I'm suddenly obsessed with this song:
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It was on some random compilation album I was listening to because one of the songs had been on JuBeat, whose songs I have been slowly but surely and systematically tracking down. (Having these minor tasks and quests is one of the small neurotic rituals I have that apparently keep me going through the day.)
In the background, I would notice the music, it would stand out from the other songs around it. The focus of my awareness suddenly shifting to what is playing, a moment's continued attention and the vague positive response persists. I would tab over to thumbs it up, and see I had already thumbsed it up. Eventually, I open up the lyrics, curious what is this song that I like so much - but haven't understood any words. I feel they add to the song: create a story or vignette, something vaguely relateable (maybe I'll start a playlist of songs about 'what the hell is wrong with me'), with a hint of poetry but the emotional state echoed (!!) by the music. I start to notice extra layers, the changing of tone as lines are repeated, and I am overall just charmed.
I start wanting to share the song with others, to expand and hold onto the feeling that this song has evoked in me. When I do have such feelings, it seems like it should be social.
These feelings are rare. Getting excited about something. Just enjoying something enough to willingly spend time investigating it, learning about the Vocaloid software and the community that grew up around it that this song is a part of. Engaging with anything, really, caring about it for its own sake and actually wanting to do something with it, even possibly expend a bit of energy.
Normally, everything seems like a chore. A burden. Some not so bad as others, but always a thing that I do some minimal amount of before I don't want to anymore. Before I need to be refreshed. Things that I at some level recognize as interesting not being worth the focus or investigation. The effort. My life is a perpetual slide down the hill of least resistance, every skid increasing the difficulty of going back up.
So I latch on to this little bundle of emotion, dwell on it, return to it, suck it dry.