2009
this actually has nothing to do with new years all im really posting for is that im tired of helping other people when they clearly do not give a fuck and bring shit upon themselves. its wasted a big portion of my life. i need to focus on me and only me. i mean if a friend of mine needs something im always there but jesus fucking christ im sick of hearing the same story over and fucking over again. ive been way more of an asshole lately and to be honest it doesn't feel great but i feel like it HAS to be done and it feels better than not being an asshole and feeling like ive been walked on. i know that means that i probably have more wrong deep down and ill figure it out eventually but overall i have shit built up that ill let out if i have to.
basically the straw that broke the shit-fuck's ass is a friend of mine that ive never really hung out with needed somewhere to go so i invited her to this new years party and she sees this guy there that shes done stuff with and supposedly regrets but then she keeps telling me how she wants to hook up with him but knows she shouldnt and then OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE she tells me she wants to do cocaine! shes never drank or anything ever and she got drunk and chain smoked like crazy and i really do think thats her first time doing anything because she tells me tons of shit i didnt even want to know in the first place and would probably tell me that. but yeah its like why the fuck do i care if she does cocaine and hooks up with this guy for the 80th time? seriously i dont give a fuck or feel bad for her even a little she brings this shit upon herself and nothing i say makes any difference at all to her. so then i drive her 20 minutes out of my way(40 minutes round trip) to bring her home and she was so unappreciative and kind of bitchy to me like its something that i wanted to do because i really fucking didnt. its not like its "oh no big deal id rather you be safe!". i mean i didnt want her to get in an accident obviously but i did not fucking WANT to bring her home. the only reason i invited her was because i didnt think shed get drunk. to be fair she wasnt hammered but if she drove through a police check shed have been fucked. but there have been countless people guys and girls who ive tried to help with shit that just dont give a fuck.
new paragraph. the conclusion ive come to is that people need to learn shit for themselves to make them into themselves. everything thats happened to people makes them who they are today and things will keep happening to change them to who theyll be in the future. nothing you say or do is going to change them from being stupid. they will keep being stupid and even if they know it theyll keep acting that way until theyve done it too much.
this has nothing to do with anything but if i started smoking i know i could quit people are just fucking weak. i hate sounding like a lame ass straight edge scene kid with wrist bands from hot topic all over my whole body but if you cant quit something it just makes you weak. plain and simple. 12 step program is bullshit because it requires you to believe in god and well there is no god, and also because well think about it. you have to admit youre powerless over your addiction and the only way to stop is to believe in a "higher power" but everybody believes in a different higher power when they use this program so its kind of just a mind trick with a very low success rate. my dads on that bullshit and for like 8 years its worked but seriously? hes so fucking lame now. all he talks about it going to meetings and god and 12 steps and shit every time i fucking talk to him. he doesn't make dick jokes and make fun of people for things they cant control. hes not himself. i mean maybe that stuffs wrong but that should be a different problem. alcoholism isnt a disease. cancer is a disease. alcoholism is just a way of saying youre weak and cant drink just a little.
but ive also decided to stop being lazy because i know i have been lazy in my life. ive been going to bed earlier(not tonight but i mean come on its new years) and i dont leave the house any earlier but thats not really my fault but i feel way better than waking up and going out within an hour. i should be going to bed now but i have tons of shit on my mind.
all i know is that i feel hateful inside which doesnt feel that good but i feel great letting it out. im kind of a shit talker now but everything i say is true. lots of people have a lame brand of humor that i pretend is funny around them but in all seriousness its really not. i love my friends that ive made this year. a lot of people dont love us even though when talking about us they specifically always say "except cameron and dee" we still hate them. basically if i dont know you i dont care what happens to you. i dont give money to bums or charities anymore (unless its very convenient) and i only worry about people i care about. i love people i care about and kind of hate everybody else
im always nice to people because i was always afraid but letting 21 years bottled up hate out for the past few months and feeling awesome and kinda bad about it overall feels..... awesome =]
basically the straw that broke the shit-fuck's ass is a friend of mine that ive never really hung out with needed somewhere to go so i invited her to this new years party and she sees this guy there that shes done stuff with and supposedly regrets but then she keeps telling me how she wants to hook up with him but knows she shouldnt and then OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE she tells me she wants to do cocaine! shes never drank or anything ever and she got drunk and chain smoked like crazy and i really do think thats her first time doing anything because she tells me tons of shit i didnt even want to know in the first place and would probably tell me that. but yeah its like why the fuck do i care if she does cocaine and hooks up with this guy for the 80th time? seriously i dont give a fuck or feel bad for her even a little she brings this shit upon herself and nothing i say makes any difference at all to her. so then i drive her 20 minutes out of my way(40 minutes round trip) to bring her home and she was so unappreciative and kind of bitchy to me like its something that i wanted to do because i really fucking didnt. its not like its "oh no big deal id rather you be safe!". i mean i didnt want her to get in an accident obviously but i did not fucking WANT to bring her home. the only reason i invited her was because i didnt think shed get drunk. to be fair she wasnt hammered but if she drove through a police check shed have been fucked. but there have been countless people guys and girls who ive tried to help with shit that just dont give a fuck.
new paragraph. the conclusion ive come to is that people need to learn shit for themselves to make them into themselves. everything thats happened to people makes them who they are today and things will keep happening to change them to who theyll be in the future. nothing you say or do is going to change them from being stupid. they will keep being stupid and even if they know it theyll keep acting that way until theyve done it too much.
this has nothing to do with anything but if i started smoking i know i could quit people are just fucking weak. i hate sounding like a lame ass straight edge scene kid with wrist bands from hot topic all over my whole body but if you cant quit something it just makes you weak. plain and simple. 12 step program is bullshit because it requires you to believe in god and well there is no god, and also because well think about it. you have to admit youre powerless over your addiction and the only way to stop is to believe in a "higher power" but everybody believes in a different higher power when they use this program so its kind of just a mind trick with a very low success rate. my dads on that bullshit and for like 8 years its worked but seriously? hes so fucking lame now. all he talks about it going to meetings and god and 12 steps and shit every time i fucking talk to him. he doesn't make dick jokes and make fun of people for things they cant control. hes not himself. i mean maybe that stuffs wrong but that should be a different problem. alcoholism isnt a disease. cancer is a disease. alcoholism is just a way of saying youre weak and cant drink just a little.
but ive also decided to stop being lazy because i know i have been lazy in my life. ive been going to bed earlier(not tonight but i mean come on its new years) and i dont leave the house any earlier but thats not really my fault but i feel way better than waking up and going out within an hour. i should be going to bed now but i have tons of shit on my mind.
all i know is that i feel hateful inside which doesnt feel that good but i feel great letting it out. im kind of a shit talker now but everything i say is true. lots of people have a lame brand of humor that i pretend is funny around them but in all seriousness its really not. i love my friends that ive made this year. a lot of people dont love us even though when talking about us they specifically always say "except cameron and dee" we still hate them. basically if i dont know you i dont care what happens to you. i dont give money to bums or charities anymore (unless its very convenient) and i only worry about people i care about. i love people i care about and kind of hate everybody else
im always nice to people because i was always afraid but letting 21 years bottled up hate out for the past few months and feeling awesome and kinda bad about it overall feels..... awesome =]