It Was a Mistake
Me, Chris L., Dusty.
We had hung out. Chris and Dusty are roommates. I became a defacto roommate due to my omnipresence in their lives. We became friends. Dusty was a slob. Me and Chris and Dusty planned to get a 3/3, three bedroom three bathroom, apt next year but Dusty was a slob. Me and Chris would get a 2/2 unless he cleaned up. We became assholes to him. We told him to clean up. We continued being dicks.
Dusty cleaned up.
Chris L gets very drunk one night and spits at me and Dusty and takes swings at us. We decide to not get a 3/3 and me and Dusty would get a 2/2. There were obviously repressed feelings here. The next morning, L apologizes, putting some blame on the weed of a friend of mine, saying it must have been tainted with sick shit to make him act all crazy. It wasn't. He just harboured awful feelings at Dusty.
A few weeks later, Chris P comes into the mix. Me and Dusty will get a 3/3 with him instead.
Chris L, totally sober, yells at Dusty, saying he would spit at him again and he would hit him because Dusty is a pussy. This solidifies that we won't live with him. I remain friends with Chris L but don't mention this to him. This was a mistake.
Today, me and Chris P and Dusty sign up for the 3/3 and put out money down. I tell Chris L, though I had been warming him up to the idea of this for about a week, and he flips out. I haven't spoken to him in a day.
We have 3 classes together.
Tomorrow, we have a test. I'm going to tell him to wait outside if he finishes before me.
I will tell him that we need to get this out of the way because the longer it goes without speaking, the worse it's gonna be. I will tell him that I don't know if I did wrong, but I know for a fact that I didn't do right. I will tell him that I don't know if there was a right in all of this. Could we have gotten two 2/2s? Possibly. But I wouldn't have been happy. Or maybe I would have. I don't know. But I didn't do right. And because he's my friend, and because I betrayed our friendship, I apologize. In highschool, I thought he was an asshole. Him and his whole group of popular white males who would go out and get drunk and have sex with blonde whores angered me to no extant. I was always weird to them. I hated them all. This year though, we hang out and I realize that he isn't like the rest. He has the ability for compassion, for kindness, for real friendship. All I got, all I can truly pride myself in, is that I'm loyal. To all my friends, I'm loyal. I'll sooner take a bullet for them than yell duck and maybe have them get shot, metaphorically of course. And in this situation, to Chris L, someone who IS my friend, I was less than loyal. And that, is dirty. That isn't friendship. That is rude and wrong and for that, I am truly sorry. But this doesn't change that to me, he's my friend. And the situation, our social situation with Dusty and Chris P shouldn't be no different. And Chris, I am again truly sorry for being an awful friend this time. And if he needs his space to reconcile in his mind and calm down, that's fine. I'll be on the other side of class. But when he's okay, if he doesn't want to, we never have to talk about this again.
I'll then we'll man hug and I'll make him look me in the eye when I tell him that he encompasses the qualities of a true friend.
But the thing is, this is a kid who doesn't have a range of emotions, or rather he doesn't display them. He's happy, nothing, or angry. And he gets angry at the smallest things, and that's something I can't live with. I walk on egg shells with him and treat him with kid gloves, not because I'm scared or shit, but because he's a friend and I don't want him upset. He seems like he always gets his way, that people bend for him. That's not my nature. I'll compromise, I won't bend. I'm sad that I hurt my friend. He's probably angry. Is that justified? Yeah. But Jesus Christ, I'm gonna tear up tomorrow talking to him and he won't even show that. He'll stay stony faced. I guess it's his character, but he should show some more range. I don't know.
I can't room with him because he spends his time in his room talking to his girlfriend. Is he a cool guy? Yeah. I love hanging out with him and playing video games. Could he get out more, though? Yes. We've all made some sort of connection outside of our small threesome, me and Dusty, all of us except Chris L. I don't want to be his best friend here. I don't want the burden of calming an angry beast. I don't want the solution to crying over heartache to be to say fuck it, have some beer and find a girl to fuck. I can't room with him alone and I should have said that. I betrayed him hardcore and I feel like shit. But I did what would bring me the greatest pleasure, I think. And I think that was a mistake too.
But really, it was a mistake to not tell Chris two days ago that I was getting a 3/3 with Chris P and Dusty when it was finally decided.
But the thing is, I would get a 2/2 with Chris P before I got a 2/2 with Dusty. So that would leave him and dusty with 1/1s. So me and P took in Dusty, essentially. I dunno. It's all so confusing and I'm actually a little bit scared for my physical safety tomorrow.
We had hung out. Chris and Dusty are roommates. I became a defacto roommate due to my omnipresence in their lives. We became friends. Dusty was a slob. Me and Chris and Dusty planned to get a 3/3, three bedroom three bathroom, apt next year but Dusty was a slob. Me and Chris would get a 2/2 unless he cleaned up. We became assholes to him. We told him to clean up. We continued being dicks.
Dusty cleaned up.
Chris L gets very drunk one night and spits at me and Dusty and takes swings at us. We decide to not get a 3/3 and me and Dusty would get a 2/2. There were obviously repressed feelings here. The next morning, L apologizes, putting some blame on the weed of a friend of mine, saying it must have been tainted with sick shit to make him act all crazy. It wasn't. He just harboured awful feelings at Dusty.
A few weeks later, Chris P comes into the mix. Me and Dusty will get a 3/3 with him instead.
Chris L, totally sober, yells at Dusty, saying he would spit at him again and he would hit him because Dusty is a pussy. This solidifies that we won't live with him. I remain friends with Chris L but don't mention this to him. This was a mistake.
Today, me and Chris P and Dusty sign up for the 3/3 and put out money down. I tell Chris L, though I had been warming him up to the idea of this for about a week, and he flips out. I haven't spoken to him in a day.
We have 3 classes together.
Tomorrow, we have a test. I'm going to tell him to wait outside if he finishes before me.
I will tell him that we need to get this out of the way because the longer it goes without speaking, the worse it's gonna be. I will tell him that I don't know if I did wrong, but I know for a fact that I didn't do right. I will tell him that I don't know if there was a right in all of this. Could we have gotten two 2/2s? Possibly. But I wouldn't have been happy. Or maybe I would have. I don't know. But I didn't do right. And because he's my friend, and because I betrayed our friendship, I apologize. In highschool, I thought he was an asshole. Him and his whole group of popular white males who would go out and get drunk and have sex with blonde whores angered me to no extant. I was always weird to them. I hated them all. This year though, we hang out and I realize that he isn't like the rest. He has the ability for compassion, for kindness, for real friendship. All I got, all I can truly pride myself in, is that I'm loyal. To all my friends, I'm loyal. I'll sooner take a bullet for them than yell duck and maybe have them get shot, metaphorically of course. And in this situation, to Chris L, someone who IS my friend, I was less than loyal. And that, is dirty. That isn't friendship. That is rude and wrong and for that, I am truly sorry. But this doesn't change that to me, he's my friend. And the situation, our social situation with Dusty and Chris P shouldn't be no different. And Chris, I am again truly sorry for being an awful friend this time. And if he needs his space to reconcile in his mind and calm down, that's fine. I'll be on the other side of class. But when he's okay, if he doesn't want to, we never have to talk about this again.
I'll then we'll man hug and I'll make him look me in the eye when I tell him that he encompasses the qualities of a true friend.
But the thing is, this is a kid who doesn't have a range of emotions, or rather he doesn't display them. He's happy, nothing, or angry. And he gets angry at the smallest things, and that's something I can't live with. I walk on egg shells with him and treat him with kid gloves, not because I'm scared or shit, but because he's a friend and I don't want him upset. He seems like he always gets his way, that people bend for him. That's not my nature. I'll compromise, I won't bend. I'm sad that I hurt my friend. He's probably angry. Is that justified? Yeah. But Jesus Christ, I'm gonna tear up tomorrow talking to him and he won't even show that. He'll stay stony faced. I guess it's his character, but he should show some more range. I don't know.
I can't room with him because he spends his time in his room talking to his girlfriend. Is he a cool guy? Yeah. I love hanging out with him and playing video games. Could he get out more, though? Yes. We've all made some sort of connection outside of our small threesome, me and Dusty, all of us except Chris L. I don't want to be his best friend here. I don't want the burden of calming an angry beast. I don't want the solution to crying over heartache to be to say fuck it, have some beer and find a girl to fuck. I can't room with him alone and I should have said that. I betrayed him hardcore and I feel like shit. But I did what would bring me the greatest pleasure, I think. And I think that was a mistake too.
But really, it was a mistake to not tell Chris two days ago that I was getting a 3/3 with Chris P and Dusty when it was finally decided.
But the thing is, I would get a 2/2 with Chris P before I got a 2/2 with Dusty. So that would leave him and dusty with 1/1s. So me and P took in Dusty, essentially. I dunno. It's all so confusing and I'm actually a little bit scared for my physical safety tomorrow.