One month...
That's all I have left on my visa. One month. And now I am kinda freaking out. See I moved to Wellington a while back, and I figured living near the capital I would be able to get agency work no problem, put some money away and than be laughing when it came time to buy a plane ticket home.
Only that didn't really happen. Sure I've gotten work, but not much. and the bigger contracts, the ones that would have made it possible to buy my ticket and put money away, they are always the ones that seem to go sideways on me. Like this week, I was supposed to have a one year old for four full days, this would have pretty much covered my fight cost, but than on Thursday I get a text, and than a call, and now I have no work this week. Sure there is a chance I can get another contract this week, but so far nothing, and as much as I am trying to stay calm, I'm not sure I can.
I feel so incredibly frustrated because I really thought I could make this work. But instead I find myself spending a lot of time questioning my decisions. I have way too much downtime. Way too much time to think. And it's not going well for me. I thought this would work, I really thought that I could make this work, and now I am realizing what a fool I am. And too late. I always figure these things out too late. If it was a simple matter of sustaining myself here I would be fine, but that damned plane ticket is looming over me, and I cannot find a solution. Or when I think I have found one it doesn't work out. I would love to have more work, love to work more with some of the families I worked for, but simply wanting it doesn't make it happen. I can't wish myself work anymore than I can wish myself money.
So now what?
Just keep swimming I suppose.
Things will work out.
Only that didn't really happen. Sure I've gotten work, but not much. and the bigger contracts, the ones that would have made it possible to buy my ticket and put money away, they are always the ones that seem to go sideways on me. Like this week, I was supposed to have a one year old for four full days, this would have pretty much covered my fight cost, but than on Thursday I get a text, and than a call, and now I have no work this week. Sure there is a chance I can get another contract this week, but so far nothing, and as much as I am trying to stay calm, I'm not sure I can.
I feel so incredibly frustrated because I really thought I could make this work. But instead I find myself spending a lot of time questioning my decisions. I have way too much downtime. Way too much time to think. And it's not going well for me. I thought this would work, I really thought that I could make this work, and now I am realizing what a fool I am. And too late. I always figure these things out too late. If it was a simple matter of sustaining myself here I would be fine, but that damned plane ticket is looming over me, and I cannot find a solution. Or when I think I have found one it doesn't work out. I would love to have more work, love to work more with some of the families I worked for, but simply wanting it doesn't make it happen. I can't wish myself work anymore than I can wish myself money.
So now what?
Just keep swimming I suppose.
Things will work out.