Why I like Metebelis III
I've been showing Doctor Who to a good friend of mine for the first time. We have just finished the Third Doctor's run and she has officially declared the famous Blue Planet of Metebelis III to be the "worst planet ever." Now, I believe Kembel is canonically the worst planet ever, and Androzani Minor is observably the worst planet ever, but Metebelis III has earned a place of honor on that list just for the sheer comically large number of things trying to kill you all the time, and the fact that, unlike most, it has its own story arc.
Metebelis III is the first Seduction Planet, as it were. Come with me, I've got this great planet to show you! The Doctor uses the wonders of Florana to seduce Sarah Jane back into the TARDIS after the accidental kidnapping mixup has run its course, and later tries the same thing on Peri with first the Eye of Orion and later Andromeda - with less successful results. But Jo's Seduction Planet is Metebelis III, the famous Blue Planet of the Acteon cluster, so called because of the color of the moonlight. And the mystique of the place serves not just as enticement but as the primary framing narrative of Season 10. While Doctor Who in this era is primarily episodic, rather that arc-driven, it does sometimes make use of some framing narrative to contextualize the episodicness. Trying to get Ian and Barbara home to Earth, for instance, or deliver Tegan safely to Heathrow Airport. The framing narrative of season 10 is the Doctor, having had his freedom restored, trying to show off the wonders of the Universe to Jo by bringing her to Metebelis III. It's sheer tourism, but it's also symbolic of the tension between Doctor-life and Earth-life suddenly introduced by the lifting of his exile. And it's a seduction that ultimately fails. Jo is perfectly happy to be a space tourist - heck, a space princess extraordinaire - but what's most important to her at the end of the day is her own planet, its peoples and its problems. And so Jo never actually comes to Metebelis III. When forced to choose, she chooses Earth.
Let's talk about the planet itself. The famous Blue Planet. It has at least one large moon, which is responsible for a lot of the blueness. The rest of the blueness is accounted for by psychoactive crystals. The parts o it we see are arid, but it is home to giant birds, giant snakes, giant tentacles, giant spiders, and both indigenous humanoids and later human colonist (and their sheep). Pretty much all of which are trying to kill the Doctor, pretty much all of the time. We are treated to one stunning blue sunset, then bam! Murder birds. Why is everything on Metebelis III so gorram big anyway? Well, that seems to be down to the mind-expanding blue crystals (and no, this isn't Breaking Bad). The crystalline lattice resonates in a manner congenial to brainwaves. This can amplify innate psychic ability, remove brainwashing, cure developmental disabilities, and create giant malevolent invisible telepathic spiders (...so maybe this is Breaking Bad after all). The "last perfect sapphire" is the Phlebotinum of the day in "the Green Death" and returns as the MacGuffin in "Planet of the Spiders." Other less perfect Metebelis sapphires occur as recently as "Hide," although the Doctor seems to have entirely forgotten how to pronounce the name of the planet. (It's meta-BEE-lus, Matt, not meh-TEH-bulus. Gosh.)
But let's get back to absolutely everything trying to kill the Doctor, because that's my favorite bit. It's great. It's Kirk-buried-in-tribbles levels of great. It's like they told the crew: Just throw everything you can at Jon. Tentacles, rocks, spears - it's hilarious. And I just love that after all this effort to get here, all that symbolic weight, the universe just absolutely refuses to vindicate the Doctor even a little bit. You wanted to get to this planet so badly you hardwired the coordinates into the TARDIS navigation system (because by then it's the principle of the thing) - and the whole planet is just like hahahahah SCREW YOU. And can we pause and appreciate the bit of continuity that the Doctor is 100% confident in being able to follow Sarah Jane to Metebelis III due to the aforementioned hardwiring. It's the one place in the universe the TARDIS is absolutely sure to get to, and it's the actual worst. I love it.
Metebelis III is a wonderful study in contrasts. Beauty juxtaposed with hostility and danger. The Seduction Planet that hates you. A blue crystal to combat a green death. It's functionally a two-episode monster, and it ties together the Third Doctor's entire post-exile storyline.
Metebelis III is the first Seduction Planet, as it were. Come with me, I've got this great planet to show you! The Doctor uses the wonders of Florana to seduce Sarah Jane back into the TARDIS after the accidental kidnapping mixup has run its course, and later tries the same thing on Peri with first the Eye of Orion and later Andromeda - with less successful results. But Jo's Seduction Planet is Metebelis III, the famous Blue Planet of the Acteon cluster, so called because of the color of the moonlight. And the mystique of the place serves not just as enticement but as the primary framing narrative of Season 10. While Doctor Who in this era is primarily episodic, rather that arc-driven, it does sometimes make use of some framing narrative to contextualize the episodicness. Trying to get Ian and Barbara home to Earth, for instance, or deliver Tegan safely to Heathrow Airport. The framing narrative of season 10 is the Doctor, having had his freedom restored, trying to show off the wonders of the Universe to Jo by bringing her to Metebelis III. It's sheer tourism, but it's also symbolic of the tension between Doctor-life and Earth-life suddenly introduced by the lifting of his exile. And it's a seduction that ultimately fails. Jo is perfectly happy to be a space tourist - heck, a space princess extraordinaire - but what's most important to her at the end of the day is her own planet, its peoples and its problems. And so Jo never actually comes to Metebelis III. When forced to choose, she chooses Earth.
Let's talk about the planet itself. The famous Blue Planet. It has at least one large moon, which is responsible for a lot of the blueness. The rest of the blueness is accounted for by psychoactive crystals. The parts o it we see are arid, but it is home to giant birds, giant snakes, giant tentacles, giant spiders, and both indigenous humanoids and later human colonist (and their sheep). Pretty much all of which are trying to kill the Doctor, pretty much all of the time. We are treated to one stunning blue sunset, then bam! Murder birds. Why is everything on Metebelis III so gorram big anyway? Well, that seems to be down to the mind-expanding blue crystals (and no, this isn't Breaking Bad). The crystalline lattice resonates in a manner congenial to brainwaves. This can amplify innate psychic ability, remove brainwashing, cure developmental disabilities, and create giant malevolent invisible telepathic spiders (...so maybe this is Breaking Bad after all). The "last perfect sapphire" is the Phlebotinum of the day in "the Green Death" and returns as the MacGuffin in "Planet of the Spiders." Other less perfect Metebelis sapphires occur as recently as "Hide," although the Doctor seems to have entirely forgotten how to pronounce the name of the planet. (It's meta-BEE-lus, Matt, not meh-TEH-bulus. Gosh.)
But let's get back to absolutely everything trying to kill the Doctor, because that's my favorite bit. It's great. It's Kirk-buried-in-tribbles levels of great. It's like they told the crew: Just throw everything you can at Jon. Tentacles, rocks, spears - it's hilarious. And I just love that after all this effort to get here, all that symbolic weight, the universe just absolutely refuses to vindicate the Doctor even a little bit. You wanted to get to this planet so badly you hardwired the coordinates into the TARDIS navigation system (because by then it's the principle of the thing) - and the whole planet is just like hahahahah SCREW YOU. And can we pause and appreciate the bit of continuity that the Doctor is 100% confident in being able to follow Sarah Jane to Metebelis III due to the aforementioned hardwiring. It's the one place in the universe the TARDIS is absolutely sure to get to, and it's the actual worst. I love it.
Metebelis III is a wonderful study in contrasts. Beauty juxtaposed with hostility and danger. The Seduction Planet that hates you. A blue crystal to combat a green death. It's functionally a two-episode monster, and it ties together the Third Doctor's entire post-exile storyline.