Three Cheers for Sudden Realizations...
So I'm sitting here minding my own business and attempting (and not quite failing!) to write my lit final/composition and suddenly, I'm catapulted out of my own mind by what I just realized:
Next year, I will be in college.
I know it sounds like a d'uh moment but the thing is, I just now realized the ramifications of that simple fact.
For starters, I will not have a home. Well, I guess I will have a home-or rather a place to sleep, but it won't belong to me and I'll have to move in and back out every year. Even my home now won't be my home anymore. It'll be my family's home because it won't be where I reside for most of the year. They live there but I won't. For all intents and purposes, I will be homeless. I will just spend the next four years shuffling between one long term hotel and another, living off of the kindness of whoever houses me which I guess isn't much different from the past eighteen years of my life...It's just the permanence that I'll miss.
As if being virtually homeless isn't enough, I'll be squatting with a stranger. Keyword: Stranger, i.e. not friend. Not necessarily someone that I have to have anything in common with. I'm not worried that we won't be friends. I don't have to be best friends with my roommate. I'm not even worried that we'll completely hate each other. I'm just worried that I will NEVER be comfortable sharing close quarters with another person. If we hated each other, it'd be easy to be comfortable because I wouldn't care what the person has to say or thinks of what I do or don't do or whatever. The thing is, I consider myself flexible and easy going. I'm not bitchy or overly particular about how I want things. The problem is that in my efforts to be accomodating to the other person, I can become mouselike-quiet and inconspicuous and considerate to an personally inconvenient and unpleasant level...At least that's how I felt every time I went and was hosted.
I don't want to live like that for four years...
*sigh* Suddenly, graduation doesn't just mean no more speech or Mr. Pep. Now, it's starting to feel more and more like a major disturbance of a system that worked just fine for me. Which I guess is what it is.
On the plus side though, the food is good, I can do whatever I want with my time, and if I get too worn out by the rigors of college life, I can distract myself with school.