(no subject)
When I was a child, I never dreamed of weddings. I never dreamed of families and homes in the suburbs. My dreams consisted of seeing the world on foot, meeting the Dali Lama, staying in the Whitehouse, but not as a guest. I had dreams of writing the first American novel of the 21st century, and using my fame to bring aid to Africa. I dreamed of curing cancer, fighting AIDs, colonizing mars, and converting the world to solar power and natural gas. These were my dreams. They still are my dreams, but as a cynic of the human race, I no longer can see myself fulfilling even the smallest of these wishes. I still wish to meet the leader of my faith, and I hope I do before the world ends, but I have to set my goals lower, so that I will not be permanently disappointed in life. The trick to setting goals is to make them just above what you can reach, so you always push yourself to do better, but not kill yourself in the pursuit.
Now I dream of weddings. I cried after my first marriage, not because of happiness, but because the ceremony was so short that I wanted to hurl. I still want my dream wedding, on the side of a lake, with floating candles or water orbs lighting up the night sky behind us, with the entire wedding party done in fairy fantasy or 18th century Victorian. I can picture our clothing, our stances, the Buddhist monk standing with his smiling face behind us and beckoning the group to join him. Maybe a pagan hand fasting, with a priestess of the woods holding our hands as a sign of unity. It matters not the religion that we marry, but more that we profess to the divine that we will remain one until the next lifetime.
I dream of spending my days writing, studying, a perpetual student of the human condition. I want to get a degree, I want to work, but I don’t see myself in a conventional job for long. Despite all that the feminist movement has done for the woman population, I would be ecstatic to be able to stay at home and watch my children grow and learn from them as much as they learn from me. I want to have time to paint, and to take back up an instrument. I want to prove that despite all my faults, I am there for Dante and everyone else who may become part of my family.
I dream of a man that I can spiritually connect to. An intellectual and emotional equal that understands my dreams and works with me, not against me, to achieve them. Someone who has dreams of his own, and allows me to help him with them. A man who is ready to take my emotional baggage and turn it into the positive. I dream of him often, and I hope he dreams of me.
I still dream of changing the world. I just don’t want to break myself attempting it. There are battles you pick in this lifetime, and when you don’t see as much positive in humanity as the negative, it makes the struggle of change seem unimportant in the big picture.
Now I dream of weddings. I cried after my first marriage, not because of happiness, but because the ceremony was so short that I wanted to hurl. I still want my dream wedding, on the side of a lake, with floating candles or water orbs lighting up the night sky behind us, with the entire wedding party done in fairy fantasy or 18th century Victorian. I can picture our clothing, our stances, the Buddhist monk standing with his smiling face behind us and beckoning the group to join him. Maybe a pagan hand fasting, with a priestess of the woods holding our hands as a sign of unity. It matters not the religion that we marry, but more that we profess to the divine that we will remain one until the next lifetime.
I dream of spending my days writing, studying, a perpetual student of the human condition. I want to get a degree, I want to work, but I don’t see myself in a conventional job for long. Despite all that the feminist movement has done for the woman population, I would be ecstatic to be able to stay at home and watch my children grow and learn from them as much as they learn from me. I want to have time to paint, and to take back up an instrument. I want to prove that despite all my faults, I am there for Dante and everyone else who may become part of my family.
I dream of a man that I can spiritually connect to. An intellectual and emotional equal that understands my dreams and works with me, not against me, to achieve them. Someone who has dreams of his own, and allows me to help him with them. A man who is ready to take my emotional baggage and turn it into the positive. I dream of him often, and I hope he dreams of me.
I still dream of changing the world. I just don’t want to break myself attempting it. There are battles you pick in this lifetime, and when you don’t see as much positive in humanity as the negative, it makes the struggle of change seem unimportant in the big picture.