He Was Pants at This
Author: archaeologist_d
Title: He Was Pants at This
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur
Summary: When people overhear something, sometimes they don’t hear it very well or the telephone game Camelot-style.
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1063
Camelot_drabble Prompt: 391 gossip
Author's Notes: In the US, it’s called the telephone game or grapevine. There’s a name for it in the UK, but I think I’ll stick with the US version this time.
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
------------------------------
Merlin should have kept his mouth shut. Instead, while doing Arthur’s very disgusting laundry, one hand full of socks, the other grasping sopping wet undergarments covered in mystery stains, he told Gwen, “Then he throws these things at my head and expects me to get them clean. His socks smell disgusting and this…. I don’t even know how he got them so dirty.” He shook out the wet things and poor Gwen had to duck out of the way before she was covered in soapy water. “I’m pants at this.”
Gwen patted his arm. “You’re doing better. I’m sure Arthur will understand if those stains… ummm… don’t come out.”
---------------
Later, while talking with Lancelot, Gwen mentioned Merlin’s dilemma. “Poor Merlin. He struggles so much with the prince sometimes. He was complaining about Arthur’s pants having some kind of stain on it.” When Lance looked at her, she just smiled and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know, it’s Merlin. About how what Arthur was making him do was so disgusting, and he didn’t know what to do about it.”
Lance just said, “I’m sure you’ll help him through it. Laundry isn’t that hard.”
Gwen giggled a little. “With Merlin, everything to do with Arthur is hard.”
---------------
Percival found Lancelot in the stables. “Have you seen Merlin? I asked him to sharpen my sword and he said he’d get right to it. I’m to meet Elyan later for training.”
“Merlin’s having a bit of a hard time.” Lance looked around, then leaned closer to Percy. “Merlin’s got a tender heart, but Arthur’s not one to let things slide so Merlin’s been doing things he’s not happy about. Mystery stains and Arthur’s pants and how Arthur was so hard on him. Forcing Merlin to do things he didn’t want to do.” Lance shook his head and grinned. “You know, like always.”
Percival just smiled.
---------------
Rolf the stable boy overheard the two knights talking about Merlin and how the prince was forcing him to do things.
Something about pants and mystery stains and Rolf knew what that was about. He’d had a few mystery stains on his pants himself from time to time. But usually it was a mutual thing. Some of the knights certainly knew how to hit the right spot with their swords, and Rolf wasn’t going to tell them no, not when he enjoyed it so much. It was all a bit of fun.
But poor Merlin. To be forced into that kind of thing when he didn’t want it. He’d have to tell Freda.
---------------
Freda told Gwendolin who told Leonie who told Alison the bar maid, until half the town was talking about nothing else. How the prince was commanding his poor manservant to do disgusting things with him, and there were stains and how Arthur was using his pants to tie Merlin up and the poor sod not being able to say no to any of it. That Prince Arthur was hard for him all the time and forcing him into perversions that he couldn’t escape.
---------------
Gwaine punched Arthur right in the nose. “How dare you. I thought you were a better man that that. You are nothing more than a pervert. You disgust me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Arthur scrambled up again, wiping off the blood, getting out his sword just in case Gwaine went mad again.
“Forcing Merlin to do… that.” When Arthur looked at him as if he’d no idea what was going on, Gwaine said, “Merlin is not some whore to command. He’s an innocent. And you… compelling him to do disgusting things. Sexual things. That you used your soiled, come-stained pants to tie him up and have your wicked way with him and he couldn’t say no. How could you?”
Arthur looked appalled. “I would never do that.” Then he turned around and bellowed, “Merlin!!!”
---------------
Merlin didn’t look all that appalled. Instead, he started laughing. “Who told you that?”
Gwaine stammered a bit, then told them about Alison and Leonie and Rolf and the rest. Merlin just rolled his eyes. “Well, I certainly didn’t say anything of the sort.”
Arthur was still furious. “My father will have a fit if he hears of this. Either that, or he’ll tell me to keep up the good work.”
Sighing, Merlin nodded, then went out into the courtyard and shouted out to anyone who would listen. “There is no truth to the rumor that Prince Arthur is shagging me senseless. Next time, get your facts straight before you believe such nonsense.”
With that, he stomped back over to Arthur, and said, “There, all taken care of.”
If anything, Arthur looked even more horrified. His hands waving around in his frustration, he yelled, “No, you idiot, you’ve made things worse. Now they will think it’s definitely true, not just a rumor. Could you be any more of a disaster than you already are?”
Merlin yelled back, “At least, I don’t make you wash my disgusting pants. Do you know how long it took me to get those stains out? Do you?”
Gwaine edged away, then ran for the hills.
Merlin and Arthur didn’t notice. They were too busy insulting each other.
“Clotpole.”
“Prat.”
“Buffoon.”
“Cabbage-headed arse.”
“Useless toad of a servant.”
“At least I’m not tying my manservant up with come-stained pants.” Merlin hollered.
By this time, they were nose to nose. “Neither am I, you idiot.”
At that, Merlin stopped, frowning a little bit. They’d gathered a crowd. That wasn’t good. Arthur must have realized it, too.
Grabbing Merlin, they almost ran to Arthur’s room and slammed the door.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. Then looking at Arthur, Merlin said, “Do you want to?”
“What?” Arthur snapped.
“Want to tie me up with your pants and have your wicked way with me?”
Arthur looked like a googlie-eyed fish. “What?!”
“Have your wicked way with me?” Merlin said.
For a long moment, Arthur just kept opening and closing his mouth. Then scowling, he said, “Not if it includes come-stained pants.”
“We can take them off first.”
“Okay, but I’m topping.”
Merlin just smiled. “First time for everything.”
Arthur sputtered a moment, then pounced.
---------------
And if the knights clustered around the door and listened while they shagged each other’s brains out, well, that is a story for another day.
Title: He Was Pants at This
Rating: R
Pairing/s: Merlin/Arthur
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur
Summary: When people overhear something, sometimes they don’t hear it very well or the telephone game Camelot-style.
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1063
Camelot_drabble Prompt: 391 gossip
Author's Notes: In the US, it’s called the telephone game or grapevine. There’s a name for it in the UK, but I think I’ll stick with the US version this time.
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
------------------------------
Merlin should have kept his mouth shut. Instead, while doing Arthur’s very disgusting laundry, one hand full of socks, the other grasping sopping wet undergarments covered in mystery stains, he told Gwen, “Then he throws these things at my head and expects me to get them clean. His socks smell disgusting and this…. I don’t even know how he got them so dirty.” He shook out the wet things and poor Gwen had to duck out of the way before she was covered in soapy water. “I’m pants at this.”
Gwen patted his arm. “You’re doing better. I’m sure Arthur will understand if those stains… ummm… don’t come out.”
---------------
Later, while talking with Lancelot, Gwen mentioned Merlin’s dilemma. “Poor Merlin. He struggles so much with the prince sometimes. He was complaining about Arthur’s pants having some kind of stain on it.” When Lance looked at her, she just smiled and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know, it’s Merlin. About how what Arthur was making him do was so disgusting, and he didn’t know what to do about it.”
Lance just said, “I’m sure you’ll help him through it. Laundry isn’t that hard.”
Gwen giggled a little. “With Merlin, everything to do with Arthur is hard.”
---------------
Percival found Lancelot in the stables. “Have you seen Merlin? I asked him to sharpen my sword and he said he’d get right to it. I’m to meet Elyan later for training.”
“Merlin’s having a bit of a hard time.” Lance looked around, then leaned closer to Percy. “Merlin’s got a tender heart, but Arthur’s not one to let things slide so Merlin’s been doing things he’s not happy about. Mystery stains and Arthur’s pants and how Arthur was so hard on him. Forcing Merlin to do things he didn’t want to do.” Lance shook his head and grinned. “You know, like always.”
Percival just smiled.
---------------
Rolf the stable boy overheard the two knights talking about Merlin and how the prince was forcing him to do things.
Something about pants and mystery stains and Rolf knew what that was about. He’d had a few mystery stains on his pants himself from time to time. But usually it was a mutual thing. Some of the knights certainly knew how to hit the right spot with their swords, and Rolf wasn’t going to tell them no, not when he enjoyed it so much. It was all a bit of fun.
But poor Merlin. To be forced into that kind of thing when he didn’t want it. He’d have to tell Freda.
---------------
Freda told Gwendolin who told Leonie who told Alison the bar maid, until half the town was talking about nothing else. How the prince was commanding his poor manservant to do disgusting things with him, and there were stains and how Arthur was using his pants to tie Merlin up and the poor sod not being able to say no to any of it. That Prince Arthur was hard for him all the time and forcing him into perversions that he couldn’t escape.
---------------
Gwaine punched Arthur right in the nose. “How dare you. I thought you were a better man that that. You are nothing more than a pervert. You disgust me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Arthur scrambled up again, wiping off the blood, getting out his sword just in case Gwaine went mad again.
“Forcing Merlin to do… that.” When Arthur looked at him as if he’d no idea what was going on, Gwaine said, “Merlin is not some whore to command. He’s an innocent. And you… compelling him to do disgusting things. Sexual things. That you used your soiled, come-stained pants to tie him up and have your wicked way with him and he couldn’t say no. How could you?”
Arthur looked appalled. “I would never do that.” Then he turned around and bellowed, “Merlin!!!”
---------------
Merlin didn’t look all that appalled. Instead, he started laughing. “Who told you that?”
Gwaine stammered a bit, then told them about Alison and Leonie and Rolf and the rest. Merlin just rolled his eyes. “Well, I certainly didn’t say anything of the sort.”
Arthur was still furious. “My father will have a fit if he hears of this. Either that, or he’ll tell me to keep up the good work.”
Sighing, Merlin nodded, then went out into the courtyard and shouted out to anyone who would listen. “There is no truth to the rumor that Prince Arthur is shagging me senseless. Next time, get your facts straight before you believe such nonsense.”
With that, he stomped back over to Arthur, and said, “There, all taken care of.”
If anything, Arthur looked even more horrified. His hands waving around in his frustration, he yelled, “No, you idiot, you’ve made things worse. Now they will think it’s definitely true, not just a rumor. Could you be any more of a disaster than you already are?”
Merlin yelled back, “At least, I don’t make you wash my disgusting pants. Do you know how long it took me to get those stains out? Do you?”
Gwaine edged away, then ran for the hills.
Merlin and Arthur didn’t notice. They were too busy insulting each other.
“Clotpole.”
“Prat.”
“Buffoon.”
“Cabbage-headed arse.”
“Useless toad of a servant.”
“At least I’m not tying my manservant up with come-stained pants.” Merlin hollered.
By this time, they were nose to nose. “Neither am I, you idiot.”
At that, Merlin stopped, frowning a little bit. They’d gathered a crowd. That wasn’t good. Arthur must have realized it, too.
Grabbing Merlin, they almost ran to Arthur’s room and slammed the door.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. Then looking at Arthur, Merlin said, “Do you want to?”
“What?” Arthur snapped.
“Want to tie me up with your pants and have your wicked way with me?”
Arthur looked like a googlie-eyed fish. “What?!”
“Have your wicked way with me?” Merlin said.
For a long moment, Arthur just kept opening and closing his mouth. Then scowling, he said, “Not if it includes come-stained pants.”
“We can take them off first.”
“Okay, but I’m topping.”
Merlin just smiled. “First time for everything.”
Arthur sputtered a moment, then pounced.
---------------
And if the knights clustered around the door and listened while they shagged each other’s brains out, well, that is a story for another day.