The Last Word Chapters 10--end

[camillecarelli]

Chapter 10

Would you cry a little?
Lie just a little?

On the day Irina was transferred to her house, Sydney and Vaughn accompanied her. The day before, Irina had, to everyone’s shock, apologized to Vaughn for being the one to make the final cut on his father. They had spoken privately for a long time and when they were done, both had nodded at each other.

When Syd asked Vaughn about it, all he would say is that he had closure now. Clearly much more had been said between them, Syd thought, if he agreed to accompany them to the house. He hauled in the few boxes, while Syd showed her mother around the pre-furnished home.

When they got to the bedroom, Sydney commented, “This is a nice peaceful room, Mom. Maybe you’ll sleep better here.”

Irina gasped when she saw the framed photo of her, Jack and newborn Sydney in a frame on the dresser. Staring at it, she said softly, “I doubt it.”

Chapter 11

Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain?

“How much did she ingest?”

“The doctor said enough to kill her twice over.”

“Do we know whether or not she took them herself, or was she forced-“

“You know the security on that house. No one came in or out.”

“Don’t you go there every Friday night you are in town.? She knew you’d arrive and save her. C’mon. It was a small risk.”

“No, it wasn’t. I had called her to tell her that I couldn’t make it tonight, that I’d be there Sunday. It was just sheer luck that the op was cancelled and I went out there instead.” Silence. Sydney continued, “But it could have been an accident. We think she may have become addicted to the sleeping pills.”

“Addicted? Irina? No, I …”

”The alternative is believing that she tried to kill herself. What do you think? Which story do you prefer?”

Silence, then, “Is she seeing another doctor, now?”

“Yes, I have an appointment scheduled for her as soon as she’s cognizant.”

“When do they think that will be?”

“At least a day.” Silence.

Sydney finally said, “Well, I need to go.”

“Is Vaughn with you?”

“No, he’s stuck at work tonight. Are you going to come to the hospital?”

“We’ll see. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Wait - I know this is hard. All around. And this development is hard to believe. No one would have ever expected…”

“You have no idea. No idea.”

Chapter 12

I gave, now I'm wanting something in return

A week or so later, Sydney and Irina sat outside on the deck of the small house, enjoying a rare day of warm sunshine so late in the year. Sydney kept shooting nervous glances at her mother until finally Irina said in exasperation, “Stop it. I’m not going to fling myself off of this deck. I could have done that at any time in the last two months, after all. The drop is not far enough to kill me, anyway.”

Sydney’s mouth dropped open in shock before she shrieked, “MOM! Don’t say things like that!”

Irina smiled for a moment and then looked away, “You know, your father would have laughed at that. He always had such a morbid sense of humor.” Syd’s mouth dropped open again and Irina said dryly, “You have to stop doing that. It’s rather unattractive.”

“Mom - that’s the first time you’ve ever mentioned him since that day I came back.”

“Your father? I know, odd isn’t it? When I consider that it was my despair over what I’d done in my life, worst of all to him without having a chance to make amends, that led me to that…idiocy. To being so weak as to allow myself to become addicted to those stupid pills. And then to try…..After everything I seen with drugs…you’d think I would have known better. But then again, you think I’d have brought it up.”

“What?”

“Your father.”

“Maybe not,” Syd said thoughtfully, “The things that hurt the most are often those which go left unsaid.”

“Hmm,” was all Irina said. Syd looked at her mother carefully and Irina met her eyes calmly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to do that again.”

“Why not? What’s changed?”

“Two things. One when I saw your face in the hospital - that was wrong of me, to not think of the impact on you. I was taking the easy way out, blunting my pain with drugs.”

Sydney blinked and when Irina did not resume speaking, prodded her, “And the second?”

Looking out over the water, Irina tucked her hair behind her ear and gave one of her enigmatic smiles. “You’ll think I’m crazy. Crazier.”

Sydney said nothing, just waited. She had learned the value of waiting from Vaughn, how keeping silent encouraged the other person to talk. “When I was in the hospital that first night, still groggy, I thought I felt, thought I heard….”

“What?” Sydney asked.

Irina laughed dryly, “I hate to say this, you’ll have me back to that psychiatrist so fast….” When Sydney just raised an eyebrow, Irina bit her lip and said softly, “You look like your father when you do that.”

“He always used to say I looked like you when I tucked my hair behind my ear,” Syd said quietly.

“Really? He actually admitted that you and I had some similarities?”

“Yes. Actually for a long time I was afraid that all he saw when he looked at me was you.”

“No, Sydney. No, never think that. You were his princess from the moment the doctor placed you in his arms. I remember lying in the bed, thinking, ‘Well, she’s first in his heart now. His princess.’ Then he looked up at me, with such love on his face for the both of us and said ‘Thank you.’ And I thought, for this moment, it’s all been worth it, to give you to him.” Irina turned her head away, but not before Sydney saw the brightness in her eyes.

Syd said, “Thank you for telling me that story.”

“You’re welcome. I should have told you before. I know you and your father were estranged for a long time, which is my deepest regret about the effects of what I did. But you know that your father loved you more than life itself. He should have had more children. It’s too bad time ran out before you could give him grandchildren to spoil rotten.”

They sat there in silence for a moment, then Sydney picked up the earlier conversation. “Mom, what were you saying, about that night in the hospital?”

“I thought I heard your father’s voice saying, ‘Don’t make it this easy on yourself. Live, Irina, and cope with it. I want to see you deal with it. ”

Sydney gasped. Irina nodded, “It does sound like something he would say, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” Syd choked out.

“And then I felt like he touched my hair, just like he used to. He loved me hair, never wanted me to cut it. I guess that’s why I imagined him running his fingers through it - it was something just between the two of us.” She sighed . “ I know this sounds ridiculous. Preposterous. I mean, it’s not like I believe in God. I lost my belief long ago if I’d ever truly had it. And if you don’t believe in God, you don’t believe in the afterlife, and if you don’t believe in the afterlife, then Jack could not have been there that night. Or the other nights.”

“The other nights?”

“Each night I was in the hospital, I could have sworn he was there, I could have sworn each night I’d feel him touch my hair and then disappear. It must have been an illusion. And now I realize how insulting it was when I said to your father that the illusion was as real for him as it was for me. An illusion is not the real thing. Only the real thing is good enough. And we’d had the real thing. He must have wanted to kill me for saying that. Well, among other things.” She smiled ruefully. “And I must have been hallucinating, or just hoping he was there, forgiving me. Because then when I came home, I never felt it again and if his…spirit could visit me in the hospital it could visit me here, couldn’t it?”

“Do you want it to?”

“I don’t know. It’s like pouring salt on a wound in some ways. But if it had been true, if Jack had been there, there would be an afterlife, there would be a God, wouldn’t there? And I hate to think what price I would be paying if God were real.”

Well, there was really nothing to say to that was there? Sydney reflected.

“I guess it was just wishful thinking, an illusion.”

“I guess.”

They sat there a long while, watching the sun set.

Beep. Sydney’s cell phone. She answered. All Irina heard was, “Really? Yes. Okay. Yes.” She had raised her brows quizzically when Syd’s voice seemed quite excited, but then turned away as she assumed that her daughter was talking to Vaughn. She wasn’t too surprised then, when Sydney announced as she put away her phone, “We have a visitor coming. In five minutes.”

“We, don’t you mean you?” Irina asked, teasing.

“Why don’t you go comb your hair, Mom, the wind really whipped it around.”

Irina gave a smile as she said, “Oh, is it Michael? You want me out of the way so you two can say hello the way you want, without say Kendall, seeing?”

Sydney burst out laughing, “Something like that. Shoo. Comb your hair, put on some lipstick, whatever…”

“Fine. I’ll go. Although why I should put on makeup for your boyfriend…” she said as she walked toward her bedroom.

Exactly five minutes after Sydney’s cell phone had beeped, the door bell rang. Both women had been waiting in the living room. Sydney rushed to answer the door with a goofy smile on her face. Irina smiled indulgently and turned her back to give the couple privacy. She liked to think she’d had some small part in getting Sydney and Vaughn together, although…

Chapter 13

So cry just a little for me

Every hair on the back of Irina’s neck stood up. The voice she could not hear clearly, but the timber of it, the rhythm. Slowly, slowly, she turned. And almost fell.

Jack stood there.

Someone else was behind him, but her eyes were glued to Jack. Dressed in black, black slacks and shirt. Looking relaxed, but taller than ever. Then her eyes went over his body and realized that he appeared not only completely unscathed, but actually tanned and rested. She nearly stumbled, while he just stood there looking at her. She stared at him, knowing that any moment, surely her knees were going to buckle. She hated that his eyes flicked down to her legs, seeing her weakness.

But then Jack lifted his one eyebrow and cocked his head in that sardonic, slightly superior way that had always incensed her. That had been another private joke between them, how just by making those gestures he could send her temper through the roof. Her knees snapped into place and without conscious volition she raced forward, arms upraised.

“You goddamn son of a bitch! I’m going to strangle you!” Irina yelled as she raced toward him.

Jack began laughing. Laughing! Irina thought wildly as she took a swing at him. She was so furious she had not even set up her shot correctly. She was not surprised when he easily caught her arms and moved them behind her back. He quickly transferred both wrists to one of his hands, while using the other arm to haul her up against his body in a quick, jerking motion. “Umpf” Irina exhaled as she smashed into the hard wall of Jack’s chest. When she began kicking at him, he pushed her back into the wall and held her there. Still not giving up, she began biting wherever she could reach and stopped only when she heard Jack chuckle and then whisper, “You can bite me later in private if you want, Irina, but right now our daughter is standing right there.” She looked over and saw Sydney’s horrified face as her daughter called out, “Mom! Stop it!”

Then she heard Michael Vaughn say, “Syd, let’s leave them alone.”

Hearing that, another notion clicked into place as Irina peered around Jack’s shoulder to see Michael inside the doorway. “YOU! Damn you! Those flowers! You were in on it, the whole game, the whole time! I was right, you are just like Jack.” Irina snarled. “I can’t believe you fooled me that long. Oooh! I will---”

“No you won’t, Irina,” Jack said calmly, interrupting her. “After all, didn’t you tell him that if it were a game, you could appreciate it, that it was --- what was it she called the set up, Mike?”

“Stunningly neat and tidy. Brilliant. I think she said that twice.” Vaughn repeated with a huge smile.

“Oh my god. That’s one reason you said you were able to forgive me, isn’t it? You got payback.”

“Yes,” Vaughn said simply. “Yes and I was part of the payback, not just an observer. That’s one reason why Jack asked me to be the point person on this op, to give me the opportunity to extract my pound of flesh.”

“And the other reason?”

Jack answered, still holding Irina against the wall. “I remember the bassinet story, too, Irina. I wondered for the longest time why Bill Vaughn was so mangled because it was not your way. You were right - most of us have patterns. So, I wondered if someone else started the job and you finished it. I conjectured that you had been unable to fulfill your assignment because you remembered that day when Sydney was a newborn. So, I thought that I’d add guilt to the mix by having that little boy do your debriefs. Kendall didn’t think it was a good idea. He didn’t know you well enough to see the vague remnants of guilt on your face whenever you talked with Mike that I saw once I put aside my anger. But you made it easy and asked for him, as I expected.”

“I will kill YOU!” Irina gasped.

“Why, for knowing you that well? Get over it. You used your knowledge of me against me too, didn’t you?” She stared at him and nodded grudgingly. “Once I figured it out, I knew how to play the game. If you were telling the truth, then this game would work. If you weren’t, well, at least it would encourage you to give up your intel, since neither Syd nor I were there to torment anymore. And then the whole game, your game, would be over that much sooner.”

“Brilliant,” Irina said flatly. “But why did it take you so long to show up here and gloat? Did you expect me to become addicted to those pills, too?”

Jack took a deep breath. “Never. I regret that. If I would have known, I would have come back into the country, screw the deal I made. I never expected that. No one did. I am sorry that-“

”No, no.” Irina shook her head. “Don’t apologize for that, Jack. You are not responsible for me, I am responsible for me. It was my own fault for being weak. Isn’t that what you meant when you came to me in the hospital?”

Jack shrugged as he loosened her hands and put his arms around her. “Ah, so you were awake enough. But for the game, do you want me to apologize-“

Irina slipped her arms around Jack’s neck. ”No. Of course not, that’s ridiculous. I would have done the same thing.” Jack and Irina began laughing together.

“I know. But it was pretty good, wasn’t it?” Jack said through his laughter.

“Damn good, Bristow. Really. I appreciate it. Congratulations on a game well played, perfect planning and execution.” Irina continued laughing. Both Vaughn and Sydney shook their heads, although the older couple was paying them no attention. Irina continued, “And apologize? You shouldn’t. And you wouldn’t apologize, anyway.” He nodded with a rueful smile. Irina continued, “But I will. I apologize for being selfish and not doing a better job of hiding the note and so many things, so much. I don’t even know where -“

“That’s enough for right now, Irina.”

“Why, are we even?”

“Hmm, I think we still need to negotiate that.”

“Negotiate that!”

“Here they go,” Syd said loudly to remind her parents that there were others still in the room, “Michael, let’s get out of here. We need to catch the ferry. I remember these fights. This argument could take forever.”

“Yes,” Irina said, “Perhaps it could.”

Without looking at them, Jack said, “Bye Syd, Mike. See you tomorrow. Late tomorrow. Call first.”

Chapter 14

If your love could be caged
Honey I would hold the key

As the door closed behind them, Irina said, “Are you going to let me move now?”

“Not just yet. I have a healthy respect for your anger, Irina.” And then raised his eyebrows when she curled her left leg around his right.

“I’m not angry anymore, Jack. Well, not that kind of angry. And I remember how all of our games ended. I’m waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting for twenty years for the end of this game,” she murmured and pulled his head down to hers with a jerk. Smiling, Jack said, just before his lips touched hers, “So, this isn’t going to be some long-drawn out affair right now, is it?”

“Are you an idiot? Of course not. This will be a quickie, just to take the edge off.”

“What if I don’t want a quickie?” Jack teased.

“That’s too damn bad. Kiss me and get your clothes off.” Once again she drew his face to hers and relaxed when this time he allowed their lips to touch. Twenty years since she had last kissed anyone like this. With honest emotion. She felt like she would lose control immediately as their lips met again and again, as their tongues touched and searched and explored. As their teeth nipped and tongues then soothed,as they learned each other again.

Suddenly, Irina realized that while she had been distracted by Jack’s mouth, he had unzipped her pants and was in the process of pushing them down. She noted, “I thought I told you to get your clothes off, not mine.”

“You take mine off,” Jack countered.

“Fine!” she snapped, in no mood for delay, and roughly pushed his pants down as he kicked off his shoes. Bending over to shove everything off, she jumped when his hands curved around her backside. “Stop wasting time and just get my pants off, Jack!” He raised an eyebrow and deliberately slowed his movements. She practically growled at him and he laughed. “Jack Bristow!” she snarled and raised her hand to pull him toward her. He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up. To her surprise, he merely placed her against the wall. Then she moaned when he fitted their bodies together. They both sighed. Irina groaned, “Finally.”

“In a hurry tonight or what?” Jack gasped as she moved against him.

“Do you want to-“ she gestured with her hand toward the couch.

“No, against the wall. Do you know how many times I imagined-“

She cut him off, “Taking me against that glass wall in my cage?” He nodded. She gave a feline smile. “I know. Me too. That was my initial thought that first day you came to see me. I looked at you and that glass and…that’s why I started babbling, I think, to cover up. Twenty years, all that between us and the first thought in my mind is ‘Can we do it against the glass without breaking it?’ Do you think we could have a visit there sometime? Without the guards? Without the monitors being on?” She gave another smile as she felt his involuntary response. “Good idea?”

“Shut up, Irina and move for me.”

“God, I love it when you give orders like that, Jack Bristow.”

“Do you always have to have the last word?”

“Make me stop talking the way you always did.” Irina felt the smile of remembrance on his lips as he crushed her lips to his. But then he began murmuring instructions, telling her how to move, why he wanted her to move that way, this way. She had always loved his voice, the way he talked when they made love. When she had told Sydney he was articulate, she had luckily known where to draw the line at discussing their relationship, she thought with an inward smile.

But before she knew it, too quickly, she felt her body arch against the wall, preparing. Whispering in her ear, Jack asked softly, “That’s it, Irina. Are you ready? Do you remember?” She moaned her assent and wrapped her arms and legs tighter around him so that he could loosen one arm. She held her breath as he slowly, teasingly touched her. She thrust her pelvis forward at him, wanting a harder touch. Surprising a little gasp from him, she nearly growled the words at him, “For the love of god, Jack, now, please.” “So demanding. Some things never change. Okay, okay, hold on,” he answered as he used his thumb and she was gone, arching her back so far that he had to quickly cup her head to prevent it from hitting the wall. As she came down, he pushed her back into the wall and began moving toward his own release. Watching his face, she saw him getting closer and closer and yes, finally, he whispered, “Irina,” not “Laura”.

Resting their foreheads against each other, they took deep breaths. Suddenly Jack chuckled and pointed out, “We never even took off our shirts.”

“And look, they match, both black,” Irina noted. “Is there some kind of deeper meaning in that?” she asked with a small smile.

“You know, Weiss said more than once that the way our minds think in tandem is -“

Irina interrupted, knowing how to finish the sentence, “Let me guess, he said it was scary?”

“Yeah.”

“I think he’s scared of both of us.”

Jack rolled his eyes, “Gee, I can’t imagine why.”

“Well, right now, we’re not capable of frightening anyone, my legs…”

“Oh sorry. Let me let you down.”

“No! Carry me into the bedroom.”

“Will you stop with the orders? You’re not the international crime boss here, Irina.” Jack said as he carried her down the hall, anyway. “If I drop you, it’s not my fault. I’m not a young man anymore, Irina.”

“You looked and felt pretty fit to me, Jack. I don’t notice you complaining about your legs and you were doing all the work!” They smiled at each other as they entered her bedroom.

As he lowered her to the bed, she tried to prevent him from moving away, but he just raised his eyebrow and she let go. “Get under the covers, before you catch a chill. You’re still not one hundred percent.” As he began unbuttoning his shirt, she stopped his hands. “No, no, let me do it.” She finished unbuttoning the shirt and shoved it off. “Jack, can I say that I like the black on you? You never wore that when we were younger, but with your silver hair, now…”

He rolled his eyes. “Women and clothes. We can have a sartorial conversation later and you can critique my wardrobe then. Once a wife, always…”

“Your wife,” Irina said solemnly, looking into his eyes. He nodded as he reached out and pulled off her knit top. He pulled the covers up over her and stepped back. “Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. I’ve been on the road ever since the doctor told me that you were going to be released from the hospital. One last quick mission as part of the deal I made with Devlin. That’s why I wasn’t here earlier. I’ll tell you about it when I’m done. Rest for a little while.” Then he bent down and kissed her gently. “That’s an order, Derevko,” softening the demand with a smile. She smiled back as he left the room and closed her eyes, waiting for him to return.

Chapter 15

If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope, maybe I'd get some sleep

Sliding into the bed with her, Jack said, “We need to have a conversation or two or three, Irina.”

“I think you’ve heard everything I can say, Jack.”

“I know.” He pulled her close, but arranged them so that they could see each other. “But I need to answer your question about why it took me so long to get here after it was clear that the game was done. It wasn’t my choice. I was concerned when I saw you in that debrief about Bill Vaughn. I told them you looked terrible, to get you a doctor, but I don’t think they really believed me. I was worried. But in order to get the approval to run the game, Devlin made me agree to several assignments that took me out of the country off and on for most of the last eight months. They sent me the tapes electronically to analyze every day, but I was only in town once a month or so.”

“You were the analyst they mentioned a few times? Of course.” She slapped the covers with one hand. “I even said that it was only you who would know if I was telling the truth.”

“At first I thought that was ridiculous, after all, wasn’t I your biggest dupe? And we had others watching too, analyzing. But then, it all fell into place, that you were telling the truth. It wasn’t some big revelation, although I had always wondered about the coincidence of one night talking about a second child and the next you being gone. There are no coincidences like that in our business.”

“I hoped you’d wonder about that when Sloane told me he’d destroyed my note. But it took you twenty years to piece it together. I don’t blame you. You were too angry and you used that anger to keep going. I knew that the moment I saw you again.”

“Yes.”

“I’d hear from time to time about your successes, your mission in the field. So many people talked about how the one opponent they never wanted to work against was you. I, I was proud of you. Part of me wanted to shout out, ‘That’s MY husband!’“

“You kept tabs on me?” Jack asked in shock.

“Of course, when I could, on you and Sydney, when I could do it without tipping my hand. I felt …guilty, even though I spent years convincing myself that I’d done the right thing, been a good patriot. When I heard how well you were doing, professionally, it absolved my guilt. Until I saw you. And then I got nervous.”

”I couldn’t tell,” he scoffed.

“Luckily. Or maybe not, maybe if I’d let you see… But you may not have believed your eyes.”

“I would have thought you were just trying to dupe me again, for some unknown reason and then spent the next few months losing more sleep wondering about what that reason could be.”

“Neither of us slept. But you wouldn’t have believed that either, without the tapes.”

“No, I would not have believed you about anything.”

“That’s why this game was such a good idea, wasn’t it? So when did you decide to send Sydney in to deliver the coup de grace?”

“The last time I did onsite analysis -- when you told the bassinet story. I’ve been out of the country since the next day, except for when you were in the hospital. Luckily I had flown back in that day. But I wasn’t even here when you talked to Sydney, when she reappeared.” He paused, “So you don’t seem mad that she participated in the game.”

“No. She’s OUR daughter, Jack. I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

“It was that interview---“ He stopped.

“What?”

“It was that interview, really that interrogation of you she did. Although I couldn’t make out some of her words, there was some problem with the tape in one section Mike couldn’t fix. But, anyway…” He stopped again.

Irina raised a brow but when he continued his silence, she noted, “Looking back on it, she was good, wasn’t she? Relentless. Did you hear what you expected?”

“I don’t know what my head expected to hear, but…”

“But was it what your heart expected to hear? I kept telling them that, deep down, you knew the truth, that’s why you were so mad.”

“And that was so goddammed irritating to hear. But you were right. The last twenty years have been a battle between what my heart, my instincts were telling me and what my head told me was true. Then watching that tape, it all made sense. No one can compartmentalize that much. No one, not even you, is so good at being undercover that for ten years you pretend that well to be a loving wife and mother and be a spy on the side. Vaughn asked all the right questions, didn’t he?”

“Vaughn, he surprised me. He was as good as you or Sydney.”

“I know. Disgusting, isn’t it? Even though I picked him, he surprised me too. I don’t know what changed him to allow him to play hardball so well, but whatever it is, I’m glad because it got us here.”

“Yes.”

“But let me finish. You know what the moment was when the lightbulb went off for me, when I knew you were telling the truth? That the reality of our relationship made it easier to carry out the deception?”

“What was it?”

“When you were telling Sydney that you picked me because you liked me. And I remembered this one time, it had always struck me as odd. Even then my radar told me something was…off.”

“When? Tell me!” She laughed, “Go on, give me a critique!”

“This one time, early on, when we weren’t more than kids. And we were at my apartment, making out on the couch. And I said something funny and you laughed and laughed. Then you pulled back and looked at me with such surprise, such incredulity, on your face and said, “I like you, I like you so much, Jack.” And I thought to myself at the time, ‘Why is she so surprised? Is there something wrong with me? Why wouldn’t she like me? Why else would she be here?’ But then you kissed me again. And I never felt anything else from you other than the love, so that one slip up was completely eradicated from my mind until I saw that tape.”

“Oh, my god.”

“Yeah, if I had given that one moment more thought…” They both stared at each other, realizing that if Jack had followed up on that one mistake, everything, everything would be different. Irina lifted her hand and touched his cheek, while Jack just looked at her. Even as she caressed his shoulder, he saw something else “click” in her eyes. “What is it?”

“Wait - that time frame - it was to mimic your time in solitary, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, although that was Devlin’s idea. I think Devlin was still afraid that I might kill you, especially since we didn’t really know what you’d say, what you’d tell us. He wanted me far enough away so that I would have a chance to have second thoughts before…”

“Before setting me up again.”

“Yeah. Madagascar. That wasn’t one of my best efforts. Not very subtle. I was too angry to set it up properly. And I didn’t expect Vaughn to be that smart.” He chuckled and shook his head.

“Of course he is. He’s so much like you, the you I knew before. That’s one reason why Sydney loves him.”

Jack rolled his eyes. Irina whispered, “You’re right. Why talk about them?”

“What do you want to do?” Jack laughed. Irina’s eyes were on his right shoulder, gently touching what looked to be a relatively new wound. Throwing back the covers, she said, “Let me see that scar.” As the sun completely set outside, slanting redness into the room, they began exploring his other’s bodies again - finding the changes that the last twenty years had wrought. Each wound, each remnant of a wound received kisses, as if they were children looking for and believing in the healing power in a kiss.

“We both have plenty of scars, don’t we?” Jack murmured at one point, tracing his fingers over the lower arch of Irina’s back with one hand, while the other hand caressed the puckered mark left by a bullet in Irina’s back right hip. As Jack touched her, running his large warm hands over her back and she moaned when he began massaging the backs of her legs, finally beginning to relax for the first time since…When? She did not even know how long it had been since she’d been this relaxed. And Jack….Well, she knew from watching him and hearing others talk about him, that relaxation had not been a top priority in his life since…. Control had been his top priority. Well, she was back now, she thought with an inner smile.

Turning over, she reached up and put her arms around his back. Pulling his head down, she bit his lower lip and smiled at the surprise on his face. “Didn’t you tell me before that I could bite you in private?”

“Mmm, so I did. However, let me add a restriction to that…” They both chuckled.

Irina noted, “You know, I told Sydney, and Vaughn I think, that one thing I loved about you was your sense of humor. Even in bed, you always made me laugh. Syd mentioned that she remembered us laughing after she went to her room at night.”

Jack smiled, “I know, I almost died when she said that. Watching that tape, I was afraid about what you might say next.”

“Even I have my limits, Jack,” Irina smiled back.

“Well, I’m not hoping to meet any limits tonight.” “No,” Irina agreed as she arched up into him and pulled his head down. Slowly sliding her lips across his, Irina felt his mouth open. Answering the silent request, she slid her tongue into his warm mouth and began stroking his tongue with her own. Anchoring her body into the bed’s softness with his weight, Jack framed her face with his hands. He realigned their mouths and took over, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, then pulled back, endlessly rubbing his own lips over hers, licking her lips, then biting them, refusing to enter her mouth with his tongue, until Irina moaned, “Please, Jack.”

“Mmmm, yes? What do you want?”

“You know what I like, how I want to kiss. C’mon, don’t be an idiot.”

“Idiot? Hmm, I think maybe I’ve forgotten what you like. It’s been a long time. And maybe my memory’s gone. Idiot.”

“You know -“

“I know, I remember you calling me idiot before. Your favorite name to call me when I truly irritated you. But I think you’ll pay this time for saying that.”

“Oh, no,” Irina breathed, remembering Jack’s way of making her pay. “Not tonight, Jack. I can owe you!” She laughed, then sobered, “No, not tonight. Tonight, right now, I don’t want to take that much time. In fact,” she pushed at his body and delighted in the fact that he remembered her signal to roll over. Grabbing her around the waist, he positioned her over him and reached up to pull her face to his. Now it was Irina’s turn to control the kiss.

She stopped as she felt Jack’s rough hands moving over her body, relearning the curves and hollows, ascertaining if she still responded the same way. No, he was not going to control them this time. She slid her body down his, kissing her way over every scar again, moving down his torso, smiling when she felt his muscles tense as he realized what she intended. She slid down between his legs and ran her hands lightly over his thighs as she lowered her head. His smile caught her eye and she quirked her eyebrow at him, “What?”

“I’m hoping that you’re not planning on biting me now, there. I did tell you there were restrictions on that offer, didn’t I?”

She grinned back at him, “But, Jack, when have I ever played by the rules?” They smiled at each other and then Jack reached out and began sifting his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes, remembering all the times he had done that, remembering him touching her hair in the hospital. Remembering how much she wanted him, had always wanted him. Right now she wanted to make him crazy with wanting too and lowered her head.

“Irina, I wasn’t expecting…” Jack murmured as he began pulling her back up his body.

“We have twenty years to make up for. But I did it because I don’t ever want you to think of me as predictable,” she teased as she stopped when her face reached his chest.

“I don’t think there’s any worry about that,” Jack argued.

“For either of us,” Irina whispered as she caressed the muscles in his chest and arms. He ran his hands over her back, wondering what she was about when she stopped, her right hand over his heart. He raised an eyebrow. “Jack, you know there’s one scar I didn’t kiss for you. This one,” she said softly as she raised her head and softly, gently, kissed his chest over his heart. Without thinking she then rubbed the area with her hand. Suddenly, she remembered she had always told Sydney that she was “rubbing the love in” when she did that. Irina looked up and caught her breath at the look on his face, seeing that he remembered too. Seeing ‘her’ Jack there at last, in his eyes. She felt a tear or two in her eyes, she who seldom if ever cried, knowing she had been given that most rare of all moments in life, a second chance.

“I love you, Jack, you know that.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I saw it in the tapes, heard it, and I see it in your eyes.”

She arched up to give him a soft kiss and then lay back down on top of him, rubbing her cheek against his chest while he combed through her hair with his hands and massaged the back of her neck. In a short while, Irina’s breathing evened out and she fell asleep right on top of him. Reaching out, Jack pulled the covers up over them, thinking that now, finally, for the first time in who knows how long, he could sleep as well.

Chapter 16

Nothings gonna save me
‘Til I see it in your eyes

The sound of the ferry’s horn woke them both about an hour later. Irina had slid to Jack’s side and she looked up at him as he blinked his eyes open, instantly fully awake. They smiled at each other, but Jack broke the silence. “Are you hungry?”

Irina laughed at the question. “Some things never change, do they?”

“No, I suppose not. But I didn’t get to eat dinner tonight. What do you have in the kitchen?”

Irina reluctantly disentangled herself and sat up to get out of bed. Walking over to the closet, she grabbed her robe. Turning back, she caught his appreciative gaze roaming her backside. She let her own roam his long body stretched out on her, their, bed; it was much heavier with muscle than when she had met him just out of his teens. More powerful. Losing her train of thought for a moment, she cleared her throat and then said, “Well, there should be plenty of food. Sydney brought over so many bags this afternoon…Wait, that was because she knew you were coming over, didn’t she? I should have known when I saw her putting away those steaks. I am such an -“ She stopped unable to come up with the right word to describe herself.

“Such an idiot, Irina? Is that what you were about to say?” Jack asked with a smile.

Irina rolled her eyes, “Very funny.”

She reached over and pulled him out of the bed and into the kitchen. A few minutes later, Irina put a plate of toast down in front of Jack. She squealed as he pulled her onto his lap. “Come on, you’re not going to eat that with me sitting here, are you?”

“You bet,” he said as he took a bite.

“You’ll get crumbs all over me,” she protested.

“Hmm, I’ll make this easier,” he said as he pushed her robe off. “I’ll just lick the crumbs off you.” They smiled at each other, anticipating all the places where he might find crumbs.

Later, Irina lay gasping on the table, propped up on her elbows, looking at Jack. He looked pretty self-satisfied, she thought.

“So, we’re even,” he said.

“Even?” she asked.

“You know, before you got to---“

“Oh! Are we keeping score?”

“No, not really.”

She said firmly, “No, not at all, Jack Bristow. No scores in this game.”

“No?”

She shook her head. “No, this game is a game of give and take.”

“Oh, I see. The rhythm of give---” he said as he slid his fingers toward her again. She gasped and grabbed his hand to stop him. “No, Jack, later.”

“Why?”

“I can see something in your face. What are you thinking about?” She raised an eyebrow and waited, still holding the one hand.

He stared in her eyes and she could tell he made a decision. Still she was shocked speechless when he said, “I have a job offer for you.”

When she said nothing, just stared at him in shock, he explained. “Although I enjoy the idea of having you here in this house waiting for me to arrive and have these little conjugal visits,” he said in an arch tone. “It occurs to me that you might find your time here a little boring otherwise. And the world cannot handle the consequences of Irina Derevko’s boredom. Trouble. Big global trouble. At least that’s one argument I used with Devlin. We’ve been negotiating for two months now, hence my latest little missions, part of my deal with him.”

“What are you talking about?” Irina asked, her excitement building.

“Would you like to occasionally, to start, work as my partner on ops or analysis?”

“You are joking.”

“No,” he said firmly. Then with a quirk to his mouth, he explained, “Actually Weiss gave me the idea. He kept saying over and over that our minds work alike, that if you had ever tried and succeeded in turning me to the other side and we worked as a team we would have been unbeatable. I think you said it too. And I thought, well, what if we worked together on my side?” He paused and no one but Irina would have realized he was nervous.

She reached out and took his other hand in hers and brought both to her lips. Kissing the center of the palms one by one, she said, “Work hand in hand with you? That’s….” She stopped unable to think of the correct word. Although Jack had often finished her sentences for her in the past, this time he kept silent. She knew that he needed to hear her own thoughts. “Jack, that’s perfect. I wish I had thought of that twenty---“

He cut her off, “Don’t. Let’s not go there. Let’s deal with now.” She nodded, turning her head away so that he could not see the moisture in her eyes. “Irina, look at me.” She slowly moved her head back and he leaned over her and kissed her eyes. “Don’t hide from me, I need to know---“

“You’re right. This will only work if I am open with you.”

“Yes. But about the offer. You wouldn’t be totally free. You’d still have to stay here much of the time, but I think I can negotiate when you’ve proven yourself to having my house being an acceptable secondary location.”

“I’d be released in your custody.”

“Or Syd’s or Vaughn’s. Only us three.”

“I get the feeling Vaughn would be the worst of the three.”

“Probably. That kid can be ruthless sometimes. I couldn’t believe him when he made you beg.”

”Although a part of you appreciated it.” Irina bore him no anger for that, Jack saw. They were too much alike - she would have done the same thing and knew it. One advantage to having a partner in the business, a partner so much like himself.

“Yes. But that’s when I pulled out that photo and brought it up here.”

Irina confirmed, “That one on the bureau of us three?”

Jack nodded. “You know, when I was boxing up the photos after I found out the truth, I realized that one of the copies of that photo was missing. That must be the one you took. It never occurred to me, all those years…”

She shrugged, absolving him, “Why would it? Jack, Michael said something that day about one photo of me being in Syd’s room and a second photo was in the house.”

“Syd, that blabbermouth told him.” He shook his head. “She’s not the most closed-mouth spy in the world is she?”

“Well, are you going to tell me or do I have to ask Michael or Syd?”

He grimaced and she realized that he viewed whatever he was about to say as a weakness. “That photo, the one that’s here now, I kept it in my closet. It was in the back, behind the clothes you shove to the back when you don’t wear them much anymore, but you can’t seem to let go?”

“That photo? The same one I took. The one that Sloane destroyed, right in front of me.”

“Yes. That one.” He shook his head to indicate that conversation was done and then continued, “So, would you like to work with me? We are working, after all, right now on taking down that bastard.”

“Absolutely. When can we start?” Irina said with a huge smile.

Jack returned it, “When I feel you’re completely recovered. That will take some time, time I MUST spend here with you monitoring your recovery.” They both chuckled. Jack continued, “I can’t wait to see Sloane’s face when he sees as working together at the end.”

“Me either. We’ll have to negotiate who gets to kill him, though won’t we?”

“Yes. Both of us have motive. Means. But we’ll work together to make the opportunity. And revenge will be sweet.” Jack and Irina shared conspiratorial looks. “What would be sweet right now, though, is sleeping,” Jack said as he picked her up. “You still look tired.”

Chapter 17

Could you cry a little for me?

In the middle of the night, Irina woke up to Jack poking her in the shoulder. Involuntarily she smiled, remembering all those arguments he ended this way, pretending to try to get the last word. As if that were important, when they both knew that what was important was the end of the game. Ending up, like this game, like all their games, with making love. Opening her eyes, she looked up into his face and smiled. He smiled at her and said softly, “Just checking, Irina.” And said no more. Just turned back over.

"Checking?" She thought for a moment and then realized something. She whispered, "Because twenty years ago you left me in bed one morning -- one moment I was there, and the next I was gone? And you wanted to make sure I was still here?"

"Yes."

She stared at his back for a moment, feeling tears prick her eyes. Then turning toward him but not pummeling him this time, she put her arm around him. She pressed her face into his back, blotting her tears on his warm skin. He placed his hand over hers -- pulling forward until their clasped hands were lying on his chest, over his heart. Rubbing his chest, sighing, Irina said simply, “I’m sorry. I’m right here with you, Jack.”

Under her fingers, she heard his heartbeat, slow and steady. She wondered if he could feel her heartbeat against his back; it was anything but slow and steady. Her heart was racing as she asked, "Even with the game, this last game, have you gotten what you wanted? What you needed? Do you, can you forgive me? Truly?"

Silence for a long moment. Then Jack said, with a hint of teasing in his voice, "Hmmm, I'll think about it."

"Think about it! How long will that take?" she protested.

"Oh, probably---"

Hearing the smile in his voice, she knew what he was about to say and interrupted him, "The rest of our lives?"

Jack sighed. “You know, Irina, just once I'd like to get in the last word."

"What are you talking about? All those times you woke me up in the night, like this, you always got the last word. Always."

He said dryly, "I don't think it counts when the last word was me calling out your name as I --"

"Jack! That's not what I meant."

"I know. I rendered you speechless with anger on many occasions."

“That’s not what I mean either and you know it.”

They lay there for a long moment in silence, then Irina whispered, "Jack, I'm waiting." He turned back to face her in the darkness. There was enough light from the window to see each other, dimly.

"For what?" he asked softly.

"You know what. What your VERY last word is, what it always was. After the fighting, after making love, after all the games, it always was..."

She heard him take a deep breath, but he remained silent. Once again, she fought back tears and blinked rapidly. Jack took one of her hands in his. He reached his other hand up and with a finger, smoothed away the tears.

“Those tears are for me, aren’t they?” he asked and she nodded. Waiting.

“The last word, Irina,” and he stopped. Finally, he gently squeezed her hand and whispered, "After everything.......I love you."

THE END