I need proof.
I need proof now. I need you to show me because I don't really believe what you tell me. I miss this. I miss what we used to have. I feel like we're forcing it. I feel like I'm forcing it. I wanted all of this so badly, that I've already forgotten what it felt like in the beginning. I need to know. I want to know. But I guess that's what has gotten me where I am today. I need to know too much. That's my problem. I can't just let things happen. Something new has come up. Let's try. But don't say "I love you." You don't know what love is. I don't know what love is. Is it that thing that makes you irrational? Does it make you so unselfish that all you think about is the other person? Is it that thing that makes you feel really good and really bad at the same time? A simultaneous longing and fulfillment? It's the rollercoaster butterflies without the rollercoaster? I want to be excited to see you. I want to get dressed up and have awkward conversations with you. Because, I know that the awkward conversations make for the best memories. Because I know that when I do see you, time will fly by like no tomorrow. I want to love you like I used to. A naive love where I trusted you completely, without a doubt in my mind. A love that I would have moved mountains and crossed oceans to get to you. A love that no one could ever come between. A love that could make a hug the best part of the day. I want that. Is that so much to ask? It's a bit overwhelming. I know that. But really, that's what I want. And I'd be thankful to have it. I know that. Before I felt like you validated me, but really that's not true. I know that. I don't need you, but I like having you around.
"Let it go."
It's over already.
"You've won."
Then why does it feel like I've lost?
"She doesn't even care anymore."
Who gives a flying fuck about how she feels?
"I'm sorry."
I'm sorry, too, and in more ways than you will ever know.