I am simultaneously so glad I didn't actually buy any of this crap and so tempted to go to the used bookstore and look for paperbacks so I can snark. The mocking - it could be so glorious! Anyway.
Issue number two: the timeline in the first few pages that shows you all the books you can buy the chronological order of the books. We’re on book five for this series, yet in the timeline only the first two are listed.
Wow, seriously? That is an impressively incompetent oversight.
Well, that depends on whether or not Denning is doing the writing, but whatever.
ILU. <3
-They could not be more obvious right now about Ben starting to crush on Vestara.
I've lost the timeline. How old are Ben and Vestara?
We then have to have a quick break in the story so Luke can send out the thought “Mara, I still miss you, and I swear I feel you here with me now.” Really? That’s necessary? Because I’m pretty sure it isn’t.
Oy. My OTP almost hurts more from the ham-handedness than the death. *facepalm*
I kind of want to go off on the line about all the kids and wives sleeping, because Han’s kids would’ve been at least 16 when that happened and they were in the middle of the Vong War.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Anakin was fifteen or sixteen when Ben was born, wasn't he? And wasn't he dead by the time Luke and Mara sent Ben off to the Maw? So we had a gap of what, maybe a year at most where all the kids were even alive? And wasn't Jaina flying with the Rogues at that time and therefore unlikely to be comfortably at home tucked into bed at an early enough hour for her father and uncle to be sitting up telling stories (about the damn ship? Seriously? Because those two had nothing more interesting to talk about than one of Lando's ships?)?
Make it Mara telling the story about the ship and how Lando told it to her when they were pretending to be dating and how Luke razzed her about how she downgraded by marrying him because he never wears capes or something.
You should write that. :P
-For gabri, at least this author’s version of Tahiri can agree with you about what she did:
Took 'em long enough.
-Raynar apparently goes out and sits on the steps of the Jedi Temple every afternoon and Dorvan has started having lunch with him each afternoon. Daala wants Dorvan to try and start manipulating Raynar to be willing to work for her.
That is both oddly random and wearyingly reminiscent of Tahiri being a double agent for Jacen.
-Luke hasn’t taken Mara’s things out of their cabin on the Shadow and he hasn’t told Ben that he’s kept her stuff. Umm, she’s been dead for two years, and the ship isn’t that big, I think Ben (especially since he’s a master detective and all) would have figured stuff out.
Not only that, but why should this be anything to talk about at all? Is Luke somehow obligated to purge all of his late wife's belongings because she died? That isn't some sort of automatic step upon the death of a family member. I seriously doubt that anyone would bat an eye at his keeping Mara's things. Also, wasn't there a locket of hers that Luke gave into Ben's keeping back in LotF, therefore Ben wouldn't be exactly surprised to hear that Luke had kept things?
-Mara’s ship+Luke seeing her “ghost” in the stupid fountain+having a female onboard again=Luke having a dream where Mara is lying beside him in bed, but when he rolls over she’s gone.
The fact that merely having a female aboard the ship again is a trigger is worrying to me.
-The Sith are just learning about the Hutts (mostly through their control over Klatooine) and admire them for the ethics and accomplishments (but obviously not because of their looks)
Oh, come on. Even a particularly wily and opportunistic Hutt is a rank amateur next to a decent Sith.
More of making Ben and Vestara out to be Luke and Mara v2.0.
I was just rolling my eyes at Ben and Vestara until this. Now I feel ill.
-And that was a whole chapter introducing some new little girl enslaved to a Hutt and some Underground Railroad setup. Really? This is how you’re spending your pages?
Ay carumba.
-“There were gates at various intervals and these were closed, but… seriously, it was only a ring of dirt and wooden gates.” (86) Is this what you call professional writing?
*gigglefit*
I’m assuming that last word is supposed to be solid? Or are we just making up words now?
Oh, she might have meant stolid. But if she did, it was a poor word choice. "Stolid" applies to people, not things. Also, "Fountain of the Hutt Ancients"? Really? Really?
Cue the instant “Our children aren’t involved in that way”/glaring comedic routine. Just how much more cliché are we going to get with this whole Ben and Vestara mess?
*sigh*
Since I know you hated the fact that Tenel Ka did the same thing in a previous book. Looks like the trick is making its way around the ladies in the GFFA.
Had I but the book in my hands at this moment, I would hurl it against the wall. I guess it's just as well.
It mentions that this conversation is the closure for Anakin’s death that she was looking for in all the flow-walking with Jacen and such. It’s about time we’ve had closure on this topic because seriously it’s been like twenty years.
And yet it rings hollow, because if you were actually reading the books, Tahiri had reached a decent measure of closure by the end of the NJO, for crying out loud.
-“Luke, the Grand Master, the creator of the new Order, hadn’t had to have an ‘assistant’.” (120-121) Again with the level of crappy writing.
Seriously? Seriously? Ow, my brain.
-Jaina wants to launch the Stealth-Xs, half the room is with her and half is against. The meeting falls into a shouting match and Jaina slips out to go get some outside help.
Because Jedi Masters routinely lose control to the extent that they have shouting matches in official meetings and don't even notice when someone leaves the room.
I see all these people with the same names who look like who they’re supposed to be but aren’t really at all.
That's how I've felt about basically everyone since DN began. And yes, that J/J scene was just ridiculous.
In the message Jag tells them that the Jedi are under attack, Jaina broke up with him, and that she’s now gone off on her own presumably to Klatooine to join up with Luke and fight against the Sith.
This whole paragraph of yours made me LOL, but this particular line completely cracked me up. I have this vision of this Seinfeld scene with Jag superimposed over Frank Costanza and Han and Leia in Jerry's place. In a sea of crappiness, this makes me happy. :D
-Luke had the conversation Vestara and her dad shared earlier in the book sent to 3PO to translate, and the Skywalker boys just got back the translation confirming that the Sith lied about their apprentices going crazy and that Vestara’s dad is encouraging her to seduce Ben to bring him to the Dark Side.
Oh, dear, poor Ben's adolescent heart. Unless Vestara gets all teary and admits that's how it started, but it's not how she really feels! Can't they just be them? *hums "Can't Fight This Feeling Any More"*
-Is “breakfasted” really a verb?
Yes, but it's infrequently used, and it doesn't seem to fit the - um, extremely casual writing style Golden appears to have here.
-“Lando sighed. ‘I can step up repairs, but it’s still going to be another couple of days at the very least. Think you can distract your Sith buddies with shinies long enough so they don’t decide that a Skywalker skin might make a nice belt?’” (166) Shinies? When did this book stop being Star Wars and start being Firefly?
Also, "Sith shinies Skywalker skin" puts one's brain into a tongue twister loop.
This whole thing is so scattered. It's hard to find and follow a main plot just in this summary of half of one book, it jumps around so much. Add in the poor characterization, terrible writing, and all around stupidity, and you have quite the craptastic series. Oh, EU, how you've fallen.
Issue number two: the timeline in the first few pages that shows you all the books you can buy the chronological order of the books. We’re on book five for this series, yet in the timeline only the first two are listed.
Wow, seriously? That is an impressively incompetent oversight.
Well, that depends on whether or not Denning is doing the writing, but whatever.
ILU. <3
-They could not be more obvious right now about Ben starting to crush on Vestara.
I've lost the timeline. How old are Ben and Vestara?
We then have to have a quick break in the story so Luke can send out the thought “Mara, I still miss you, and I swear I feel you here with me now.” Really? That’s necessary? Because I’m pretty sure it isn’t.
Oy. My OTP almost hurts more from the ham-handedness than the death. *facepalm*
I kind of want to go off on the line about all the kids and wives sleeping, because Han’s kids would’ve been at least 16 when that happened and they were in the middle of the Vong War.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. Anakin was fifteen or sixteen when Ben was born, wasn't he? And wasn't he dead by the time Luke and Mara sent Ben off to the Maw? So we had a gap of what, maybe a year at most where all the kids were even alive? And wasn't Jaina flying with the Rogues at that time and therefore unlikely to be comfortably at home tucked into bed at an early enough hour for her father and uncle to be sitting up telling stories (about the damn ship? Seriously? Because those two had nothing more interesting to talk about than one of Lando's ships?)?
Make it Mara telling the story about the ship and how Lando told it to her when they were pretending to be dating and how Luke razzed her about how she downgraded by marrying him because he never wears capes or something.
You should write that. :P
-For gabri, at least this author’s version of Tahiri can agree with you about what she did:
Took 'em long enough.
-Raynar apparently goes out and sits on the steps of the Jedi Temple every afternoon and Dorvan has started having lunch with him each afternoon. Daala wants Dorvan to try and start manipulating Raynar to be willing to work for her.
That is both oddly random and wearyingly reminiscent of Tahiri being a double agent for Jacen.
-Luke hasn’t taken Mara’s things out of their cabin on the Shadow and he hasn’t told Ben that he’s kept her stuff. Umm, she’s been dead for two years, and the ship isn’t that big, I think Ben (especially since he’s a master detective and all) would have figured stuff out.
Not only that, but why should this be anything to talk about at all? Is Luke somehow obligated to purge all of his late wife's belongings because she died? That isn't some sort of automatic step upon the death of a family member. I seriously doubt that anyone would bat an eye at his keeping Mara's things. Also, wasn't there a locket of hers that Luke gave into Ben's keeping back in LotF, therefore Ben wouldn't be exactly surprised to hear that Luke had kept things?
-Mara’s ship+Luke seeing her “ghost” in the stupid fountain+having a female onboard again=Luke having a dream where Mara is lying beside him in bed, but when he rolls over she’s gone.
The fact that merely having a female aboard the ship again is a trigger is worrying to me.
-The Sith are just learning about the Hutts (mostly through their control over Klatooine) and admire them for the ethics and accomplishments (but obviously not because of their looks)
Oh, come on. Even a particularly wily and opportunistic Hutt is a rank amateur next to a decent Sith.
More of making Ben and Vestara out to be Luke and Mara v2.0.
I was just rolling my eyes at Ben and Vestara until this. Now I feel ill.
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Ay carumba.
-“There were gates at various intervals and these were closed, but… seriously, it was only a ring of dirt and wooden gates.” (86) Is this what you call professional writing?
*gigglefit*
I’m assuming that last word is supposed to be solid? Or are we just making up words now?
Oh, she might have meant stolid. But if she did, it was a poor word choice. "Stolid" applies to people, not things. Also, "Fountain of the Hutt Ancients"? Really? Really?
Cue the instant “Our children aren’t involved in that way”/glaring comedic routine. Just how much more cliché are we going to get with this whole Ben and Vestara mess?
*sigh*
Since I know you hated the fact that Tenel Ka did the same thing in a previous book. Looks like the trick is making its way around the ladies in the GFFA.
Had I but the book in my hands at this moment, I would hurl it against the wall. I guess it's just as well.
It mentions that this conversation is the closure for Anakin’s death that she was looking for in all the flow-walking with Jacen and such. It’s about time we’ve had closure on this topic because seriously it’s been like twenty years.
And yet it rings hollow, because if you were actually reading the books, Tahiri had reached a decent measure of closure by the end of the NJO, for crying out loud.
-“Luke, the Grand Master, the creator of the new Order, hadn’t had to have an ‘assistant’.” (120-121) Again with the level of crappy writing.
Seriously? Seriously? Ow, my brain.
-Jaina wants to launch the Stealth-Xs, half the room is with her and half is against. The meeting falls into a shouting match and Jaina slips out to go get some outside help.
Because Jedi Masters routinely lose control to the extent that they have shouting matches in official meetings and don't even notice when someone leaves the room.
I see all these people with the same names who look like who they’re supposed to be but aren’t really at all.
That's how I've felt about basically everyone since DN began. And yes, that J/J scene was just ridiculous.
In the message Jag tells them that the Jedi are under attack, Jaina broke up with him, and that she’s now gone off on her own presumably to Klatooine to join up with Luke and fight against the Sith.
This whole paragraph of yours made me LOL, but this particular line completely cracked me up. I have this vision of this Seinfeld scene with Jag superimposed over Frank Costanza and Han and Leia in Jerry's place. In a sea of crappiness, this makes me happy. :D
-Luke had the conversation Vestara and her dad shared earlier in the book sent to 3PO to translate, and the Skywalker boys just got back the translation confirming that the Sith lied about their apprentices going crazy and that Vestara’s dad is encouraging her to seduce Ben to bring him to the Dark Side.
Oh, dear, poor Ben's adolescent heart. Unless Vestara gets all teary and admits that's how it started, but it's not how she really feels! Can't they just be them? *hums "Can't Fight This Feeling Any More"*
-Is “breakfasted” really a verb?
Yes, but it's infrequently used, and it doesn't seem to fit the - um, extremely casual writing style Golden appears to have here.
-“Lando sighed. ‘I can step up repairs, but it’s still going to be another couple of days at the very least. Think you can distract your Sith buddies with shinies long enough so they don’t decide that a Skywalker skin might make a nice belt?’” (166) Shinies? When did this book stop being Star Wars and start being Firefly?
Also, "Sith shinies Skywalker skin" puts one's brain into a tongue twister loop.
This whole thing is so scattered. It's hard to find and follow a main plot just in this summary of half of one book, it jumps around so much. Add in the poor characterization, terrible writing, and all around stupidity, and you have quite the craptastic series. Oh, EU, how you've fallen.
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