Alone

May 22, 2004 23:57

Today I want to die. If I had been given the chance, and dared leave my house, I would have walked all the way to Dante's house. That's about 4 miles.Reason I didn't is b/c I wasn't sure he was there, and his parents are scaring me. His brother got disowned, and he isn't happy, so he's not on good term with his parents. I've been alone, dying at home. Not even my books can save me this time. I even called up some people to do shit, but every one was busy. Last night I found out the best fighter of depression is sleep, but I couldn't sleep forever. Right now, in the middle of the night, I want to go out and just walk, where, I don't care. I need some one to wake me up...or bring me back to life. Untill then, I'll just waste away. I contiplated telling my father I wanted to see a doctor about the depression, but I don't want them worried, not that they diserve any thing from me right now. They've been using me like shit lately. I mean, just b/c I don't have a life doesn't mean they can make it impossible for me to try and build one. Right now I'd love some physical labor. I'm lossing my mind to this loneliness...Or better yet, have lost.
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