn't much praise because it's expected. I am an adult now. I've gotten my head out of the clouds wishing that I was a kid in high school again and I am focusing on moving forward with my life, education, and career. It's like the article I wrote for the Macomb Daily. When you graduate from high school, you enter the real world. At the time, I just thought it sounded like something really good to write about. I don't think that I fully realized that it's true. I don't think that a person can fully realize anything about life until it happens to them and they're standing knee deep in it. I feel like a truly educated person now. I feel like a woman. This year has helped me grow into someone that I can really love and rely on. A few weeks ago, I didn't even like myself very much, but now I have had this awesome epiphany. I think that this amazing weather has had a lot to do with this. I actually stop to enjoy what is going on around me. I'm sitting here next to my window and I can smell flowers! And the trees are starting to get their leaves back and I can hear birds chirping. There is something so powerful about spring and I am so in love with it!!!
My Papa and I are going to North Carolina in May for a couple of weeks to see my family. We're renting a beach house and going to see Allison Kraus in concert so that will be the perfect way to celebrate a year of school done. I can't wait for summer. Cedar Point, road trips, Mackinac, Rascall Flatts. Heather, Jackie, and I are going to have so much fun!!! We never talked about Cedar Point before, but I had to add it to our list. And road trip #1: Heather and I are going to go see Jackie at Central the weekend that I'm put of school. I am so excited!!! Maybe we'll go lose our spare change at Soaring Eagle one day. I cannot wait to go out and make the most of this summer! I also fully intend to go and visit Mr. Repicky before June. He is one good looking teacher!!! But he's also a good guy and I miss talking with him. Chelsea did the pencil test on me to see how many kids I'm going to have, and it was the same as the first time she did it. I wonder what his pencil test would say. Hmmmmm....very interesting!
I don't have to go to my English class anymore so I just don't know what to do with my afternoon. All we have left in that class are our revisions and we turn those in on the 25th. Maybe I'll go workout. I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson right now, and that's the CD that I work out to. Believe me, it is an awesome CD to work out to. It really keeps you going. So it's settled. That's what I'm going to do. If I leave now then I'll have enough time to shower and have dinner before my lit class tonight. Okay so that's what I'm doing. So you can stop reading this novel now if you even cared enough to make it to this point. Have a wonderful day!!!
Loves Ya!!!