(no subject)
I have never been this depressed... I have pretty much ruined my realtionship with Caitlyn by letting my anger at my Mother take over, and I compared Caitlyn to her, which nobody deserves... Not even you Lily. Death is seeming more and more like the only option, and I'm not sure if I can take it anymore. I feel so horrible all the time. I'm trapped in hell. I want her so much... I really wish that I could go back in time and make it so that I was never born... I wish Caitlyn would forgive me... She says I haven't ruined everything... Just most things... GODDAMNIT! WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME WHO FUCKS UP I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SUCH A BAD PERSON I TRY AND I TRY AND I TRY BUT I CANT SEEM TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND I WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING BECAUSE EVERYTHING SEEMS TO JUST FUCKING HATE ME!!!!!!