sigh?
I feel like venting at least I think I do so skip this entry if you don't want to hear it...
here goes ...
lately I have been, I don't know I don't think depressed but maybe and mad and sad and disappointed.
I mean I have never really had a great relationship with my dad, I have always been closer to my mom maybe i was when I was younger but I am not sure but now I feel heck I don't know what I feel I guess maybe I am jealous that my younger sisters have an ok relationship wit my dad probably because of soccer (I did ballet instead). now I just avoid him and stay away, I don't eat with them and I hardly talk because I know eventually the topic of my mom, or the custody will come up and I will tell him off and get all mad which I have done in the past and all it does is make things worse and make everyone more tense, sometimes I wish I could have a normal dinner and have it not end up in a fight so sometimes I go down and eat pasting a smile on my face and I hold it in which is probably not the best thing but what can I do.... then there are the times that I feel like crying and never stopping, but after I usually feel so much better.
I just get so mad and I wish he could see what he is doing to himself and my siblings, Amethyst and raven, though lately I have seen them standing up for themselves and my mom when he talks crap. speaking of Raven she just found out that she has to get glasses because her eyes did not develop past age five, I am truly amazed and proud that she got this far. and that she has been trying to read for so long and hasn't given up, they prescribed glasses that she will have to wear till her eyes are strong enough. I actually feel a whole lot better after venting.
Happy stuffz I am thinking of applying for a job at the co-op because I would really like to work there so I will go over there when they are accepting applications after all why not apply for a job somewhere I would really enjoy working.
There is SNL tonight and I get to see my favorite people ^_^ you guys always cheer me up.... yay!
Big Hugs and kisses
I love you guys
Mar-y
here goes ...
lately I have been, I don't know I don't think depressed but maybe and mad and sad and disappointed.
I mean I have never really had a great relationship with my dad, I have always been closer to my mom maybe i was when I was younger but I am not sure but now I feel heck I don't know what I feel I guess maybe I am jealous that my younger sisters have an ok relationship wit my dad probably because of soccer (I did ballet instead). now I just avoid him and stay away, I don't eat with them and I hardly talk because I know eventually the topic of my mom, or the custody will come up and I will tell him off and get all mad which I have done in the past and all it does is make things worse and make everyone more tense, sometimes I wish I could have a normal dinner and have it not end up in a fight so sometimes I go down and eat pasting a smile on my face and I hold it in which is probably not the best thing but what can I do.... then there are the times that I feel like crying and never stopping, but after I usually feel so much better.
I just get so mad and I wish he could see what he is doing to himself and my siblings, Amethyst and raven, though lately I have seen them standing up for themselves and my mom when he talks crap. speaking of Raven she just found out that she has to get glasses because her eyes did not develop past age five, I am truly amazed and proud that she got this far. and that she has been trying to read for so long and hasn't given up, they prescribed glasses that she will have to wear till her eyes are strong enough. I actually feel a whole lot better after venting.
Happy stuffz I am thinking of applying for a job at the co-op because I would really like to work there so I will go over there when they are accepting applications after all why not apply for a job somewhere I would really enjoy working.
There is SNL tonight and I get to see my favorite people ^_^ you guys always cheer me up.... yay!
Big Hugs and kisses
I love you guys
Mar-y