I'm not strong enough.
There comes a point when you got to just admit defeat. That's just a part of being human. You have to lose. You have to, once in a while, or you forget what joy is like when things are going right.
I've come to the realization that I hold too many insecurities to be happy with Craig. I can't let her go. I can't do it. I don't think I will be able to until this divorce finally pushes through and he can finally be able to tell her that his heart belongs to someone else.
I know that he loves me. Right? He says it every day. Right? It should be true. Right?
So why can't I believe it? Why is it so hard for me to accept that he loves me? I'm the happiest I am in the world when he's around and it goes to shit in .5 seconds because I get these thoughts that he doesn't want me. That I'm just a mend to his heart from a failed marriage. That that's the only reason why I'm around, to get his mind off of her.
I know it's stupid. I shouldn't think this way. If he wanted her he would have gone back to her. I know this. He has a chance to go back to her. As much as she betrayed him, she wants him back. I don't get it. Never did, never will. I admit that I have had my rough patches with Craig when all I wanted to do was move onto the next one; and believe me, I was real close a couple of times.
I could have done it. But I didn't. Even though those thoughts were in my head. You know what thoughts I'm talking about? The ones I can't shake off, even after all this time. The thoughts like...
As soon as I turn my head they'll end up in bed together
If he doesn't care about her anymore why keep all of her stupid gifts (kind of a slap in the face for me... if you wanna keep your ex's stuff, you don't need anything I give you huh?)
He doesn't care about me as much as I do him
He never pushed for me to come home with him because... because all I am is another girlfriend to him. To his family, I'm just another girl. Might as well prep for the one next Christmas.
what's wrong with me? :/
I've come to the realization that I hold too many insecurities to be happy with Craig. I can't let her go. I can't do it. I don't think I will be able to until this divorce finally pushes through and he can finally be able to tell her that his heart belongs to someone else.
I know that he loves me. Right? He says it every day. Right? It should be true. Right?
So why can't I believe it? Why is it so hard for me to accept that he loves me? I'm the happiest I am in the world when he's around and it goes to shit in .5 seconds because I get these thoughts that he doesn't want me. That I'm just a mend to his heart from a failed marriage. That that's the only reason why I'm around, to get his mind off of her.
I know it's stupid. I shouldn't think this way. If he wanted her he would have gone back to her. I know this. He has a chance to go back to her. As much as she betrayed him, she wants him back. I don't get it. Never did, never will. I admit that I have had my rough patches with Craig when all I wanted to do was move onto the next one; and believe me, I was real close a couple of times.
I could have done it. But I didn't. Even though those thoughts were in my head. You know what thoughts I'm talking about? The ones I can't shake off, even after all this time. The thoughts like...
As soon as I turn my head they'll end up in bed together
If he doesn't care about her anymore why keep all of her stupid gifts (kind of a slap in the face for me... if you wanna keep your ex's stuff, you don't need anything I give you huh?)
He doesn't care about me as much as I do him
He never pushed for me to come home with him because... because all I am is another girlfriend to him. To his family, I'm just another girl. Might as well prep for the one next Christmas.
what's wrong with me? :/