oh, working in an office!
There's a shredder at work. Everybody has a "shred box" at their desk. Every weekend the cleaning people empty everybody's shred boxes into one box near the shredder, and either Angelyn or I shred the whole box on Monday. Our dear president has a tendancy to put garbage in his shred box. This is annoying, and pisses both of us off. A month ago, I relabeled his shred box in big black letters. No improvement. I sent out the following email to the whole group (even though it's really just for Fred.)
The cleaning people empty all of our shred boxes into one box by the shredder every week. Please be cognizant of where you are throwing items that should end up in the trash. Items that should not be in the shred box include but are not limited to; chips bags, plastic silverware, newspapers, and magazines. Also, when placing papers that do need to be shredded into your individual shred box, please don’t rip them up ahead of time. They run through the shredder much more smoothly if left whole.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jasper the Shredding Gnome
As soon as I signed it as a gnome and sent it, I realized that I should have sent the following note:
Hello employees of IBS,
I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Jasper, and I exist for the sole purpose of cutting your information saturated documents into tiny pieces so that the bad guys can’t get them. Of late, I’ve been feeling the need to address a few problems:
When you feed me paper that’s already ripped up, I begin to choke, sometimes requiring someone to manually dislodge the material from my throat. Also, I feel that my whole zen nature has been disturbed by the negative energy emanating from the cute girl that shreds a whole box of stuff once a week. She’s very pleasant at first, gently feeding me paper, but quickly becomes irate as she sees what you yahoos put in the box! I am allergic to plastic silverware, chip bags, newspapers, and magazines. Sometimes she even swears, and it just disturbs my place of peace. Please try to make my life a little easier, and I’ll try my best too. It is my goal to give you the best service possible.
Regards,
The Shredder