It Was Enough
Author: emrys_mk
Title: It Was Enough
Rating: PG
Characters/pairings: Merlin/Arthur
Summary: Arthur, accustomed to getting whatever he wants, can’t understand why Merlin won’t tell him about his magic.
Words: 1000
Warnings: none that I can think of
Prompt 258: Lovers Remember All
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: This is a canon-era au where Uther is still king.
Another sorcerer sentenced to death.
Punishment, the pyre.
Arthur gulped as he tallied the numbers for the month past: eight.
He glanced at his father, wondering how the man lived with himself. When would the insanity cease? For the past five years, the deaths had stopped. Not that the king had undergone a change of heart or anything as sensible as that, but when Morgana had been discovered to be a sorceress herself, well, Uther had decided to put a moratorium on the extermination of all things magical until he had more information.
Two months past, Morgana had taken a terrible fall down the stairs and succumbed to her injuries. In the wake of such devastating loss, the king had reinstated the death penalty for all sorcerers.
And it seemed he was more vengeful than ever.
Arthur despaired. If his father found out about Merlin…
He sighed and had to close his eyes as he heard the steady breathing of his servant not two metres behind him. It was tempting to turn and look at him, to see what his reaction to this latest condemnation of magic was, but Arthur dared not; he didn’t trust himself.
Merlin had no idea that his employer/master/best friend/lover knew that his servant had magic, and Arthur wouldn’t let on; he was resolute in the thought that the secret was Merlin’s to tell, and by god, if he didn’t trust Arthur enough to tell him, then who was Arthur to force the subject?
This wasn’t to say that Arthur was in agreement with Merlin keeping such from him. He couldn’t understand why. Yes, he knew that he was spoiled and was accustomed to getting what he wanted, but he also knew that he had given all of himself to Merlin, thus he wished Merlin would reciprocate.
The one thing Arthur wanted more than anything was for Merlin to trust enough in their love to confide in him that he possessed magic, but if it hadn’t happened in the past five years, it was unlikely to happen ever, and it drove Arthur almost mad.
“Sire, are you feeling unwell? You look pale,” Merlin said as he made his way to Arthur‘s side, looking at him worriedly, but not daring to touch him, although they both knew that is what he longed to do.
Arthur shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll be fine, Merlin,” he said, most definitely lying, and he said no more as he exited the room, leaving Merlin behind, but he wasn’t alone for long before Merlin ran up to him and matched him step for step as they made their way to Arthur’s room.
Once the door was shut, Arthur turned to Merlin and caressed his cheek softly before running an unsteady hand through the soft, dark locks. No matter how distraught he was, Merlin could always calm him with just a look or word. “You love me, yes?” Arthur asked in barely more than a whisper.
He didn’t understand why Merlin hadn’t felt he could share his secret. Yes, it was true that Camelot executed magic users who were caught, but surely Merlin knew that that didn’t mean the same would happen to him. Arthur would never do that to the man he loved. He would keep Merlin’s secret from his father.
Merlin frowned as he placed his hand over Arthur’s. “You know I do, Arthur. Why would you ask such a question?” He looked confused and perhaps somewhat hurt.
Arthur laughed derisively as he regrettably withdrew his hand and hastily walked to his bedchamber. He took off his jacket and threw it on the bed before sitting on it and removing his boots. He then turned to look at Merlin, who appeared as if he were about to be sick. “Do you remember what I told you the night I gave myself to you?”
Merlin joined him on the bed and twined their fingers together. He nodded, but didn’t elaborate. His face seemed to lose more colour as his eyes flitted between Arthur's lips and eyes, and he was trembling.
Arthur had to cough to clear his throat and didn’t miss the hitch that caught as he remembered that night and all it had meant to him. “I told you that everything I had would be yours, and I asked you to trust that I would always take care of you.”
Merlin again nodded, taking a shaky breath and looking up towards the ceiling before returning his gaze to Arthur. After some time, he opened his mouth, but before he could speak, a couple of tears fell.
Arthur wiped them away with a thumb before he stood and walked to the window. He looked out over the kingdom his father had conquered many years past. Camelot was beautiful and Arthur loved his home, but he wondered if it was worth it if his lover had to live in fear for his life every day. That wasn't fair.
“Merlin, I love you, but if you don’t feel that I can adequately protect you then perhaps it’s time you returned to Ealdor,” he said, each word costing him a piece of his soul. If Arthur lost Merlin he would lose his way.
But he had to let Merlin go. It was the right thing to do.
Two arms twined around his waist and a messy head of hair nuzzled his neck. Arthur closed his eyes. He would miss this.
“Arthur, I trust no one more than you.” Another kiss, this one lower, tickling the area that dipped beneath Arthur’s tunic.
“Yet you don’t trust me enough t-”
Merlin interrupted. “Oh, but I do, Arthur. You could hand me over to your father, yet you don’t. Do you really need me to speak it aloud? Is it that important that I voice what could get me killed? You know. You’ve known for a very long time and you have protected me. Can’t you let that be enough?”
It was enough.