More to the Angel series
Title- Never Alone: Sans Peur
Rating-R
Pairing-Gibbs/DiNozzo(Pariseau)
Disclaimer - The NCIS characters belong to CBS and not me, The song 'Never Alone' belongs to the Barlow Girls and the YouTubs video belongs to guangxvu, not me. No money is being made and this is all for fun!
Genre-Angst/Romance/Character Study
Summary-"We cannot separate, ‘Cause You're part of me. And though You're invisible, I'll trust the unseen"
AN: Consider this the prologue to Kendreague if you will. Kendreague was pretty much told from Gibbs’s point of view so I have here a few flashes of Tony’s life to the song ‘Never Alone’ by the Barlow Girls. I highly recommend listening to it (unfortunately I can’t seem to find a single audio of it so I’m including the link to a random YouTube video featuring the Girls performing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pztFFxzCzmI).
It is recommended that you also read ‘Kendreague’ first to understand most of this story so here is Part one: http://community.livejournal.com/ncis_slash/97887.html#cutid1
And part two: http://community.livejournal.com/ncis_slash/98382.html#cutid1
Now on with the show!
Never Alone: Sans Peur
I waited for you today, But you didn't show, No no no
I needed You today, So where did You go?
Anthony Pariseau ducked reflexively and scrunched his eyes shut against the flying debris. When he opened them again he swore loudly and pushed his helmet more firmly onto his head and pulled his musket closer to his chest. Glancing around at his men, all tensed ready against the tall damp walls of the trench he breathed in deeply. A young soldier, no more than an 18-year-old boy, caught his eye and Anthony could see the fear in them.
He reached out his hand and clamped it reassuringly on the boy’s shoulder where he squeezed it gently.
“What’s your name kid?” he said and the boy stuttered at first before managing a weak “A-Abraham Dyers, Brigadier Sir.”
“You scared Dyers?” he asked calmly and the boy hesitated before nodding. Clearly a boy not trying to earn points by acting macho. Anthony appreciated that.
“Me too kid, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It means you’re a man.”
Dyers stared at him for a moment before the tiniest smile tugged at one side of his mouth. It was nothing more than a flicker but the boy seemed to find something inside himself as he tilted his helmet back into place. Anthony grinned at Dyers then tilted his head to the sky. The black clouds rolled angrily across the sky and Anthony couldn’t help feeling they were appropriate.
He closed his eyes in bitter acceptance as the first loud shrill of a whistle filled the trench.
You told me to call, Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You, Are You still there?
It was getting harder to breath and Anthony kept wondering ‘Why?’ His vision seemed blurred round the edges, his breathing laboured and his body was screaming in agony, its centre point seeming to be his chest.
All around him he could hear cries of pain and battle, guns firing everywhere and mines exploding but it wasn’t crisp, the sound was muted as though he had water in his ears. Tiredly he let his head fall to one side and watched in numbed horror at the scene of War surrounding him. Bodies were strewn out across the vast dead field, soldiers still coming together with cries of anger, of pain and men were being shot down as they ran to meet their enemy. Rolling his face back to the sky his breathing seemed to fill his ears in loud, harsh gasps. His arm sluggishly reached up to his chest, slow as though he was moving it through tar and he touched his chest where he then screamed in agony. Lifting his hand up he stared at it fascinated.
His fingers were soaked red, brilliant vibrant red and he curled his fingers slightly inwards watching in morbid curiosity as a river trail of the colour followed the movement until a drop clung to the tip of his nail desperately. It hung there for a moment, balancing dangerously before it fell in what felt like slow motion. It cut through the air until it landed like a teardrop on his cheek.
Anthony’s hand begun to shake until with a gasp he lost the energy to hold it up. It dropped as though it were made of lead back onto the ground and Tony arched his back as blinding pain shot through him. He gritted his teeth together almost painfully until with one last hoarse cry Anthony finally gave up the fight.
The second he did he felt his body encased in warmth.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Anthony stared at the mirror in front of him with wide eyes. To be fair it wasn’t really a mirror, at least not in the traditional sense. A huge Celtic arch stretched over and around it, twining round the edges like ivy and the wiry patterns stretched backwards into the wall where it then made a large image of the Celtic Tree of Life, a motif that looked proudly over the Great Hall he stood in. Anthony though had merely glanced at it as he’d first entered the room before his gaze had fallen on the mirror.
Wings. He had wings. Great white ones protruding from his shoulder blades and stretched out similar in the way a bird’s does when threatened. Still staring at his reflection Anthony reached back awkwardly until his hand fell onto the strong joint of the wing shoulder blades. Surprised he gave a muted yelp and pulled his hand back.
“Holy shit,” he whispered as he placed a hand to his mouth. He heard a deep chuckle from behind him before he whipped round to come face to face with a tall black man. He was bald and his brown eyes were alight with amusement as he moved towards Anthony causing the black jacket he was wearing to swirl slightly and, much to Anthony’s shock, wings that stretched from his back twitched from the movement. Anthony as a reflex took a step back.
“It’s alright man, I’m not going to hurt you although I will say that blasphemy like that is frowned upon up here. Name’s Doctor Jack Hallows,” he said, a chuckle still evident in his voice as he held out his hand and cautiously Anthony took it.
“Brigadier General Anthony Pariseau,” Anthony said and was relieved that his voice was steadier than he felt. Doctor Hallows shook it before leaning back again with a wide smirk on his face.
“I imagine you must be quite curious about them there wings,” he said still grinning and Anthony looked at him in disbelief.
“The thought had crossed my mind, yes.”
“Brigadier, you may want to take a seat. Let me tell you about Kahrees…”
And though I cannot see You, And I can explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance, You've placed in my life
Anthony felt his heart break at the sight before him. The boy, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, was clearly biting back all his tears and grief, which was ridiculous. If a boy wasn’t allowed to mourn his father then who the Hell could?
Anthony could feel a breeze around him ruffling his feathers and causing his coat to billow ever so slightly. He had his hands in his pockets as he moved closer and every step added more and more cracks in his heart as he neared the boy, his ‘Beloved’ from now on. The boy’s thoughts flooded his head like he had an entire mob of people yelling at him and Anthony strongly resisted clapping his hands to his ears. He’d protected mortals before, not really becoming their Kendreague as such but protecting them from harm but he knew by just looking at this tiny boy, hurt and confused about a matter he was far too young to have to understand, that he had found the one he’d pledge his life to.
‘Daddy is dead…’
‘I’m Four, not stupid, I know a little about death…’
‘Daddy!’
‘Is he in Heaven?’
‘I’m a boy, I can’t cry! Only sissies cry!’
“Crying doesn’t make you a sissy,” Anthony said finally, not able to bear hearing anymore of the anguished words. Already they’d buried themselves deep in his soul and he’d be damned if he would let this boy continue to feel such pain.
If he had to he’d take it into himself.
There was a flash of fear in Jethro’s eyes when he looked up that for just a second he reminded Anthony of another boy, of Abraham Dyers who died for his country, and his resolve to protect this one became stronger.
He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips when he felt the fear evolve into curiosity and finally speculation. He was crouched before Jethro and he remained silent allowing the boy to draw his own conclusions. Finally Jethro managed to find his voice.
“You’re an angel,” he said in a tone suggesting he was telling Anthony this strange new fact. Unable to help himself Anthony chuckled in amusement, smiling wider when Jethro relaxed even further at the sound.
“I am,” Anthony clarified and he chuckled a little more when Jethro cocked his head like a puppy. It was all Anthony could do not to pull the boy close and hug him simply for being him.
“I thought Angels only came for you when you died? That’s what Grandma said…am I dead? Will I see dad again?”
Instantly Anthony’s good mood fell away and his heart once again felt for the remorse in his Beloved. Never would he wish death on the boy but he so wanted to grant Jethro his wish to see his father. Clearly though he didn’t need to say a word as Jethro’s face became stricken and he dropped his head to hide it.
Anthony reacted purely on instinct and reached out to cup Jethro’s small cheek trying to project as much love as he could into the touch. Jethro leaned into it slightly and Anthony found the strength to answer from that small gesture.
“Not today,” he said softly and sighed sadly when Jethro nodded. Soon though Jethro reached up to rub at his eyes, warding away tears angrily so Anthony reached up to gently grip the tiny hand in his and moved it back to the boy’s side.
“You can cry Jethro, I won’t tell anyone,” he whispered. Jethro’s flushed face looked up at him and Anthony smiled as lovingly as he could through the pain he was feeling from such grief. He saw the moment in Jethro’s stunning blue eyes when the dam finally broke and Jethro’s face fell. The loud sob went right through Anthony and made him reach out to pull Jethro to him. He wrapped him tightly in his embrace, arms and wings both, as he held his Beloved. Jethro was crying quietly, almost silently at this point.
His hand moved on its own as it stroked through Jethro’s brown hair, holding the boy close as he rocked him gently to calm him. It was then that a song floated through his mind, the one his mother used to sing to him when he was afraid or upset as a boy and softly he began to sing to his Jethro. He smiled a little when he felt the small body in his arms lose the tight tension of pain and relaxed marginally. In answer Anthony tightened his hold.
Eventually Jethro pulled back but not far enough out of Anthony’s arms. He felt a shiver of happiness run through him as he heard Jethro’s possessive mental claim on Anthony as his own, his angel, his protector. Jethro resisted telling him that it was so from the minute he stood before the little boy on the wing mourning his father.
Jethro’s hand moved to rest on his cheek and Anthony smiled at the gesture. Such a short period of time had passed and already Jethro had complete control over him, already he had the power to bring immeasurable happiness to this angel through a single touch. Jethro’s arms then slipped around his neck and Anthony moved his arms to steady his Beloved better.
“Are you going to go away too?” Jethro asked hesitantly and Anthony couldn’t help but chuckle. Like he could leave willingly anymore, this little creature in his arms enthralled him with phenomenal amounts of courage that coursed through his veins.
“I’m with you until you don’t want me anymore,” he promised and for the first time that day Jethro smiled brightly. Anthony smiled in return finding the boy’s grin entirely infectious.
“Forever,” Jethro demanded and Anthony smirked again in amusement.
“Forever it is then.”
The giggle that came from Jethro earned him a little squeeze from the Angel until he cocked his head curiously once more.
“What’s your name?” Jethro asked and Anthony reached up to gently tap the boy’s nose.
“I’m Anthony, your angel.”
“My Angel,” Jethro said firmly before he squeezed Anthony’s neck again in a tight hug.
We cannot separate, ‘Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible, I'll trust the unseen
Anthony exhaled slowly through his nose, thoroughly relaxed and opened his eyes. He was led on his side and he smiled gently as he found Jethro’s messy brown hair on the pillow next to him. The seven year old was deeply asleep, his mouth open slightly and his body pressed into Anthony’s side. Carefully, trying not to wake his Beloved Anthony curled his wing round and covered Jethro’s slumbering form with it like a blanket.
He gently kissed the boy’s forehead and leaned his cheek against the mess of brown hair and quietly hummed their tune. Jethro had stolen his heart a long time ago and he would do anything, whether it was wrong or not, to protect this strong-willed child. Anthony had never had a son when he was human and he thought that maybe Jethro could be considered the closest thing he would to having one. But there was something more, something even stronger between them, he already knew that. He already knew the other Kahree Angels whispered about their closeness, some admiring, some envious but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Jethro owned him, heart and soul. If it were possible, he’d die for this child.
“Angel?”
Anthony looked down at Jethro and found bleary blue eyes looking back up at him. He smiled gently and brushed some of Jethro’s fringe out of his eyes.
“Yes Jethro?”
“Can’t you sleep?”
“Don’t really need it,” Anthony admitted and smirked when he heard a mumbled ‘Lucky’.
“Am I thinking too loud?” he asked and Jethro shrugged.
“Can’t hear you silly.”
“Really?” Anthony said amused and then, without moving his mouth he said in his mind, “How about now?”
Jethro’s eyes widened before the boy grinned widely (or as widely as a sleepy boy could manage) before mumbling an awe struck “Wow!”
“You try, think something. I’ll hear you,” Anthony said smiling again and he watched as Jethro scrunched up his face trying to think extra hard. Anthony laughed and reached up to smooth out Jethro’s forehead.
“Don’t try to hard, just think normally, like you would if I hadn’t told you about this.”
“Oh.”
Jethro flushed but relaxed his face again. At first Anthony couldn’t hear a thing but then, like a whisper he heard “Come in Angel one, do you read me?”
Anthony laughed loudly and Jethro grinned happily as the angel rolled onto his back.
“Goodness me, do you ever NOT think about the army?” Anthony managed to gasp out before yelping out a giggle when Jethro, now fully awake, jumped on him.
“Nope! I want to be a Brigadier like you were!”
Anthony sobered instantly and he could see that Jethro picked up on it. Moving his arms around Jethro’s waist Anthony sat up with the boy still in his lap. He gazed kindly at his Beloved as he brushed some hair behind Jethro’s ear and sighed inaudibly.
“Jethro…” he started but Jethro silenced him by wrapping his arms around Anthony’s neck and hugged him tightly.
“Its okay, I’ll stay safe.”
“You can’t know that,” Anthony whispered but Jethro’s arms tightened.
“I can. Because I have you.”
Strange really, how Anthony suddenly felt like crying.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Anthony clapped his hands to his ears and gritted his teeth as tears continued to run down his face. He curled further into the wall of the darkened room and tried to stop the angry words from consuming him.
“Go away!”
He sobbed loudly and shook his head. How could this happen? Jethro had promised him forever and forever hadn’t come. Why would he…
“DON’T TOUCH ME! YOU’RE NOT REAL! YOU’RE NOT!”
His body ached with pain, so much pain and he felt like he was dying all over again only this time it wasn’t from a hole in his chest. No, the hole was carved out of his heart and it threatened to shatter his soul, which already teetered on the edge waiting to break into irreparable pieces.
“I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! GO AWAY, I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! GO AWAY!”
The same Angels that had envied him now pitied him and he hated them for it! He hated them for not feeling the same pain as he was, he hated them for looking at him in that way but as soon as this flickered across his mind he groaned in grief and begged for forgiveness. He didn’t hate them, couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hate them, but God he hurt!
His arms ached to hold his Beloved close, and he flinched when the memory of Jethro’s physical rejection, slapping his hand away as though it were evil flashed across his mind’s eye. Why had Jethro done this? They were eternal, they could both feel it.
The sobs clawed at his throat like nails and he finally allowed himself to cry, the sound escaping him like a wounded animal as he curled in further. He cried for their loss of friendship, he cried for their loss of love and he cried for his pain.
But he cried for Jethro’s too because even though he’d been banished, even though he couldn’t hear his Beloveds thoughts, he could still feel both their hearts breaking.
Dying was easy compared to this.
We cannot separate, you're part of me
And though you're invisible, I trust the unseen
“That’s a long way to fall.”
Anthony looked over at Jack before he looked back down at the endless sky beneath their feet, the glass floor holding them up as they both stared downwards. He nodded solemnly and felt rather than heard the other Angel sigh beside him.
“Brigadier,” Anthony smiled slightly at the title, a term of endearment between them both as he still called Jack ‘Doctor’, “Are you sure about this? Leroy Jethro Gibbs banished you. How do you know he won’t do so again? He’s a man now, he won’t be as accepting as he was as a child.”
“Because I trust him,” Anthony said simply, softly.
“You trust an uncertain theory and a memory. Look, I know you two were close, Hell I would’ve said you were soul mates if you were mortal…”
“Do they exist?” Anthony said and Jack glared fondly at him.
“Yes, stop changing the subject. You know I just want what’s best for you…”
“Then you know I must do this…Jack, this isn’t living for me…”
Jack looked hesitant before he sighed heavily and looked down. He watched the clouds rolling underneath them silently for a couple of minutes until he nodded slowly and addressed Anthony again.
“I know. I’ve watched you mourn for too long friend and it’s killing me,” he glanced up and looked at Anthony seriously, “I’ve been waiting for something like this.”
“I need to do this,” Anthony said firmly and again Jack nodded. They stood there for a moment before Jack pulled Anthony forwards into a tight hug. Anthony was momentarily shocked before he relaxed into the embrace and returned it.
“The minute you two pop your clogs I’m coming to get you. It’s going to get lonely up here without you Brigadier, I might actually have to start behaving like an Angel for once.”
Anthony barked out a laugh and patted Jack’s shoulder.
“No more poker nights.”
“Well not without you around to convince the Kariads to play strip poker anyway. I never was that charming.”
They squeezed one another harder before stepping back their hands still gripping one another’s shoulders. After another squeeze Jack stepped back and gave a curt nod.
“Make it count Brigadier.”
“Yes Doctor.”
With a breathless laugh Jack began to fade until finally only Anthony was left standing on the glass. He looked up squinting at the sunlight surrounding him from the sky before turning his gaze back to the rolling clouds beneath him. Closing his eyes momentarily he felt his wings fold in and his back itched as they buried into his skin. With them no longer out on show but still there Anthony inhaled shakily and nodded before opening his eyes.
“Do it,” he muttered.
The glass beneath his feet shattered loudly and he gasped as he began to fall. Everything felt as though it was in slow motion and he watched fascinated as the glass shards turned to water around him, as they turned to raindrops.
The Heavens had opened and it mourned as another Angel fell.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Tony stretched slightly as he sat up, his wings extending before he growled happily to finish. He looked down at Gibbs lying beside him on the bed and blinked in surprise at the intense gaze his lover had fixed him with.
“What?” he said and Jethro, without warning, sat up cupping the back of his head. He pulled Tony forwards until their lips were pressed together in a passionate kiss and despite giving a yelp of surprise Tony followed it with a moan and kissed back.
Gibbs’s hand ran down the length of his side until it moved round to his front touching his chest. Tony watched as Gibbs pulled back to stare at his own fingers resting on Tony’s body and carefully he moved a wing round to brush over Jethro’s side.
“You okay?” he asked quietly and for a moment Jethro remained silent, his eyes now shifting upwards to look into his lover’s. After a while though Gibbs cleared his throat and opened his mouth to say something. He hesitated but soon found his voice and spoke in a hoarse tone.
“I had a dream last night,” he said slowly and Tony cocked his head whilst raising his eyebrows.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked confused and again Gibbs hesitated. He licked his lips nervously before pulling Tony forwards again into a tight hug. Instinctively Tony wrapped both his arms and wings around Gibbs in a comforting manner waiting for Jethro to find the strength to carry on.
“I…I think I saw your life…parts of it at least.”
Tony pulled back just enough to see Gibbs’s face and reached up to stroke a cheek.
“What makes you say that?”
“I saw,” Gibbs cleared his throat again, “I saw you in the trench with Abraham Dyers…I saw you die…Jesus, I saw you die Tony…”
Understanding appeared on Tony’s face and he uttered a soft drawn out ‘Oh.’ He pulled Jethro closer again and cradled him protectively.
“Jethro…”
“I saw,” Gibbs interrupted him again, “ I saw Doctor Jack Hallows, I saw when we first met. I saw…”
He stopped and looked up at Tony anxiously. Smiling a little Tony nodded for him to continue which he did shakily.
“…I’m so sorry Tony. I saw you, after what I said, I saw you. I didn’t realise…”
“It’s in the past,” Tony said gently but firmly, as though they weren’t to speak of it again. Gibbs knew though that Tony would talk about it if Jethro so wished but Jethro didn’t really feel all that compelled to remember the extent of Tony’s grief. The fuzzy memory alone was enough to fill him with guilt.
“And I saw you fall Tony. You fell for me.”
“You already knew that,” Tony said confused but Gibbs shook his head.
“Hearing and seeing are two different things. I’ve always assumed it was a metaphorical fall, not a literal one!”
Tony laughed and simply because he felt like it he kissed Gibbs again. They savoured the taste of one another, neither really willing to give it up for air. Jethro’s arm tightened around his lover, holding him closer to his body and carefully he moved backwards until he was stretched out beneath Tony. He slid his hands upwards until he came to the strong joints of the wings on his lover’s back where he ran his fingers through the feathers covering it. He felt Tony moan and returned the sound when Tony pressed down against him.
He pulled his head back and moved his hands round to cup Tony’s face between both of his gently. Tony seemed to know he needed this and remained silent as Gibbs’s blue eyes darted over his features, drinking the sight of him in to forever imprint it in his memory. His thumbs moved in slow circles before drifting over Tony’s now closed eyes.
“I love you,” Jethro whispered and Tony smiled brightly as he opened his eyes. There was a glimmer of amusement in them as he answered.
“I fell for you ages ago.”
Jethro laughed as he simultaneously groaned before he lightly tapped the back of Tony’s head making the angel flinch.
“How did Doctor Hallows put up with you?” he asked and Tony grinned widely.
“Easy, we were the only two angels that appreciated the joke about the two Nuns who went into a brothel…”
“Tony?”
“Yes Jethro?”
“Shut up.”
“Yes Boss.”
Grinning Gibbs drew Tony back in for another kiss.
/Finite
AN: Hope you like.
Rating-R
Pairing-Gibbs/DiNozzo(Pariseau)
Disclaimer - The NCIS characters belong to CBS and not me, The song 'Never Alone' belongs to the Barlow Girls and the YouTubs video belongs to guangxvu, not me. No money is being made and this is all for fun!
Genre-Angst/Romance/Character Study
Summary-"We cannot separate, ‘Cause You're part of me. And though You're invisible, I'll trust the unseen"
AN: Consider this the prologue to Kendreague if you will. Kendreague was pretty much told from Gibbs’s point of view so I have here a few flashes of Tony’s life to the song ‘Never Alone’ by the Barlow Girls. I highly recommend listening to it (unfortunately I can’t seem to find a single audio of it so I’m including the link to a random YouTube video featuring the Girls performing it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pztFFxzCzmI).
It is recommended that you also read ‘Kendreague’ first to understand most of this story so here is Part one: http://community.livejournal.com/ncis_slash/97887.html#cutid1
And part two: http://community.livejournal.com/ncis_slash/98382.html#cutid1
Now on with the show!
Never Alone: Sans Peur
I waited for you today, But you didn't show, No no no
I needed You today, So where did You go?
Anthony Pariseau ducked reflexively and scrunched his eyes shut against the flying debris. When he opened them again he swore loudly and pushed his helmet more firmly onto his head and pulled his musket closer to his chest. Glancing around at his men, all tensed ready against the tall damp walls of the trench he breathed in deeply. A young soldier, no more than an 18-year-old boy, caught his eye and Anthony could see the fear in them.
He reached out his hand and clamped it reassuringly on the boy’s shoulder where he squeezed it gently.
“What’s your name kid?” he said and the boy stuttered at first before managing a weak “A-Abraham Dyers, Brigadier Sir.”
“You scared Dyers?” he asked calmly and the boy hesitated before nodding. Clearly a boy not trying to earn points by acting macho. Anthony appreciated that.
“Me too kid, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It means you’re a man.”
Dyers stared at him for a moment before the tiniest smile tugged at one side of his mouth. It was nothing more than a flicker but the boy seemed to find something inside himself as he tilted his helmet back into place. Anthony grinned at Dyers then tilted his head to the sky. The black clouds rolled angrily across the sky and Anthony couldn’t help feeling they were appropriate.
He closed his eyes in bitter acceptance as the first loud shrill of a whistle filled the trench.
You told me to call, Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You, Are You still there?
It was getting harder to breath and Anthony kept wondering ‘Why?’ His vision seemed blurred round the edges, his breathing laboured and his body was screaming in agony, its centre point seeming to be his chest.
All around him he could hear cries of pain and battle, guns firing everywhere and mines exploding but it wasn’t crisp, the sound was muted as though he had water in his ears. Tiredly he let his head fall to one side and watched in numbed horror at the scene of War surrounding him. Bodies were strewn out across the vast dead field, soldiers still coming together with cries of anger, of pain and men were being shot down as they ran to meet their enemy. Rolling his face back to the sky his breathing seemed to fill his ears in loud, harsh gasps. His arm sluggishly reached up to his chest, slow as though he was moving it through tar and he touched his chest where he then screamed in agony. Lifting his hand up he stared at it fascinated.
His fingers were soaked red, brilliant vibrant red and he curled his fingers slightly inwards watching in morbid curiosity as a river trail of the colour followed the movement until a drop clung to the tip of his nail desperately. It hung there for a moment, balancing dangerously before it fell in what felt like slow motion. It cut through the air until it landed like a teardrop on his cheek.
Anthony’s hand begun to shake until with a gasp he lost the energy to hold it up. It dropped as though it were made of lead back onto the ground and Tony arched his back as blinding pain shot through him. He gritted his teeth together almost painfully until with one last hoarse cry Anthony finally gave up the fight.
The second he did he felt his body encased in warmth.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Anthony stared at the mirror in front of him with wide eyes. To be fair it wasn’t really a mirror, at least not in the traditional sense. A huge Celtic arch stretched over and around it, twining round the edges like ivy and the wiry patterns stretched backwards into the wall where it then made a large image of the Celtic Tree of Life, a motif that looked proudly over the Great Hall he stood in. Anthony though had merely glanced at it as he’d first entered the room before his gaze had fallen on the mirror.
Wings. He had wings. Great white ones protruding from his shoulder blades and stretched out similar in the way a bird’s does when threatened. Still staring at his reflection Anthony reached back awkwardly until his hand fell onto the strong joint of the wing shoulder blades. Surprised he gave a muted yelp and pulled his hand back.
“Holy shit,” he whispered as he placed a hand to his mouth. He heard a deep chuckle from behind him before he whipped round to come face to face with a tall black man. He was bald and his brown eyes were alight with amusement as he moved towards Anthony causing the black jacket he was wearing to swirl slightly and, much to Anthony’s shock, wings that stretched from his back twitched from the movement. Anthony as a reflex took a step back.
“It’s alright man, I’m not going to hurt you although I will say that blasphemy like that is frowned upon up here. Name’s Doctor Jack Hallows,” he said, a chuckle still evident in his voice as he held out his hand and cautiously Anthony took it.
“Brigadier General Anthony Pariseau,” Anthony said and was relieved that his voice was steadier than he felt. Doctor Hallows shook it before leaning back again with a wide smirk on his face.
“I imagine you must be quite curious about them there wings,” he said still grinning and Anthony looked at him in disbelief.
“The thought had crossed my mind, yes.”
“Brigadier, you may want to take a seat. Let me tell you about Kahrees…”
And though I cannot see You, And I can explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance, You've placed in my life
Anthony felt his heart break at the sight before him. The boy, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, was clearly biting back all his tears and grief, which was ridiculous. If a boy wasn’t allowed to mourn his father then who the Hell could?
Anthony could feel a breeze around him ruffling his feathers and causing his coat to billow ever so slightly. He had his hands in his pockets as he moved closer and every step added more and more cracks in his heart as he neared the boy, his ‘Beloved’ from now on. The boy’s thoughts flooded his head like he had an entire mob of people yelling at him and Anthony strongly resisted clapping his hands to his ears. He’d protected mortals before, not really becoming their Kendreague as such but protecting them from harm but he knew by just looking at this tiny boy, hurt and confused about a matter he was far too young to have to understand, that he had found the one he’d pledge his life to.
‘Daddy is dead…’
‘I’m Four, not stupid, I know a little about death…’
‘Daddy!’
‘Is he in Heaven?’
‘I’m a boy, I can’t cry! Only sissies cry!’
“Crying doesn’t make you a sissy,” Anthony said finally, not able to bear hearing anymore of the anguished words. Already they’d buried themselves deep in his soul and he’d be damned if he would let this boy continue to feel such pain.
If he had to he’d take it into himself.
There was a flash of fear in Jethro’s eyes when he looked up that for just a second he reminded Anthony of another boy, of Abraham Dyers who died for his country, and his resolve to protect this one became stronger.
He couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips when he felt the fear evolve into curiosity and finally speculation. He was crouched before Jethro and he remained silent allowing the boy to draw his own conclusions. Finally Jethro managed to find his voice.
“You’re an angel,” he said in a tone suggesting he was telling Anthony this strange new fact. Unable to help himself Anthony chuckled in amusement, smiling wider when Jethro relaxed even further at the sound.
“I am,” Anthony clarified and he chuckled a little more when Jethro cocked his head like a puppy. It was all Anthony could do not to pull the boy close and hug him simply for being him.
“I thought Angels only came for you when you died? That’s what Grandma said…am I dead? Will I see dad again?”
Instantly Anthony’s good mood fell away and his heart once again felt for the remorse in his Beloved. Never would he wish death on the boy but he so wanted to grant Jethro his wish to see his father. Clearly though he didn’t need to say a word as Jethro’s face became stricken and he dropped his head to hide it.
Anthony reacted purely on instinct and reached out to cup Jethro’s small cheek trying to project as much love as he could into the touch. Jethro leaned into it slightly and Anthony found the strength to answer from that small gesture.
“Not today,” he said softly and sighed sadly when Jethro nodded. Soon though Jethro reached up to rub at his eyes, warding away tears angrily so Anthony reached up to gently grip the tiny hand in his and moved it back to the boy’s side.
“You can cry Jethro, I won’t tell anyone,” he whispered. Jethro’s flushed face looked up at him and Anthony smiled as lovingly as he could through the pain he was feeling from such grief. He saw the moment in Jethro’s stunning blue eyes when the dam finally broke and Jethro’s face fell. The loud sob went right through Anthony and made him reach out to pull Jethro to him. He wrapped him tightly in his embrace, arms and wings both, as he held his Beloved. Jethro was crying quietly, almost silently at this point.
His hand moved on its own as it stroked through Jethro’s brown hair, holding the boy close as he rocked him gently to calm him. It was then that a song floated through his mind, the one his mother used to sing to him when he was afraid or upset as a boy and softly he began to sing to his Jethro. He smiled a little when he felt the small body in his arms lose the tight tension of pain and relaxed marginally. In answer Anthony tightened his hold.
Eventually Jethro pulled back but not far enough out of Anthony’s arms. He felt a shiver of happiness run through him as he heard Jethro’s possessive mental claim on Anthony as his own, his angel, his protector. Jethro resisted telling him that it was so from the minute he stood before the little boy on the wing mourning his father.
Jethro’s hand moved to rest on his cheek and Anthony smiled at the gesture. Such a short period of time had passed and already Jethro had complete control over him, already he had the power to bring immeasurable happiness to this angel through a single touch. Jethro’s arms then slipped around his neck and Anthony moved his arms to steady his Beloved better.
“Are you going to go away too?” Jethro asked hesitantly and Anthony couldn’t help but chuckle. Like he could leave willingly anymore, this little creature in his arms enthralled him with phenomenal amounts of courage that coursed through his veins.
“I’m with you until you don’t want me anymore,” he promised and for the first time that day Jethro smiled brightly. Anthony smiled in return finding the boy’s grin entirely infectious.
“Forever,” Jethro demanded and Anthony smirked again in amusement.
“Forever it is then.”
The giggle that came from Jethro earned him a little squeeze from the Angel until he cocked his head curiously once more.
“What’s your name?” Jethro asked and Anthony reached up to gently tap the boy’s nose.
“I’m Anthony, your angel.”
“My Angel,” Jethro said firmly before he squeezed Anthony’s neck again in a tight hug.
We cannot separate, ‘Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible, I'll trust the unseen
Anthony exhaled slowly through his nose, thoroughly relaxed and opened his eyes. He was led on his side and he smiled gently as he found Jethro’s messy brown hair on the pillow next to him. The seven year old was deeply asleep, his mouth open slightly and his body pressed into Anthony’s side. Carefully, trying not to wake his Beloved Anthony curled his wing round and covered Jethro’s slumbering form with it like a blanket.
He gently kissed the boy’s forehead and leaned his cheek against the mess of brown hair and quietly hummed their tune. Jethro had stolen his heart a long time ago and he would do anything, whether it was wrong or not, to protect this strong-willed child. Anthony had never had a son when he was human and he thought that maybe Jethro could be considered the closest thing he would to having one. But there was something more, something even stronger between them, he already knew that. He already knew the other Kahree Angels whispered about their closeness, some admiring, some envious but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Jethro owned him, heart and soul. If it were possible, he’d die for this child.
“Angel?”
Anthony looked down at Jethro and found bleary blue eyes looking back up at him. He smiled gently and brushed some of Jethro’s fringe out of his eyes.
“Yes Jethro?”
“Can’t you sleep?”
“Don’t really need it,” Anthony admitted and smirked when he heard a mumbled ‘Lucky’.
“Am I thinking too loud?” he asked and Jethro shrugged.
“Can’t hear you silly.”
“Really?” Anthony said amused and then, without moving his mouth he said in his mind, “How about now?”
Jethro’s eyes widened before the boy grinned widely (or as widely as a sleepy boy could manage) before mumbling an awe struck “Wow!”
“You try, think something. I’ll hear you,” Anthony said smiling again and he watched as Jethro scrunched up his face trying to think extra hard. Anthony laughed and reached up to smooth out Jethro’s forehead.
“Don’t try to hard, just think normally, like you would if I hadn’t told you about this.”
“Oh.”
Jethro flushed but relaxed his face again. At first Anthony couldn’t hear a thing but then, like a whisper he heard “Come in Angel one, do you read me?”
Anthony laughed loudly and Jethro grinned happily as the angel rolled onto his back.
“Goodness me, do you ever NOT think about the army?” Anthony managed to gasp out before yelping out a giggle when Jethro, now fully awake, jumped on him.
“Nope! I want to be a Brigadier like you were!”
Anthony sobered instantly and he could see that Jethro picked up on it. Moving his arms around Jethro’s waist Anthony sat up with the boy still in his lap. He gazed kindly at his Beloved as he brushed some hair behind Jethro’s ear and sighed inaudibly.
“Jethro…” he started but Jethro silenced him by wrapping his arms around Anthony’s neck and hugged him tightly.
“Its okay, I’ll stay safe.”
“You can’t know that,” Anthony whispered but Jethro’s arms tightened.
“I can. Because I have you.”
Strange really, how Anthony suddenly felt like crying.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Anthony clapped his hands to his ears and gritted his teeth as tears continued to run down his face. He curled further into the wall of the darkened room and tried to stop the angry words from consuming him.
“Go away!”
He sobbed loudly and shook his head. How could this happen? Jethro had promised him forever and forever hadn’t come. Why would he…
“DON’T TOUCH ME! YOU’RE NOT REAL! YOU’RE NOT!”
His body ached with pain, so much pain and he felt like he was dying all over again only this time it wasn’t from a hole in his chest. No, the hole was carved out of his heart and it threatened to shatter his soul, which already teetered on the edge waiting to break into irreparable pieces.
“I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! GO AWAY, I DON’T NEED YOU ANYMORE! GO AWAY!”
The same Angels that had envied him now pitied him and he hated them for it! He hated them for not feeling the same pain as he was, he hated them for looking at him in that way but as soon as this flickered across his mind he groaned in grief and begged for forgiveness. He didn’t hate them, couldn’t and wouldn’t ever hate them, but God he hurt!
His arms ached to hold his Beloved close, and he flinched when the memory of Jethro’s physical rejection, slapping his hand away as though it were evil flashed across his mind’s eye. Why had Jethro done this? They were eternal, they could both feel it.
The sobs clawed at his throat like nails and he finally allowed himself to cry, the sound escaping him like a wounded animal as he curled in further. He cried for their loss of friendship, he cried for their loss of love and he cried for his pain.
But he cried for Jethro’s too because even though he’d been banished, even though he couldn’t hear his Beloveds thoughts, he could still feel both their hearts breaking.
Dying was easy compared to this.
We cannot separate, you're part of me
And though you're invisible, I trust the unseen
“That’s a long way to fall.”
Anthony looked over at Jack before he looked back down at the endless sky beneath their feet, the glass floor holding them up as they both stared downwards. He nodded solemnly and felt rather than heard the other Angel sigh beside him.
“Brigadier,” Anthony smiled slightly at the title, a term of endearment between them both as he still called Jack ‘Doctor’, “Are you sure about this? Leroy Jethro Gibbs banished you. How do you know he won’t do so again? He’s a man now, he won’t be as accepting as he was as a child.”
“Because I trust him,” Anthony said simply, softly.
“You trust an uncertain theory and a memory. Look, I know you two were close, Hell I would’ve said you were soul mates if you were mortal…”
“Do they exist?” Anthony said and Jack glared fondly at him.
“Yes, stop changing the subject. You know I just want what’s best for you…”
“Then you know I must do this…Jack, this isn’t living for me…”
Jack looked hesitant before he sighed heavily and looked down. He watched the clouds rolling underneath them silently for a couple of minutes until he nodded slowly and addressed Anthony again.
“I know. I’ve watched you mourn for too long friend and it’s killing me,” he glanced up and looked at Anthony seriously, “I’ve been waiting for something like this.”
“I need to do this,” Anthony said firmly and again Jack nodded. They stood there for a moment before Jack pulled Anthony forwards into a tight hug. Anthony was momentarily shocked before he relaxed into the embrace and returned it.
“The minute you two pop your clogs I’m coming to get you. It’s going to get lonely up here without you Brigadier, I might actually have to start behaving like an Angel for once.”
Anthony barked out a laugh and patted Jack’s shoulder.
“No more poker nights.”
“Well not without you around to convince the Kariads to play strip poker anyway. I never was that charming.”
They squeezed one another harder before stepping back their hands still gripping one another’s shoulders. After another squeeze Jack stepped back and gave a curt nod.
“Make it count Brigadier.”
“Yes Doctor.”
With a breathless laugh Jack began to fade until finally only Anthony was left standing on the glass. He looked up squinting at the sunlight surrounding him from the sky before turning his gaze back to the rolling clouds beneath him. Closing his eyes momentarily he felt his wings fold in and his back itched as they buried into his skin. With them no longer out on show but still there Anthony inhaled shakily and nodded before opening his eyes.
“Do it,” he muttered.
The glass beneath his feet shattered loudly and he gasped as he began to fall. Everything felt as though it was in slow motion and he watched fascinated as the glass shards turned to water around him, as they turned to raindrops.
The Heavens had opened and it mourned as another Angel fell.
I cried out with no reply, And I can feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here and I'm never alone
Tony stretched slightly as he sat up, his wings extending before he growled happily to finish. He looked down at Gibbs lying beside him on the bed and blinked in surprise at the intense gaze his lover had fixed him with.
“What?” he said and Jethro, without warning, sat up cupping the back of his head. He pulled Tony forwards until their lips were pressed together in a passionate kiss and despite giving a yelp of surprise Tony followed it with a moan and kissed back.
Gibbs’s hand ran down the length of his side until it moved round to his front touching his chest. Tony watched as Gibbs pulled back to stare at his own fingers resting on Tony’s body and carefully he moved a wing round to brush over Jethro’s side.
“You okay?” he asked quietly and for a moment Jethro remained silent, his eyes now shifting upwards to look into his lover’s. After a while though Gibbs cleared his throat and opened his mouth to say something. He hesitated but soon found his voice and spoke in a hoarse tone.
“I had a dream last night,” he said slowly and Tony cocked his head whilst raising his eyebrows.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked confused and again Gibbs hesitated. He licked his lips nervously before pulling Tony forwards again into a tight hug. Instinctively Tony wrapped both his arms and wings around Gibbs in a comforting manner waiting for Jethro to find the strength to carry on.
“I…I think I saw your life…parts of it at least.”
Tony pulled back just enough to see Gibbs’s face and reached up to stroke a cheek.
“What makes you say that?”
“I saw,” Gibbs cleared his throat again, “I saw you in the trench with Abraham Dyers…I saw you die…Jesus, I saw you die Tony…”
Understanding appeared on Tony’s face and he uttered a soft drawn out ‘Oh.’ He pulled Jethro closer again and cradled him protectively.
“Jethro…”
“I saw,” Gibbs interrupted him again, “ I saw Doctor Jack Hallows, I saw when we first met. I saw…”
He stopped and looked up at Tony anxiously. Smiling a little Tony nodded for him to continue which he did shakily.
“…I’m so sorry Tony. I saw you, after what I said, I saw you. I didn’t realise…”
“It’s in the past,” Tony said gently but firmly, as though they weren’t to speak of it again. Gibbs knew though that Tony would talk about it if Jethro so wished but Jethro didn’t really feel all that compelled to remember the extent of Tony’s grief. The fuzzy memory alone was enough to fill him with guilt.
“And I saw you fall Tony. You fell for me.”
“You already knew that,” Tony said confused but Gibbs shook his head.
“Hearing and seeing are two different things. I’ve always assumed it was a metaphorical fall, not a literal one!”
Tony laughed and simply because he felt like it he kissed Gibbs again. They savoured the taste of one another, neither really willing to give it up for air. Jethro’s arm tightened around his lover, holding him closer to his body and carefully he moved backwards until he was stretched out beneath Tony. He slid his hands upwards until he came to the strong joints of the wings on his lover’s back where he ran his fingers through the feathers covering it. He felt Tony moan and returned the sound when Tony pressed down against him.
He pulled his head back and moved his hands round to cup Tony’s face between both of his gently. Tony seemed to know he needed this and remained silent as Gibbs’s blue eyes darted over his features, drinking the sight of him in to forever imprint it in his memory. His thumbs moved in slow circles before drifting over Tony’s now closed eyes.
“I love you,” Jethro whispered and Tony smiled brightly as he opened his eyes. There was a glimmer of amusement in them as he answered.
“I fell for you ages ago.”
Jethro laughed as he simultaneously groaned before he lightly tapped the back of Tony’s head making the angel flinch.
“How did Doctor Hallows put up with you?” he asked and Tony grinned widely.
“Easy, we were the only two angels that appreciated the joke about the two Nuns who went into a brothel…”
“Tony?”
“Yes Jethro?”
“Shut up.”
“Yes Boss.”
Grinning Gibbs drew Tony back in for another kiss.
/Finite
AN: Hope you like.