The Trouble with Hair Care Products
Author: archaeologist_d
Title: The Trouble with Hair Care Products
Rating: PG
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan
Summary: Gwaine was up to his old tricks. Who knew honey could be used for hair?
Warnings: total crack
Word Count: 1206
Camelot drabble Prompt 535: Sticky
Author’s notes: I know nothing about hair care or honey in its use. Making it up as I go along.
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; They and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
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There was something going on. Leon was avoiding Arthur’s eyes, and he, Elyan and Percival were all huddled together talking about something or other. The odd thing was that all of them seemed to be preening in the mirrors these days and Arthur wasn’t having it. After all, none of them were girls, unlike Merlin who was always a girl about things, and knights should be stalwart and focused on improving their swordsmanship, not acting like prima donnas in front of the glass.
But when he saw Leon running his fingers through his hair and smiling about it, Arthur had had enough. “Perhaps you would care to share what is so amusing, Leon?”
“Well, Gwaine-,” Leon started.
Arthur just rolled his eyes. Of course, it was Gwaine, the vainglorious git. Always swishing his hair around and chatting up all the girls and quite a few of the men as well. Successfully, he might add. It was a good thing Gwaine didn’t try it with Merlin because Arthur might have something to say about that. Merlin was too innocent for his own good, and Gwaine was definitely not innocent.
“So what has Gwaine done this time? Turned you all into girls’ petticoats? Got you drunk enough to forget that you are men and not primping plonkers?” Arthur said.
“Well, his hair is his best feature,” Elyan replied. “And he let us in on his secret. And I must say that even my short hair feels a lot nicer… umm, Sire.” Percival murmured agreement.
“So Gwaine is… what… a purveyor of hair care products?” Arthur said, still not believing his ears.
Leon nodded. “Yes, even the Lady Morgana is using it.”
“And Gwen,” Elyan said, running his fingers over his mostly short hair. “And who would have thought that honey was the key. It’s sticky and gets everywhere. But it makes everything so much softer.”
Arthur just stared at them, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Gwaine, Gwaine the conceited buffoon with some passing sword skills, would have enough brainpower to even think about making/ selling/giving away something worthy of notice. Usually he was in the tavern, drinking everyone else under the table.
Although Gwaine had been focused of late on beehives and honeycombs and hair. Arthur had passed it off as typical Gwaine nonsense.
Elyan spoke up again. “Arthur, perhaps, you could use with a bit of Gwaine’s concoction. It’s pretty amazing.”
Scowling at Elyan and the others when they nodded, Arthur grumbled, “Are you saying that my hair isn’t up to Gwaine’s standards? That your king has poor bathing habits and that Gwaine, of all people, knows better than I do, about anything?”
Of course, Arthur wasn’t going to admit that his hair had felt more like straw lately, his typical lye soap harsh. Of course, a king didn’t care about such things. After all, he had a kingdom to worry about.
They mumbled something about ‘of course not’ and ‘Gwaine’s an idiot’ and ‘your hair looks great’.
Arthur scowled at them all. “And where is Gwaine now? I might have a word or two with him.” Of course, the words might be stocks or winter patrols or mucking out stables.
Leon, the bravest of them, cleared his throat. “Gwaine went to see Merlin. Something about other uses for honey. I think it was for lip balm? Right, Percival?”
Arthur didn’t wait to see if Percival agreed or not. Gwaine and lips and Merlin should not even be in the same sentence.
Racing through the hallways, pushing aside servants and guards, he finally made it up to Gaius’s workroom, just in time to see Gwaine kissing Merlin.
Just before Arthur’s vision turned red and he started roaring at Gwaine to leave Merlin alone, he could see that there was honey in Merlin’s hair and Gwaine’s knee was between Merlin’s legs and Arthur wasn’t having any of it.
“What do you think you are doing?” Arthur shouted, running to pull Merlin out of danger. “Get away from him.”
Big mistake. Merlin’s sleeve was sticky with honey, too.
Even as Arthur tried to wipe the honey from his hand, Merlin jerked back, frowning at Arthur.
“Arthur, he’s just trying to-,” Merlin grumbled.
Gwaine grinned, waggling his eyebrows as if to taunt Arthur, then said, “Well, if it isn’t the knight come to rescue the fair princess. But you are a little late.”
“Gwaine,” Merlin said, a little tartly although there was laughter in there somewhere. “I’m not a princess nor do I need rescuing.”
“Oh, I don’t know. It would seem the princess here thinks I’m an ogre come to whisk you away,” Gwaine said, still smiling, then reached over and smeared something across Merlin’s mouth. “So the lip balm worked?”
Merlin grinned, “Yeah, worked a treat.”
Ignoring that it would seem Merlin was perfectly happy kissing Gwaine, honey balm or not, Arthur grabbed Gwaine’s arm, and shoved him back. “Gwaine, out. Now.”
Shrugging, giving Merlin another lascivious grin, Gwaine said, “Let me know how it goes.” Then laughing, he pranced out, singing the most inappropriate song of randy cocks and honey lubricants, closing the door just as Arthur threw the nearest object at him, a metallic rabbit mask that clanked when it hit the floor.
Merlin rolled his eyes, then went over and picked up the mask, putting it to one side. “Gaius better not know that you almost ruined his prized possession.”
“Gwaine was kissing you,” Arthur pointed out.
“Got it in one. Excellent observational skills,” Merlin said, smacking his lips, then licking at them. “The honey is a bit sticky, but Gwaine may have something there.”
“Gwaine kissed you,” Arthur insisted.
“Well, someone had to,” Merlin said, glaring at Arthur. “He’s trying a new balm for the lips. Makes them nice and soft.”
“He… you…. lip balm?” Arthur didn’t know what to say. It was if the world had gone mad.
Merlin smacked his lips again, then grinned. “Want to try some? He left a jar.” Turning around, Merlin held up a jar of golden something, then dipped his finger in and smeared it on his mouth again. “Works great. Makes my lips less chapped and softer.”
Arthur’s mouth went dry. “Does it?”
Grinning, Merlin stepped over to Arthur and wiped his finger across Arthur’s lips. “See, softer.”
“Still sticky,” Arthur said, trying hard not to grab Merlin and see how the lip balm would do on two mouths.
“Oh, I think we can fix that,” Merlin said, then pulled Arthur close and brushed his lips against Arthur’s. “Not sticky anymore.”
Arthur didn’t care. Kissing Merlin was a great idea and if Gwaine’s stupid lip balm did the trick, then Arthur might give Gwaine a castle far far from Camelot.
They went back to kissing, all that experimentation necessary to the common good or so Arthur kept telling himself.
And what seemed like hours later, Gwaine popped his head in and called out to Merlin, “See, told you it would work wonders. So on a scale of one to ten, how is it?”
Merlin pulled back but it was Arthur that shouted, “A ten, you arse.” Then he went back to kissing Merlin.
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The honey balm was a hit.
Title: The Trouble with Hair Care Products
Rating: PG
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan
Summary: Gwaine was up to his old tricks. Who knew honey could be used for hair?
Warnings: total crack
Word Count: 1206
Camelot drabble Prompt 535: Sticky
Author’s notes: I know nothing about hair care or honey in its use. Making it up as I go along.
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBC version of Merlin; They and Shine do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No money has changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
-------------------
There was something going on. Leon was avoiding Arthur’s eyes, and he, Elyan and Percival were all huddled together talking about something or other. The odd thing was that all of them seemed to be preening in the mirrors these days and Arthur wasn’t having it. After all, none of them were girls, unlike Merlin who was always a girl about things, and knights should be stalwart and focused on improving their swordsmanship, not acting like prima donnas in front of the glass.
But when he saw Leon running his fingers through his hair and smiling about it, Arthur had had enough. “Perhaps you would care to share what is so amusing, Leon?”
“Well, Gwaine-,” Leon started.
Arthur just rolled his eyes. Of course, it was Gwaine, the vainglorious git. Always swishing his hair around and chatting up all the girls and quite a few of the men as well. Successfully, he might add. It was a good thing Gwaine didn’t try it with Merlin because Arthur might have something to say about that. Merlin was too innocent for his own good, and Gwaine was definitely not innocent.
“So what has Gwaine done this time? Turned you all into girls’ petticoats? Got you drunk enough to forget that you are men and not primping plonkers?” Arthur said.
“Well, his hair is his best feature,” Elyan replied. “And he let us in on his secret. And I must say that even my short hair feels a lot nicer… umm, Sire.” Percival murmured agreement.
“So Gwaine is… what… a purveyor of hair care products?” Arthur said, still not believing his ears.
Leon nodded. “Yes, even the Lady Morgana is using it.”
“And Gwen,” Elyan said, running his fingers over his mostly short hair. “And who would have thought that honey was the key. It’s sticky and gets everywhere. But it makes everything so much softer.”
Arthur just stared at them, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Gwaine, Gwaine the conceited buffoon with some passing sword skills, would have enough brainpower to even think about making/ selling/giving away something worthy of notice. Usually he was in the tavern, drinking everyone else under the table.
Although Gwaine had been focused of late on beehives and honeycombs and hair. Arthur had passed it off as typical Gwaine nonsense.
Elyan spoke up again. “Arthur, perhaps, you could use with a bit of Gwaine’s concoction. It’s pretty amazing.”
Scowling at Elyan and the others when they nodded, Arthur grumbled, “Are you saying that my hair isn’t up to Gwaine’s standards? That your king has poor bathing habits and that Gwaine, of all people, knows better than I do, about anything?”
Of course, Arthur wasn’t going to admit that his hair had felt more like straw lately, his typical lye soap harsh. Of course, a king didn’t care about such things. After all, he had a kingdom to worry about.
They mumbled something about ‘of course not’ and ‘Gwaine’s an idiot’ and ‘your hair looks great’.
Arthur scowled at them all. “And where is Gwaine now? I might have a word or two with him.” Of course, the words might be stocks or winter patrols or mucking out stables.
Leon, the bravest of them, cleared his throat. “Gwaine went to see Merlin. Something about other uses for honey. I think it was for lip balm? Right, Percival?”
Arthur didn’t wait to see if Percival agreed or not. Gwaine and lips and Merlin should not even be in the same sentence.
Racing through the hallways, pushing aside servants and guards, he finally made it up to Gaius’s workroom, just in time to see Gwaine kissing Merlin.
Just before Arthur’s vision turned red and he started roaring at Gwaine to leave Merlin alone, he could see that there was honey in Merlin’s hair and Gwaine’s knee was between Merlin’s legs and Arthur wasn’t having any of it.
“What do you think you are doing?” Arthur shouted, running to pull Merlin out of danger. “Get away from him.”
Big mistake. Merlin’s sleeve was sticky with honey, too.
Even as Arthur tried to wipe the honey from his hand, Merlin jerked back, frowning at Arthur.
“Arthur, he’s just trying to-,” Merlin grumbled.
Gwaine grinned, waggling his eyebrows as if to taunt Arthur, then said, “Well, if it isn’t the knight come to rescue the fair princess. But you are a little late.”
“Gwaine,” Merlin said, a little tartly although there was laughter in there somewhere. “I’m not a princess nor do I need rescuing.”
“Oh, I don’t know. It would seem the princess here thinks I’m an ogre come to whisk you away,” Gwaine said, still smiling, then reached over and smeared something across Merlin’s mouth. “So the lip balm worked?”
Merlin grinned, “Yeah, worked a treat.”
Ignoring that it would seem Merlin was perfectly happy kissing Gwaine, honey balm or not, Arthur grabbed Gwaine’s arm, and shoved him back. “Gwaine, out. Now.”
Shrugging, giving Merlin another lascivious grin, Gwaine said, “Let me know how it goes.” Then laughing, he pranced out, singing the most inappropriate song of randy cocks and honey lubricants, closing the door just as Arthur threw the nearest object at him, a metallic rabbit mask that clanked when it hit the floor.
Merlin rolled his eyes, then went over and picked up the mask, putting it to one side. “Gaius better not know that you almost ruined his prized possession.”
“Gwaine was kissing you,” Arthur pointed out.
“Got it in one. Excellent observational skills,” Merlin said, smacking his lips, then licking at them. “The honey is a bit sticky, but Gwaine may have something there.”
“Gwaine kissed you,” Arthur insisted.
“Well, someone had to,” Merlin said, glaring at Arthur. “He’s trying a new balm for the lips. Makes them nice and soft.”
“He… you…. lip balm?” Arthur didn’t know what to say. It was if the world had gone mad.
Merlin smacked his lips again, then grinned. “Want to try some? He left a jar.” Turning around, Merlin held up a jar of golden something, then dipped his finger in and smeared it on his mouth again. “Works great. Makes my lips less chapped and softer.”
Arthur’s mouth went dry. “Does it?”
Grinning, Merlin stepped over to Arthur and wiped his finger across Arthur’s lips. “See, softer.”
“Still sticky,” Arthur said, trying hard not to grab Merlin and see how the lip balm would do on two mouths.
“Oh, I think we can fix that,” Merlin said, then pulled Arthur close and brushed his lips against Arthur’s. “Not sticky anymore.”
Arthur didn’t care. Kissing Merlin was a great idea and if Gwaine’s stupid lip balm did the trick, then Arthur might give Gwaine a castle far far from Camelot.
They went back to kissing, all that experimentation necessary to the common good or so Arthur kept telling himself.
And what seemed like hours later, Gwaine popped his head in and called out to Merlin, “See, told you it would work wonders. So on a scale of one to ten, how is it?”
Merlin pulled back but it was Arthur that shouted, “A ten, you arse.” Then he went back to kissing Merlin.
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The honey balm was a hit.