Stoat 'n' onions
The good news is that I finally managed to get a string of fake onions from Ebay. There can be few disappointments in life more crushing than losing an auction for a string of fake onions on Ebay and realising that there is someone out there who is even more determined to own those artificial alliums. Or perhaps realising that you're the sort of sad person who buys fake onions on Ebay - but anyway, the onions - and a variety of other interesting objects - are now mine, and I can proceed to Friday night fully equipped! And why do I need a string of fake onions?
Some years back, there used to be a television programme called Allo Allo. Some of you may have seen it. I have not, due to a combination of lack of interest in watching television and lack of a television around the time it was popular, but anyway, the premise of this amusing sitcom, for those unfamiliar with it, was that it was set in wartime France and involved the sort of hilarity that only the existential horrors of WWII and mocking foreigners with funny accents can produce. The French characters all speak English, but with French accents, so that you know they're French, and the German characters speak English in German accents and the English characters who are actually supposed to be speaking French, speak English with lots of grammatical mistakes to show that they can't speak French. Got it? No, me neither.
As far as I know the actual programme has long since gone to the great Autumn Schedule in the Sky, but its spirit lives on in the form of Culter Amateur Dramatic Society and its annual onstage recreation in Culter Village Hall. Long story short, Am Dram Soc does performance of elderly BBC Sit Com while the audience sit around and recreate the ambience of a wartime French cafe by dressing in appropriate costume and drinking wine.
Aha! Now you see the appeal! Booze & dressing up. What's not to like?
To this end, and aided and abetted by Ebay, I have gathered together my ensemble of dowdy flowery frock*, hair-net snood**, tights with fake seams up the back***, genuine 1940s stoat-fur**** wrap and my gran's Civil Defence Volunteer***** badge. Not to mention my picnic basket replete with Camembert, pate, fake candle and two bottles of wine. (What - did you think I would have one of those pathetic picnic baskets that only hold one bottle of wine?)
The Husband? He gets a beret and the string of fake onions. I was kind to him, I didn't buy the fake moustache.
* With tiny flower print and short sleeves to use less material, which was rationed.
** Which I am totally digging and will probably wear all the time, because HAT!
*** Think of the effort that went into designing tights that could be made in one piece and didn't need a seam up the back! Now they make 'em in one piece and put fake seams on. Would it not be easier to make them with, I dunno... seams? For genuine authenticity I should have gone for gravy browning and eyeliner pencil.
**** I think that's what it is. It is made from the pelts of many long, very thin animals, but is not mink. However a stoat is just a warm-weather ermine. And stoats weren't rationed during the war. Could've been worse - I could have got one of those wraps made from entire foxes, complete with head, tail and legs. They are very easy to find on Ebay. (foxes weren't rationed either)
***** Which wasn't actually set up until after the war, heigh-ho.
Some years back, there used to be a television programme called Allo Allo. Some of you may have seen it. I have not, due to a combination of lack of interest in watching television and lack of a television around the time it was popular, but anyway, the premise of this amusing sitcom, for those unfamiliar with it, was that it was set in wartime France and involved the sort of hilarity that only the existential horrors of WWII and mocking foreigners with funny accents can produce. The French characters all speak English, but with French accents, so that you know they're French, and the German characters speak English in German accents and the English characters who are actually supposed to be speaking French, speak English with lots of grammatical mistakes to show that they can't speak French. Got it? No, me neither.
As far as I know the actual programme has long since gone to the great Autumn Schedule in the Sky, but its spirit lives on in the form of Culter Amateur Dramatic Society and its annual onstage recreation in Culter Village Hall. Long story short, Am Dram Soc does performance of elderly BBC Sit Com while the audience sit around and recreate the ambience of a wartime French cafe by dressing in appropriate costume and drinking wine.
Aha! Now you see the appeal! Booze & dressing up. What's not to like?
To this end, and aided and abetted by Ebay, I have gathered together my ensemble of dowdy flowery frock*, hair-net snood**, tights with fake seams up the back***, genuine 1940s stoat-fur**** wrap and my gran's Civil Defence Volunteer***** badge. Not to mention my picnic basket replete with Camembert, pate, fake candle and two bottles of wine. (What - did you think I would have one of those pathetic picnic baskets that only hold one bottle of wine?)
The Husband? He gets a beret and the string of fake onions. I was kind to him, I didn't buy the fake moustache.
* With tiny flower print and short sleeves to use less material, which was rationed.
** Which I am totally digging and will probably wear all the time, because HAT!
*** Think of the effort that went into designing tights that could be made in one piece and didn't need a seam up the back! Now they make 'em in one piece and put fake seams on. Would it not be easier to make them with, I dunno... seams? For genuine authenticity I should have gone for gravy browning and eyeliner pencil.
**** I think that's what it is. It is made from the pelts of many long, very thin animals, but is not mink. However a stoat is just a warm-weather ermine. And stoats weren't rationed during the war. Could've been worse - I could have got one of those wraps made from entire foxes, complete with head, tail and legs. They are very easy to find on Ebay. (foxes weren't rationed either)
***** Which wasn't actually set up until after the war, heigh-ho.