Tristesse [8/8]
Originally posted by camelittle at Tristesse [8/8]
A Fanfic in 8 parts
Title: Tristesse [8/8]
Author: Camelittle
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings/Spoilers: Post season 5. Major 5.13 plot spoilers. Strong language.
Summary: Merlin is suicidal, crushed by the weight of his destiny. Can Arthur save him, and save Albion
Disclaimer: The boys belong to themselves, their characters to the BBC, I'm just doing this for fun
Author's notes: In which Marvin Gaye has a profound influence on how Arthur and Merlin try to heal Merlin's psychological wounds. Oh, and I finally work out how to paste stuff without losing all my formatting and half the punctuation.
Chapter 8. Healing
Arthur
December 2012
Arthur was not sure whether Gwen and Merlin were pinning false hopes on him with their talk of healing. But Merlin had been alone for too long, that much was clear; he had forgotten his diamond clarity of purpose. But Arthur hadn't.
Arthur's temper had already melted away as Merlin led him up the stairs, his magic tugging and caressing Arthur, nipping at him and licking him like a magical sex-puppy. Merlin's eyes were dark and intent, hidden deep within in their sockets as he drew Arthur into the small bedroom, holding both his hands, pulling him down onto the bed.
"Merlin! Wait!"
The enchanter, aided by an army of magical fingers, had already removed Arthur's shirt and was planting sultry kisses on his chest, fumbling at his trousers, pink tongue flicking over bitten lips, nose tickling down Arthur's bare belly towards and beyond his twitching navel. Arthur desperately tried to hold onto his rapidly-shredding composure, his sense of purpose in helping Merlin.
"Wait, what about this medical expert you spoke of? Gngnh..."
Arthur broke into inarticulate gasps, and Merlin couldn't reply, his mouth was full. Arthur tried to speak again, although his voice came in harsh bursts; Merlin was being so distracting.
"Marvin... ghuh... ghuh... something?"
Merlin's moist wet lips left Arthur's hard cock with a 'pop' and he giggled manically,
"Marvin GAYE!" he pronounced, eyes playful, emphasising the word 'Gaye'. "The singer? Listen and learn..."
His eyes flashed gold, lighting upon the sound system. Strains of "Sexual Healing" filled the air. Arthur rolled his eyes. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, some sort of potion from an apothecary's manual perhaps.
"Merlin you are... Gnggh... Ohhh! Fuck! I... I... aaaah... do that again!"
Merlin's lips, tongue, and long sensual fingers were resuming their previous occupation and Arthur groaned. "Fuuuuuck..." He flexed his hips, slowly drawing his length out and then sliding back into Merlin's mouth again. Merlin hummed; Arthur could feel the knob-tingling vibration deep in Merlin's throat. Merlin's eyes flashed again and Arthur gasped. Impossible fingers massaged him, stroked his hair, his bollocks, tweaked his nipples, caressed his thighs, grabbed his buttocks. Although he could see Merlin's mouth around him, cheeks hollow with suction, lips pink and full, and feel Merlin humming gently, buzzing around him, yet he could also hear his filthy voice in his head.
"Missed you Arthur, love you, love your huge cock, I've always wanted to taste your seed, feel it burst into my mouth. You like that don't you. Like fucking my mouth. I want to fuck you back. Want to fill you up. Want to feel your tight hole round my prick. Let me in? Please?"
And then - breath wooshed in sharply as Oh god! Arthur could feel something nudging at his opening; a magical tendril, moist and slippery, firm and gentle, snaked out of Merlin's depraved mind and massaged his entrance. It felt extraordinary.
"Let. Me. In. Please Arthur. Please," Merlin insisted; hands, magic and mouth busy; eyes dark with desire.
"Yes, yes, oh god, yes Merlin, please," panted Arthur, the sensation of wet heat making him want more, wriggling and writhing under Merlin's touch.
He felt the magic sliding into him, narrow and tentative at first, and then gradually widening as it worked in and out, bigger and bigger, gently working him open, until he felt he could scream with the burning size of it.
"Tell me if it hurts you," Merlin whispered in his head, mouth still gently working Arthur's bulging erection. "Tell me if you want me to stop."
He started stuttering, teetering on the edge, "Nnn.no don't stop, please don't stop, Merlin, please, not just your magic, I want YOU, I want you inside, all of you."
There was another flash of the eyes as Merlin stood to encase his own length in a sheath, and slathered it with lube, hitching Arthur's hips high on the edge of the bed, ankles propped on Merlin's shoulders. Arthur whimpered with anticipation. Finally he felt the tip of Merlin's fat wet prick broach him, painful at first, working his way gently into him. He willed himself to relax, listened to Merlin crooning his love, filling him with warmth and ecstasy. Merlin pulled himself out and then eased in, a little further each time, exploring Arthur's deepest secrets, finally grinding his hips against Arthur's tensing sac, touching him inside at a place which made him see stars. Arthur moved his ankles down, wrapped them round Merlin's hips, and drew him in further. Merlin encircled Arthur's jerking stalk with his fist, stripped him with swift strokes as he came with a hoarse cry, beads of come decorating his taut stomach. Merlin seemed wreathed in golden light as he, too, went over the edge, his bruised-pink mouth seeking Arthur's, his hips pumping now, fucking Arthur hard, his face pulled tight with the effort, breaths tortured and uneven as he shouted Arthur's name and then collapsed onto his chest, spent.
"Fuck, Merlin." Arthur whispered infinite minutes later. "You're a pretty warped warlock."
Merlin looked dazed as he chuckled into Arthur's chest hairs. "I had a lot of time to dream up what I was going to do to you," he confessed. "Was hoping you'd be... you know... amenable? Sorry." He looked unrepentant. "I may have lost control of my magic a bit... got a bit carried away." He gently withdrew, removing the condom and guiding it into the bin with a spell, mopping them both up with another; they burrowed under the covers, and drowsed.
Arthur fingered the amulet that lay on Merlin's throat; gold, black and blue.
"Gwen spoke of this," murmured Arthur. It was warm to his touch, heated by Merlin's pale skin. "Is it magic? or teckynoggy?" he stumbled over the unfamiliar word. Merlin chuckled.
"The word is 'Technology' Arthur."
"Doesn't matter. What is it?"
"It's just a jewel. But the form of this jewel is wrapped in ancient Egyptian symbolism. I found it comforting when you... when I was waiting. I lost it, but Gwen bought me this to replace it. It... reminded me of you..." He coloured, and pulled a face. "The eye is so blue, you see..."
"Merlin, you don't have to be ashamed of your devotion to me," said Arthur smugly.
"Modest as ever, Arthur."
"Anyway, the jewel also symbolises me, in another way, I think; the stories that surround it speak of fragmenting, and... and then being made whole by magic. In ancient times the amulet signified protection, rebirth and healing - and I found it brought me hope, at a time when I had lost mine." He blinked, and shook his head. "There are many stories about the eye."
"Tell me one."
"OK." Merlin paused to gather his thoughts.
"According to the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead, the jealous god Set murdered his brother Osiris. But the goddess Isis, Osiris's wife, gave birth to a son, Horus, after Osiris had died. Horus was born from dead Osiris's seed."
"A bit like my father and mother, but the other way round," said Arthur.
"Indeed. Anyway, when he reached adulthood, vengeful Horus sought out evil Set, and defeated him in a mighty battle, during which Set tore out Horus's eye and ripped it into six pieces. Thoth, the arbitrator, forced Set to return Horus's fragmented eye. Thoth restored the eye into wholeness, and with it Horus was able to return his father to life. This jewel was normally fashioned as a falcon's eye... actually I like to think of it as a merlin's eye," he confessed, self-consciously, not meeting Arthur's gaze.
"It is formed of six specific parts, each of which represents one of the six original fragments, and corresponds to one of the six senses - touch, taste, hearing, thought, sight and smell. According to legend, the eye is not quite complete. The piece that is missing is Thoth's magic, which binds the whole together. So you see, the eye represents many things - wholeness, and healing; but also sacrifice and loyalty, and binding magic. And the blue lapis centre, to me, represents you. My Arthur." His face was solemn. "My friend. My king." He planted a soft kiss on Arthur's cheek. "My lost love," he whispered.
"Merlin... I .... "
"Shhh." Merlin placed his finger on Arthur's lips. "I am not whole. I am damaged, this modern world hurts me. I didn't know how to heal myself. But this, with you... " His eyes were light blue, intense, introspective. "It's as if you are the magic binding me together, restoring me as I touch you with my senses - and my thoughts - as I fill you, feel myself inside you."
Arthur swallowed and nodded, quiet for a moment. Then smiled as a thought occurred to him.
"So Marvin had a point then?"
Merlin's crazy grin returned and he spoke with dancing eyes.
"Yeah, I really think he did."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue.
June 2014. Cambridge
Gwen
The two men stood in front of her, outside the college chapel, looking heartsmashingly gorgeous; one dark and smoochy, the other golden and shiny; and she swore she could somehow see a lingering golden halo around them both. They probably had sex this morning, she thought. Scratch that, they definitely had sex this morning. Dirty buggers.
"David bloody Cameron did it after all!" she chuckled. For same-sex marriage was now possible in Albion and their union symbolised their healing, as well as the healing of the land.
And then Merlin stepped up to her, gave her a big hug and kiss. "Gwen, you are an extraordinary person. You pulled me back from the brink. I can't thank you enough, but want you to have this as a token of my gratitude and our mutual love of Oolong."
He reached inside his midnight-blue dress jacket and retrieved a golden case. She lifted the lid and gasped. There inside was Merlin's original Eye of Horus, returned to him by the staff of Addenbrookes, and now dangling from a delicate golden chain.
"I want you to have it," he said. "I hope it brings you luck, and brings you your Lancelot, as it brought me my Arthur. I'm going to keep the one you gave me." He smiled his megawatt smile, and she dimpled back.
And then Arthur stepped forward.
"Gwen, who isn't Gwen," he began, "I wanted to thank you too, for keeping him for me so he was here when I came back - and for opening my eyes." And he passed her a case. In it lay a golden ring, a wedding band. Not the one he wore for Merlin - a much older, plainer band.
"My Queen, your namesake, wore its twin long ago," he whispered. "May it bring you peace, as it did me." And she took it with reverence, then threw her arms round him, eyes welling.
"You didn't fuck up, Arthur," she choked. And, "Thank you," she said to them both. And they all linked arms and turned back to the chapel as the bells pealed.
END
Back to Chapter 7
A Fanfic in 8 parts
Title: Tristesse [8/8]
Author: Camelittle
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur
Warnings/Spoilers: Post season 5. Major 5.13 plot spoilers. Strong language.
Summary: Merlin is suicidal, crushed by the weight of his destiny. Can Arthur save him, and save Albion
Disclaimer: The boys belong to themselves, their characters to the BBC, I'm just doing this for fun
Author's notes: In which Marvin Gaye has a profound influence on how Arthur and Merlin try to heal Merlin's psychological wounds. Oh, and I finally work out how to paste stuff without losing all my formatting and half the punctuation.
Chapter 8. Healing
Arthur
December 2012
Arthur was not sure whether Gwen and Merlin were pinning false hopes on him with their talk of healing. But Merlin had been alone for too long, that much was clear; he had forgotten his diamond clarity of purpose. But Arthur hadn't.
Arthur's temper had already melted away as Merlin led him up the stairs, his magic tugging and caressing Arthur, nipping at him and licking him like a magical sex-puppy. Merlin's eyes were dark and intent, hidden deep within in their sockets as he drew Arthur into the small bedroom, holding both his hands, pulling him down onto the bed.
"Merlin! Wait!"
The enchanter, aided by an army of magical fingers, had already removed Arthur's shirt and was planting sultry kisses on his chest, fumbling at his trousers, pink tongue flicking over bitten lips, nose tickling down Arthur's bare belly towards and beyond his twitching navel. Arthur desperately tried to hold onto his rapidly-shredding composure, his sense of purpose in helping Merlin.
"Wait, what about this medical expert you spoke of? Gngnh..."
Arthur broke into inarticulate gasps, and Merlin couldn't reply, his mouth was full. Arthur tried to speak again, although his voice came in harsh bursts; Merlin was being so distracting.
"Marvin... ghuh... ghuh... something?"
Merlin's moist wet lips left Arthur's hard cock with a 'pop' and he giggled manically,
"Marvin GAYE!" he pronounced, eyes playful, emphasising the word 'Gaye'. "The singer? Listen and learn..."
His eyes flashed gold, lighting upon the sound system. Strains of "Sexual Healing" filled the air. Arthur rolled his eyes. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, some sort of potion from an apothecary's manual perhaps.
"Merlin you are... Gnggh... Ohhh! Fuck! I... I... aaaah... do that again!"
Merlin's lips, tongue, and long sensual fingers were resuming their previous occupation and Arthur groaned. "Fuuuuuck..." He flexed his hips, slowly drawing his length out and then sliding back into Merlin's mouth again. Merlin hummed; Arthur could feel the knob-tingling vibration deep in Merlin's throat. Merlin's eyes flashed again and Arthur gasped. Impossible fingers massaged him, stroked his hair, his bollocks, tweaked his nipples, caressed his thighs, grabbed his buttocks. Although he could see Merlin's mouth around him, cheeks hollow with suction, lips pink and full, and feel Merlin humming gently, buzzing around him, yet he could also hear his filthy voice in his head.
"Missed you Arthur, love you, love your huge cock, I've always wanted to taste your seed, feel it burst into my mouth. You like that don't you. Like fucking my mouth. I want to fuck you back. Want to fill you up. Want to feel your tight hole round my prick. Let me in? Please?"
And then - breath wooshed in sharply as Oh god! Arthur could feel something nudging at his opening; a magical tendril, moist and slippery, firm and gentle, snaked out of Merlin's depraved mind and massaged his entrance. It felt extraordinary.
"Let. Me. In. Please Arthur. Please," Merlin insisted; hands, magic and mouth busy; eyes dark with desire.
"Yes, yes, oh god, yes Merlin, please," panted Arthur, the sensation of wet heat making him want more, wriggling and writhing under Merlin's touch.
He felt the magic sliding into him, narrow and tentative at first, and then gradually widening as it worked in and out, bigger and bigger, gently working him open, until he felt he could scream with the burning size of it.
"Tell me if it hurts you," Merlin whispered in his head, mouth still gently working Arthur's bulging erection. "Tell me if you want me to stop."
He started stuttering, teetering on the edge, "Nnn.no don't stop, please don't stop, Merlin, please, not just your magic, I want YOU, I want you inside, all of you."
There was another flash of the eyes as Merlin stood to encase his own length in a sheath, and slathered it with lube, hitching Arthur's hips high on the edge of the bed, ankles propped on Merlin's shoulders. Arthur whimpered with anticipation. Finally he felt the tip of Merlin's fat wet prick broach him, painful at first, working his way gently into him. He willed himself to relax, listened to Merlin crooning his love, filling him with warmth and ecstasy. Merlin pulled himself out and then eased in, a little further each time, exploring Arthur's deepest secrets, finally grinding his hips against Arthur's tensing sac, touching him inside at a place which made him see stars. Arthur moved his ankles down, wrapped them round Merlin's hips, and drew him in further. Merlin encircled Arthur's jerking stalk with his fist, stripped him with swift strokes as he came with a hoarse cry, beads of come decorating his taut stomach. Merlin seemed wreathed in golden light as he, too, went over the edge, his bruised-pink mouth seeking Arthur's, his hips pumping now, fucking Arthur hard, his face pulled tight with the effort, breaths tortured and uneven as he shouted Arthur's name and then collapsed onto his chest, spent.
"Fuck, Merlin." Arthur whispered infinite minutes later. "You're a pretty warped warlock."
Merlin looked dazed as he chuckled into Arthur's chest hairs. "I had a lot of time to dream up what I was going to do to you," he confessed. "Was hoping you'd be... you know... amenable? Sorry." He looked unrepentant. "I may have lost control of my magic a bit... got a bit carried away." He gently withdrew, removing the condom and guiding it into the bin with a spell, mopping them both up with another; they burrowed under the covers, and drowsed.
Arthur fingered the amulet that lay on Merlin's throat; gold, black and blue.
"Gwen spoke of this," murmured Arthur. It was warm to his touch, heated by Merlin's pale skin. "Is it magic? or teckynoggy?" he stumbled over the unfamiliar word. Merlin chuckled.
"The word is 'Technology' Arthur."
"Doesn't matter. What is it?"
"It's just a jewel. But the form of this jewel is wrapped in ancient Egyptian symbolism. I found it comforting when you... when I was waiting. I lost it, but Gwen bought me this to replace it. It... reminded me of you..." He coloured, and pulled a face. "The eye is so blue, you see..."
"Merlin, you don't have to be ashamed of your devotion to me," said Arthur smugly.
"Modest as ever, Arthur."
"Anyway, the jewel also symbolises me, in another way, I think; the stories that surround it speak of fragmenting, and... and then being made whole by magic. In ancient times the amulet signified protection, rebirth and healing - and I found it brought me hope, at a time when I had lost mine." He blinked, and shook his head. "There are many stories about the eye."
"Tell me one."
"OK." Merlin paused to gather his thoughts.
"According to the ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead, the jealous god Set murdered his brother Osiris. But the goddess Isis, Osiris's wife, gave birth to a son, Horus, after Osiris had died. Horus was born from dead Osiris's seed."
"A bit like my father and mother, but the other way round," said Arthur.
"Indeed. Anyway, when he reached adulthood, vengeful Horus sought out evil Set, and defeated him in a mighty battle, during which Set tore out Horus's eye and ripped it into six pieces. Thoth, the arbitrator, forced Set to return Horus's fragmented eye. Thoth restored the eye into wholeness, and with it Horus was able to return his father to life. This jewel was normally fashioned as a falcon's eye... actually I like to think of it as a merlin's eye," he confessed, self-consciously, not meeting Arthur's gaze.
"It is formed of six specific parts, each of which represents one of the six original fragments, and corresponds to one of the six senses - touch, taste, hearing, thought, sight and smell. According to legend, the eye is not quite complete. The piece that is missing is Thoth's magic, which binds the whole together. So you see, the eye represents many things - wholeness, and healing; but also sacrifice and loyalty, and binding magic. And the blue lapis centre, to me, represents you. My Arthur." His face was solemn. "My friend. My king." He planted a soft kiss on Arthur's cheek. "My lost love," he whispered.
"Merlin... I .... "
"Shhh." Merlin placed his finger on Arthur's lips. "I am not whole. I am damaged, this modern world hurts me. I didn't know how to heal myself. But this, with you... " His eyes were light blue, intense, introspective. "It's as if you are the magic binding me together, restoring me as I touch you with my senses - and my thoughts - as I fill you, feel myself inside you."
Arthur swallowed and nodded, quiet for a moment. Then smiled as a thought occurred to him.
"So Marvin had a point then?"
Merlin's crazy grin returned and he spoke with dancing eyes.
"Yeah, I really think he did."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Epilogue.
June 2014. Cambridge
Gwen
The two men stood in front of her, outside the college chapel, looking heartsmashingly gorgeous; one dark and smoochy, the other golden and shiny; and she swore she could somehow see a lingering golden halo around them both. They probably had sex this morning, she thought. Scratch that, they definitely had sex this morning. Dirty buggers.
"David bloody Cameron did it after all!" she chuckled. For same-sex marriage was now possible in Albion and their union symbolised their healing, as well as the healing of the land.
And then Merlin stepped up to her, gave her a big hug and kiss. "Gwen, you are an extraordinary person. You pulled me back from the brink. I can't thank you enough, but want you to have this as a token of my gratitude and our mutual love of Oolong."
He reached inside his midnight-blue dress jacket and retrieved a golden case. She lifted the lid and gasped. There inside was Merlin's original Eye of Horus, returned to him by the staff of Addenbrookes, and now dangling from a delicate golden chain.
"I want you to have it," he said. "I hope it brings you luck, and brings you your Lancelot, as it brought me my Arthur. I'm going to keep the one you gave me." He smiled his megawatt smile, and she dimpled back.
And then Arthur stepped forward.
"Gwen, who isn't Gwen," he began, "I wanted to thank you too, for keeping him for me so he was here when I came back - and for opening my eyes." And he passed her a case. In it lay a golden ring, a wedding band. Not the one he wore for Merlin - a much older, plainer band.
"My Queen, your namesake, wore its twin long ago," he whispered. "May it bring you peace, as it did me." And she took it with reverence, then threw her arms round him, eyes welling.
"You didn't fuck up, Arthur," she choked. And, "Thank you," she said to them both. And they all linked arms and turned back to the chapel as the bells pealed.
END
Back to Chapter 7