the great blogilates diary
I have especially struggled with my health in the last six years, most of it due in part to stress from school. After graduating with my bachelor's things seemed to get better health wise until a little after I started grad school and suffered an abscess in my leg. I couldn't exercise, which had been keeping my hormones in balance, and then things in school piled up to the point where it became impossible to keep up with everything.
A lot of it has to do with my poor time management and my inability to sacrifice the things I enjoy for the things I must accomplish. After I finish C.C. and Lelouch, I will sadly be on hiatus from cosplay until May.
In the meantime, I am focusing on writing my thesis, doing things for school, and hopefully, sitting down for med school interviews. Personally, I am logging off almost all of my social media, except for tumblr and LiveJournal.. I can't say I'm swearing off writing until May because sometimes that's the only thing keeping me sane as I complete the final year of my studies.
I'm hoping this will make me a better person. When I was just starting college, I relied so heavily on facebook to keep me connect to the people I know. However, facebook doesn't actually say anything about your relationships with people. After going through a near mental breakdown in the fall and dealing with a struggle between maintaining a personal versus a professional relationship with people, I've decided that my boundaries from the moment I started college were set for a very specific reason.
It's easy to become swept up in people, to go along with their flow until it becomes impossible to distinguish yourself from the others. I used to be good at maintaining myself, and while I don't regret meeting the people I did in college, sometimes I wonder if I would have met my goals sooner if I hadn't been so caught up in them. When I went to grad school, I vowed not to make the same mistake but here I am, a year later, with broken friendships I don't even know where to begin repairing because of this battle between personal and professional relationship. I'm so uncertain about my future and I can't believe I was stupid enough to let myself become swept up in someone else's flow yet again.
This entry is titled "the great blogilates diary" for a reason. I'm hoping physical exertion will temper me, divert my negative emotions in a productive manner. Today, I started day one of the beginner's 2.0 calendar and the 30 day ab challenge. I drank a glass of water. It was hard, but muscle memory for sporadically starting and stopping exercise routines started kicking in.
No one reads my LiveJournal, which makes it ideal for this sort of documentation. Sometimes, I think sharing fitness and nutrition daily is narcissitic despite the high correlation between maintaining a routine and sharing it via social media.
So here is to me. 2015 is the year I decide to be selfish and focus on fixing myself before I destroy everything around me I hold dear.