Three Words
Author: Shadowspun
Title: Three Words
Rating: G
Pairing: Merlin/Lancelot
Characters: Merlin, Lancelot
Summary: Merlin is trying to figure out how to come out of the closet. Lancelot helps.
Word Count: 1634
Prompt: 511, scorching
AN: In my head, for this one, Merlin is actually demisexual. He's getting closer to figuring himself out.
The blinking cursor judged Merlin. It should have been the easiest thing in the world to type the words out. Three words. Two, if one used contractions. His fingers hovered over the keyboard Lance had given him for Christmas the year before. It clacked and clanged just like one of the typewriters his great-uncle Gaius had let him pound away on as a kid. The sound should have helped make things easier, a sort of balm, but this time it made it feel as if what he wanted to type was permanent, not ephemeral like writing on a computer could be.
When you typed on a typewriter, the words were on the paper forever. Indelible. Mistakes evident, even when you used correction fluid or ribbon. The damned cursor mocked him and told him that those three short words would be forever ingrained on his screen if he dared type them out. Neither backspace nor delete would truly erase them. They would be obvious to anyone who looked at him or his computer or his blog forever more.
“Merlin?” He looked up at his name. Lance hovered in the office door, holding up a plate with some pizza and a glass of something that looked fizzy. “I ordered in. Didn’t feel like cooking tonight. You hungry?”
Merlin smiled wryly. “One of these days you’re going to learn to cook. It’ll save you tons of money.”
“Whatever. I can afford it. Besides, cooking is your job.” He walked into the room and set the plate on the desk next to Merlin’s laptop. He handed the glass to Merlin and tilted his chin at the empty screen. “You haven’t gotten anywhere yet?”
Merlin took a sip of the pop and tried not to think too hard about the answer. He shrugged after he put the glass down and reached for the slice of pizza. He was too eager to avoid the question and scorched the roof of his mouth with the cheese. Lance just laughed at him as he tried to suck in air to cool the bite that was already in his mouth down.
“Arse. Laughing at my misfortune.” Merlin mock-glared at his roommate. He loved listening to Lance laugh. He loved watching him laugh. He loved making him laugh. He even loved being teased by Lance. Was it any wonder Lance had turned into his- No, mustn't think the word.
“Merlin, if you didn’t injure yourself on the daily I’d be surprised. You’re a klutz.” Lance shook his head. “Admit it.” He sat in the chair he and Merlin had stashed in the room when they turned it into Merlin’s home office. It was older than Merlin and one of his great-uncle’s cast-offs. The upholstery was worn and a faded, god-awful shade of green that didn’t match a darned thing in their admittedly mismatched apartment. There were patches that were colored a random shade of brown from having tea or coffee spilled on them. It was also one of the most comfortable napping chairs he had ever found.
Lance wriggled until he found The Spot. “Now walk me through the problem. You usually have a plan for your blog posts. What’s different?”
Merlin felt himself flush. He imagined himself telling Lance, “You, you plonker. You’re what’s different. You made me realize-.”
“I guess I just don’t know what to say.” Merlin lied to Lance. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to the world. To Lance. To himself.
“Okay. What do you feeling like writing about? We binged that show the other day. You could review that. Or what about complaining about the new policy Uther is promoting. That would annoy Arthur, which is always amusing. I mean, yeah, you’re an anonymous blogger, but all your friends know who you are.” Lance grinned. “I have to admit, sometimes Gwaine is right and it’s just fun to annoy-.”
“Lance, I’m gay!” Merlin blurted the words out before Lance could finish his sentence. He sucked in a breath of air and held it, his hand hovering in the air, the pizza with only a few bites taken out of it drooping.
Lance stopped speaking for a few seconds, his eyes wide. His mouth opened and closed a few times, his brain obviously working to process what he’d just heard. Finally, he spoke, “Okay.”
Neither man spoke for another minute. Merlin slowly let the breath out and carefully drew in another before Lance spoke again. “I guess that’s what you want to write about and can’t?”
Merlin finally put the slice of pizza he’d been holding onto like a lifeline onto the plate. He nodded, not trusting his voice. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. He looked at the blank screen with its judgmental cursor. “I don’t want anyone to hate me.”
“Merlin, we won’t hate you. You’re our friend. We love you. I guess I should probably tell you that I’m bi.” Merlin’s eyes snapped to Lance’s at those words. Lance had a tiny little smile on his face.
“What?”
Lance shrugged. “I never really say anything because it’s always been easier to just date girls, but there have been a few guys I’ve been interested in.” His smile disappeared. He awkwardly waved his hands in the air. “So, no judgment from me, just surprise. I honestly figured you to be ace since you never date or talk about anyone.”
Merlin grimaced. “I’ve only really wanted to date one person.”
“Arthur?”
“Huh?”
“Is it Arthur or is it Gwaine? Because those two are kinda smokin’ hot.” Lance’s smile had returned. Now it was mischievous.
Merlin snorted. “No, neither of them. Arthur may be hot, but he’s too arrogant. Gwaine needs to grow the hell up.”
“Oh, now I’m really curious. Who is it? Leon? Elyan? Percival? Because those arms. Wow. Oh, God, please don’t tell me it’s Mordred. He’s way too young.”
Merlin chuckled nervously. “No, none of them.” He took a deep breath. Fuck it, he thought. In for a penny, in for a pound. “It’s you.”
Lance sat in the chair, looking like nothing less than a landed trout, mouth and eyes open wide. After a moment, he visibly gathered himself. “Me?”
Merlin nodded, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. “You.” Had Merlin just ruined their friendship?
Lance sat up straight before he stood up and walked the few feet to Merlin’s chair. Lance slowly reached out, giving Merlin every chance to stop him. His hand touched Merlin’s cheek. Merlin wanted to close his eyes and savor the touch, but he also wanted to keep his eyes locked on Lance’s.
“Did you know that you were my big gay panic, Merlin? When we were all back in uni?” Lance spoke quietly, as if a normal tone of voice would destroy something fragile.
To be fair, it just might. Merlin felt as if he could shatter at any moment.
“Was I?” he replied, just as quietly.
“Yeah.” Lance’s other hand cupped Merlin’s other cheek. “We’ve been roommates for so long.”
Merlin gave in and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. “You haven’t dated anyone since Elaine. That was a year ago,” he whispered.
Lance hmmed. “How could I when the person I wanted was already sitting across from me at the table when he cooked me dinner? Or giving me silly little knight and wizard figurines to switch out for my boring chessboard pieces? Or doing my laundry when I was too tired after coming home from work? Leaving silly jokes and puns around the flat on sticky notes when he knew I was having a bad day?” He leaned down as he spoke, getting closer to Merlin. “I just never guessed you might feel the same way. I thought that was as much as I was ever going to have with you. I treasure every time we watch a movie and you fall asleep on my shoulder. Every hug from when you get a great comment on your blog. I’m always glad you turn to me for comfort when you get something negative and need to be cheered up.”
His forehead touched Merlin’s and the two men stayed like that for a moment before Merlin’s hand came up to cover Lance’s. Merlin let Lance’s words wash over him. Had they really become that couple already? And they weren’t even a real couple yet? Yet? “Lance, do you want to go out on a date? Not sitting on the couch watching some movie after work. A real date. You and me. A restaurant. We dress up nice. All that rot.”
“I think that would be amazing.” Lance leaned a little closer and gently touched his lips to Merlin’s cheek before he stood straight again and let his hands glide along Merlin’s skin as he returned them to his side. He grinned. “How about tomorrow night? That’ll give you time tonight to at least start writing the blog post that’s due this week.”
Merlin shook his head. “I don’t think I’m going to get any actual writing done tonight. Tomorrow for the date, but why don’t we go eat our pizza on the couch and watch something tonight? I think we probably have some things to discuss.”
“Sounds brilliant. I’ll go cue up the next episode of our show while you finish up here.”
He was stepping past Merlin when Merlin reached out and grabbed his hand quickly. Merlin squeezed it and Lance squeezed back, no words needing to be said.
When Merlin turned back to the cursor that had mocked him, he smiled at it. Typing quickly, the clack clack of the keyboard echoing in the small room, he was pleased when he hit save and closed the cover of the laptop on the words, “I am gay.”
Title: Three Words
Rating: G
Pairing: Merlin/Lancelot
Characters: Merlin, Lancelot
Summary: Merlin is trying to figure out how to come out of the closet. Lancelot helps.
Word Count: 1634
Prompt: 511, scorching
AN: In my head, for this one, Merlin is actually demisexual. He's getting closer to figuring himself out.
The blinking cursor judged Merlin. It should have been the easiest thing in the world to type the words out. Three words. Two, if one used contractions. His fingers hovered over the keyboard Lance had given him for Christmas the year before. It clacked and clanged just like one of the typewriters his great-uncle Gaius had let him pound away on as a kid. The sound should have helped make things easier, a sort of balm, but this time it made it feel as if what he wanted to type was permanent, not ephemeral like writing on a computer could be.
When you typed on a typewriter, the words were on the paper forever. Indelible. Mistakes evident, even when you used correction fluid or ribbon. The damned cursor mocked him and told him that those three short words would be forever ingrained on his screen if he dared type them out. Neither backspace nor delete would truly erase them. They would be obvious to anyone who looked at him or his computer or his blog forever more.
“Merlin?” He looked up at his name. Lance hovered in the office door, holding up a plate with some pizza and a glass of something that looked fizzy. “I ordered in. Didn’t feel like cooking tonight. You hungry?”
Merlin smiled wryly. “One of these days you’re going to learn to cook. It’ll save you tons of money.”
“Whatever. I can afford it. Besides, cooking is your job.” He walked into the room and set the plate on the desk next to Merlin’s laptop. He handed the glass to Merlin and tilted his chin at the empty screen. “You haven’t gotten anywhere yet?”
Merlin took a sip of the pop and tried not to think too hard about the answer. He shrugged after he put the glass down and reached for the slice of pizza. He was too eager to avoid the question and scorched the roof of his mouth with the cheese. Lance just laughed at him as he tried to suck in air to cool the bite that was already in his mouth down.
“Arse. Laughing at my misfortune.” Merlin mock-glared at his roommate. He loved listening to Lance laugh. He loved watching him laugh. He loved making him laugh. He even loved being teased by Lance. Was it any wonder Lance had turned into his- No, mustn't think the word.
“Merlin, if you didn’t injure yourself on the daily I’d be surprised. You’re a klutz.” Lance shook his head. “Admit it.” He sat in the chair he and Merlin had stashed in the room when they turned it into Merlin’s home office. It was older than Merlin and one of his great-uncle’s cast-offs. The upholstery was worn and a faded, god-awful shade of green that didn’t match a darned thing in their admittedly mismatched apartment. There were patches that were colored a random shade of brown from having tea or coffee spilled on them. It was also one of the most comfortable napping chairs he had ever found.
Lance wriggled until he found The Spot. “Now walk me through the problem. You usually have a plan for your blog posts. What’s different?”
Merlin felt himself flush. He imagined himself telling Lance, “You, you plonker. You’re what’s different. You made me realize-.”
“I guess I just don’t know what to say.” Merlin lied to Lance. He knew exactly what he wanted to say to the world. To Lance. To himself.
“Okay. What do you feeling like writing about? We binged that show the other day. You could review that. Or what about complaining about the new policy Uther is promoting. That would annoy Arthur, which is always amusing. I mean, yeah, you’re an anonymous blogger, but all your friends know who you are.” Lance grinned. “I have to admit, sometimes Gwaine is right and it’s just fun to annoy-.”
“Lance, I’m gay!” Merlin blurted the words out before Lance could finish his sentence. He sucked in a breath of air and held it, his hand hovering in the air, the pizza with only a few bites taken out of it drooping.
Lance stopped speaking for a few seconds, his eyes wide. His mouth opened and closed a few times, his brain obviously working to process what he’d just heard. Finally, he spoke, “Okay.”
Neither man spoke for another minute. Merlin slowly let the breath out and carefully drew in another before Lance spoke again. “I guess that’s what you want to write about and can’t?”
Merlin finally put the slice of pizza he’d been holding onto like a lifeline onto the plate. He nodded, not trusting his voice. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. He looked at the blank screen with its judgmental cursor. “I don’t want anyone to hate me.”
“Merlin, we won’t hate you. You’re our friend. We love you. I guess I should probably tell you that I’m bi.” Merlin’s eyes snapped to Lance’s at those words. Lance had a tiny little smile on his face.
“What?”
Lance shrugged. “I never really say anything because it’s always been easier to just date girls, but there have been a few guys I’ve been interested in.” His smile disappeared. He awkwardly waved his hands in the air. “So, no judgment from me, just surprise. I honestly figured you to be ace since you never date or talk about anyone.”
Merlin grimaced. “I’ve only really wanted to date one person.”
“Arthur?”
“Huh?”
“Is it Arthur or is it Gwaine? Because those two are kinda smokin’ hot.” Lance’s smile had returned. Now it was mischievous.
Merlin snorted. “No, neither of them. Arthur may be hot, but he’s too arrogant. Gwaine needs to grow the hell up.”
“Oh, now I’m really curious. Who is it? Leon? Elyan? Percival? Because those arms. Wow. Oh, God, please don’t tell me it’s Mordred. He’s way too young.”
Merlin chuckled nervously. “No, none of them.” He took a deep breath. Fuck it, he thought. In for a penny, in for a pound. “It’s you.”
Lance sat in the chair, looking like nothing less than a landed trout, mouth and eyes open wide. After a moment, he visibly gathered himself. “Me?”
Merlin nodded, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip. “You.” Had Merlin just ruined their friendship?
Lance sat up straight before he stood up and walked the few feet to Merlin’s chair. Lance slowly reached out, giving Merlin every chance to stop him. His hand touched Merlin’s cheek. Merlin wanted to close his eyes and savor the touch, but he also wanted to keep his eyes locked on Lance’s.
“Did you know that you were my big gay panic, Merlin? When we were all back in uni?” Lance spoke quietly, as if a normal tone of voice would destroy something fragile.
To be fair, it just might. Merlin felt as if he could shatter at any moment.
“Was I?” he replied, just as quietly.
“Yeah.” Lance’s other hand cupped Merlin’s other cheek. “We’ve been roommates for so long.”
Merlin gave in and closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them again. “You haven’t dated anyone since Elaine. That was a year ago,” he whispered.
Lance hmmed. “How could I when the person I wanted was already sitting across from me at the table when he cooked me dinner? Or giving me silly little knight and wizard figurines to switch out for my boring chessboard pieces? Or doing my laundry when I was too tired after coming home from work? Leaving silly jokes and puns around the flat on sticky notes when he knew I was having a bad day?” He leaned down as he spoke, getting closer to Merlin. “I just never guessed you might feel the same way. I thought that was as much as I was ever going to have with you. I treasure every time we watch a movie and you fall asleep on my shoulder. Every hug from when you get a great comment on your blog. I’m always glad you turn to me for comfort when you get something negative and need to be cheered up.”
His forehead touched Merlin’s and the two men stayed like that for a moment before Merlin’s hand came up to cover Lance’s. Merlin let Lance’s words wash over him. Had they really become that couple already? And they weren’t even a real couple yet? Yet? “Lance, do you want to go out on a date? Not sitting on the couch watching some movie after work. A real date. You and me. A restaurant. We dress up nice. All that rot.”
“I think that would be amazing.” Lance leaned a little closer and gently touched his lips to Merlin’s cheek before he stood straight again and let his hands glide along Merlin’s skin as he returned them to his side. He grinned. “How about tomorrow night? That’ll give you time tonight to at least start writing the blog post that’s due this week.”
Merlin shook his head. “I don’t think I’m going to get any actual writing done tonight. Tomorrow for the date, but why don’t we go eat our pizza on the couch and watch something tonight? I think we probably have some things to discuss.”
“Sounds brilliant. I’ll go cue up the next episode of our show while you finish up here.”
He was stepping past Merlin when Merlin reached out and grabbed his hand quickly. Merlin squeezed it and Lance squeezed back, no words needing to be said.
When Merlin turned back to the cursor that had mocked him, he smiled at it. Typing quickly, the clack clack of the keyboard echoing in the small room, he was pleased when he hit save and closed the cover of the laptop on the words, “I am gay.”