*it's all so precious and you throw it all away*
you know what?
there's nothing more hurtful then when a person doesn't want to be your real friend after you break up with them. especially if
1) you were friends w. them beforehand
and
2) you weren't even romantically involved for all that long and spent more time being friends than more than friends, overall.
silly old, stupid me decided to let old habits die hard and tried to attempt at having a friendship w. the last guy i was with. out of caring and out of maturity -- thinking i could move along as friends with this person, such as we were prior. i'm not hurt and i seriously don't even care anymore (i seriously got over it last weekend) that it didn't work out between us romantically -- i've fallen for people harder/more and have been through worse. but i am hurt and i seriously care that i'm being treated like a complete asshole for trying to be this person's friend and like i am being punished by this person because it didn't work out between us romantically. the overwhelming air of well-rehearsed indifference suffocates me. my friendship (just like all my friendships i hold) is precious. and it is not to be taken for granted. if i am made to feel like an embarrassed shitface with too high expectations for trying to be someone's friend, then you know what? i quit on the person ... completely. i have so much going for me, like all my awesome friends, my budding career, and all my artistic whims. not to mention that at any given moment i might decide and find a fun and exciting character to date, pending on the person of course. i don't need some bullshit-ridden "weird" negativity dragging me down for no reason, all for trying to be fucking friends w. someone that i care(d) about. talk about not moving on, if we were friends to begin with, then why not be friends now unless this person is dwelling on what happened and how things did not work for us romantically and therefore not moving on? i guess i could understand this a little better, if we had not been friends prior (such as me and john, me and other doods, etc). but we were friends. friends first. and i don't understand this.
i guess it was foolish of me to think that i could be so lucky as to be friends w. someone i invested enough time and caring for as this person was becoming one of my best friends, even before we started being "together". (the only time i have not stayed friends with someone in the past was when there were instances of total horribleness from either end or when i've been royally fucked over, but even then it has resulted with friendship in every case, even as of lately matt --which took so long as it needed to due to the complexity of the situation). in this situation -- no one was royally fucked over, it was plain and simple -- things just didn't work out for varying reasons, so then what the hell? i hate to namedrop but seriously to make a valid point, look at me and allan for christ sake---one of the most painful situations ever, but of course, our friendship shined through because we equally care about each other and want the other one to feel good regardless, which we both wouldn't if we weren't friends anymore. do i need to even go further?
this person i am mainly mentioning makes me feel bad, used, and somewhat sad for being all 'we can be friends but we really can't be without limitations'. i am too strong of a person to succumb to someone elses limits and rules -- friendships are not about that. and i don't think anyone could blame me for feeling used -- as to thinking to months back and over last summer, when there was a potential for us to possibly get together in the future, i was worth this person's real friendship, but now that it didn't work out, i am not and i'm being treated like i fucking suck and am not good enough for this person's real friendship. if you count friendship as being solely on his terms filled with overwhelming boundaries and over-analyzations.
i don't appreciate or like it when people place conditions on friendships, relationships or the likes. life is too short for this shit. friendships, to me, are about the unconditional...being there for each other through thick and thin, good times and bad. not just the good. you get in touch, hang out, have fun whenever you fucking feel like it -- i am a very free-spirited person. it is not to be restrained/held back, charted, dated, planned out, etc. if you want to talk to someone, you should be able to do it. without thinking about it twice. he needs to admit that he's letting what happened between us romantically hang over his head so much that he 'can't' be my friend. if that's the case, it seriously needs to stop.
he said we might never be friends like we were beforehand, and, well that's just great (i write sarcastically) and seriously seems like a punishment... let a two-month long more than friend deal ruin a great friendship. that's what that says to me, on top of saying that he is potentially unwilling to grow from this experience with positivity towards me. not holding what happened against me, like i don't hold it against him. instead, it's almost just continuation of him drowning in a transparent puddle -- better known as what happened and probably shouldn't have between us considering neither one of us were ready. if i could, i would seriously turn back the clock and never have become romantically involved with him if i had known he was going to be like this afterward and make me feel like an ass for trying to be his friend. i honestly thought more of him, which is why i even got involved with him on that level to begin with.
maybe i'm being "immature" for wanting a real friendship with him. maybe not. all i know for sure is that i must've been a fool for thinking and therefore expecting this friendship, as i do with all of my friendships, to be about the unconditional -- as it always has been. and as it always will stay with me. i seriously thought he was different in this regard. but i guess not...
i deserve and am owed an apology, from this person, who i thought was my friend. one of my good friends (he runs in an exclusive social circle, while i don't, all my good friends are dispersed throughout and he was def. one of them). for behaving in such a hurtful, not a real friend-like manner. till then, we are not friends and i say fuck him -- as i don't do anything, and certainly not friendships, "conditionally" -- never have and never will.
there's nothing more hurtful then when a person doesn't want to be your real friend after you break up with them. especially if
1) you were friends w. them beforehand
and
2) you weren't even romantically involved for all that long and spent more time being friends than more than friends, overall.
silly old, stupid me decided to let old habits die hard and tried to attempt at having a friendship w. the last guy i was with. out of caring and out of maturity -- thinking i could move along as friends with this person, such as we were prior. i'm not hurt and i seriously don't even care anymore (i seriously got over it last weekend) that it didn't work out between us romantically -- i've fallen for people harder/more and have been through worse. but i am hurt and i seriously care that i'm being treated like a complete asshole for trying to be this person's friend and like i am being punished by this person because it didn't work out between us romantically. the overwhelming air of well-rehearsed indifference suffocates me. my friendship (just like all my friendships i hold) is precious. and it is not to be taken for granted. if i am made to feel like an embarrassed shitface with too high expectations for trying to be someone's friend, then you know what? i quit on the person ... completely. i have so much going for me, like all my awesome friends, my budding career, and all my artistic whims. not to mention that at any given moment i might decide and find a fun and exciting character to date, pending on the person of course. i don't need some bullshit-ridden "weird" negativity dragging me down for no reason, all for trying to be fucking friends w. someone that i care(d) about. talk about not moving on, if we were friends to begin with, then why not be friends now unless this person is dwelling on what happened and how things did not work for us romantically and therefore not moving on? i guess i could understand this a little better, if we had not been friends prior (such as me and john, me and other doods, etc). but we were friends. friends first. and i don't understand this.
i guess it was foolish of me to think that i could be so lucky as to be friends w. someone i invested enough time and caring for as this person was becoming one of my best friends, even before we started being "together". (the only time i have not stayed friends with someone in the past was when there were instances of total horribleness from either end or when i've been royally fucked over, but even then it has resulted with friendship in every case, even as of lately matt --which took so long as it needed to due to the complexity of the situation). in this situation -- no one was royally fucked over, it was plain and simple -- things just didn't work out for varying reasons, so then what the hell? i hate to namedrop but seriously to make a valid point, look at me and allan for christ sake---one of the most painful situations ever, but of course, our friendship shined through because we equally care about each other and want the other one to feel good regardless, which we both wouldn't if we weren't friends anymore. do i need to even go further?
this person i am mainly mentioning makes me feel bad, used, and somewhat sad for being all 'we can be friends but we really can't be without limitations'. i am too strong of a person to succumb to someone elses limits and rules -- friendships are not about that. and i don't think anyone could blame me for feeling used -- as to thinking to months back and over last summer, when there was a potential for us to possibly get together in the future, i was worth this person's real friendship, but now that it didn't work out, i am not and i'm being treated like i fucking suck and am not good enough for this person's real friendship. if you count friendship as being solely on his terms filled with overwhelming boundaries and over-analyzations.
i don't appreciate or like it when people place conditions on friendships, relationships or the likes. life is too short for this shit. friendships, to me, are about the unconditional...being there for each other through thick and thin, good times and bad. not just the good. you get in touch, hang out, have fun whenever you fucking feel like it -- i am a very free-spirited person. it is not to be restrained/held back, charted, dated, planned out, etc. if you want to talk to someone, you should be able to do it. without thinking about it twice. he needs to admit that he's letting what happened between us romantically hang over his head so much that he 'can't' be my friend. if that's the case, it seriously needs to stop.
he said we might never be friends like we were beforehand, and, well that's just great (i write sarcastically) and seriously seems like a punishment... let a two-month long more than friend deal ruin a great friendship. that's what that says to me, on top of saying that he is potentially unwilling to grow from this experience with positivity towards me. not holding what happened against me, like i don't hold it against him. instead, it's almost just continuation of him drowning in a transparent puddle -- better known as what happened and probably shouldn't have between us considering neither one of us were ready. if i could, i would seriously turn back the clock and never have become romantically involved with him if i had known he was going to be like this afterward and make me feel like an ass for trying to be his friend. i honestly thought more of him, which is why i even got involved with him on that level to begin with.
maybe i'm being "immature" for wanting a real friendship with him. maybe not. all i know for sure is that i must've been a fool for thinking and therefore expecting this friendship, as i do with all of my friendships, to be about the unconditional -- as it always has been. and as it always will stay with me. i seriously thought he was different in this regard. but i guess not...
i deserve and am owed an apology, from this person, who i thought was my friend. one of my good friends (he runs in an exclusive social circle, while i don't, all my good friends are dispersed throughout and he was def. one of them). for behaving in such a hurtful, not a real friend-like manner. till then, we are not friends and i say fuck him -- as i don't do anything, and certainly not friendships, "conditionally" -- never have and never will.