Moment of weakness
So I saw Rob today. He asked me to come over to hang out for awhile and I did. It started out pretty civil but then when I was searching through the dvds he had taken out of the apartment last week, I just happened to glance up at him standing next to me and had the most uncontrollable urge to wrap him in my arms and kiss him. I walked away. In the next hour or so I kept trying to clear a path through my tangle emotions and feelings. It ended with us fighting. And continued to fight the rest of the day over the telephone.
Now is the time when I truly need real friends that care about me and can lend me strength in my weak moments. For the time being, I am still in love with Rob, the good side of him that is, and need help in keeping my mind clear and my determination set. Without it, I fear that I will run back to him and the cycle will just continue until I am evetually broken and beaten.
This is what kept me from leaving for so long. Because I had cut most of the ties to my friends in the beginning of my relationship with him and I feared that once I ended it, there would be no one there to help. I tried calling people this morning the make other plans so that I would have an excuse not to see him. No one either answers their phone or are simply not home.
Loneliness is quite possibly the most suffocating feeling in the world. I wish to god that I had kept my friends instead of pushing them away but alas, we all make mistakes and tend to pay for them dearly.
Now is the time when I truly need real friends that care about me and can lend me strength in my weak moments. For the time being, I am still in love with Rob, the good side of him that is, and need help in keeping my mind clear and my determination set. Without it, I fear that I will run back to him and the cycle will just continue until I am evetually broken and beaten.
This is what kept me from leaving for so long. Because I had cut most of the ties to my friends in the beginning of my relationship with him and I feared that once I ended it, there would be no one there to help. I tried calling people this morning the make other plans so that I would have an excuse not to see him. No one either answers their phone or are simply not home.
Loneliness is quite possibly the most suffocating feeling in the world. I wish to god that I had kept my friends instead of pushing them away but alas, we all make mistakes and tend to pay for them dearly.