[Fic] The Love You Kept Inside (pt. 3) - for themadlurker

[solstice_mods]

Title: The Love You Kept Inside
Author: Anonymous
Recipient: themadlurker
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Hunith/Nimueh (other pairings mentioned), Merlin and Gaius
Warnings: Reference to character death (canon and OCs); grieving, miscarriage, one scene of a lesbian character having sex with a man.
Spoilers: Only through the end of series one. (Not fully compliant

Comments

[themadlurker]

Wow.

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for writing this. I figured it was probably the prompt that was least likely to get picked up, but I have wanted so badly to have fic that dealt with Nimueh in just this way. I love the way you've complicated the moral issues and brought out the many perspectives on what happened and that you've made absolutely everyone human and flawed, that the arguments between Hunith and Nimueh felt difficult and real, that they both had good reasons, all along the way. I love the way that their different relationships with magic affects the way they relate to each other and I love the way Hunith's feelings for Nimueh are tangled up with the way she's drawn to magic, but sometimes as contradictory forces. I love how complex you've made everything, that there are no easy answers, not about Nimueh's feelings, or her fate, not even at the end, especially not at the end.

And Hunith. Oh, how I love your Hunith. I can't get over the wonderful backstory you've given her, from her family to her training at Camelot to her actions during the Purge and after. I love her determination and her confidence and her sense of herself, the way she goes after what she wants. And then her caution and her care for the people she loves and the difficult choices she has to make as a result. And the way she owns those choices, the good and the bad. And then this --

"This isn't right," she would say, imagining Nimueh standing beside her. "We mustn't stand for this." It was her job to write down the villagers' answers, and she made them stronger - sometimes by winning a debate, sometimes just by picking a better word.

-- which makes me think that this is a Hunith I can see coming to Camelot to speak for her village in Moment of Truth, someone who's earned herself a valued voice, and learned to direct her determination in the small ways she can.

The affection between Merlin and Hunith made me so happy, from getting to see more of Merlin's feelings for his mother, right from the beginning, to his confused determination not to press her for information, and how torn she is by what he's done. That moment when Hunith wakes to find that Merlin has fallen asleep while sitting up with her is so lovely and wrenching at the same time. I love what the connection between Merlin and Nimueh turns out to be; it's everything I could've hoped for, with those sweet moments with baby!Merlin and learning magic, and then the best part for me was seeing it framed so that neither of them know, which is sort of painful and wonderful all at the same time. I love that line about his birth -- "Born into the cold, like all the children of May." -- and how fitting it is, it seemed, for their whole story.

And, maybe this seems like a small point, but, it just filled me with geeky glee that you made a play on the names Nimueh/Viviane. The confusion about the various Nimues/Nenives/Viviens/etc. is a topic I am ridiculously fond of and reading "They called her Viviane" actually caused me to stop breathing for a moment in my joy. Anyway.

Mostly, I'm just amazed and awed by this whole story. And feeling so lucky to have had it written, so much better than I could have hoped or imagined. Thank you. ♥

[sophinisba]

So this was, like, it got posted late on the evening of the 27th and I had to leave for the airport early on the morning of the 28th to visit baranduin and others for a week and wasn't sure if I'd have any Internet access while I was there, and I pretty much didn't sleep that night, but then when I was at her house and this came in we were pretty amazed, and she was like, "Whoa, that's not an LJ comment, that's a Letter of Comment," an LoC out of the zine days of yore. This and then the post at your journal, after a lot of weeks of anxiety, just really thrilled me and made me feel like it was worth it (I mean it would have been anyway because it was so much fun to write, but made me feel like I'd accomplished what I set out to do) and that was so, so, great. So thank you so much for this.

Okay, about things in the fic. Hunith/Nimueh, yes. Hunith's been one of my favorite characters on the show from her first appearance and to be honest Nimueh was one of my least favorite when I watched it, but seeing other people's fanworks and discussions has brought me around to seeing that she's got her own reasons for doing things, so that was a pleasure, to look at her motivations and to see why someone would fall in love with her, but not definitively coming down on the side of Hunith (and personal love and loyalty, where my natural sympathies lie) or Nimueh (loyalty to a cause, which is more something I tend to admire in others). Yay, flaws and ambiguity, I'm so happy we were on the same wavelength as far as wanting those things.

And then the love between Hunith and Merlin, omg, I love the affection between them in canon so very much, but it had to be complicated because Merlin tends to look at her just as his mother (whom he loves!) and not as a real person with her own story and her own desires. The idea that Merlin and Nimueh would both go through all of that with out knowing was really kind of awful but I didn't see how else I could do it and still make some effort toward (season 1) canon compliance, so that was how that happened. Anyway, I'm really pleased that you pointed out the scene where Merlin's fallen asleep because that's maybe the one that meant the most to me and I'm happy that the emotion in it came across and worked for you

...And I have said more and will say more at that other post, because boy can I ramble about this, but I wanted to say again thanks so much for the opportunity and for your feedback. It's been really wonderful.