(no subject)
Last night I had what you would call night demons. A deep sinking feeling came to me, not unlike the feeling I got when Dracos questioned my love and his for me. Well it was strong, and with out reason other than a few harsh words we had before getting on to other things and then he leaving before I felt like we've talked enough. I was in my head, dreaming yet reliving that night, that night of pain when talking to him. Well instead of it ending and I sleeping, it got worse, he told me how he really feels. That he can no longer love me and how he regrets wasting time on me. Then I found something much like a knife and cut myself. I was screaming and dropped the phone. I can't remember if I died, if he then cared, or what. Then I shifted to other dreams of trying to seel things in a mall with a bunch of people, then going to some arena with Dracos to watch people I know fight demons to the death. We were planing on fighting ourselves, and were putting on things much like the braclets I have on my wrists and his. I almost fell into the ring, but I grabed on to Dracos and he saved me. I like that dream better than the first. I still have the sinking feeling. I'm worried and want to talk to him, but again he is to call me. How funny it is that I let that happen. I just feel like he doesn't love me, and it hurts, and the not knowing makes it worst. I'm in my own hell, and there's nothing I can do to get myself out of it.