(no subject)
I am sitting in the bath tub. The temerature rapidly is leaving the full tub. I know Jenny and Krista are blarring music off the computer not more than six feet away from the door. Not a sound comes thru the walls.
I realize that I am in the bath tub, with the faucet right next to my right ear.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
The icy water falls from the spout, softly landing on my shoulder. I feel it, but the coldness does nothing to me. As if I cant feel anything. Starring stright ahead, the colorful plastic animal clings stare at me with beady white eyes. Glowing in the darkness. Starring me down. Slowly fangs appear from their little mouths. It doesn't faze me. As if it is a normal occurance.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Droplets falling harder on my shoulder. The preasure alarms me and I look down to see if there is any damage. Little welts swell to the size of golf balls. Again, normal. A hard pounding on the door somewhat sartled me. With the curtain open, anything or one that comes thru the door will see me bare. Its just a naked body. After they see what i look like unclothed, they would run and close the door behind me. Pounding stops.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Same spot. My left arm slowly makes its way to my shoulder. The welts are gone. My shoulder is warm. Odd. But ok. Nothing seems to be normal right now. I'll just go with it.
I close my eyes. All I see is little fuzzy lights going up, down, side to side, around in circles. Interesting shapes are running all around behind my eyelids. I actually feela little sick to my stomach. I better stop. The last thing I need is a bathtub of cold water mixed with the nachos I ate earlier that night.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
The preasure gaines intenstity. However, there is no pain. From my shoulder to the tip of my finger, it tingles as if it went to sleep. There is no preasure on my arm. Poor circulation? I thought I better warm it up. I try to lift my left arm, its so heavy. My right arm works just fine. reaching next to my head, I let the scawlding water poor down my numb arm. Nothing. I feel nothing. My body starts to feel more alive as the tub fills to the brim. I turn the water off and sink to the level of the water, my top lip just over the surface.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It starts to feel thick in the tub. It didnt feel like water. It felt like some kind of thin gel. I wanted to lift my body out of the muck and rinse of with the shower head. I go to get up and I can't move. Just my eyes can move. How was I paralized? I didn't hit my head. I didn't hurt my back or neck anywhere. I started to freak out. But everything refused to move.
Drip.
Pound.
Drip.
Pound.
Water dripped faster and faster form the fauscet. The pounding on the door increased with more and more preasure. I tried with everything to move. The water was completely still. I needed some part of my body to move. I needed light. I needed someone to come and help me. Figure out why I can't move. The pounding on the door stopped. The water stopped in the tub. A bright light filled the bottom of the tub. I looked down. Dark lines ran up my arm. Mirky red water was rising from them. Both arms. Identicle marks.
What the fuck was going on!? The animals were mocking me, telling me that it was all going to be over soon. The pain would go away and that my flesh would be gone before anyone could find me. My bones would just wash away with the water. Disinigrate like sand on the shoreline. They said no one would miss me, remember me, even know that I ever exsisted.
The beating in my chest continued to drop to lower rates. The thoughts in my head were comming in and out slowly. My sight became fuzzy. Light from the crack in the door glowed thru brighter and brighter with every passing second.
Everything in my body became alive. I jumped up from as quick as i could. Every limb on my body was weak as if I was drunk as I could be. As I slowly stumbled to open the door, red tracks were left on the sea shell carpet. I went for the door. Gripped the handle with all my might, blood squirting on the door, my feet dragging, my head whirling, my equilibrium sending me side to side. After few minutes I managed to make it to the door. I took one deep breath and opened the door.
death? a new start? was I saved? or comdemned? i have no idea.
I realize that I am in the bath tub, with the faucet right next to my right ear.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
The icy water falls from the spout, softly landing on my shoulder. I feel it, but the coldness does nothing to me. As if I cant feel anything. Starring stright ahead, the colorful plastic animal clings stare at me with beady white eyes. Glowing in the darkness. Starring me down. Slowly fangs appear from their little mouths. It doesn't faze me. As if it is a normal occurance.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Droplets falling harder on my shoulder. The preasure alarms me and I look down to see if there is any damage. Little welts swell to the size of golf balls. Again, normal. A hard pounding on the door somewhat sartled me. With the curtain open, anything or one that comes thru the door will see me bare. Its just a naked body. After they see what i look like unclothed, they would run and close the door behind me. Pounding stops.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Same spot. My left arm slowly makes its way to my shoulder. The welts are gone. My shoulder is warm. Odd. But ok. Nothing seems to be normal right now. I'll just go with it.
I close my eyes. All I see is little fuzzy lights going up, down, side to side, around in circles. Interesting shapes are running all around behind my eyelids. I actually feela little sick to my stomach. I better stop. The last thing I need is a bathtub of cold water mixed with the nachos I ate earlier that night.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
The preasure gaines intenstity. However, there is no pain. From my shoulder to the tip of my finger, it tingles as if it went to sleep. There is no preasure on my arm. Poor circulation? I thought I better warm it up. I try to lift my left arm, its so heavy. My right arm works just fine. reaching next to my head, I let the scawlding water poor down my numb arm. Nothing. I feel nothing. My body starts to feel more alive as the tub fills to the brim. I turn the water off and sink to the level of the water, my top lip just over the surface.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It starts to feel thick in the tub. It didnt feel like water. It felt like some kind of thin gel. I wanted to lift my body out of the muck and rinse of with the shower head. I go to get up and I can't move. Just my eyes can move. How was I paralized? I didn't hit my head. I didn't hurt my back or neck anywhere. I started to freak out. But everything refused to move.
Drip.
Pound.
Drip.
Pound.
Water dripped faster and faster form the fauscet. The pounding on the door increased with more and more preasure. I tried with everything to move. The water was completely still. I needed some part of my body to move. I needed light. I needed someone to come and help me. Figure out why I can't move. The pounding on the door stopped. The water stopped in the tub. A bright light filled the bottom of the tub. I looked down. Dark lines ran up my arm. Mirky red water was rising from them. Both arms. Identicle marks.
What the fuck was going on!? The animals were mocking me, telling me that it was all going to be over soon. The pain would go away and that my flesh would be gone before anyone could find me. My bones would just wash away with the water. Disinigrate like sand on the shoreline. They said no one would miss me, remember me, even know that I ever exsisted.
The beating in my chest continued to drop to lower rates. The thoughts in my head were comming in and out slowly. My sight became fuzzy. Light from the crack in the door glowed thru brighter and brighter with every passing second.
Everything in my body became alive. I jumped up from as quick as i could. Every limb on my body was weak as if I was drunk as I could be. As I slowly stumbled to open the door, red tracks were left on the sea shell carpet. I went for the door. Gripped the handle with all my might, blood squirting on the door, my feet dragging, my head whirling, my equilibrium sending me side to side. After few minutes I managed to make it to the door. I took one deep breath and opened the door.
death? a new start? was I saved? or comdemned? i have no idea.