Had to share
I recently posted a blog on myspace entitled "Rantings of an Abused Women". For all who have not read it yet, please do before preceeding past this point of the post.
Since then, I have met a man who is more insightful into the minds of men than anyone I've ever known.
Below is the original reponse that I received. Just thought I'd share:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Date: Jul 23, 2005 1:06 PM
To "sort of" answer your question "Why do men have to be such manipulative assholes?" has to do in part with:
1. Emotions are a much smaller part of life in a younger man's life. They don't go through the wild swings that girls do and thus don't have as much experience in dealing with them successfully. Thus, when the really big ones come along, infatuation, love etc. there's no wisdom or experience in dealing with them and therefore they do not deal with them well (i.e. violent outbursts, blaming the other person, bizarre stalking behavior etc.)
As they get older and more experienced, they begin to see these things for what they are, and are much more adjusted/developed, that's why I said, "younger men" above.
2. no one teaching men how to deal with their emotions
If they were taught to deal with them, then not only would they be a lot more calm and flexible about things, but would realize that violence never solves anything, and that if they think it would make them feel better after thrashing about, there's a thing called a "heavy bag" that will tire your anger out quite quickly.
3. No one teaches them how to respect the emotions/feelings of others.
If they were taught this, then they would realize that they have to accomodate another person emotionally just like they expect to be accomodated (i.e not doing things that make the other person upset, doing things because they know it will make them content/happy). They would realized that when a person doesn't want to be with you, you just have to accept it and respect the way they feel, and move on.
4. No one teaches them the reality of a relationship, which is two independant, thinking, feeling, people who come together because it enhances both of their lives. Not one person and a mind-reading, accomodating, robot (that analogy goes for both men and women). Somehow, this is never addressed and the idea is left to be discovered on their own.
Relationships (not just between two people, all relationships) are pretty much what life is about. You can learn about math and science all day long, but in order to do anything in life, you have to interact with people. It's mystifying to me, that since this is the case, why no one teaches these things, everyone is left to the "school of hard-knocks" and expected to "just get it." Do we throw our kids in the pool and say, "ok! just swim!" No? Then why do we send them out into the world with little or no emotional education?
Of course, there are something that you just can't teach, but some foreknowledge and training (what you get via experience) couldn't hurt.
I stumbled onto your page because I was looking through my friend (xBlueRosesx) and your red shirt caught my eye. Thus, the "drive-by" blogging response. Also, you can change your Myspace settings to not show you as being online. It sucks when your friends want to IM you, but then people you don't want to know you're on can't see you.
Since then, I have met a man who is more insightful into the minds of men than anyone I've ever known.
Below is the original reponse that I received. Just thought I'd share:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Date: Jul 23, 2005 1:06 PM
To "sort of" answer your question "Why do men have to be such manipulative assholes?" has to do in part with:
1. Emotions are a much smaller part of life in a younger man's life. They don't go through the wild swings that girls do and thus don't have as much experience in dealing with them successfully. Thus, when the really big ones come along, infatuation, love etc. there's no wisdom or experience in dealing with them and therefore they do not deal with them well (i.e. violent outbursts, blaming the other person, bizarre stalking behavior etc.)
As they get older and more experienced, they begin to see these things for what they are, and are much more adjusted/developed, that's why I said, "younger men" above.
2. no one teaching men how to deal with their emotions
If they were taught to deal with them, then not only would they be a lot more calm and flexible about things, but would realize that violence never solves anything, and that if they think it would make them feel better after thrashing about, there's a thing called a "heavy bag" that will tire your anger out quite quickly.
3. No one teaches them how to respect the emotions/feelings of others.
If they were taught this, then they would realize that they have to accomodate another person emotionally just like they expect to be accomodated (i.e not doing things that make the other person upset, doing things because they know it will make them content/happy). They would realized that when a person doesn't want to be with you, you just have to accept it and respect the way they feel, and move on.
4. No one teaches them the reality of a relationship, which is two independant, thinking, feeling, people who come together because it enhances both of their lives. Not one person and a mind-reading, accomodating, robot (that analogy goes for both men and women). Somehow, this is never addressed and the idea is left to be discovered on their own.
Relationships (not just between two people, all relationships) are pretty much what life is about. You can learn about math and science all day long, but in order to do anything in life, you have to interact with people. It's mystifying to me, that since this is the case, why no one teaches these things, everyone is left to the "school of hard-knocks" and expected to "just get it." Do we throw our kids in the pool and say, "ok! just swim!" No? Then why do we send them out into the world with little or no emotional education?
Of course, there are something that you just can't teach, but some foreknowledge and training (what you get via experience) couldn't hurt.
I stumbled onto your page because I was looking through my friend (xBlueRosesx) and your red shirt caught my eye. Thus, the "drive-by" blogging response. Also, you can change your Myspace settings to not show you as being online. It sucks when your friends want to IM you, but then people you don't want to know you're on can't see you.