Really Late Haiti Fic

[fiiishy]

Title: “I Suck, Sorry For Taking So Long, robinmarian”
Author: meee
Rating: G!
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Gwen with a really weird and random Morgana and brief cameo by Merlin
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: I DISCLAIM EVERYTHING
Summary: Modern day AU crack. Arthur and Gwen's first date at the movies. Except not.
Author’s notes: I SUCK IM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG. For robinmarian who wanted Arthur and Gwen going to the movies and something going wrong and stuff. This was originally for the Haiti Thingy-A-Thongy, but its so late it might as well be a random surprise present to you lol. SORRY SORRY.

Crack crack crack although, less than it originally had lol. Believe it or not, this was the version that made sense.

Also, I actually had this fic betaread! Thank you starry_laa for your grammar skills, English-ness, and the color-coded fail marks you used for me :-P



Arthur arrived at the cinema first and checked his watch. He was early by fifteen minutes.

“Perfect,” he murmured to himself. It was in Gwen's nature to be early for everything by at least ten minutes, so he really hoped that all the effort and personal sacrifice he went through just to pull five minutes ahead would make an impression on her. Arthur never missed a football match on TV. Never. And technically, he still never had, but missing the post-game highlights and the interview with the coach had caused Arthur actual, physical pain.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and loitered idly by the entrance to the box office, trying to figure out when, exactly, he had fallen so hard for this girl that he had to draft an actual plan of attack for his first date.

A cold breeze blew past him and the collar of his shirt flapped upwards, scratching against his chin. He looked down at his shirt, buttoned almost nearly to the top, and frowned. Arthur hated feeling so trapped in his clothes with his collar pressing against his neck, but Morgana had insisted that his usual 3-buttons-open style made him look like a cocky, contemptible arse.

Arthur looked around cautiously, then glanced down at his shirt again.

Whatever, he thought. He looked good with the top buttons open. Arthur worked out regularly, and it took him a damn long time to finally grow some decent chest hair. He was going to wear his bloody shirt the way he bloody wanted.

Casually, he flicked the top three buttons open and adjusted the shirt to his liking. His sister had threatened that she would know if he tried to unbutton the buttons, but it wasn't like she was mad enough to follow him all the way to the -

“I told you not to do that!”

Arthur jumped out of his skin and swiveled around to find Morgana standing right behind him, her hands on her hips and her foot tapping disapprovingly.

“What are you - have you gone mental!?”

“Have you!?,” Morgana snorted and buttoned his shirt up again, somehow completely dodging all his attempts at pushing her away. “Are you trying to sabotage your date with Gwen on purpose?”

“How is three buttons going to ruin anything?” He pulled away from her and tugged at the neck of his shirt. Her glare made him stop.

“I told you, you look like a smarmy-”

“Just - what the hell do you think you're doing here, anyway!?” Arthur demanded.

“I...need to buy something,” she said simply and pointed at the ridiculously overpriced imported handbag shop that just happened to be next door to the cinema complex.

Arthur's eye narrowed. “You do not need to buy anything.”

“What do you mean? I always need to buy something.”

She had him there. Morgana's credit card was practically deformed from its almost daily workouts.

“Well, then, go!” Arthur prodded her in the direction of the shop, but despite being roughly half his size, she didn't budge. Morgana had apparently rooted herself into the concrete sidewalk just to harass him.

“Hang on, I just want to make sure you're ready,” she said. “You're dating my best friend in the whole world, so if you mess this up and - ”

“Why do you keep saying I'm going to - ”

“ - make things weird between us, I will seriously kill you.”

“I'm not going to - ”
“I bet you all the liquor hidden in my room that this date will be a shambles if you don't listen to me.”

“I - really?!” That was a lot of alcohol.

“Yeah!”

“Oh, bugger off,” Arthur scowled. “Before Gwen sees you!”

“If you hurt her - “

”Morgana!”

“Fine!” She threw up her hands in a dramatic display of defeat. “Fine, I'll go. Just one question. What film are you seeing?”

“None of your business.”

“Look, I promise I'll stay out of it! I'm just curious.”

Arthur had actually put a good deal of thought into that bit, because it had to be a film Gwen would like, but at the same time one that he could actually stay awake for so that they could talk about it afterwards.

It was a tough decision, despite him having built a sort of friendship before finally braving his sister's wrath and boldly asking Gwen out on a date. Morgana had been taking too long in the bathroom at the time, and using the hair dryer so she couldn't hear. Still, Arthur thought it was a courageous feat all the same. More importantly, Gwen thought so as well. He'd since compiled a mental list of things Gwen liked: bravery, kindness, flowers, tennis, traveling through Wales...it went on and on.

Unfortunately, there weren't many films about brave, kind tennis players picking flowers in Wales. In all honesty, he would have rather had his date at his own home. It was what he usually did with most girls, since the Pendragon estate was an experience all in itself, but Gwen wasn't most girls. She was not one to be impressed by showing off material possessions, and besides that, she'd already spent plenty of time at his house with Morgana. It was a shame. There was also a really good miniseries, a medieval war epic The Flaming Swords of Idirsholas, on TV that night. Not that he thought Gwen would be interested in watching swords clang against armor for hours, either.

He basically had three choices. There was Hearts of Mercia a sappy romance that Gwen might have appreciated, which had to have love-type things in the somewhere, and he figured that a film with that title would involve copious amounts of flowers as well”. However, best case scenario, that film did not drive him to beat himself into unconsciousness. Worst case scenario, he'd probably just fall asleep and ruin it for her by snoring loudly over the sticky-sweet dialogue. There was also a wicked zombie film premiering, but he doubted Gwen would be interested. He needed a compromise, something that was romantic, but at the same time was at least vaguely interesting or perhaps, hopefully, funny.

“Destiny and Chicken,” he said, proud of his achievement in critical thinking.

Morgana's brow furrowed. “What - that romantic comedy? Where that guy is under a love spell and does crazy things for that girl?”

“Yeah.”

“That looks so dumb.”

Arthur shrugged. “Gwen would like it. It's all..romantic or something. It's also supposed to be funny.” And Gwen had a really nice laugh.

Morgana didn't seem convinced. She pursed her lips skeptically. “Are you sure? Because Gwen - ”

“Hey, you promised you'd stay out of it!”

“I lied. Shocking?”

“Oh, yes,” Arthur said dryly.

“But frankly, I don't think Gwen...”

Whatever she was saying never processed in his brain because at the corner of the street, Arthur saw a bus pull up to the stop. The number four bus. Gwen's bus. “Morgana, please, would you kindly get lost!?”

“All right, I'm going,” Morgana finally gave in. “Just...remember what I said.”

“I won't mess anything up.”

“No, I mean about the film -”

“Get out of here!” Arthur pleaded. “Please!”

“I - just, don't unbutton your shirt!” she called over her shoulder as Arthur grabbed her by the arm and steered her away. She hurried into the bag shop, just as Gwen stepped off the bus.

Arthur watched as she turned to thank the bus driver before he drove off. He grinned and waved her over. He'd offered to pick her up at her flat, but she insisted that she lived too far away, in the less affluent section of the city, for him to drive all the way over. He suspected her hesitance to get a ride also had something to do with the fact that a Mercedes Benz in her area wouldn't last two seconds standing still, but he honestly didn't care. Or at least, he'd have had her jump into the car while it was still moving.

But Gwen had been adamant. She wanted to take the bus. Arthur wasn't used to having his usual date arsenal at his disposal. His money, his car, his mansion, Gwen was not impressed with any of it. It made him feel vulnerable, like a knight without a sword. Though she did agree to go out with him. He'd passed her test somehow.

As Gwen walked over, he found himself staring. He swore that the wind picked up and the sun shined brighter, like a scene straight out of Hearts of Mercia, blowing her hair away from her soft neck and pulling the fabric of her sweater against her curve -

There was a sudden movement in the corner of his eye, and Arthur glanced over at the shop next door. Morgana stood in the window, glaringly obvious to anyone who happened to be looking in that general direction, waving both hands at him frantically. She mouthed, Stop staring, you idiot!

“Gwen,” he greeted, feeling his face flush in embarrassment.

“Hi, Arthur,” Gwen smiled. “I'm sorry if I'm late.”

“You're not late,” Arthur said quickly. “Ten minutes early, actually.”

“And you're even earlier. I didn't know you could be early for anything, Pendragon,” she teased lightly.

She noticed. Wicked. That three second teasing tone in her voice was worth more than three hours of postgame highlights.

“So, shall we go in?” He held the door open for her and she smiled at him, thanking him silently. Arthur shot a triumphant look at the bag shop. Morgana was gone from the window, and instead some little old lady looked at him oddly. He quickly ducked into the cinema.

“I was thinking we'd see Destiny and Chicken,” he said.

Gwen blinked in surprise. “That one about the love spell?”

“Yeah, it looks...” Horrible. Boring. Stupid. Corny. “...funny.”

It was impossible to gauge her reaction. Whatever her initial expression was, it was replaced in no time by a bright smile that temporarily made him forget what they were talking about.

“Yes, it does,” Gwen said slowly.

“I, er, yeah, uh. So...” he motioned vaguely to where the ticket ripper was glaring at patrons as if they were an inconvenience to him.

The first thing he thought upon entering was that it was hot. It wasn't particularly chilly, but it seemed the building was trying to prepare itself for the next ice age. Gwen didn't seem to notice, but Arthur found his fingers inching closer to the tight buttons across his chest and neck. But then he had the sudden image of his sister, marching straight into the cinema quoting fashion magazine articles and buttoning his shirt the way it was.

He dropped his hands. Gwen saw the sudden movement and looked at him curiously. In an attempt to cover it up, he smoothly tucked his hands in his pockets.

“Hang on, I've got the tickets already,” he said. Arthur had gotten them online, to save him the trouble of battling Gwen over who bought them. He'd already lost the first time, trying to pick Gwen up from her house.

“Oh, you didn't have to...” Gwen said, as he predicted she would.

“I know. I wanted to,” he said, still rummaging through every fold of his clothing.

Arthur couldn't find the tickets, and he was sent into a mild panic. Did he leave them at home? In the car? Were they in his other - oh, God, they were in his other pair of trousers. He blushed furiously.

“I left the tickets at home.” His voice came out like a squeak.

“Are you sure?” Gwen pulled out her mobile. “Let's ask Morgana to check.”

“No!” Arthur cried, but it was too late. Gwen had his bloody sister on speed dial. He didn't even know people actually took the effort to program their speed dials, and there she was, pressing ‘2’ and ‘Send’ before Arthur could even speak.

Suddenly, they heard a familiar guitar riff of an angry feminist rock band coming from near the entrance of the cinema. Arthur's blood bubbled in fury as he saw Morgana, who had been hiding behind a large newspaper, leap behind a large cardboard cut-out for the new Godzilla movie. He desperately hoped that Gwen wouldn't notice the glowy-eyed 3-D Godzilla was wearing blue heels.

“Did you just hear - ?”

“No!” Arthur yelped, before she could even finish her question.

“I could have sworn I just heard Morgana's ringtone,” Gwen said, confused. She was looking around, but Morgana at least had the brains to stay put and pull her foot up.

“That's mad,” Arthur said. “I mean, not that you're mad. I'm just saying. You hang out with her too much, if you're hearing her ringtone everywhere.”

“I suppose,” she said, pocketing her phone. “Well, she's not answering at any rate. Went to voice mail.”

“It's okay,” Arthur assured her. “We don't want her coming here with the tickets anyway. We don't want her coming here at all. Ever. Because if I saw her here for any reason and she somehow ruined this date for us, I would tell dad about that thing she keeps in her bottom drawer.”

He said the last bit loudly, in the general direction of the Godzilla display, so that it could be heard even over the droning of the semi-crowded box office queues. Some people stared. Gwen looked at him like a second head had sprouted from his neck.

“Um. Okay.”

“Er...”

“Anyway...” Gwen reached out and rubbed his arm reassuringly. “Don't worry about it. I've got it.”

“No, no, no, I'll just buy new ones - “

“Don't be silly, you've already bought the tickets. My turn,” Gwen pulled her ragged wallet from her bag. “Let's get in the queue.”

It was too late to talk her out of it. His only chance, preemptive strike by buying the tickets online, had failed.

“All right,” Arthur conceded. He tried not to sound defeated, and was rewarded with a proud smile from Gwen. Behind her, a pair of burning green eyes glared holes into his forehead. Eyes that did not belong to Godzilla. Morgana mouthed something at him that looked suspiciously like “You're making her pay?! JERK!”

Arthur mouthed back, “Bottom drawer.”

Morgana threw up a particularly rude finger gesture.

“Give me a sec,” Gwen said worriedly, digging a bit deeper in her wallet. Arthur could see that she didn't have enough, but he had no idea how to tell her without insulting her in the process. He started to feel hot again and tugged anxiously at the collar of his shirt.

“Um, yeah, sure. Have all the secs you want,” he said.

She froze. Arthur blinked in confusion, and then his jaw dropped.

“I - I meant, not...not sex. Seconds. Time. Take all the time you want!”

Situation officially defused. Arthur started to laugh and Gwen was sucking her teeth between her lips, trying hard not to do the same. He closed the wallet in her hand and wrapped her fingers around it, guiding it back into her purse.

“I've got it.”

“Thank you.” She failed at keeping her laughter in and was now giggling.

They queued up for tickets and Arthur shot a cautious look at the Godzilla display, dangerously close to where they were standing. Thankfully, she seemed to have disappeared again, and he wondered vaguely where Morgana had gotten her ninja-like abilities.

“Two for Destiny and Chicken, please,” he said to whoever was at the till. He was too busy digging around for his credit card.

“Really?!”

Arthur looked behind the glass to find Merlin there, grinning at him stupidly.

“Merlin!? I thought you weren't working today.”

“Hello, Merlin!” Gwen greeted cheerfully. She had a friendship with his best mate that made him more than a little bit jealous. There wasn't anything there, he knew that, but he wished he could have some of that closeness.

“Hi, Gwen!” Merlin waved through the glass.

Arthur glared at him and shoved his credit card under the window. “Just swipe it through, yeah?”

“How's the date going?” Merlin took his card and ran it through the machine. “Crash and burn yet?”

“It's going fine.”

Merlin frowned at the computer screen and swiped the card again. “Er. Not for long.”

“What?”

“Your card just got denied.”

“What!?” Arthur squeezed his hand under the window for Merlin to return the card. He stared at it and flipped it over, inspecting it for any nicks or scratches that might have been screwing up the machine. “It should be working. Swipe it again?”

“I just did it twice,” Merlin shrugged. “Just give me another one. I know you've got like, fifteen of those.”

“I do not have fifteen credit cards - “

Gwen's mobile rang and she held up her hand to excuse herself as she exited the queue.

“That's the only card I brought with me,” Arthur hissed through the black speaker separating them. “There's got to be something you can do?”

Merlin looked at him sympathetically. “I'd spot you, but I don't have any cash on me. Payday isn't until Friday.”

Arthur sighed. “Thanks anyway, mate. I guess I'll - “

Gwen's mobile was shoved between them. She looked at Merlin, puzzled.

“It's for you. Morgana.”

Arthur glared at the little purple phone and Merlin took it, looking over his shoulder to make sure his boss wasn't looking.

“Hello? Yeah, its...what? I can't...No...Because I can't. Do you want to get me fired...? No...No... Morgana! ...What are you, the Date Police? Bloody...bloody hell are you watching me from somewhere!?”

Gwen was staring at Merlin, who was craning his neck to look around in all directions. “What is she saying?”

“Something stupid, no doubt,” Arthur said, his voice much higher pitched than usual. “Merlin, maybe you should hang up now.”

“How do you... I can't...no, the tickets don't pop up unless I put money in the till... Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding, the ticket ripper on duty today could break me in half with one finger... No, I cannot sneak... No!”

“Merlin?” Gwen asked curiously.

“Merlin...” Arthur warned.

“Whatever. Bye, Morgana.... Bye... Bye!” He hung up the phone and passed it under the glass back to Gwen. “Arthur, your sister is insane. And creepy as hell.”

He said this quietly, paranoid that Morgana was still watching from wherever she was. Gwen was staring again, so Arthur took the opportunity to pull her out of the queue.

“Gwen, I'm so sorry. This is my fault,” he began. “I shouldn't have left the tickets - ”

“It was an accident. I don't care, I'm not angry or anything,” Gwen reassured him. “We'll just do something else. Truth be told, I had no desire to watch Destiny and Chicken, anyway.”

“Really!?”

“God, no!” Gwen laughed. “It looks horrible!” She blanched. “I mean, not so horrible, obviously, if you wanted to see it.”

Arthur wanted to hug her. “I didn't! There are no words to describe how badly I did not want to see that crap!” he declared happily. “Except maybe, I'd rather have my eyes removed with a rusty spoon than see that film. Or snog a barracuda. Or drink a gallon of petrol and piss on a forest fire. Or - “

“Arthur,” Gwen interrupted, amused. “Then why the bloody hell have we been standing around here?”

He shrugged. “I don't know. I just thought you'd like it, so I don’t know. I just wanted you to have fun.”

The expression on Gwen's face was unreadable, but it made Arthur feel like he'd done something right. She took his hand in hers and he tried not to grin like an idiot. What had he done, aside from ruin their date? He hadn't done anything particularly brave. Or anything with flowers.

“Oh, Arthur,” Gwen sighed, leaning into his arm and leading them out the door. He turned to shoot a fleeting glance at Merlin, who was giving him two lively thumbs up. Behind a pillar across from the Godzilla display, Morgana was scratching her head, completely bewildered.

“Gwen?”

“For the record, I don't like sappy romance or romantic comedies,” she waved her hand dismissively. “Well, okay, I do enjoy the occasional romantic comedy, but the love spell? Too dumb, even for me.”

“Then what film would you have wanted to watch?” Arthur wondered.

“I don't know. I'm in an action mood lately,” Gwen punched him lightly in the side and Arthur pretended to tilt over from the force. She giggled. “Not sci-fi, really. Or horror. More...sword-fights and magic, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, I don't think there are any films like that out at the moment.”

Arthur stopped walking, pulling Gwen to a halt as well.

“What?”

“Er, there's this mini-series on TV. A marathon about medieval battles and - “

“The Flaming Swords of Idirsholas?”

Arthur gaped at her. “Yes!”

“I've been dying to watch that!” Gwen gushed, clutching his hand and practically bouncing in excitement. “It looks amazing, I love sword fights!”

“Do you...do you want to watch it at my place?”

“On your 70 inch plasma?”

“Is there any better way to watch people hack at each other in a field?”

Gwen hugged him tightly and Arthur grinned into the soft curls on top of her head. He wondered if Morgana was watching this now, watching him not make a fool of himself. If he wasn't so content holding Gwen like this, feeling her warm skin under the soft material of her jumper, he'd whip out his mobile right then and text Morgana to gloat.

“I'm...I'm sorry...” Gwen pulled away suddenly and Arthur felt a sudden cold chill where Gwen's warmth left him. “Can I just...?”

She reached up and pulled the top three buttons of his shirt open.

“Sorry, you just looked so uncomfortable and tight in there,” Gwen looked at him sheepishly. “Like your shirt was trying to inhale your head.”

Arthur laughed loudly and put an arm around Gwen's shoulders as they walked to the lot where his car was parked. He heard his mobile buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out. A text from Morgana.

Well? What's happening?

“Who is it?”

Arthur shook his head and texted back with one hand. “Nobody important.”

I'm gonna enjoy all your booze.

- - - - - THE END - - - - -

P.S. Did I mention sorry?
P.P.S. There's no Morgana tag?