Otalia - Heroes and Friends, 4/?
Title: Heroes and Friends
Fandom: Otalia
Rating: Mostly PG-13, eventual NC-17 for sex and violence (Not between our girls though…the violence that is…promise. The other? Well…teehee).
Disclaimer: These wonderful ladies and the rest of the town belong to CBS, Telenext, and P&G. I’m just having some fun with them.
Spoilers: I don’t think so. This story picks up at the “no more waiting” gazebo scene and goes off canon.
Summary: Nat gets the shock of her life and it turns Liv’s world upside down.
A/N: Wish now that I had written for GL.
Chapter 4
The sun was dipping in the sky. The food was gone and the beer was getting low. Across the lawn, far away from any danger, Frank, Bill, Josh and some others were setting up for the fireworks. Groups huddled here and there having generic conversations that can only be had at the end of a long festive day. Beth chattered non-stop with several other women about Lizzie’s upcoming wedding, and at one point, Olivia had sworn a cackle of laughter had sprung up from the group. She rubbed at the bridge of her nose and eyed her silent phone again.
If Emma hadn’t insisted she stay to watch her in all the races, she would have left two hours ago. Something was terribly wrong. It wasn’t like Natalia to not return her calls. She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread. She had asked everyone if they had seen Natalia. She even risked approaching Father Ray, but no one knew of anything.
She was just about to rise and find Emma to tell her she had to leave, when Phillip waltzed up, “Someone’s missing.”
Olivia looked at him oddly before he cocked his head to the side and responded, “Your pretty brown-eyed date hasn’t shown up.”
She rolled her eyes at him and made a move to leave. He held out his hands, urging her to not leave, “Wait, Olivia, I didn’t…,” he nervously ran a hand through his short graying, blonde hair, “I didn’t mean to pick at you. I was just…trying to make conversation. I’ve seen you wandering around all day with this huge smile on your face. I was sure you’d be here with Natalia, since you two are together, but I haven’t seen her. I was just curious. Is everything okay?”
She didn’t know how to act when Phillip was nice to her and it still unnerved her when he acted this way. It had the strange affect of knocking her defenses down and even when her mind screamed at her not to trust him, she still couldn’t seem to help herself.
“Yeah, she just hasn’t been feeling well the last few days. She was supposed to be here, but she never showed and she’s not answering her phone.” She looked at him then, noticing the sincere look of concern in his blue eyes. “Do you think you could watch Emma for a little while? I think I should check on Natalia, make sure she’s okay. It’s not like her to not answer her phone. She would have let me know if she was unable to make it.”
He shrugged his broad shoulders, “Sure. Whatever you need, just let me know.” She grabbed her bag to find Emma and then leave. “I hope everything’s okay.”
“Thanks.”
*************
Olivia pulled up to the front of the farmhouse and felt relieved when she saw Natalia’s car in the driveway. She hopped out and jogged to the front door. She knocked a couple of times and waited. She didn’t hear any movement inside so she walked over to the window and cupped her hands around her eyes to look in. She couldn’t see anyone and it looked like all of the lights were off. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the kitchen table and on it a small piece of paper and Natalia’s cell phone.
Olivia immediately felt that uneasy feeling that had been lingering all day pop back up. She fished around in her large purse until she retrieved the keys to the house. When she walked in, something felt terribly wrong and her stomach rolled with fear. The house was ghostly quiet. She almost hated to move and disturb the utter silence around her, but she couldn’t resist the small slip of bold white paper on the table.
She softly walked over and started to pick up the paper, but switched gears at the last minute to pick up the phone instead. Sure enough, it had been on and it showed seven voicemails, all from Olivia. She stood for a few minutes, her hand hovering over the paper, replaying every look, every word, and even the kisses last night to convince herself that what she feared being on that paper wasn’t really there.
Olivia didn’t want to think that Natalia would just be one more broken heart and disappointment in her life and that no one as good and pure as Natalia could ever love her. She gritted her teeth as she forced her mind to accept and believe that the words Natalia had spoken were true.
She grabbed at the paper and flipped it over, closing her eyes at the last minute, giving a few more moments of respite before daring to look.
Olivia slipped heavily into the kitchen chair next to her as the words penetrated her mind and heart.
Dear Olivia,
I know this was a cowardly way to do this, and I hope some day you can forgive me. But this, what’s happening between us, can’t be. Don’t try to find me. Just let me go and move on.
Natalia
Olivia shook her head, the tears streaming down her face, splattering the paper so the ink ran and smudged. She looked around the room, thinking of how the day before they had baked cookies and laughed without a care in the world.
She dragged herself up from the table, the small note crumbled in her hand, and walked into the living room. She saw the couch and visions of last night assaulted her mind and her body. She shook at the remembered sensations of Natalia’s mouth on her own. The sweet scent of her hair and the soft feel of her hands sliding over Olivia’s jean clad thigh.
A pain wretched at her heart and twisted in an agony she had never known before. It was worst than any heart attack. It was pure and unadulterated heartbreak, and it knocked Olivia’s feet out from under her as she fell against the wall behind her and slid down. She stared at the empty couch where she could still see their bodies curled around each other.
Natalia’s actions last night were not of a woman with doubts. Olivia was so sure that Natalia was ready for more. They had even told Emma. At the thought, Olivia felt a new wave of anxiety hit her. How in the world would she tell Emma about this? What would this do to her little girl?
Olivia rocked back and forth, warring with dueling emotions of grief and anger. She wanted to break every single thing she saw in the house, especially that God awful Mary statue that Natalia talked to all the time. She wanted to break it into a million pieces and break every crucifix in the house. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t because everything around her was a part of Natalia, and it was all she had of her. All that was left.
She kept rocking, the tears coming in waves, receding from the shore in a hopeful respite only to crash back hard into Olivia with each remembered memory. She buried her head in her arms, willing it to all go away, “Nononononononono.”
***************
When she awoke, she was stiff and sore. The cold wood underneath her making movement harder. She looked around and then looked at her watch, realizing that it was approaching dawn and that she had slept curled up on the floor of the farmhouse last night.
She stood and peered down at her hand where the white paper poked out. She unfurled her hand, but refused to look at the words again. Instead she shoved it in her pocket and fished out her car keys.
On shaky legs, she quietly closed the front door behind her and got in her car.
She didn’t remember making the call to Phillip asking him to watch Emma for the rest of the day nor did she remember the long drive back into town as the sun rose over the town as it was waking up to start a new day. But she did remember the tap on her windshield and the familiar goateed smile of Josh Lewis peering in.
She methodically rolled down the window, “Care for some coffee?” He gestured behind him to Company.
“No…I,” she finally focused her eyes and realized she was sitting parked in front of the Springfield Police station. She glanced at the clock, unaware that an hour had passed as she apparently had sat in the parking lot unmoving. “I can’t. I need to see Frank.”
He looked at her a little closer, noticing she had on the same denim jacket and clothes from yesterday. It was then he saw the dark circles and bloodshot eyes. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
She shook her head, tears coming hard and fast. Josh jerked the door open and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder and let herself break down.
“She’s gone. She left me.” He held on tight as Olivia’s body crumbled, falling back with a thump into the metal of the car door. He let her cry a while longer until the gasps and hiccups let up. He leaned back and pushed hair back off her damp face.
“Are you sure?” She nodded and pulled the note from her pocket. He read it, several times, before handing it back to her.
“Olivia, I…,” she raised her hand, not wanting his sympathy and empty condolences. She brushed angrily at the tears streaking her face as she fought to pull herself back together. “Why are you here to see Frank? I hate to say it, but it looks pretty self-explanatory.”
She made a final swipe at her nose with her jacket sleeve, “I have to try. This doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit. I just…if I could just talk to her.”
Josh knew desperation when he saw it and Olivia simply wasn’t ready to accept that she was powerless right now. All he could do was be there for her.
“I can go in with you, if you want.” She shook her head. “At least let me go get you some coffee and bring it back. How about that?” She nodded her head at that and as he turned to walk away, she yelled for him to stop.
“Thanks!”
He smiled solemnly and nodded, “See you inside.”
*************
When the usually handsome face of Josh Lewis entered Company and leaned heavily against the bar with a sigh, Blake knew something was up. While some people considered her flaky, she was very adept at reading people, and right now, Josh was one worried little puppy.
“The usual, Josh?”
“No muffin this time, Blake. And make it two…really strong.”
She poured the coffee into the to-go cups and regarded his bowed head curiously, “Two strong ones, huh? I take it whatever has you unusually dour this morning isn’t your personal problem?”
He ran a finger around the rim of one cup, deep in thought as to whether he should say anything or not. As a former minister, the oath to keep a person’s confidence was hard to break, but this time, he thought he could use a little guidance of his own.
“I understand that Natalia recently started working for you.”
She leaned against the counter, “Yes, just a few days ago, in fact.”
“Has she…said anything about Olivia or their…relationship?”
Blake was silent for a moment and simply watched him, before responding. She shook her finger at him and then shook her head, “I don’t believe it. You still have the hots for Olivia.”
He stood up straight, the shock of Blake’s words catching him off guard, “No! I mean, yes. I mean, no. Yes, I still think she’s beautiful, but no, I’m not inquiring for any intent of my own. Just…curious if Natalia’s said anything about her.”
“Actually, she’s said a lot about Olivia. She never seems to shut up about her.” She scrunched her eyebrows together, digesting that new piece of information. “In fact, she doesn’t talk about anyone as much as she talks about Olivia.”
“But it’s nothing bad? She never acted like she just wants to get away from Olivia or leave town.”
Blake leaned against the bar, bracing herself on one hand, “No, she’s glowing of Olivia, thinks she hung the moon and stars. Always talks about how much fun they have together, going out to eat or having a movie night or some sweet thing that Olivia’s done…for…”
The redhead’s commentary died as realization hit her and she looked at Josh with amused shock, “No way!”
He merely pursed his lips in subtle acknowledgement. After Blake picked her jaw up off the floor, she picked up again, “This is a good thing though, right? Natalia needed someone to get her out of her shell. No one better than Olivia for that! Olivia needed someone to break through her tough exterior and soften her up a bit. Definitely a job for Natalia…oh my God! This so explains that wedding fiasco!”
Josh rubbed at his forehead, hoping that Blake’s sudden involvement in the situation wasn’t a huge mistake, “There’s a problem though. Natalia’s gone. Left a Dear Jane letter and all.”
“What? No, that’s not like Natalia. I can’t imagine she’d be that cold.”
He picked the two cups up and shrugged, “Seems she is. Anyway, thanks. I was hoping maybe you had some insight into Natalia that may help Olivia get over this.”
“Sorry. I really wish I did.”
“Yeah, me too.”
***********************
The sterile gray walls of the Springfield Police Department left Olivia feeling even colder inside than she already did. Institutional drugery was never Olivia’s preferred life situation, and to have to enter this domain to face the one man in this town that perhaps hated her most of all, while facing a life crisis, wasn’t top on her list of experiences she wanted to have.
She made a brief pit stop into the bathroom to wipe away the traces of mascara and eyeliner on her face and hopefully, somehow make her not look so pathetic, before heading to the front desk. She asked for Frank directly and was quickly shuttled to the back.
He looked up from a pile of paperwork with a grim look. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her or just that the huge stack of papers had sucked his hope right out of him. Then she reminded herself that this is Frank Cooper. Institutional drugery makes his weekend’s exciting so the constipated look on his face had to be from Olivia’s presence. She mentally groaned a little at the irony that she was about to tell him something that would probably make him smile.
He tossed his pen to his desk and leaned back in his cheap industrial office chair, “So, what did I do to deserve this?”
She forced the words past her lips, “I need your help, Frank.”
“Okay,” he spoke the word slowly, stretching it out as if he didn’t quite trust where this was going.
She took a deep breath, fighting down the tears that wanted to fall. She refused to cry in front of Frank Cooper! “Natalia’s gone.”
He shook his head and leaned forward, propping his elbows on the metal desk, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she’s gone. Like, not here. Left for somewhere else,” her voice rose higher with each word and she quickly stopped and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “I went to the farmhouse after the barbeque, and she wasn’t there. Her cell phone was still there and still on, and there was a note.”
His eyebrows rose high on his head, “Oh, there was. Do you happen to have this note?”
She fished into her pocket and pulled it out to hand to him. He read it and handed it back. “I need to find her. She’s never done anything like this before. It’s not like her.”
“It’s not? Natalia has a knack for running away when things get confusing or hard. I ought to know.”
She glared at him for the not-so-subtle innuendo, “That’s not what happened here.”
He actually smirked at her then and she wanted to punch him, “Are you sure? 100 percent sure?”
She straightened her back and stood as Frank’s smug smile followed her rising form. She then leaned over, propping one hand on his desk, her eyes glittering with danger. “I’m sure of one thing, Frankie. I never had a lover run from my arms crying after sex. How ‘bout you?”
Olivia grinned in triumph as Frank’s face fell. They both turned suddenly as a voice cleared from behind Olivia. Josh stepped up and handed her the cup of coffee he had gotten at Company.
“So? Can you do anything to help out, Frank?”
He stood as Josh edged closer, “Unfortunately, not at this time. From the note, it appears that Natalia left of her own free will. I’m sure once she has some time to clear her head, she’ll be back.”
Olivia rolled her eyes at the cop, “So much for loving her, huh Frankie? Thought you’d be a little concerned about her safety and welfare.”
“She’s a grown woman. I’m sure she can take care of herself.”
“Useless.” Olivia walked purposefully from the precinct and when she got outside, the bright light from the warm spring day temporarily blinded her. She turned to see Josh coming outside.
He leaned against the car as Olivia struggled to find her keys at the bottom of her huge purse, “You okay?”
She finally found them and looked up at him. She scratched at the back of her neck, “No…no I’m not okay. I can’t really think about it right now. I need to get Emma. Phillip’s had her since yesterday afternoon.”
He tilted his head to the side, a slow lazy grin parting his rugged face, “Tell you what. How about I bring over some dinner tonight? I’ll even get a chocolate milkshake for Emma.”
Olivia only debated it for a half second. It was just long enough for her to convince herself that she couldn’t deal with being alone and really needed a friend right now. “Okay. See you at 7?”
He grinned at her as he walked backwards to his car, “See ya then.”
*****************
In the faint orange glow of the light, Natalia could see little around her, but the effect of the near darkness only intensified her other senses causing her to hear scraping of rats against the wall and the howl of wind outside, in spite of their being no windows visible. She pulled up her legs closer to body and huddled in the corner.
At some point, she must have dozed off because when she woke, she could make out the faint outline of something silver in front of her. She leaned closer and wearily touched a finger to the edge. It was a plate…with food.
She greedily grabbed at the plate and dug in with her fingers but hesitated at the last minute as she saw image after image from every horror movie she had seen flash before her eyes. “Oh no, I know better.”
“You should eat. You’ll be here a while, and you really need to keep your strength up.”
Natalia scampered to her feet and banged on the door, “Hey! Who are you? What do you want?”
“In due time, Natalia.” She heard the shuffling of feet as they disappeared down the hallway.
“No! Wait! Hey!” She banged at the door frantically, but she heard nothing but the familiar scrape against the walls. She slid down against the wall again. When she reached in the general vicinity of the plate, she felt the gooey stickiness against her fingers and flung her hand in disgust.
“Great! Just great!”
************
Olivia smiled softly as Emma put Josh away on another game of “Go Fish.” The little girl was a shark, and Olivia couldn’t help but laugh at the very familiar way that Emma wrapped Josh around her little finger. Charm, apparently, ran on the Spencer side of the family.
Then her smile faded. Spencer charm hadn’t been enough to win Natalia’s heart, and Natalia had been subjected to a double dose with her and Emma laying it on. Obviously, Natalia had the antidote in her blood because it wasn’t anything for the dark-haired woman to walk out of their lives with only a short note to show for it.
Olivia went to Emma’s room to get her clothes ready for bed, but she couldn’t seem to talk herself out of looking at the note from Natalia for…honestly, she forgot how many times she had read it. But each time hurt more than the last and she didn’t know why she kept subjecting herself to the pain.
Suddenly, a hand reached over her shoulder and pulled the paper from her grasp, “Hey!”
Josh held it up between two fingers, “Olivia, you have to stop torturing yourself.”
“She’s barely been gone 48 hours, Josh. I can’t just act like she never existed.”
“I know.”
She scrunched up the edge of her mouth, “I know you know.” She touched the side of his face seeing the ghost of his own unrequited love for Reva haunting his eyes.
“Anyway, I sent Emma to the kitchen to get some ice cream. You want some?”
She actually smiled a genuine smile, “Now you’re talkin’!”
Two hours later, after the sugar from the ice cream had faded, Olivia exited Emma’s bedroom. Josh sat on the couch across the room, both arms spread out on the back and the foot of one leg casually propped up on the knee of the other. He patted the cushion next to him before resuming his original position. She sighed as the events of the last couple of days settled down on her and she felt horribly drained. Wearily moving across the room, she flopped down on the couch next to Josh, who silently pulled her into a one arm hug.
“So, how did this happen with Natalia?”
“How did what happen?”
“Don’t play coy, Olivia. I know you, remember. This falling in love thing.”
Olivia shrugged her shoulders, thinking back to when she first knew Natalia, when they fought over Gus then when she gave Natalia the growth chart of Rafe from their Chicago apartment at Christmas, the kiss after Emma’s presentation. She shivered a little at the remembered sensation of Natalia’s soft lips on hers and how she felt an immediate jolt of desire for the younger woman. She closed her eyes as she heard the frantic “Why?” in her head. She should have known then, and she should have just walked away. She didn’t though and here she is being comforted by her ex-husband after her not-yet girlfriend ran off on her.
She shrugged again, realizing that Josh’s question had been left hanging in the air, “I don’t know. It just happened. It’s like I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love her, even a little bit.”
They were both quiet for a while, until Olivia spoke up again, her voice softer, “How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Go on, day in and day out, knowing that the one person you love more than anything else in the world is out of your reach, and that you may never have her again…ever.”
He was quiet for a long time. When she felt a shudder run through him, she looked up to see him squeezing his lips tightly together, his cheeks flushed red, “I just try not to think about it. But sometimes, it hits me, you know? Just out of the blue.”
“It never really stops?” She laid her head back on his shoulder, and she could sense him moving his head with a motion.
“No, it doesn’t.”
She squeezed her eyes shut to force the tears out, before clearing her throat, “At least you know what it meant to love Reva completely though. You were even married to her…made love to her.”
Josh leaned back and looked down into the sad green eyes, “You and Natalia?”
She shook her head as more tears fell, “No, I was waiting…for her. I waited for her.”
He brushed the tear-moistened hair from her cheek, “Now that’s a phrase I never thought I’d hear from you.”
Olivia actually chuckled a little, “Yeah, well, don’t let it get around. I do have a reputation to protect.”
He pulled her into a tight hug, “Your secret’s safe with me.”
*************
Natalia awoke with a start, her hands shaking and her heart beating wildly against her chest. For a moment, she couldn’t remember where she was as a wave of nausea overtook her. She crawled to a corner and heaved up what little contents she had in her stomach.
Settling back in the far corner, she swiped a shaking hand at her forehead,c oming away with enough to drip from her fingertips. She wasn’t hot, in fact, she was freezing, so much so that she was shivering. She pulled her knees to her chest in hopes of getting a modicum of warmth from her own body.
But as her body shook more, a knowing fear overtook her as she mentally processed the last few days and how her body had been reacting. When Rafe was little before he was diagnosed, she had panicked and raced him the emergency room at 2am because he had begun to shake so violently that she thought he was having a seizure. Turned out, his sugar level was dangerously low. He had come in from basketball practice that afternoon. They had a fight and he refused to eat so he went to bed hungry.
“This is not good.”
She raised her hand away from her body and quickly pulled it back as it jumped wildly without any effort on her part.
“Don’t panic. Focus.” She took several slow, deep breaths, and her body gradually reacted to the commands.
She was kicking herself for turning down the food last night and would give anything to have something in front of her right now. Unable to do anything more, she continued to take deep breaths and eventually rested her head on her knees and began to pray. She prayed for many things at that moment. For Rafe to be okay. For Olivia to understand. Having never showed at the barbeque, she could only imagine the wild conclusions Olivia had drawn about her disappearance. Then it occurred to her that certainly Olivia would realize that she would never leave without a word. If not immediately, then eventually, Olivia would come to the conclusion that something terrible had happened. Wouldn’t she?
Tears pricked at her eyes when she had a hard time convincing herself of Olivia’s certainty. If she knew anything about the older woman, she knew she was terribly insecure about relationships. She had even said that she was always waiting for the other brick to come flying at her head.
“She probably thinks I just left her.” She leaned her head back against the cold stones and started praying anew for a whole other set of miracles.
At that moment, she heard a loud scrap and a bright light appear at the bottom of the door then a plate was slid in.
Natalia looked up at the dank ceiling above her, “Thank you.” This time, she didn’t hesitate but ate what seemed the most appropriate for her under the circumstances, a small portion of rice, and then she slipped the roll and slice of ham under her shirt for safe keeping so she’d have it when she needed it.