In both American and British senses.
I find myself alone in my room in the middle of the day with nothing to do, and so, in opposition of sleep, I will write a post. That last part could have been left out. You all should know by now that I'm writing a journal entry. And now I'm dwelling on it.
I'll optimistically assume that at least some of you are concerned with my current well-being, or at the very least, state-of-being. I continue to exist, despite the best efforts of absolutely no-one at all. Classes are tolerable. I'm passing everything for certain, and look to retain the Hope scholarship, which is really all anyone can ask of me at this point. That being said, my learning levels have stagnated into a cycle of memorization and regurgitation. There simply isn't enough relevant or new information in my courses this year to make me terribly concerned with them. But, as some of you may know, I'm finishing my core classes up this semester. After this, I'm on my own. To seek my fortunes how I see fit. And my options are growing, though not from many great possiblities but from no great possiblities. I'm still considering philosophy as a major, and I have a feeling that it will be at least a minor for anything I do. It's a part of me that needs more input and derserves more output. I'm also considering journalism, whether that be as a radio dj, a columnist of some sort, or as a telecommunications major so I can go work for Williams Street. This last is, to be quite frank, my favorite of my options at the moment.
On a more personal level, I'm feeling towards the down end of things. I'll admit that this is partially due to the rather disappointing election turnout, but that's over and done with and there's nothing more to do but continue seeking change in less election-related ways. The majority of my ill-feeling comes from a regression I feel in my character. My personality seems to be shifting back to who I was in middle school and elementary. I find myself unwilling to stand in line, I become intensely panicked in large crowds, I feel very uncomfortable talking to new people, I become intensely and inexplicably unhappy at social gatherings. I'm afraid that what I now recognize as the social dysfunctions of my youth are once again pervading on my life. And I'm unsure what to do about it. To sum it up, I feel intensely lonely (at times. Tuesday night was one such.) and yet it becomes increasingly difficult for me to remedy this situation. I even find myself shying away from my closer friends out of pure anxiety and... a sense of discomfort? And I'm not sure the internet helps.
EDIT: To follow a trend and make myself feel better... a kitten.
I'll optimistically assume that at least some of you are concerned with my current well-being, or at the very least, state-of-being. I continue to exist, despite the best efforts of absolutely no-one at all. Classes are tolerable. I'm passing everything for certain, and look to retain the Hope scholarship, which is really all anyone can ask of me at this point. That being said, my learning levels have stagnated into a cycle of memorization and regurgitation. There simply isn't enough relevant or new information in my courses this year to make me terribly concerned with them. But, as some of you may know, I'm finishing my core classes up this semester. After this, I'm on my own. To seek my fortunes how I see fit. And my options are growing, though not from many great possiblities but from no great possiblities. I'm still considering philosophy as a major, and I have a feeling that it will be at least a minor for anything I do. It's a part of me that needs more input and derserves more output. I'm also considering journalism, whether that be as a radio dj, a columnist of some sort, or as a telecommunications major so I can go work for Williams Street. This last is, to be quite frank, my favorite of my options at the moment.
On a more personal level, I'm feeling towards the down end of things. I'll admit that this is partially due to the rather disappointing election turnout, but that's over and done with and there's nothing more to do but continue seeking change in less election-related ways. The majority of my ill-feeling comes from a regression I feel in my character. My personality seems to be shifting back to who I was in middle school and elementary. I find myself unwilling to stand in line, I become intensely panicked in large crowds, I feel very uncomfortable talking to new people, I become intensely and inexplicably unhappy at social gatherings. I'm afraid that what I now recognize as the social dysfunctions of my youth are once again pervading on my life. And I'm unsure what to do about it. To sum it up, I feel intensely lonely (at times. Tuesday night was one such.) and yet it becomes increasingly difficult for me to remedy this situation. I even find myself shying away from my closer friends out of pure anxiety and... a sense of discomfort? And I'm not sure the internet helps.
EDIT: To follow a trend and make myself feel better... a kitten.